Hello beautiful souls 💖
I hope that this blog finds you in good spirits. I’ve been traveling all day, but I wanted to make it a point to discuss this topic before February ends… so here goes:
In February of 2003, I was diagnosed with Lupus, RA, (rheumatoid arthritis) and a couple of other things. As you could imagine; I was afraid. I didn’t know much about lupus, but what I did know wasn’t good. At all. A family friend had just passed away due to lupus complications. What’s more, I was in my third trimester of pregnancy! I was afraid for myself, my future, and my child.
I was in pain a lot. Undoubtedly, it put strain on my marriage. We were both young and not quite used to being adults. There were so many things to deal with at once.. I felt like a burden to my husband and I believe that I was going through postpartum depression as well. Some days, I could barely walk. My codependency increased as a result. I lived in fear for years and I counted myself out.
I realized that I had sentenced myself to a lifetime of pain, sadness, and mediocrity because of this diagnosis. I felt even more inadequate than I had already thought I was. Sometimes I settled for things when I knew I deserved better because I was just grateful that someone was willing to be with me with all the issues I had.
I found that I was inadvertently attaching myself to the illness. I often referred to it as ‘my lupus’. I would say things like, ‘Well, I can’t make plans because I never know when my lupus is gonna flare up.’ And ‘I can’t do that type of job because of my lupus.’
BUT…
There’s always a ‘but’…💖
But I’ve grown to understand that a diagnosis does not make me who I am. It does not define me! I am a person worthy of respect and love with or without that diagnosis. An illness does not make me less of a person. If anything, it makes me that much more unique and strong.
I began to understand that the way I thought and spoke had doomed me far more than any illness could. I had to stop giving that illness power over me!
*Disclaimer* I am not saying in any way, shape or form to disregard medical advice or diagnosis.
What I am saying is that people with illnesses could benefit largely by understanding their strengths and practicing a little detachment. I was making the situation worse by thinking the worst.
Occasionally, I feel some discomfort but it isn’t severe. I am so much more happy, healthy, and in control of my body and my life. So, if you’ve been diagnosed with an illness my advice to you is to decide right now that YOU are in charge. Do not attach yourself to it. Do not call it yours.
Love yourself, be gentle with yourself and remember that you are not your circumstances.
Until next time beautiful souls 💖
Inner Glow Blog 
I really never was able to appreciate all the was that diagnosis had affected you! And even though asthma isn’t as taxing as Lupus is and/or can be, it’s been my crutch, and sadly, what made me stand out, it was WHY I mattered sometimes, because I was the one with asthma. It was the one time people were looking at ME . Everywhere I went (when I wasn’t having an asthma attack lol) people talked at or around me, I wasn’t ever the smartest, most talented or most beautiful in the room (as far as I could see) and unless people were calling me one sibling or another (reminding me of how insignificant I was in their memory banks) they wouldn’t address me directly. I LOVE your literary voice! Each author has their own, and yours is lovely and flows like a river!
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Oh wow sis. I never knew you felt that way. There are so many beautiful and awesome things about you. I guess it’s always been easier for us to see the beauty in others rather than ourselves. But that stops now! Everyone is gifted, special, and beautiful so that most DEFINITELY applied to you! Your words flow beautifully as well. Thank you for always being so loving and supportive of me. I love you!
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