Hello Beautiful Souls!

Have you ever been to a function in a room full of strangers and found yourself at a loss for words? There was a time in my life where being in a room full of strangers would cause me great anxiety. My palms would sweat as I frantically debated with myself over what to say and how to introduce myself. The art of introducing yourself to others and creating small talk may come natural for some, but there are plenty of people like me who confess to feeling shy, embarrassed, self-conscious or simply don’t know where to start when it comes to making connections and building relationships.

There are four levels of communication: Small talk, fact disclosure, sharing viewpoints and opinions and sharing personal feelings. Different levels of communication are used based on the nature of the relationship or level of familiarity between those involved in the communication.

Because we are in a room full of strangers, the level of familiarity is non-existent and we must start with the first level of communication- which is small talk.

• Small Talk

In new relationships or acquaintances, the safest place to start is to talk about surface issues. For instance, make a comment about the weather, current events, or the surroundings you are in. Small talk is used to “size up” the other person to determine the comfort zone between the two of you. There is no need to disclose any personal information with the other person at this stage, as this initial interaction assists you to determine how “safe” they are on your first meeting.

If you are comfortable with each other at the surface level of small talk, you can then proceed to the next level of communication: fact disclosure.

• Fact Disclosure

Fact disclosure is slightly deeper than small talk in that you disclose facts about yourself without triggering topics of emotional interest.

The purpose of fact disclosure is to find out if you have something in common. You can use these common areas to build a friendship. You may want to talk about your career, occupation, hobbies, or where you live.

Avoid topics like marriage, divorce, politics, sex, and religion in this second level of communication.  If you find a topic of mutual interest, you may want to progress to the next level of communication: sharing viewpoints and opinions.

-Sharing Viewpoints and Opinions

Once you have established that the other person is “safe” through small talk, and have found areas of common interest, you can build rapport by sharing your opinions and viewpoints.

By sharing your viewpoints and opinions you allow yourself to become vulnerable to the scrutiny and objections of the other person. Enter this level of communication once you are comfortable that you both share positive feelings through the first two levels.

Be prepared to listen to the opinions of your new friend. This will enable your friendship to survive.

Make sure you don’t use your opinions as a form of “character assassination” of other people. You may be thought of as a negative person and this may cause your new friend to distance himself/herself from you.

The fourth level of communication is sharing personal feelings. Solid friendships over time usually enter this fourth level of communication.

• Sharing Personal Feelings

After building upon trust, finding things in common and listening to the viewpoints and opinions of others, you may be able to share your personal feelings. This is when an acquaintance becomes a genuine friend.

Things of deep value to you can be shared without feeling threatened. You listen closely to each other without the need to “solve” your friend’s problem. You are happy to reflect their feelings back to them – forming a bond of empathy and compassion between the two of you.

At this level of communication, it is important that you provide a little distance between yourself and your friend. Relationships (both platonic and romantic) are more likely to flourish if both parties have space, free expression, and individuality. If the distinction between yourself and your friend becomes unrecognizable, it is possible for your relationship to go sour. If you know how to handle your own feelings, attitudes and behaviors while maintaining your friendship at this level, you will build a successful friendship that can last a lifetime.

And it all starts with communication.

Until next time beautiful souls, keep Glowing… https://glow-with-mimi.square.site