Tag: life coach

Reclaiming Your Future

There is a particular kind of grief that comes with looking at your life and thinking, “It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.”

Maybe you thought you would be in a different place by now. You pictured a relationship that lasted, a home that felt secure, work that fulfilled you, or more time with someone you loved. Maybe you spent years meeting everyone else’s needs, and now you’re wondering where your own hopes went.

Sometimes we grieve the life we expected alongside everything we actually lost.

If that is where you are, take a breath. You don’t have to rush into optimism. There is room to acknowledge what hurts and begin wondering what might still be possible.

Let yourself grieve the future you imagined

Moving forward can feel complicated when part of you is still attached to an earlier version of your life.

That version mattered. You may have loved it, worked toward it, and made sacrifices for it. You are allowed to be disappointed that it didn’t unfold the way you hoped.

Making space for that grief doesn’t require you to stay there forever. It gives you a chance to understand what you were longing for.

Was it companionship? Stability? Freedom? A place to belong?

Some of those needs may still guide you, even if the way you meet them changes. You can move forward with what matters without recreating every detail of the original plan.

Notice when pain becomes a prediction

After disappointment, it can feel safer to expect very little. You might catch yourself saying, “Things never work out for me,” or “There’s no point in trying now.”

Those thoughts can be understandable responses to what you’ve lived through. But they can also narrow the choices you allow yourself to consider.

You don’t have to replace them with promises you can’t believe. Try something more honest: “I don’t know how this will unfold, but I can explore one possibility.”

Your past has shaped your life, but you still get a say in what happens next. Your options may be limited by money, health, responsibilities, or circumstances you didn’t choose. Making small, realistic choices within those limits can help you progress a lot.

Ask what you want now

Last week, we explored reclaiming your purpose. This week, we can ask how that purpose might find a place in your everyday life.

What would you like more room for? What are you tired of organizing your life around? Which hopes still feel like yours, and which ones came from someone else’s expectations?

You may discover that you want something different now. Perhaps you once idealized the grind and constant achievement, but now you long for work that leaves you the energy to enjoy your evenings. Perhaps a dream you set aside still interests you, but you need a gentler way to pursue it.

Let your answers reflect the person you are today. You don’t owe an old plan your entire future.

Choose one step you can sustain

A future can feel overwhelming when you try to solve it all at once. Bring the question closer: what could you do this week?

You might spend twenty minutes researching a course, set aside a small amount of money, ask someone for help, or make time to paint simply because you enjoy it. You might protect a day of rest so you have more capacity for the choices ahead.

Choose something that fits your current resources. A step that repeatedly exhausts you may need to be smaller or supported differently.

Then notice what you learn. Did that choice bring relief, interest, or a clearer sense of what you need? Use that information to decide what comes next. You are allowed to adjust.

Make room for a future you can care about

You don’t need certainty before you begin participating in your life again.

You can be hopeful and cautious.

You can still miss what was lost while making room for a new experience.

This week, sit with this question:

“If I stopped treating my future as something I’ve already lost, what could I begin making room for?”

Let the answer be modest if it needs to be. A peaceful morning. A friendship. A creative project. A plan you can revisit without judging yourself.

Across these twelve weeks of reclamation, we’ve made space to reflect on what we want to bring back into our lives. That reflection can continue in the ordinary choices we make from here.

Your future still deserves your care. And so do you.

Til next time.

Reclaiming Your Confidence

Hey Boo!

You know what I’ve learned from experience?

I’ve learned that confidence doesn’t always disappear at once. Sometimes it gets chipped away.

A rejection here. A disappointment there. A mistake you can’t stop replaying. A season where nothing seems to be working. Someone’s criticism that landed a little too deeply. Watching other people move forward while you feel like you’re standing still.

And slowly, the voice that once said ‘I’ve got this’ starts asking:

What if I don’t?

Maybe you’ve experienced that. I know I have.

There are times when I need to remind myself of who I am, what I’ve survived, what I’ve accomplished, and what I am capable of. And I’ve realized something:

Sometimes confidence isn’t something you need to build. Sometimes it’s something you need to remember.

Confidence Can Be Bruised Without Being Lost

We often talk about confidence as though confident people never doubt themselves.

But confidence doesn’t require the absence of doubt. You can believe in yourself and still have moments when you’re uncertain. Know your worth and still feel the sting of rejection. You can be capable and still make mistakes. And you can come incredibly far and still encounter something that makes you wonder whether you’re good enough.

One difficult experience doesn’t erase everything you knew about yourself before it happened. Neither does one person’s inability to recognize your value. A failure certainly doesn’t define you. And neither does a season when you aren’t performing your best.

Your confidence may have taken a hit, but that doesn’t mean that it’s gone.

Be Careful What You Turn Into Evidence

Sometimes we experience something unpleasant and without realizing it, we turn that experience into evidence against ourselves.

I wasn’t chosen, so maybe I’m not desirable.

It didn’t work, so maybe I’m not capable.

They criticized me, so maybe I’m not good enough.

Someone else is further ahead, so maybe I’m behind.

I made the wrong decision, so maybe I can’t trust myself.

But an experience is not automatically a verdict. Rejection tells you that something didn’t align. A mistake tells you that you’re human. A setback tells you that something didn’t work this time. None of those things get to define your entire identity unless you hand them that authority.

Ask yourself:

What have I been using as evidence that I should doubt myself?

And then ask another question:

Is that actually what this experience proves?

You may discover that you’ve been carrying a conclusion that was never yours to keep.

Remember Your Receipts

If doubt gets to present evidence, so do you.

Remember the things you’ve figured out. The moments you were terrified and did it anyway. The decisions you made when nobody could make them for you. The skills you’ve developed. The boundaries you’ve learned to set. The things you once didn’t know how to do that now come naturally. The times life knocked you down, and you somehow found your footing again.

Your confidence doesn’t have to come from pretending you’re fearless. It can come from evidence.

I’ve handled hard things before.

I’ve learned things I once didn’t know.

I’ve recovered from mistakes.

I’ve survived disappointment.

I’ve rebuilt before.

Those are receipts. Keep them.

Stop Requiring Yourself to Feel Ready

Sometimes we think confidence comes first.

Once I feel confident, I’ll start. I’ll try once I’m sure I can do it. Once I’m no longer afraid, I’ll take the chance. But confidence is often built in the opposite direction. You move while you’re unsure. When you’re nervous, you still try. You speak even though your voice shakes. You take the first step without knowing exactly where the tenth one leads.

And afterward, you realize:

 I can do hard things even while I’m uncertain.

That realization becomes evidence. And the next time fear shows up, you have another receipt. Confidence isn’t always the thing that gets you through the door. Sometimes walking through the door is what creates it.

You Don’t Need to Compare Yourself

Confidence rooted in comparison will always be fragile because there will always be another person to compare yourself to.

And there will always be someone who seems more accomplished. More attractive. A person that has more success. Is more experienced. More polished. Or more certain. Reclaiming your confidence means bringing your attention back home.

Not: Am I better than them?

But: Am I fully becoming myself?

You don’t have to outperform another person to prove you belong. You don’t need universal approval to validate your value. And you don’t have to shrink because someone else shines. There is room for their light.

And there is room for yours.

Come Back to Yourself

Maybe you’ve been doubting yourself lately.

Maybe something happened that made you question what you bring to the table. You may have looked outside yourself for confirmation that you’re talented enough, attractive enough, capable enough, worthy enough, or ready enough.

This week, I want you to come back.

Not to some perfect, fearless version of yourself. To you.

The person who has learned. A person who has survived. The person who has grown. Someone who has gotten things wrong and kept going. The person who is still becoming.

You don’t need to know exactly how everything will turn out to believe in your ability to meet what comes next. And when doubt inevitably visits again, you don’t have to panic and assume you’ve lost your confidence. Sometimes you just need to pull out your receipts and remind yourself that you’ve always been capable.

Your confidence didn’t leave you.

Maybe life just got so loud that you couldn’t hear it for a while. It’s time to turn your voice back up. Reclaim your confidence. Remember your receipts.

And keep becoming the person who knows that even when they don’t have every answer, they can trust themselves to figure out what comes next.

Til next time.

Reclaiming Your Peace: You Don’t Have to Live in Survival Mode

Hey Boo!

Sometimes, when you’ve lived with chaos for long enough, peace can feel strange.

You say you want calm, but when things finally get quiet, part of you starts waiting. Waiting for the bad news. Waiting for someone’s mood to change. Waiting for the next problem. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You may even find yourself searching for something to worry about because being on alert has become more familiar than simply being at ease. And that’s why reclaiming your peace is about more than removing stressful people or situations from your life. It’s about learning that you no longer have to live as though something is always about to go wrong.

Peace Isn’t Something You Have to Earn

Sometimes we treat peace like a reward.

I’ll rest when everything is finished. I’ll relax once everything else is okay. I’ll feel better when this situation gets resolved. I’ll have peace when they finally understand me.

But there will always be another task. Another opinion. Another situation you cannot control. Another person who may never understand your side of the story.

If your peace depends on everything around you behaving exactly the way you want it to, your peace will always belong to something- or someone – outside of you.

Reclamation means bringing it home. It means deciding that peace is not something you’ll allow yourself to experience after life becomes perfect. Peace gets to exist here too.

Not Everything Requires Your Participation

One of the most freeing lessons you can learn is that you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. You don’t have to correct every misunderstanding. You don’t have to defend yourself against every opinion. You don’t have to keep explaining a boundary to someone committed to understanding it. And you certainly don’t have to sacrifice your emotional well-being just to prove that you’re right.

Sometimes peace sounds like ‘I’m not discussing this anymore.’ Sometimes it sounds like ‘they are allowed to think that.’ And sometimes peace doesn’t say anything at all.

There is power in realizing that you can let something exist without allowing it to live inside you.

Familiar Doesn’t Always Mean Safe

This part can be uncomfortable.

Sometimes we don’t only have to remove chaos from our lives. We also have to stop recreating it.

When you’ve spent a long time surviving, unpredictability can become familiar. Intensity can feel like connection. Overthinking can feel like preparation. Constantly fixing things can feel like responsibility.

Meanwhile, peace can initially feel…boring. Suspicious even. Why is everything okay?

But peace isn’t emptiness. Peace is what remains when you no longer need chaos to feel alive. It’s waking up without immediately bracing yourself. Its being able to enjoy a good moment without wondering how long it will last. It’s knowing that even when life becomes difficult, you don’t have to abandon yourself to get through it.

Protecting Your Peace May Disappoint People

Here is another sad truth-

Not everyone will celebrate the version of you who has boundaries. Some people preferred the version of you who always answered. Always helped. Always explained. Always forgave without change. Always made room. Always came back. When you begin choosing your peace, someone may call you distant. Some may say you’ve changed. Someone may decide you’re selfish.

Let them have their opinion.

Because sometimes the people most uncomfortable with your boundaries are the people who benefited most from you not having them. You are allowed to become less available for things that consistently cost you your peace. That’s not cruelty.

That’s discernment.

Peace is Something You Practice

Reclaiming your peace doesn’t mean you’ll never feel angry, anxious, hurt, or overwhelmed again. Peace isn’t emotional perfection. It’s knowing how to return to yourself. It’s noticing when something is pulling you away from your center and asking:

Does this deserve this much of me?

My time? My thoughts? My energy? My sleep? My joy?!

Sometimes the answer will be yes. Somethings deserve our attention. But many things don’t. And learning the difference can change your life.

Come Home to Yourself

Maybe peace isn’t a life where nothing ever goes wrong.

 Maybe peace is trusting that you don’t have to lose yourself when it does. You can experience disappointment without letting it define you. You can love people without carrying everything for them. You can have compassion without abandoning your boundaries. You can walk away without hatred. You can let someone misunderstand you without chasing them down to correct the story.

And you can choose yourself without making anyone else the villain.

Reclaiming your peace is the quiet realization that your life does not have to remain emotionally loud just because it once was. You are allowed to create something softer now. You are allowed to become accustomed to calm. You are allowed to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And when something threatens the peace you’ve worked so hard to cultivate, you can ask yourself one simple question:

Does this deserve this much of me?

Then trust yourself enough to answer.

Because your peace isn’t the prize waiting for you at the end of your healing.

Your peace is part of the healing.

‘Til Next Time Boo

Want to go a little deeper?

The blog is just the beginning. Subscribers get access to exclusive Reclamation Journaling Prompts designed to help you take what you’ve already read and explore what it means in your life. Because reclamation isn’t just something we read about, it’s something we practice.

Subscribe to unlock this week’s prompts and continue your reclamation journey.

Reclaiming Your Joy: Remembering What Makes You Feel Alive

Hey Boo,

If you’ve been in survival mode long enough, joy can become an afterthought.

You become so focused on getting through the day, handling responsibilities, healing from what hurt you, and keeping everything together that you stop asking yourself a very simple question:

What makes me happy?

Not what makes everyone else happy. Not what makes you productive. Not what makes you useful. Not what earns approval, keeps the peace, or proves that you’re doing well.

What makes you light up?

Sometimes healing is learning how to ask that question again.

Survival Changes What You Pay Attention To

When you’ve spent a long time surviving, your attention naturally goes toward what needs to be fixed, handled, prevented, or endured. You learn how to anticipate problems. You learn how to push through exhaustion. You learn how to take care of other people. You learn how to keep going even when you’re running on empty.

And somewhere along the way, the things that once made you smile may slowly disappear from your life. Not because you stopped deserving them, but because you were too busy surviving.

There comes a point in your healing when survival is no longer the only thing you want.

You want to live.

You want laughter.

You want creativity.

You want peace.

You want experiences that make you excited to wake up.

You want little moments that remind you:

I’m still here.

And that desire is not selfish. It’s reclamation.

You Don’t Have to Earn Joy

Many of us were taught- directly or indirectly- that enjoyment comes after everything else is finished. After the work is done. After everyone else is taken care of. After you’ve accomplished enough. After you’ve healed enough. After you’ve become the person you think you’re supposed to be.

But life keeps moving. There will always be another responsibility. Another goal. Another problem to solve. Another version of yourself you’re becoming.

If you constantly postpone joy until everything is perfect, you may spend your entire life waiting for permission to enjoy it. So, give yourself permission now.

Buy the flowers.

Play the music. (Or make it.)

Wear the outfit.

Take yourself somewhere beautiful.

Dance in your kitchen.

Color. Create. Rest. Laugh loudly.

Try something you’ve always wanted to try. Return to something you loved before life became heavy.

Joy doesn’t have to be extravagant to be meaningful. Sometimes reclaiming your life begins with something as small as saying:

“I like this. I’m going to do more of it.”

Meet Yourself Again

One of the most beautiful parts of healing is discovering who you are outside survival. Because you may not be the same person you were before everything happened. And you don’t have to be.

Maybe your interests changed. Maybe your dreams have changed. Maybe things you tolerated no longer feel right. Maybe you’re craving softness where you once craved excitement. Maybe you’re craving adventure after years of playing it safe. Maybe you’re discovering parts of yourself that never had room to exist before.

Let yourself explore.

You don’t need to have your new identity completely figured out. You can simply become curious.

Ask yourself- what makes me lose track of time? What makes me feel peaceful? What makes me laugh? What have I always wanted to experience? What would I do more often if I stopped worrying about whether anyone else understood or approved of it?

Your answers are breadcrumbs. Follow them.

They may lead you back to parts of yourself you thought you’d lost. And they may introduce you to parts of yourself you’ve never met before.

Joy Can Feel Uncomfortable at First

This part isn’t talked about enough.

When you’ve been accustomed to chaos, hypervigilance, disappointment, or constantly waiting for something to go wrong, peace can feel unfamiliar. So can happiness.

You may catch yourself questioning a good moment instead of experiencing it. You may wonder how long it will last. You may feel guilty for enjoying yourself when other areas of your life aren’t perfect. You may even feel vulnerable allowing yourself to hope again.

That’s okay.

You don’t have to force joy. Just practice allowing it. When something feels good, notice it. Instead of immediately moving to the next thing, stay there for a moment. Let yourself smile. Let yourself receive. Let yourself experience something beautiful without asking it to become permanent. Joy doesn’t need to last forever to be real.

Your Life Gets to Belong to You

Reclaiming your joy is bigger than hobbies, vacations, or self-care days. It’s about ownership. It’s deciding that your life will no longer revolve entirely around what happened to you, who hurt you, who left, who chose you, who didn’t choose you, or what you had to survive. Those things may be chapters of your story, but they don’t get to write the rest of it.

You do.

And perhaps one of the greatest acts of reclamation is building a life that feels so authentically yours that you no longer need anyone else’s permission to enjoy it. A life filled with things that nourish you. People who feel safe. Dreams that excite you. Boundaries that protect you. Moments that make you laugh until your stomach hurts. Quiet mornings. New experiences. Old passions rediscovered. And tiny pockets of happiness tucked into ordinary days.

You survived what tried to dim you. Now you get to discover what makes you glow.

*A Gentle Reminder*

You don’t have to be who you were before the pain. You don’t have to rush toward some perfectly healed version of yourself either. Just keep becoming. Keep exploring. Keep choosing yourself. Keep noticing what makes your spirit feel a little lighter. And whenever joy finds you- even in the smallest moment-

Let it.

You are allowed to enjoy the life you’re rebuilding. You are allowed to create new memories. You are allowed to laugh again. You are allowed to want more than survival. And most importantly:

You are allowed to feel alive again.

This Week’s Reclamation

Ask yourself:

What is one thing that makes me feel genuinely alive- and how can I make a little more room for it in my life this week?

You don’t need to transform your entire life overnight. Start with one joyful choice.

Then another.

And another.

Because sometimes healing isn’t just about releasing what hurt you, sometimes healing is remembering how good it feels to be you.

Until next time.

Heal. Grow. Glow.

The Parts of You That Learned to Stay Quiet

Hey Boo!

The world doesn’t need a quieter version of you. It needs the one you’ve been afraid to become.

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that silence felt safer than honesty. Maybe you were told you were “too sensitive.” Perhaps your feelings were dismissed. Maybe speaking up led to conflict, rejection, criticism, or punishment.

So, you adapted.

You became agreeable. You swallowed your feelings. You apologized before you even spoke.

And little by little, you began abandoning your own voice- not because you wanted to, but because you no longer believed it was safe to use. The tragedy isn’t so much that you became quiet, but that you forgot that you were allowed to speak. But it’s high time that you do two things- remember and reclaim.

As you rediscover your voice, here are some important points to remember:

Losing Your Voice is Often a Survival Strategy

Children, trauma survivors, people-pleasers, and those who have experienced manipulation often learn to overcompensate. Don’t rock the boat, keep everyone happy, don’t ask for too much, stay small. Those behaviors weren’t weaknesses, they were protection.

Thank your younger self for surviving.

But remind yourself that survival doesn’t have to become your permanent identity.

Your Voice Isn’t Just Speaking

Reclaiming your voice also means saying no without guilt, asking for what you need, expressing your emotions honestly, setting boundaries, sharing your creativity, taking up space, and telling your story. Every authentic decision is another sentence in the language of your freedom.

You Don’t Need Permission

One of the greatest lies we carry is that someone else has to validate us before we can fully to understand. You don’t need to explain your healing to anyone- especially not the people who benefited from your silence.

Your Voice Will Feel Shaky at First

Healing rarely sounds loud in the beginning. Sometimes reclaiming your voice looks like:

“I don’t agree.”

“I need more time.”

“That hurt me.”

“No.”

One sentence can change your life. Not because it’s perfect…because it’s honest.

Every time you choose authenticity over approval, you reclaim another piece of yourself. Your voice isn’t something you have to create. It’s something you get to uncover. The world has enough people shrinking themselves to fit into spaces they were never meant to occupy.

Become someone who takes up the space your soul has always deserved. Because your healing deserves a voice.

And someone out there is waiting to hear it.

Til next time.

Heal. Grow. Glow.

When Love Requires Distance:

Navigating Narcissistic Abuse in Family and Friendships

Hey Boo!

I’ve noticed something.

When people talk about narcissistic abuse, the conversation often centers around romantic relationships. But narcissistic dynamics can also exist within families and friendships, making them more difficult to recognize and navigate.

Unlike a romantic relationship, family and long-term friendships often come with deep emotional ties, shared history, social expectations, and feelings of obligation. Many people stay in unhealthy dynamics not because they don’t recognize the harm, but because they genuinely care about the person involved.

This is why conversations about boundaries, low contact, and no contact deserve more compassion and understanding.

What Narcissistic Abuse Can Look Like Outside of Romance

In familial and platonic relationships, narcissistic abuse may look like:

Chronic guilt-tripping

Emotional manipulation

Gaslighting

Boundary violations

Silent treatment

Triangulation

Constant criticism disguised as concern

Making everything about their needs

Punishing you when you become more independent

Over time, these patterns can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, anxious, confused, and disconnected from your own intuition. You may find yourself constantly questioning your perceptions or feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions.

Why Leaving Feels So Difficult

One of the biggest misconceptions about low contact or no contact is that people make these decisions impulsively.  In reality, most people who go low or no contact spend years doing everything they can to save the relationship first.

They have the difficult conversations, try to explain their feelings, offer forgiveness, set boundaries, give chance after chance, and even minimize their own needs to keep the peace. By the time they finally begin creating distance, they are often emotionally depleted. The decision to go low/no contact is usually born from repeated experiences, not a single incident or disagreement.

Low Contact and No Contact Are Not Punishments

This is a very important distinction to remember.

Healthy boundaries are not about controlling another person. They are about protecting your own well-being.

Low Contact may involve:

Limiting conversations

Avoiding emotionally charged topics

Reducing access to personal life

Creating emotional space**

No contact may become necessary when repeated attempts to create healthier interactions have failed and the relationship continues to cause significant harm.

Neither choice makes a person cruel. Neither choice means they stopped caring.

Sometimes distance becomes necessary when proximity repeatedly causes injury.

The Guilt That Often Follows

Many survivors experience intense guilt after establishing boundaries. They often wonder to themselves:

“Am I being selfish?”

“Am I overeacting?”

“What if they change?”

“What will other people think?”

These questions are normal. Especially for people who were conditioned to prioritize everyone else’s comfort before their own.

But the guilt you’re feeling does not automatically mean you are doing something wrong. Sometimes guilt simply means you are doing something different.

You Are Allowed to Protect Your Peace

Not every relationship can be healed through communication. Not everyone is willing to acknowledge their behavior or the impact it has on others.

And not every relationship is meant to continue in its current form.

You are allowed to create boundaries. You are allowed to choose our emotional well-being. You are allowed to stop participating in dynamics that consistently harm you.

Most importantly, you are allowed to trust yourself.

Healing often begins when we stop asking for permission to protect our peace and start recognizing that our peace is worth protecting.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are navigating narcissistic abuse within a family or a friendship, please know this:

You do not have to prove your pain.

You do not have to justify your boundary.

You do not have to sacrifice your mental health to make others comfortable.

You are allowed to choose safety.

You are allowed to choose healing.

And you are allowed to choose yourself.

Here are a few affirmations to give you strength as you navigate through this part of your journey:

My boundaries are an act of self-respect.

I do not need to justify the decisions I make for my well-being.

Protecting my peace is not selfish.

I trust myself to recognize what is healthy for me.

And one of my personal favorites:

I can love someone and still choose distance.

Remember, you can wish someone well and still refuse to hand them continued access to your peace. You can love someone and still choose yourself.

Both can be true.

Be gentle with yourself Boo. Til next time…

**Creating emotional space means finding the best time, place, and method to regularly and safely investigate and learn from your feelings.

The Stages of Narcissistic Abuse- and How to Reclaim Yourself

Hey Boo.

Narcissistic abuse can be a really tricky thing because it doesn’t always look like abuse at first. In fact, the beginning often looks like something directly out of a rom-com or fairy tale. It feels electric. Like absolute magic.

But over time, that magic dissipates into a poisonous puff of confusion, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion.

If you’ve experienced this, let me very clear about something, Boo:

You are not crazy.

You are not too sensitive.

You are not the problem.

You were responding to manipulation that was designed to make you question yourself. Let’s walk through the stages- so you can recognize, process, and begin to heal.

Stage 1: Idealization (Love Bombing)

“This feels like everything I’ve ever wanted…”

In this stage you are put on a pedestal, showered with attention, affection, and validation. This person makes you feel deeply seen and chosen. They may marvel about how you two ‘get each other’ and say they’ve ‘never felt this way before.’  It feels intense, fast, and almost too good to be true.

What’s really happening is they’re mirroring you and flooding you with dopamine so that they can create deep emotional dependency and attachment quickly. You may later find yourself in a state of confusion about how something so perfect could change just like that.

Journaling Prompts

When did things start to feel “too good to be true”?

Were there any subtle red flags I ignored? Why?

What did I want to believe in that moment?

Affirmations

I honor the version of me that wanted love and connection.

I release shame for trusting someone.

Wanting love does not make me naïve- it makes me human.

Stage 2: Devaluation

“What just happened? Am I crazy?”

This stage is subtle at first, but more and more you’ll notice mixed signals, criticism or insults disguised as “jokes”, emotional withdrawal, and inconsistency. This drastic change in your partner may cause you to over-analyze every aspect of the relationship, try harder to fix things, or even blame yourself for what’s happening. The truth is, there’s nothing you can do to fix this because this was intentionally done to destabilize your sense of self and control.  This stage is about breaking you down, making you doubt yourself and causing you to question your own reality so that you’re confused, defensive, and easy to manipulate.

Journaling Prompts

When did I start feeling like I wasn’t enough?

What behaviors made me question myself?

How did I change to keep the peace?

Affirmations

I am not too much and I never was.

I do not need to earn love through exhaustion.

My needs and feelings are valid.

Stage 3: Discard

“How did this end so coldly?”

This stage can feel abrupt or cruel. The discard stage is often characterized by a sudden break-up or withdrawal, replacement with someone else, and emotional detachment as if you never mattered. It is profoundly painful as you may be experiencing shock, abandonment, rejection, and deep confusion along with your heartbreak. As you stand in the wreckage they’ve left behind, they’re avoiding accountability and starting over with new supply.

Journaling Prompts

What hurt me the most about the way things ended?

What did I deserve that I didn’t receive?

What am I grieving-truly?

Affirmations

Their inability to love me is not a reflection of my worth.

I deserved clarity, honesty, and care.

I am allowed to grieve what I thought this was.

Stage 4: Hoovering (Optional Return)

“Maybe this time will be different.”

Sometimes they come back. And when they do, they offer watered-down apologies without real change and promises to do better that are often empty or short-lived. Nostalgia is another tactic employed to pull on you emotionally and have you reminiscing about the good times. The reality, however, is that nothing has changed at all. They are just trying to regain control over you and access to you.

It’s very important not to succumb to hoovering. In many cases the narcissistic cycle intensifies and can even become dangerous.

Journaling Prompts

What patterns have I seen before?

What would I tell a friend in my position?

What boundaries do I need to put in place in order to feel safe?

Affirmations

I trust what I’ve learned.

I choose peace over familiar chaos.

I do not need closure from someone who created confusion.

Stage 5: Healing & Reclamation (Your Glow-Up Stage)

“I am coming back to myself.”

This is where everything begins to shift. You start trusting yourself again, you reconnect with your voice, your needs, and your truth. You see clearly again- without shame and self-blame.

This is your power returning.

Journaling Prompts

Who am I becoming after this experience?

What boundaries will I carry forward?

What does safe, healthy love look like to me now?

Affirmations

I am rebuilding myself with truth and compassion.

I trust myself more deeply now.

I am worthy of safe, consistent, real love.

Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t about “getting over it.”

It’s about reconnecting with yourself, releasing self-blame, reclaiming your power, and most importantly…

Remembering who you were before you started questioning your worth.

Until next time Boo, keep glowing…

Overthinking, Hypervigilance, and Mental Looping in Relationships

Hey Boo!

If you ever find yourself stuck overthinking, feeling on edge in your relationships, or going around and around in your thoughts, you’re definitely not alone. These habits don’t just pop up for no reason—they’re often how our bodies and minds try to protect us from getting hurt. When we learn about how these patterns are tied to our nervous system, it gets a bit easier to be kind to ourselves and maybe even change things for the better.

Overthinking: Trying to Stay Safe

A lot of the time, overthinking is your mind’s way of trying to keep you safe. When you’re unsure or feeling uneasy with someone, (or if you’ve experienced trauma in previous relationships) your brain might start running through every possible outcome or worry—just in case. It can feel tiring, but deep down, your brain’s just trying to help you avoid hurt or disappointment.

For many folks, this habit started because, somewhere along the line, being alert and planning ahead became an important part of survival. Thinking through every worst-case scenario can sometimes feel like the only way to avoid pain. But in safe or loving relationships, all this overthinking puts strain on the relationship and makes it harder to feel close and relaxed with your partner.

Hypervigilance in Relationships

Hypervigilance is basically being extra alert for anything that might go wrong—always watching for signs that something’s off, that someone might leave or let you down. If you’re always on edge, it’s tough to just let yourself trust and enjoy the moment.

This constant state of “watchfulness” comes from our bodies being stuck in fight-or-flight mode. If you’ve been through tough or unpredictable relationships before, your nervous system might still be on high alert, even when there’s no real danger. That makes letting your guard down and being vulnerable really hard.

Mental Looping: Your Body’s Stress Alarm

Mental looping means your mind keeps replaying things—like conversations, worries about the future, or doubts about what you said. These cycles are closely connected to how our bodies react to stress.

When something feels threatening (even if it’s just a tiny worry), our bodies get flooded with stress hormones. It’s like your nervous system sounds an alarm and suddenly your thoughts have hit the ground running. This was meant to keep us alert and ready, but instead, it traps us in anxious thoughts and “what ifs.”

How to Break the Cycle: Calming Your Nervous System

The good news? Overthinking, hypervigilance, and mental looping aren’t your fault—they’re just ways your mind and body try to help. There are gentle ways to calm your nervous system and take care of yourself:

  • Mindfulness: Focusing on the here-and-now can help you break out of thought spirals and notice what you’re really feeling.
  • Grounding Techniques: Simple things like deep breathing, noticing your senses, or relaxing your muscles can help signal to your body that you’re safe.
  • Therapeutic Support: A good therapist can help you understand where these patterns come from and support you in building healthier ways to connect.

If you find yourself overthinking, hypervigilant, or stuck in mental loops, know that your nervous system is just trying to look out for you. With a little understanding and some gentle practices, you can feel safer in your relationships—with others and with yourself—and start to feel a lot more at ease.

If you aren’t already, follow me on Instagram @mimi.sums or on facebook Mimi Sums for affirmations, journaling prompts, and mindfulness content.

Until Next Time Boo, keep Glowing…

You’re Not Broken. You’re in Survival Mode.

Hey Boo!

I just want you to know-

You’re not dramatic. You’re not “too much.” You’re not overreacting.

You’re in survival mode. And survival mode is hectic and loud.

It scans for danger, anticipates rejection, and prepares for disappointment before it happens. Survival mode can cause you to replay conversations over and over in your head and read between lines that may not even exist.

But it’s not because you’re messed up or broken. It’s because you experienced a shock to your nervous system and you’ve had to adapt. At some point in your life, being hyper-aware kept you safe. Overthinking protected you from danger and potential threats. Bracing for impact softened the blow and expecting less kept you from being disappointed when the person inevitably failed you. Your past experiences sent this message to your nervous system: “If I stay prepared, I stay protected.”

That makes complete sense- creating a survival strategy to be okay and minimize the risk of further danger. But the important thing to remember about survival strategies is that they don’t automatically turn off once the danger is gone. Your body doesn’t always know that you’re safe now, your mind doesn’t realize you’re no longer in that same toxic environment, and so it runs those old programs in new situations.

Running Old Programs in New Situations May Look Like:

Questioning Your Worth

Feeling Guilty For Resting

Feeling Like You Aren’t Doing Enough

Putting Too Much Pressure on Yourself

Wondering Why You Weren’t Chosen

Bracing in Relationships That Haven’t Actually Harmed You

It feels real because your body believes it is. But survival mode and present reality are not always the same thing.

And this is where self-trust begins. Don’t shame yourself for overthinking, there’s no need to force or feign positivity, and you don’t have to pretend not to be triggered when you are.

Just pause and gently ask yourself:

“Is this current, or is this familiar?”

Familiar feels urgent and is rooted in anxiety. Current is grounded in fact.

When you begin to notice the difference, you stop fighting yourself. You stop labeling yourself as ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too much’. You begin trusting your intuition and yourself and you realize that you’re not broken. You’re healing and coming back together just fine. You just needed to rebuild your self-trust.

Self-trust is built in small increments.

When you choose not to spiral or “crash out”

When you regulate instead of react

When you allow calm without searching for what’s wrong

When you rest without guilt

-And no, it’s not laziness. It’s nervous system healing.

The goal isn’t to become someone who never feels fear. The goal is to become someone who can feel fear and still choose from a place of clarity. From steadiness. From self-trust.

You don’t need to fix yourself. You need safety.

And safety begins inside.