Hey Boo.
Narcissistic abuse can be a really tricky thing because it doesn’t always look like abuse at first. In fact, the beginning often looks like something directly out of a rom-com or fairy tale. It feels electric. Like absolute magic.
But over time, that magic dissipates into a poisonous puff of confusion, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion.
If you’ve experienced this, let me very clear about something, Boo:
You are not crazy.
You are not too sensitive.
You are not the problem.
You were responding to manipulation that was designed to make you question yourself. Let’s walk through the stages- so you can recognize, process, and begin to heal.
Stage 1: Idealization (Love Bombing)
“This feels like everything I’ve ever wanted…”
In this stage you are put on a pedestal, showered with attention, affection, and validation. This person makes you feel deeply seen and chosen. They may marvel about how you two ‘get each other’ and say they’ve ‘never felt this way before.’ It feels intense, fast, and almost too good to be true.
What’s really happening is they’re mirroring you and flooding you with dopamine so that they can create deep emotional dependency and attachment quickly. You may later find yourself in a state of confusion about how something so perfect could change just like that.
Journaling Prompts
When did things start to feel “too good to be true”?
Were there any subtle red flags I ignored? Why?
What did I want to believe in that moment?
Affirmations
I honor the version of me that wanted love and connection.
I release shame for trusting someone.
Wanting love does not make me naïve- it makes me human.
Stage 2: Devaluation
“What just happened? Am I crazy?”
This stage is subtle at first, but more and more you’ll notice mixed signals, criticism or insults disguised as “jokes”, emotional withdrawal, and inconsistency. This drastic change in your partner may cause you to over-analyze every aspect of the relationship, try harder to fix things, or even blame yourself for what’s happening. The truth is, there’s nothing you can do to fix this because this was intentionally done to destabilize your sense of self and control. This stage is about breaking you down, making you doubt yourself and causing you to question your own reality so that you’re confused, defensive, and easy to manipulate.
Journaling Prompts
When did I start feeling like I wasn’t enough?
What behaviors made me question myself?
How did I change to keep the peace?
Affirmations
I am not too much and I never was.
I do not need to earn love through exhaustion.
My needs and feelings are valid.
Stage 3: Discard
“How did this end so coldly?”
This stage can feel abrupt or cruel. The discard stage is often characterized by a sudden break-up or withdrawal, replacement with someone else, and emotional detachment as if you never mattered. It is profoundly painful as you may be experiencing shock, abandonment, rejection, and deep confusion along with your heartbreak. As you stand in the wreckage they’ve left behind, they’re avoiding accountability and starting over with new supply.
Journaling Prompts
What hurt me the most about the way things ended?
What did I deserve that I didn’t receive?
What am I grieving-truly?
Affirmations
Their inability to love me is not a reflection of my worth.
I deserved clarity, honesty, and care.
I am allowed to grieve what I thought this was.
Stage 4: Hoovering (Optional Return)
“Maybe this time will be different.”
Sometimes they come back. And when they do, they offer watered-down apologies without real change and promises to do better that are often empty or short-lived. Nostalgia is another tactic employed to pull on you emotionally and have you reminiscing about the good times. The reality, however, is that nothing has changed at all. They are just trying to regain control over you and access to you.
It’s very important not to succumb to hoovering. In many cases the narcissistic cycle intensifies and can even become dangerous.
Journaling Prompts
What patterns have I seen before?
What would I tell a friend in my position?
What boundaries do I need to put in place in order to feel safe?
Affirmations
I trust what I’ve learned.
I choose peace over familiar chaos.
I do not need closure from someone who created confusion.
Stage 5: Healing & Reclamation (Your Glow-Up Stage)
“I am coming back to myself.”
This is where everything begins to shift. You start trusting yourself again, you reconnect with your voice, your needs, and your truth. You see clearly again- without shame and self-blame.
This is your power returning.
Journaling Prompts
Who am I becoming after this experience?
What boundaries will I carry forward?
What does safe, healthy love look like to me now?
Affirmations
I am rebuilding myself with truth and compassion.
I trust myself more deeply now.
I am worthy of safe, consistent, real love.
Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t about “getting over it.”
It’s about reconnecting with yourself, releasing self-blame, reclaiming your power, and most importantly…
Remembering who you were before you started questioning your worth.
Until next time Boo, keep glowing…
Inner Glow Blog 