Safe Place

Hello Beautiful souls 💖

I was chatting with one of my followers on Instagram a few days ago and I began to think.

He had shared a reel with me in which the gentleman on the reel was reacting to another man’s monolog. He was talking about how hard it is to be a man and how women don’t care about men’s feelings, etc.

Now, I won’t lie to you- my initial reaction was annoyance. I felt like the guy was whining about basic things that men do like open doors and pull out chairs…which, to be honest, I always appreciate chivalry but alot of men don’t even do that anymore. But then he spoke about women not caring about men’s feelings.

And that bothered me.

Which brought me to the very point of this blog: it is very important to have a safe place.

This bothered me because I absolutely believe that both women and men have emotions that are valid. In some cases, men have been brought up to hold in their emotions. They have been told to toughen up; that real men don’t cry. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men have emotions and should be comfortable enough to express them.

Men and women- if you are in a serious relationship where you cannot express yourself without judgment, then I strongly suggest that you reevaluate that relationship. Because everyone should have a safe place.

A safe place; in my opinion, is a person that you can let your guard down with. A person that you can be completely yourself around without fear of ridicule or negativity. This doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t disagree with you when you’re wrong. But it does mean that you can be vulnerable without being attacked. Their intentions for you are the best for you. They want to see you grow. They want to see you happy.

This safe place does not have to be a romantic partner. It could be a parent, sibling, relative, or friend. It is just my humble opinion that if you are in a romantic relationship, that your mate ideally would be a safe place for you.

As a woman, I am clueless to the perils of being a man. I have some idea, I can empathize, but I cannot TELL a man how he should react/feel about his stressors. As his partner, however, I aim to listen, support, comfort, advise, or to simply be there.

You are safe with me.

You are safe.

You are safe…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖 Mimi

Never Change

Hello Beautiful souls 💖

I was reflecting on some things and wanted to share something with you.

Here’s what I learned: I’ve learned to never change for the satisfaction of another. No matter how I love or think I love a person. A person asking you to change is a person telling you that they do not accept you as you are. It’s saying, ‘you’re almost good enough, but you gotta fix this first.’

Now, if someone brings to your attention a negative or self sabotaging behavior and you elect to adjust – that’s great because it’s your choice. You recognize this as an opportunity to grow or improve and have chosen to make a change. This change then is to please yourself and not the other person.

But if you change yourself to please someone else, at some point, resentment will fester. And that’s what happened with me.

It took me quite a while to see things this way. Initially, I was fine with the idea of making adjustments-especially for the sake of love. My spouse said that it would help our marriage and he would be satisfied if I made this change for him. And so I did.

But one change became another. And another. And yet another. I had made so many changes, that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I had become a shell of my former self: broken, depressed, and codependent.

This, I knew, was not who I was supposed to be. It’s taken quite a bit of work and I’m still working, but I regain more of myself everyday. I am no longer in that toxic environment, and each day I work to be a more improved, balanced version of myself.

I will never again change to fit someone else’s idea of what I should be. And I hope you don’t either.

Until next time, beautiful souls. I wish you so much Love and Light!

Mimi 💖💖

Poetry Time: Selah.

Hello Beautiful souls!

I’d like to share a piece that I wrote entitled: Selah. I hope you like it…

I think you need to just break.

Pause. Yield. Think.

Meditate. Pray. Selah.

Take a moment.

Take even just a moment

To recall just who you are

You are life,

You are strength,

You are absolute magic

Wrapped in some of

The most beautiful skin

I’ve ever seen.

You are brilliant

You are creative,

You are walking inspiration.

And you never cease to

Fascinate me with your

Infinite avenues of self expression.

You are the unique painter

Of the only picture

I ever want to see.

I am drawn to your candor,

Refreshed by your humor,

Ignited by your wisdom.

You are- in a word: magnificent.

So, if ever for a moment

You forget exactly who you are…

I need you to just break.

Pause. Yield. Think.

Meditate. Pray. Selah.

Take a moment.

Selah.

Until next time, beautiful souls…. 💖💖 Mimi

Stop Overthinking!

Hello beautiful souls!

I had an uncomfortable conversation with someone that I care about and it led me to the topic of this blog.

He pointed out that I am an “overthinker” and went on to say that having a conversation with me is hard sometimes because I put too much thought into my responses…

And it hurt.

Initially, I got upset. I was offended. Wow. I thought to myself. Did he just say that talking to me is hard? I could’ve responded that if talking to me was so difficult, then he could simply stop talking to me. But that would’ve been an egotistical response said out of negative emotions that I was feeling. I didn’t want that.

Instead, I took some time after the call to process and evaluate what was said. And there are still aspects of the conversation that do not resonate with me (I discarded those) but I found what he said to be true.

I do tend to overthink. I knew that before he said it. But what I didn’t understand was; why?

And now I know.

Overthinking is the byproduct of fear and self doubt. I had made decisions and said things in the past that led to such painful experiences, that I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust myself to say what I wanted to say exactly as I wanted to say it, I didn’t trust myself to do and be what I wanted to do and be because I had never done it before.

There was always someone or something holding me back.

I thought it was parents, Peers, teachers, the military, significant others, people on social media…

But after further review; I realized that the “someone” was me. And while it’s true that people didn’t respond well to things that I did and said, I had to come to grips with the fact that I am not responsible for another person’s reaction. Their truth and my truth may not be the same.

In addition to that, some of the past decisions I made that didn’t fare well were made from the ego and misinformation.

Overthinking only leads to procrastination, discomfort, anxiety, fear, complacency, and a myriad of other negative emotions and setbacks. Overthinking keeps us from living our best lives and being our most elevated selves. It prevents action and promotes mediocrity. Some people overthink to prevent making a decision not realizing that overthinking is a decision. It’s just not a favorable one.

Currently when faced with a decision; I consider these things: 1. I make sure that I am aligned with my inner wisdom. 2. I do not prioritize the opinions/reactions of others over my own.

Now that I am considering those two things with every decision, I can move forward in confidence.

This change is quite necessary in order for me to fulfill my calling and destiny in life. I cannot help or inspire others if I overthink and constantly live in my head.

And the change may not happen overnight. But I am putting this knowledge to work and developing a new practice.

So, the next time you’re faced with a decision and it’s time to take action, take a moment to think, but don’t let yourself be consumed by overthinking.

Do not let fear overtake you.

Everything is going to be okay.

From one recovering overthinker to another: trust yourself.

Until next time beautiful souls… 💜💫💜

Closure is a myth

Hello beautiful souls!

I just wanted to share my thoughts on the concept of closure-especially in romantic relationships. I have experienced myself as well as heard from many people that felt like they were stuck in a sense (hurt, not able to move forward) because there was no closure from their last relationship.

To be completely honest, I think I used lack of closure as an excuse to leave the door open for certain men in my past. As I matured and evolved it dawned on me that I was setting myself up for emotional upset.

One of my exes and I were doing the same song and dance we had done for years. The one where he says he doesn’t want a commitment but he does “boyfriend things”. He didn’t want me to date anyone. He would even introduce me to other men as his Belle. But whenever I tried to return that same energy, he would emphasize that we were friends. “Best friends”.

And one day, without warning, I just stopped coming around. I stopped communicating with him. Months later, he tried to reenter my life and I told him that I had gotten married. He sarcastically congratulated me and I gave him a facetious ‘thank you’ with a smiley face as a response.

I went on and changed my number after that.

No closure was necessary. I chose to close the door on that situationship myself.

Do not wait for your ex to free you- because they may never do it. They may like the idea of having you around, even though they have no intention of doing right by you.. Sure, an explanation for broken promises or failed relationships would be nice, but realistically, you’re not likely to get what you’re looking for.

And that is how we must regard things moving forward. Closure itself is not a myth; rather the idea of needing closure to move forward. You don’t need another person to heal. All you really need is you. You, your intuition, and the truth.

That is the lesson that I learned. I learned that I didn’t need anyone to heal me, to explain to me, to “fix” me. If I was broken; then I chose to be. I also learned that each person has the right to choose what they want to do with their time and energy. And for whatever reason- or no reason at all- they can choose to stop spending that time and energy with me.

At certain points it was a hard truth to accept, but it has made me stronger and wiser.

So, if you find yourself desiring closure, do yourself a favor and close it on your own. Take an honest look at the relationship. Own the things that you did wrong and learn from them. Decide what you want from your future partner and maintain that standard.

You deserve to live and love without limits. Please don’t limit yourself by living in the past.

Until next time beautiful souls…💜💫

Silent Partner

Hello Beautiful Souls!

I missed last week because I have been navigating through some changes which unfortunately had me preoccupied and in survival mode. But I digress…

I like to speak from three sources: my heart, my inspiration, and my experiences. So this is why I’d like to talk to you about the importance of a paper trail.

Due to decisions that I had made in my past, I’ve found myself in the position where I was a silent partner and at this point in my life it is making things difficult for me.

For almost five years, I’ve been in a partnership where my significant other took the lead on a lot of things. He wanted to and I was trying to be supportive. Also, my credit was bad and I didn’t want to “mess things up”. So, I was the silent partner. I have been investing money into things while his name was on all the paperwork. But this decision to play the background has come full circle and it leaves me currently in a challenging situation in life.

While I feel that in marriage you should be able to trust your mate, sometimes too much trust is foolhardy. In the event that a marriage or relationship turns sour; the silent partner is left with no evidence of their contributions and the other person can take ownership of whatever they choose.

Hence my current situation.

Our marriage has actually been turbulent for some time and despite my best efforts, it is dissolving in a messy and painful way. Because my name wasn’t on anything, he has chosen to leave me with nothing.

So, I urge each and every one of you to get things in writing. Learn from my painful experience. And if your credit is bad, begin to work on it before cohabitation if possible. I wasn’t aware of things that I could do to build my credit before, but I’m learning now.

To build or rebuild credit, get a Fingerhut account, an unsecured credit card, and you can try Self as well. They don’t cost much to start and they report to credit bureaus right away. My credit score has gone up 80 points so far!

If you’re already cohabiting, talk to your partner. Get something in writing. Don’t worry about rocking the boat, because if your partner truly cares for you then they will understand your apprehension and want to ease your skepticism.

That is the lesson I learned that I wanted to share with you in hopes that this may prevent someone else from being in this position.

Until next time beautiful souls… 💜✨

I remember you.

Hello Beautiful Souls! Today I wrote a special piece. Here goes…

Although it was a movie, I got a really profound message from The Equalizer 2. One of the characters said that if you don’t remember your loved ones out loud, then they die twice. Well… not on my watch! Because I remember you.

I remember you grandpa. Well, grandpas although one of you more vaguely. I remember sitting on your lap at about age five rendering your cheek a kiss. I remember you grandpa- he was cleaner than the board of health, read his Bible every morning and produced some exceptional men.

I remember you uncles. The great cooks; the storytellers. The rambunctious ones, and the ones who stood for what they thought was right. Even if it was wrong. I remember you.

I remember my beautiful aunties. Some with sweet love, some with tough love, some with laughs and bear hugs. With perfect flapjacks and hearts too big for their chests. With the best quips and sugar cookies. Some with genuine love buried deep beneath their traumas and insecurities. I remember you.

I remember you cousins. Some practically strangers, some adults while I was a kid, some bikers, some dealers, some cousins that aren’t even cousins. And then some who dance seamlessly. Who were their own trend and never spoke a cross word. I remember you.

I remember you sister. Who was her own party and dynamic. Who was secretly much more envied and admired than admonished. Who’s heart loved deeply. The one who knew who she was and couldn’t fully see who she was all at the same time. I remember you.

I remember you comrades. Who were heroes many times over. Who made mistakes and was making amends, who were let down, who were lost and forgotten, who just needed a chance, who were excited about the future that never came, who were just about to start a business. Who couldn’t bear the pain. And those who were suddenly taken- I remember you.

And last but oh so certainly not least. Dad- I remember you. You. Who cradled our concerns and made us laugh. The one who made us feel like everything was gonna be okay. The one who caught busses and walked on broken ankles to work a full shift fueled solely by pure, passionate, relentless, unadulterated love. The love of one woman’s life for over 40 years. The brother, the son, the cousin, the cool grandparent, the true friend, the uncle, the big homie, the great singer, the coach, the wise philosopher; the comedian. The one who had his own unmatched, understated swagger and magnificence.

I remember you.

And as long as I live…you will not die again.

Until next time beautiful souls! 💜✨ Mimi

Balance

Hi beautiful souls!

As I discover myself anew of this spiritual journey; I realize more and more how important balance is. I just wanted to share a few thoughts on the importance of balance.

Life is about balance. You can’t be completely selfish just as you can’t be completely selfless. If you’re selfish; then you’re constantly taking. Often to the detriment of others. Taking and storing. Taking and storing. And eventually, you fill your vessel to its capacity.

And then what happens?

You become stagnant. There’s a stench. It starts to smell because some of what you continue to hold on to has become useless to you. It’s wasting away.

It now belongs to someone else but you won’t release it. “What about me? What about me? What about me?” Until you’re completely full. You can’t take on any new information or learn any new gifts because you haven’t cultivated anything but yourself. There’s no flow.

On the other hand, if you’re completely selfless, you give and give and give. But then, what becomes of you? You are now ill nourished, miserable, weak, nonfunctional, dried up and probably even bitter because you gave of your entire self without being refilled. You feel used. You have nothing else to give now. There’s no flow. We all need flow. We need that constant movement and exchange of energy to be our best selves. We need balance.

This I know from experience because I was a giver. I would give to spouses, lovers, and boyfriends thinking that they would see how wonderful I was and give back. When they didn’t give back, or didn’t give back equally- it hurt me to my core. Until I met someone else. I was in a self destructive cycle.

I gave and gave until one day I looked around and saw what little there was left of myself. This journey helped me see what I was doing to myself and what I was allowing…

But now I break free!

I share my vulnerability in the hope that it will reach and help someone before they experience this pain. Or perhaps you’re in a similar situation, and this piece may be used to enlighten you and remind you of how wonderful you are- with or without the validation of another person.

Either way; I hope this helps someone.

Until next time beautiful souls… 💜✨ Mimi

Give You A Smile

Hi beautiful souls! This week I want to share a poem with you. It’s called Give You A Smile

Here

I want to give you a smile

Keep it with you always;

Tuck it away in the recesses

Of your mind.

May it always remind you

Of the light in my heart for you.

Wait:

Let me give you a laugh.

An everlasting laugh for you

To wrap your troubles in

And let them sail away.

Troubles in your life won’t do!

Please-

I want to give you a love

A love relentless, tried and true.

This love will radiate.

This love will permeate.

This love will always stay with you.

Until next time beautiful souls 💜✨

Acceptance

Hi!

I hope you all are well. As I discover things about myself; I share them with the belief that they will help someone else.

Recently on my journey, I’ve been thrown a few curve balls. While trying to vent to a close relative; I found myself upset because she didn’t seem to understand or accept what I was saying as the truth. In a sense, I guess, I felt that she was ‘taking the other person’s side’.

And then I realized that I had an issue with wanting to be accepted as well as understood. I believe it comes from feeling / being rejected in my younger years. I’ve always been a bit different. People called me weird and I really wanted to just be like everyone else.

But that’s no good.

And let me tell you why: I wasn’t created to be like everyone else. No one was. It’s plain and simple. Everyone is unique and has their own personality, perspective, and purpose. Some people may be similar to you in some ways, but the way they view things may be different. They may have different thoughts based on different experiences.

One person’s perspective does not nullify or devalue another’s. Everyone has something valuable to do, say and be. And my purpose is to speak my truth. To present my ideas, thoughts and experiences to the world and allow the people that need to hear my message to find it.

Nothing more, nothing less.

It is not my purpose or my right to try and make a person see things my way. It is not rejection. It is only a viewpoint based on that unique individual.

I learned that a person’s acceptance; or lack thereof is actually quite alright. It does not make my opinion, my feelings, or my perspective invalid.

A person must know themselves and trust themselves enough to stand firm in their convictions regardless of the opinions of others.

You are you. And you must do things in life that only you can.

Acceptance not necessary.

Until next time beautiful souls- be blessed, much love. And remember: you are the dopeness that this world needs!

Love and Light- Mimi 💜✨