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Reclaiming Your Joy: Remembering What Makes You Feel Alive

Hey Boo,

If you’ve been in survival mode long enough, joy can become an afterthought.

You become so focused on getting through the day, handling responsibilities, healing from what hurt you, and keeping everything together that you stop asking yourself a very simple question:

What makes me happy?

Not what makes everyone else happy. Not what makes you productive. Not what makes you useful. Not what earns approval, keeps the peace, or proves that you’re doing well.

What makes you light up?

Sometimes healing is learning how to ask that question again.

Survival Changes What You Pay Attention To

When you’ve spent a long time surviving, your attention naturally goes toward what needs to be fixed, handled, prevented, or endured. You learn how to anticipate problems. You learn how to push through exhaustion. You learn how to take care of other people. You learn how to keep going even when you’re running on empty.

And somewhere along the way, the things that once made you smile may slowly disappear from your life. Not because you stopped deserving them, but because you were too busy surviving.

There comes a point in your healing when survival is no longer the only thing you want.

You want to live.

You want laughter.

You want creativity.

You want peace.

You want experiences that make you excited to wake up.

You want little moments that remind you:

I’m still here.

And that desire is not selfish. It’s reclamation.

You Don’t Have to Earn Joy

Many of us were taught- directly or indirectly- that enjoyment comes after everything else is finished. After the work is done. After everyone else is taken care of. After you’ve accomplished enough. After you’ve healed enough. After you’ve become the person you think you’re supposed to be.

But life keeps moving. There will always be another responsibility. Another goal. Another problem to solve. Another version of yourself you’re becoming.

If you constantly postpone joy until everything is perfect, you may spend your entire life waiting for permission to enjoy it. So, give yourself permission now.

Buy the flowers.

Play the music. (Or make it.)

Wear the outfit.

Take yourself somewhere beautiful.

Dance in your kitchen.

Color. Create. Rest. Laugh loudly.

Try something you’ve always wanted to try. Return to something you loved before life became heavy.

Joy doesn’t have to be extravagant to be meaningful. Sometimes reclaiming your life begins with something as small as saying:

“I like this. I’m going to do more of it.”

Meet Yourself Again

One of the most beautiful parts of healing is discovering who you are outside survival. Because you may not be the same person you were before everything happened. And you don’t have to be.

Maybe your interests changed. Maybe your dreams have changed. Maybe things you tolerated no longer feel right. Maybe you’re craving softness where you once craved excitement. Maybe you’re craving adventure after years of playing it safe. Maybe you’re discovering parts of yourself that never had room to exist before.

Let yourself explore.

You don’t need to have your new identity completely figured out. You can simply become curious.

Ask yourself- what makes me lose track of time? What makes me feel peaceful? What makes me laugh? What have I always wanted to experience? What would I do more often if I stopped worrying about whether anyone else understood or approved of it?

Your answers are breadcrumbs. Follow them.

They may lead you back to parts of yourself you thought you’d lost. And they may introduce you to parts of yourself you’ve never met before.

Joy Can Feel Uncomfortable at First

This part isn’t talked about enough.

When you’ve been accustomed to chaos, hypervigilance, disappointment, or constantly waiting for something to go wrong, peace can feel unfamiliar. So can happiness.

You may catch yourself questioning a good moment instead of experiencing it. You may wonder how long it will last. You may feel guilty for enjoying yourself when other areas of your life aren’t perfect. You may even feel vulnerable allowing yourself to hope again.

That’s okay.

You don’t have to force joy. Just practice allowing it. When something feels good, notice it. Instead of immediately moving to the next thing, stay there for a moment. Let yourself smile. Let yourself receive. Let yourself experience something beautiful without asking it to become permanent. Joy doesn’t need to last forever to be real.

Your Life Gets to Belong to You

Reclaiming your joy is bigger than hobbies, vacations, or self-care days. It’s about ownership. It’s deciding that your life will no longer revolve entirely around what happened to you, who hurt you, who left, who chose you, who didn’t choose you, or what you had to survive. Those things may be chapters of your story, but they don’t get to write the rest of it.

You do.

And perhaps one of the greatest acts of reclamation is building a life that feels so authentically yours that you no longer need anyone else’s permission to enjoy it. A life filled with things that nourish you. People who feel safe. Dreams that excite you. Boundaries that protect you. Moments that make you laugh until your stomach hurts. Quiet mornings. New experiences. Old passions rediscovered. And tiny pockets of happiness tucked into ordinary days.

You survived what tried to dim you. Now you get to discover what makes you glow.

*A Gentle Reminder*

You don’t have to be who you were before the pain. You don’t have to rush toward some perfectly healed version of yourself either. Just keep becoming. Keep exploring. Keep choosing yourself. Keep noticing what makes your spirit feel a little lighter. And whenever joy finds you- even in the smallest moment-

Let it.

You are allowed to enjoy the life you’re rebuilding. You are allowed to create new memories. You are allowed to laugh again. You are allowed to want more than survival. And most importantly:

You are allowed to feel alive again.

This Week’s Reclamation

Ask yourself:

What is one thing that makes me feel genuinely alive- and how can I make a little more room for it in my life this week?

You don’t need to transform your entire life overnight. Start with one joyful choice.

Then another.

And another.

Because sometimes healing isn’t just about releasing what hurt you, sometimes healing is remembering how good it feels to be you.

Until next time.

Heal. Grow. Glow.

When Everything Clicks:

The Moment You Realize Your Adult Relationships Mirror Your Childhood

Hey Boo,

Sometimes healing begins with a painful realization. As you sit and ponder on your current relationship, you realize that this isn’t the first time you’ve dealt with this.

Maybe you’ve spent years trying to earn love, avoid conflict, keep the peace, or prove your worth. Then one day, you recognize those feelings from somewhere else.

You felt them as a child.

For many of us, this realization is both heartbreaking and liberating. Heartbreaking because it reveals old wounds and liberating because it finally provides answers.

Why Familiarity Feels Like Love

As children, we learn what love looks like from the people around us. If love was nurturing, supportive, and emotionally safe, we often learn to expect those qualities in our relationships.

But when love is mixed with criticism, inconsistency, emotional neglect, manipulation, or unpredictability, our brains can begin to associate those experiences with connection. As adults, we may mistake familiarity for compatibility. Not because we want unhealthy relationships, but because our nervous systems recognize the pattern. The dynamic feels familiar, and familiar often feels safe- even when it isn’t.

Repetition Compulsion and Trauma Patterns

Many people unknowingly recreate aspects of their childhood relationships in adulthood. This is sometimes referred to as repetition compulsion. Our brains attempt to revisit unresolved experiences in hopes of achieving a different outcome. The child who never felt chosen may seek partners who are emotionally unavailable. The child who was constantly criticized may find themselves drawn to people whose approval feels difficult to earn. The child who learned to become a caretaker may continue attracting relationships where their needs come last.

What we’re seeking isn’t pain. We’re subconsciously seeking resolution.

The Nervous System’s Attraction to Predictability

Our nervous systems are designed to prioritize what is familiar.

Even unhealthy dynamics can feel more comfortable than healthy ones if that’s what we’ve known most of our lives. This is why healthy relationships can initially feel: boring, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, slow-moving, or suspiciously calm. Meanwhile, chaotic relationships may feel exciting, intense, or deeply meaningful.

The nervous system doesn’t focus on whether or not the relationship is healthy, rather it seeks out what’s familiar. Understanding this can help us approach ourselves with more compassion.

Grieving What Was Normalized

One of the most overlooked parts of healing is grief. Not just grief for relationships that ended, but also grief for what was normalized.

Many people get to a point where they realize:

That wasn’t healthy.

That wasn’t love.

That wasn’t emotional safety.

That wasn’t my fault.

Those realizations can bring sadness, anger, relief, and confusion. It’s okay to grieve the experiences you should never have had to normalize.

Learning Healthy Love Later in Life

The beautiful thing about healing is that awareness creates choice. Once we recognize old patterns, we can begin creating new ones. Healthy relationships often include mutual respect, emotional accountability, consistency, honesty, boundaries, and reciprocity. At first, these dynamics may feel unfamiliar. And that’s okay.

Healthy doesn’t always feel comfortable right away. Sometimes healthy feels quiet while your nervous system learns a new definition of safety.

Rebuilding Self-Trust After Awakening

Many survivors blame themselves after recognizing unhealthy patterns.

We often ask:

“Why didn’t I see it sooner?”

“How did I miss the signs?”

“What is wrong with me?”

The truth is that nothing is wrong with you. You were operating from what you knew. The goal isn’t to shame yourself for past choices. The goal is to trust yourself moving forward.

Healing begins when we stop judging the version of ourselves that survived and start supporting and celebrating the version of ourselves that is awakening.

Final Reflection

Perhaps the most powerful realization is this:

You did not attract unhealthy relationships because you were broken or unworthy, you were just responding to patterns that once felt familiar. But awareness changes everything. The moment you recognize the pattern is the moment you gain the power to choose something different.

Glow Reflection Prompt

Ask Yourself:

What relationship patterns once felt familiar to me, and what would healthier patterns look like today?

Next week, we will start the Reclamation Series and I’m really excited to share this with you!

Until next time, Boo remember- healing isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you were before pain convinced you to forget.

When Love and Pain Share The Same Face:

Grieving a Parent Who Both Loved and Hurt You

Hey Boo,

When we talk about grief, people often assume it is straightforward.

Someone we love passes away, and we miss them. But what happens when the person we lost was also the person who wounded us? What happens when the memories are both beautiful and painful?

What happens when the person we are grieving is a parent?

For many people, losing a parent brings not only crushing sadness but also confusion, anger, relief, guilt, compassion, regret, and longing. These emotions can coexist even when they feel contradictory.

And yet, society rarely talks about this kind of grief. We are often expected to remember only the good, focus on gratitude, and avoid discussing the more complicated parts of the relationship. But healing requires honesty.

The Parent You Loved and the Parent Who Hurt You

One of the most difficult truths to hold is that a person can love you and still hurt you. Many of us were raised to believe that love automatically means safety, understanding, and emotional support. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the reality. Some parents loved their children deeply but lacked the emotional tools, self-awareness, or healing necessary to nurture them in healthy ways.

Some parents carried their own wounds. Some repeated patterns they learned from previous generations. And some caused pain they never fully acknowledged.

Recognizing these truths does not erase the love that existed. It simply allows for the full story.

Why Grief Can Feel So Complicated

When a parent dies, we are not only grieving who they were. Sometimes we are grieving who we hoped they would become.

We may also mourn:

The apology we never received.

The conversation(s) we never had.

The understanding or acceptance we longed for.

The relationship we wished could have existed.

This kind of grief is layered. There is grief for the parent we had, and grief for the parent we needed. Both losses deserve acknowledgment.

The Guilt of Telling the Truth

Many adult children carry guilt when they speak honestly about a parent who has passed away. They worry that acknowledging their pain is disrespectful. They fear being seen as ungrateful. They wonder if they should simply focus on the positive. But honesty is not the same thing as condemnation.

You can appreciate the sacrifices someone made and still acknowledge the wounds you carry. You can recognize their humanity without minimizing your own experience. Your healing does not require rewriting history.

But…That’s not How I Remember it.

Another challenge can arise when siblings have different experiences of the same parent. One sibling may remember warmth and support. Another may remember criticism, emotional neglect, or instability. Neither experience is necessarily wrong. Parents often show different sides of themselves to different children. This can make conversations about grief especially difficult.

You may feel isolated in your truth. You may worry about upsetting others. You may also find yourself carrying your emotions quietly to avoid conflict.

If this resonates with you, know that your experience is still valid. You do not need unanimous agreement for your feelings to matter.

Healing Without Erasing the Past

Healing does not require you to choose between love and truth. It asks you to make room for both. You can remember the good times. You can cherish the memories that bring comfort. You can hold compassion for your parents’ struggles.

And you can acknowledge the ways you were hurt.

These realities are not opposites. They are pieces of the same story.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are grieving a parent who both loved and hurt you, please know this:

You are not disloyal for telling the truth. You are not ungrateful for acknowledging your pain. You are not a bad person for having mixed emotions. Grief is rarely simple.

Sometimes healing begins when we stop trying to force our feeling into neat categories and allow ourselves to hold the complexity of being human.

You are allowed to love them.

You are allowed to miss them.

You are allowed to hurt.

And you are allowed to heal.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…

Reflection Question:

What would change if I gave myself permission to honor both the love I received and the pain I experienced- without feeling guilty for either?

When Love Requires Distance:

Navigating Narcissistic Abuse in Family and Friendships

Hey Boo!

I’ve noticed something.

When people talk about narcissistic abuse, the conversation often centers around romantic relationships. But narcissistic dynamics can also exist within families and friendships, making them more difficult to recognize and navigate.

Unlike a romantic relationship, family and long-term friendships often come with deep emotional ties, shared history, social expectations, and feelings of obligation. Many people stay in unhealthy dynamics not because they don’t recognize the harm, but because they genuinely care about the person involved.

This is why conversations about boundaries, low contact, and no contact deserve more compassion and understanding.

What Narcissistic Abuse Can Look Like Outside of Romance

In familial and platonic relationships, narcissistic abuse may look like:

Chronic guilt-tripping

Emotional manipulation

Gaslighting

Boundary violations

Silent treatment

Triangulation

Constant criticism disguised as concern

Making everything about their needs

Punishing you when you become more independent

Over time, these patterns can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, anxious, confused, and disconnected from your own intuition. You may find yourself constantly questioning your perceptions or feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions.

Why Leaving Feels So Difficult

One of the biggest misconceptions about low contact or no contact is that people make these decisions impulsively.  In reality, most people who go low or no contact spend years doing everything they can to save the relationship first.

They have the difficult conversations, try to explain their feelings, offer forgiveness, set boundaries, give chance after chance, and even minimize their own needs to keep the peace. By the time they finally begin creating distance, they are often emotionally depleted. The decision to go low/no contact is usually born from repeated experiences, not a single incident or disagreement.

Low Contact and No Contact Are Not Punishments

This is a very important distinction to remember.

Healthy boundaries are not about controlling another person. They are about protecting your own well-being.

Low Contact may involve:

Limiting conversations

Avoiding emotionally charged topics

Reducing access to personal life

Creating emotional space**

No contact may become necessary when repeated attempts to create healthier interactions have failed and the relationship continues to cause significant harm.

Neither choice makes a person cruel. Neither choice means they stopped caring.

Sometimes distance becomes necessary when proximity repeatedly causes injury.

The Guilt That Often Follows

Many survivors experience intense guilt after establishing boundaries. They often wonder to themselves:

“Am I being selfish?”

“Am I overeacting?”

“What if they change?”

“What will other people think?”

These questions are normal. Especially for people who were conditioned to prioritize everyone else’s comfort before their own.

But the guilt you’re feeling does not automatically mean you are doing something wrong. Sometimes guilt simply means you are doing something different.

You Are Allowed to Protect Your Peace

Not every relationship can be healed through communication. Not everyone is willing to acknowledge their behavior or the impact it has on others.

And not every relationship is meant to continue in its current form.

You are allowed to create boundaries. You are allowed to choose our emotional well-being. You are allowed to stop participating in dynamics that consistently harm you.

Most importantly, you are allowed to trust yourself.

Healing often begins when we stop asking for permission to protect our peace and start recognizing that our peace is worth protecting.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are navigating narcissistic abuse within a family or a friendship, please know this:

You do not have to prove your pain.

You do not have to justify your boundary.

You do not have to sacrifice your mental health to make others comfortable.

You are allowed to choose safety.

You are allowed to choose healing.

And you are allowed to choose yourself.

Here are a few affirmations to give you strength as you navigate through this part of your journey:

My boundaries are an act of self-respect.

I do not need to justify the decisions I make for my well-being.

Protecting my peace is not selfish.

I trust myself to recognize what is healthy for me.

And one of my personal favorites:

I can love someone and still choose distance.

Remember, you can wish someone well and still refuse to hand them continued access to your peace. You can love someone and still choose yourself.

Both can be true.

Be gentle with yourself Boo. Til next time…

**Creating emotional space means finding the best time, place, and method to regularly and safely investigate and learn from your feelings.

You’re Not Broken. You’re in Survival Mode.

Hey Boo!

I just want you to know-

You’re not dramatic. You’re not “too much.” You’re not overreacting.

You’re in survival mode. And survival mode is hectic and loud.

It scans for danger, anticipates rejection, and prepares for disappointment before it happens. Survival mode can cause you to replay conversations over and over in your head and read between lines that may not even exist.

But it’s not because you’re messed up or broken. It’s because you experienced a shock to your nervous system and you’ve had to adapt. At some point in your life, being hyper-aware kept you safe. Overthinking protected you from danger and potential threats. Bracing for impact softened the blow and expecting less kept you from being disappointed when the person inevitably failed you. Your past experiences sent this message to your nervous system: “If I stay prepared, I stay protected.”

That makes complete sense- creating a survival strategy to be okay and minimize the risk of further danger. But the important thing to remember about survival strategies is that they don’t automatically turn off once the danger is gone. Your body doesn’t always know that you’re safe now, your mind doesn’t realize you’re no longer in that same toxic environment, and so it runs those old programs in new situations.

Running Old Programs in New Situations May Look Like:

Questioning Your Worth

Feeling Guilty For Resting

Feeling Like You Aren’t Doing Enough

Putting Too Much Pressure on Yourself

Wondering Why You Weren’t Chosen

Bracing in Relationships That Haven’t Actually Harmed You

It feels real because your body believes it is. But survival mode and present reality are not always the same thing.

And this is where self-trust begins. Don’t shame yourself for overthinking, there’s no need to force or feign positivity, and you don’t have to pretend not to be triggered when you are.

Just pause and gently ask yourself:

“Is this current, or is this familiar?”

Familiar feels urgent and is rooted in anxiety. Current is grounded in fact.

When you begin to notice the difference, you stop fighting yourself. You stop labeling yourself as ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too much’. You begin trusting your intuition and yourself and you realize that you’re not broken. You’re healing and coming back together just fine. You just needed to rebuild your self-trust.

Self-trust is built in small increments.

When you choose not to spiral or “crash out”

When you regulate instead of react

When you allow calm without searching for what’s wrong

When you rest without guilt

-And no, it’s not laziness. It’s nervous system healing.

The goal isn’t to become someone who never feels fear. The goal is to become someone who can feel fear and still choose from a place of clarity. From steadiness. From self-trust.

You don’t need to fix yourself. You need safety.

And safety begins inside.

How to Reset Your Mindset When Negativity Takes Over

Hey Boo!

If negative thoughts have been a challenge for you this week, you’re not alone.

We’ve all had those moments when our thoughts start looping, replaying the same worries or regrets on repeat. It’s like your mind gets stuck in a rut, and no matter how hard you try, it keeps circling back to the same negative track. This is what psychologists call rumination-and while it’s a normal human habit, it doesn’t have to run your life.

The truth is, you can reset your mindset. It’s not about never having negative thoughts- it’s about knowing how to gently redirect them so you can return to clarity and peace.

Why We Ruminate

Our brains are wired to scan for problems as a way of keeping us safe. That was useful for survival, but at this point in time it has outlived its usefulness. Rumination often causes us to overthink conversations, worry about the future, or relive old hurts. The problem is, rumination drains energy, magnifies stress, and keeps us from moving forward.

Here’s the good news- with awareness and practice, you can stop the spiral.

3 Steps to a Mindset Reset

Pause and Notice

The first step is awareness. When you realize you’re caught in a loop, pause and call it out: “I’m ruminating right now.” Simply noticing the pattern creates a little distance between you and your thoughts.

Breathe and Ground

Your body is your anchor. Take three slow, deep breaths. Feel your feet on the floor. This signals safety to your nervous system and calms the mental storm.

Redirect With Intention

Ask Yourself: “Where would I rather place my focus right now?” Choose something that lifts or steadies you- a gratitude list, a supportive affirmation, or even a small action like taking a walk. The point is to shift from passive replaying to active choice.

Gentle Practices to Help You Reset

Journaling: Write the looping thought down, then reframe it into something more supportive.

Affirmations: Speak kindness to yourself- “I am allowed to move forward. I choose peace over replay.”

Movement: Shake off the stuck energy with a stretch, dance, or walk outside.

Connection: Call a trusted friend or spend time with someone who makes you feel safe and grounded.

Remember: Resetting is a Practice

You don’t have to get it “perfect.’

Negative thoughts will come- it’s part of being human. What matters is how quickly and kindly you guide yourself back. Each time you practice pausing, breathing, and redirecting, you strengthen your ability to reset.

Your mind isn’t the enemy. It just needs a gentle reminder that you are in charge of where your focus goes. And with every reset, you reclaim a little more peace.

You can’t always control the first thought, but you can choose the second. Each reset is a chance to realign with clarity, calm, and compassion.

Til next time Boo.

Want to go deeper? My subscribers receive exclusive journaling prompts with every theme to help turn insight into action.

Soft Strength: The Power of Being Both Gentle and Unshakable

Hey Boo!

When most people think of strength, they imagine steel walls, unshakable composure, and the ability to push through no matter what. And when they think of softness, they often picture fragility or weakness.

But here’s the truth: real strength isn’t about never bending, and real softness isn’t about breaking. Soft strength is the harmony between a tender heart and an unshakable core. It’s the courage to stay open in a world that sometimes asks us to shut down.

Why Soft Strength Matters

We live in a culture that celebrates hustle, grit, and toughness. Now, don’t get me wrong- those qualities are valid and have their place, but they can leave us disconnected from our humanity if they become our only mode of living.

Soft strength is important because it reminds us that we can be assertive and compassionate, we can set boundaries and stay kind, and more important still- we can cry and still be capable, loving, and powerful.

It’s not about choosing between being gentle or strong- it’s about being both, fully.

Vulnerability as a Form of Courage

Vulnerability isn’t about oversharing or exposing yourself to harm, it’s about showing up as your authentic self, even when there’s a risk of being misunderstood. That’s bravery in its purest form. Every time you tell your truth, ask for help, or admit you don’t have it all figured out, you’re proving that your strength doesn’t depend on pretending- it depends on being honest and authentic.

Resilience with a Soft Heart

Resilience often gets portrayed as bouncing back quickly, but soft strength knows there’s value in moving slowly, in feeling the impact before standing tall again. True resilience means allowing yourself to grieve, rest, and process- not skipping over the discomfort but moving through it with self-compassion.

I’ve learned that my own resilience doesn’t come from ignoring my pain; it comes from acknowledging it and still choosing to move forward. Some of my most courageous moments where I held my boundaries while keeping my heart open, or when I let tears fall but still spoke my truth. That’s the balance of soft strength- open hands, steady feet.

A Challenge for You This Week

Ask Yourself:

-Where can I let myself be a little softer without fear of losing my strength?

-Where can I stand a little taller without closing my heart?

Because when you embrace both, you become unstoppable- not because you can’t be broken, but because you know how to heal and rise again. Remember soft strength doesn’t shout. It doesn’t need to. It radiates from within.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…