Author: Glow

Hey Boo! It’s your girl Mimi and welcome to the Inner Glow Blog. What started as an outlet during my narcissistic marriage has become a road map of sorts. A guide for people like me who had forgotten who they were and had a diminished sense of self-worth. The Inner Glow Blog provides guidance to help you heal, grow, and glow. Not for you to become someone new, but to reclaim your power and return home to yourself.

When You Stop Waiting to Be Chosen

Hey Boo!

There comes a moment in many healing journeys when we realize that the deepest wound wasn’t the breakup, the betrayal, or even the rejection. It was the story we told ourselves afterward.

“Maybe I wasn’t enough.”

“Maybe if I had been different.”

“Why wasn’t I chosen?”

For many of us, that question lingers much longer than the relationship itself. The truth is, wanting to be chosen is deeply human. We all long to feel loved, valued, and significant to someone else. But somewhere along the way, many of us begin measuring our worth by someone else’s ability-or inability – to recognize it.

That’s where we lose ourselves.

Real healing begins when we realize that our value was never waiting for another person’s approval. It was waiting for our own. There’s a quiet power that comes from choosing yourself. Choosing to honor your boundaries. Choosing peace over chaos. Choosing relationships that feel safe instead of relationships that keep you guessing. Choosing to stop shrinking so someone else feels comfortable.

The people who have experienced deep emotional pain often become some of the most compassionate people in the world. They learn to recognize hurt because they’ve lived it. They know how to sit beside someone else’s grief because they’ve carried their own.

Pain can make us bitter, or it can make us wiser. Better. The choice is ours.

One of the most beautiful transformations happens when you stop asking, “why didn’t they choose me?” And begin asking, “Am I choosing the life, relationships, and version of myself that I deserve?”

That single shift changes everything. Your story is no longer one of rejection. Instead, your story has become one of reclamation. You stop chasing validation. You begin creating it from within. You stop waiting for someone to tell you you’re enough and begin living like you already know.

The right people won’t ask you to become smaller to fit into their lives. They’ll appreciate the light that you’ve worked so hard to uncover.

You were never meant to spend your life auditioning for love. You were meant to experience love that recognizes you without asking you to abandon yourself.

Choose yourself today, Boo.

Not because no one else will, but because you deserve to know what it feels like to be loved by the one person who will be with you for every chapter of your life-you.

And from there, everything begins to glow.

Heal. Grow. Glow.

‘Til Next Time

When Everything Clicks:

The Moment You Realize Your Adult Relationships Mirror Your Childhood

Hey Boo,

Sometimes healing begins with a painful realization. As you sit and ponder on your current relationship, you realize that this isn’t the first time you’ve dealt with this.

Maybe you’ve spent years trying to earn love, avoid conflict, keep the peace, or prove your worth. Then one day, you recognize those feelings from somewhere else.

You felt them as a child.

For many of us, this realization is both heartbreaking and liberating. Heartbreaking because it reveals old wounds and liberating because it finally provides answers.

Why Familiarity Feels Like Love

As children, we learn what love looks like from the people around us. If love was nurturing, supportive, and emotionally safe, we often learn to expect those qualities in our relationships.

But when love is mixed with criticism, inconsistency, emotional neglect, manipulation, or unpredictability, our brains can begin to associate those experiences with connection. As adults, we may mistake familiarity for compatibility. Not because we want unhealthy relationships, but because our nervous systems recognize the pattern. The dynamic feels familiar, and familiar often feels safe- even when it isn’t.

Repetition Compulsion and Trauma Patterns

Many people unknowingly recreate aspects of their childhood relationships in adulthood. This is sometimes referred to as repetition compulsion. Our brains attempt to revisit unresolved experiences in hopes of achieving a different outcome. The child who never felt chosen may seek partners who are emotionally unavailable. The child who was constantly criticized may find themselves drawn to people whose approval feels difficult to earn. The child who learned to become a caretaker may continue attracting relationships where their needs come last.

What we’re seeking isn’t pain. We’re subconsciously seeking resolution.

The Nervous System’s Attraction to Predictability

Our nervous systems are designed to prioritize what is familiar.

Even unhealthy dynamics can feel more comfortable than healthy ones if that’s what we’ve known most of our lives. This is why healthy relationships can initially feel: boring, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, slow-moving, or suspiciously calm. Meanwhile, chaotic relationships may feel exciting, intense, or deeply meaningful.

The nervous system doesn’t focus on whether or not the relationship is healthy, rather it seeks out what’s familiar. Understanding this can help us approach ourselves with more compassion.

Grieving What Was Normalized

One of the most overlooked parts of healing is grief. Not just grief for relationships that ended, but also grief for what was normalized.

Many people get to a point where they realize:

That wasn’t healthy.

That wasn’t love.

That wasn’t emotional safety.

That wasn’t my fault.

Those realizations can bring sadness, anger, relief, and confusion. It’s okay to grieve the experiences you should never have had to normalize.

Learning Healthy Love Later in Life

The beautiful thing about healing is that awareness creates choice. Once we recognize old patterns, we can begin creating new ones. Healthy relationships often include mutual respect, emotional accountability, consistency, honesty, boundaries, and reciprocity. At first, these dynamics may feel unfamiliar. And that’s okay.

Healthy doesn’t always feel comfortable right away. Sometimes healthy feels quiet while your nervous system learns a new definition of safety.

Rebuilding Self-Trust After Awakening

Many survivors blame themselves after recognizing unhealthy patterns.

We often ask:

“Why didn’t I see it sooner?”

“How did I miss the signs?”

“What is wrong with me?”

The truth is that nothing is wrong with you. You were operating from what you knew. The goal isn’t to shame yourself for past choices. The goal is to trust yourself moving forward.

Healing begins when we stop judging the version of ourselves that survived and start supporting and celebrating the version of ourselves that is awakening.

Final Reflection

Perhaps the most powerful realization is this:

You did not attract unhealthy relationships because you were broken or unworthy, you were just responding to patterns that once felt familiar. But awareness changes everything. The moment you recognize the pattern is the moment you gain the power to choose something different.

Glow Reflection Prompt

Ask Yourself:

What relationship patterns once felt familiar to me, and what would healthier patterns look like today?

Next week, we will start the Reclamation Series and I’m really excited to share this with you!

Until next time, Boo remember- healing isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you were before pain convinced you to forget.

When Love and Pain Share The Same Face:

Grieving a Parent Who Both Loved and Hurt You

Hey Boo,

When we talk about grief, people often assume it is straightforward.

Someone we love passes away, and we miss them. But what happens when the person we lost was also the person who wounded us? What happens when the memories are both beautiful and painful?

What happens when the person we are grieving is a parent?

For many people, losing a parent brings not only crushing sadness but also confusion, anger, relief, guilt, compassion, regret, and longing. These emotions can coexist even when they feel contradictory.

And yet, society rarely talks about this kind of grief. We are often expected to remember only the good, focus on gratitude, and avoid discussing the more complicated parts of the relationship. But healing requires honesty.

The Parent You Loved and the Parent Who Hurt You

One of the most difficult truths to hold is that a person can love you and still hurt you. Many of us were raised to believe that love automatically means safety, understanding, and emotional support. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the reality. Some parents loved their children deeply but lacked the emotional tools, self-awareness, or healing necessary to nurture them in healthy ways.

Some parents carried their own wounds. Some repeated patterns they learned from previous generations. And some caused pain they never fully acknowledged.

Recognizing these truths does not erase the love that existed. It simply allows for the full story.

Why Grief Can Feel So Complicated

When a parent dies, we are not only grieving who they were. Sometimes we are grieving who we hoped they would become.

We may also mourn:

The apology we never received.

The conversation(s) we never had.

The understanding or acceptance we longed for.

The relationship we wished could have existed.

This kind of grief is layered. There is grief for the parent we had, and grief for the parent we needed. Both losses deserve acknowledgment.

The Guilt of Telling the Truth

Many adult children carry guilt when they speak honestly about a parent who has passed away. They worry that acknowledging their pain is disrespectful. They fear being seen as ungrateful. They wonder if they should simply focus on the positive. But honesty is not the same thing as condemnation.

You can appreciate the sacrifices someone made and still acknowledge the wounds you carry. You can recognize their humanity without minimizing your own experience. Your healing does not require rewriting history.

But…That’s not How I Remember it.

Another challenge can arise when siblings have different experiences of the same parent. One sibling may remember warmth and support. Another may remember criticism, emotional neglect, or instability. Neither experience is necessarily wrong. Parents often show different sides of themselves to different children. This can make conversations about grief especially difficult.

You may feel isolated in your truth. You may worry about upsetting others. You may also find yourself carrying your emotions quietly to avoid conflict.

If this resonates with you, know that your experience is still valid. You do not need unanimous agreement for your feelings to matter.

Healing Without Erasing the Past

Healing does not require you to choose between love and truth. It asks you to make room for both. You can remember the good times. You can cherish the memories that bring comfort. You can hold compassion for your parents’ struggles.

And you can acknowledge the ways you were hurt.

These realities are not opposites. They are pieces of the same story.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are grieving a parent who both loved and hurt you, please know this:

You are not disloyal for telling the truth. You are not ungrateful for acknowledging your pain. You are not a bad person for having mixed emotions. Grief is rarely simple.

Sometimes healing begins when we stop trying to force our feeling into neat categories and allow ourselves to hold the complexity of being human.

You are allowed to love them.

You are allowed to miss them.

You are allowed to hurt.

And you are allowed to heal.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…

Reflection Question:

What would change if I gave myself permission to honor both the love I received and the pain I experienced- without feeling guilty for either?

When Love Requires Distance:

Navigating Narcissistic Abuse in Family and Friendships

Hey Boo!

I’ve noticed something.

When people talk about narcissistic abuse, the conversation often centers around romantic relationships. But narcissistic dynamics can also exist within families and friendships, making them more difficult to recognize and navigate.

Unlike a romantic relationship, family and long-term friendships often come with deep emotional ties, shared history, social expectations, and feelings of obligation. Many people stay in unhealthy dynamics not because they don’t recognize the harm, but because they genuinely care about the person involved.

This is why conversations about boundaries, low contact, and no contact deserve more compassion and understanding.

What Narcissistic Abuse Can Look Like Outside of Romance

In familial and platonic relationships, narcissistic abuse may look like:

Chronic guilt-tripping

Emotional manipulation

Gaslighting

Boundary violations

Silent treatment

Triangulation

Constant criticism disguised as concern

Making everything about their needs

Punishing you when you become more independent

Over time, these patterns can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, anxious, confused, and disconnected from your own intuition. You may find yourself constantly questioning your perceptions or feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions.

Why Leaving Feels So Difficult

One of the biggest misconceptions about low contact or no contact is that people make these decisions impulsively.  In reality, most people who go low or no contact spend years doing everything they can to save the relationship first.

They have the difficult conversations, try to explain their feelings, offer forgiveness, set boundaries, give chance after chance, and even minimize their own needs to keep the peace. By the time they finally begin creating distance, they are often emotionally depleted. The decision to go low/no contact is usually born from repeated experiences, not a single incident or disagreement.

Low Contact and No Contact Are Not Punishments

This is a very important distinction to remember.

Healthy boundaries are not about controlling another person. They are about protecting your own well-being.

Low Contact may involve:

Limiting conversations

Avoiding emotionally charged topics

Reducing access to personal life

Creating emotional space**

No contact may become necessary when repeated attempts to create healthier interactions have failed and the relationship continues to cause significant harm.

Neither choice makes a person cruel. Neither choice means they stopped caring.

Sometimes distance becomes necessary when proximity repeatedly causes injury.

The Guilt That Often Follows

Many survivors experience intense guilt after establishing boundaries. They often wonder to themselves:

“Am I being selfish?”

“Am I overeacting?”

“What if they change?”

“What will other people think?”

These questions are normal. Especially for people who were conditioned to prioritize everyone else’s comfort before their own.

But the guilt you’re feeling does not automatically mean you are doing something wrong. Sometimes guilt simply means you are doing something different.

You Are Allowed to Protect Your Peace

Not every relationship can be healed through communication. Not everyone is willing to acknowledge their behavior or the impact it has on others.

And not every relationship is meant to continue in its current form.

You are allowed to create boundaries. You are allowed to choose our emotional well-being. You are allowed to stop participating in dynamics that consistently harm you.

Most importantly, you are allowed to trust yourself.

Healing often begins when we stop asking for permission to protect our peace and start recognizing that our peace is worth protecting.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are navigating narcissistic abuse within a family or a friendship, please know this:

You do not have to prove your pain.

You do not have to justify your boundary.

You do not have to sacrifice your mental health to make others comfortable.

You are allowed to choose safety.

You are allowed to choose healing.

And you are allowed to choose yourself.

Here are a few affirmations to give you strength as you navigate through this part of your journey:

My boundaries are an act of self-respect.

I do not need to justify the decisions I make for my well-being.

Protecting my peace is not selfish.

I trust myself to recognize what is healthy for me.

And one of my personal favorites:

I can love someone and still choose distance.

Remember, you can wish someone well and still refuse to hand them continued access to your peace. You can love someone and still choose yourself.

Both can be true.

Be gentle with yourself Boo. Til next time…

**Creating emotional space means finding the best time, place, and method to regularly and safely investigate and learn from your feelings.

The Stages of Narcissistic Abuse- and How to Reclaim Yourself

Hey Boo.

Narcissistic abuse can be a really tricky thing because it doesn’t always look like abuse at first. In fact, the beginning often looks like something directly out of a rom-com or fairy tale. It feels electric. Like absolute magic.

But over time, that magic dissipates into a poisonous puff of confusion, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion.

If you’ve experienced this, let me very clear about something, Boo:

You are not crazy.

You are not too sensitive.

You are not the problem.

You were responding to manipulation that was designed to make you question yourself. Let’s walk through the stages- so you can recognize, process, and begin to heal.

Stage 1: Idealization (Love Bombing)

“This feels like everything I’ve ever wanted…”

In this stage you are put on a pedestal, showered with attention, affection, and validation. This person makes you feel deeply seen and chosen. They may marvel about how you two ‘get each other’ and say they’ve ‘never felt this way before.’  It feels intense, fast, and almost too good to be true.

What’s really happening is they’re mirroring you and flooding you with dopamine so that they can create deep emotional dependency and attachment quickly. You may later find yourself in a state of confusion about how something so perfect could change just like that.

Journaling Prompts

When did things start to feel “too good to be true”?

Were there any subtle red flags I ignored? Why?

What did I want to believe in that moment?

Affirmations

I honor the version of me that wanted love and connection.

I release shame for trusting someone.

Wanting love does not make me naïve- it makes me human.

Stage 2: Devaluation

“What just happened? Am I crazy?”

This stage is subtle at first, but more and more you’ll notice mixed signals, criticism or insults disguised as “jokes”, emotional withdrawal, and inconsistency. This drastic change in your partner may cause you to over-analyze every aspect of the relationship, try harder to fix things, or even blame yourself for what’s happening. The truth is, there’s nothing you can do to fix this because this was intentionally done to destabilize your sense of self and control.  This stage is about breaking you down, making you doubt yourself and causing you to question your own reality so that you’re confused, defensive, and easy to manipulate.

Journaling Prompts

When did I start feeling like I wasn’t enough?

What behaviors made me question myself?

How did I change to keep the peace?

Affirmations

I am not too much and I never was.

I do not need to earn love through exhaustion.

My needs and feelings are valid.

Stage 3: Discard

“How did this end so coldly?”

This stage can feel abrupt or cruel. The discard stage is often characterized by a sudden break-up or withdrawal, replacement with someone else, and emotional detachment as if you never mattered. It is profoundly painful as you may be experiencing shock, abandonment, rejection, and deep confusion along with your heartbreak. As you stand in the wreckage they’ve left behind, they’re avoiding accountability and starting over with new supply.

Journaling Prompts

What hurt me the most about the way things ended?

What did I deserve that I didn’t receive?

What am I grieving-truly?

Affirmations

Their inability to love me is not a reflection of my worth.

I deserved clarity, honesty, and care.

I am allowed to grieve what I thought this was.

Stage 4: Hoovering (Optional Return)

“Maybe this time will be different.”

Sometimes they come back. And when they do, they offer watered-down apologies without real change and promises to do better that are often empty or short-lived. Nostalgia is another tactic employed to pull on you emotionally and have you reminiscing about the good times. The reality, however, is that nothing has changed at all. They are just trying to regain control over you and access to you.

It’s very important not to succumb to hoovering. In many cases the narcissistic cycle intensifies and can even become dangerous.

Journaling Prompts

What patterns have I seen before?

What would I tell a friend in my position?

What boundaries do I need to put in place in order to feel safe?

Affirmations

I trust what I’ve learned.

I choose peace over familiar chaos.

I do not need closure from someone who created confusion.

Stage 5: Healing & Reclamation (Your Glow-Up Stage)

“I am coming back to myself.”

This is where everything begins to shift. You start trusting yourself again, you reconnect with your voice, your needs, and your truth. You see clearly again- without shame and self-blame.

This is your power returning.

Journaling Prompts

Who am I becoming after this experience?

What boundaries will I carry forward?

What does safe, healthy love look like to me now?

Affirmations

I am rebuilding myself with truth and compassion.

I trust myself more deeply now.

I am worthy of safe, consistent, real love.

Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t about “getting over it.”

It’s about reconnecting with yourself, releasing self-blame, reclaiming your power, and most importantly…

Remembering who you were before you started questioning your worth.

Until next time Boo, keep glowing…

Overthinking, Hypervigilance, and Mental Looping in Relationships

Hey Boo!

If you ever find yourself stuck overthinking, feeling on edge in your relationships, or going around and around in your thoughts, you’re definitely not alone. These habits don’t just pop up for no reason—they’re often how our bodies and minds try to protect us from getting hurt. When we learn about how these patterns are tied to our nervous system, it gets a bit easier to be kind to ourselves and maybe even change things for the better.

Overthinking: Trying to Stay Safe

A lot of the time, overthinking is your mind’s way of trying to keep you safe. When you’re unsure or feeling uneasy with someone, (or if you’ve experienced trauma in previous relationships) your brain might start running through every possible outcome or worry—just in case. It can feel tiring, but deep down, your brain’s just trying to help you avoid hurt or disappointment.

For many folks, this habit started because, somewhere along the line, being alert and planning ahead became an important part of survival. Thinking through every worst-case scenario can sometimes feel like the only way to avoid pain. But in safe or loving relationships, all this overthinking puts strain on the relationship and makes it harder to feel close and relaxed with your partner.

Hypervigilance in Relationships

Hypervigilance is basically being extra alert for anything that might go wrong—always watching for signs that something’s off, that someone might leave or let you down. If you’re always on edge, it’s tough to just let yourself trust and enjoy the moment.

This constant state of “watchfulness” comes from our bodies being stuck in fight-or-flight mode. If you’ve been through tough or unpredictable relationships before, your nervous system might still be on high alert, even when there’s no real danger. That makes letting your guard down and being vulnerable really hard.

Mental Looping: Your Body’s Stress Alarm

Mental looping means your mind keeps replaying things—like conversations, worries about the future, or doubts about what you said. These cycles are closely connected to how our bodies react to stress.

When something feels threatening (even if it’s just a tiny worry), our bodies get flooded with stress hormones. It’s like your nervous system sounds an alarm and suddenly your thoughts have hit the ground running. This was meant to keep us alert and ready, but instead, it traps us in anxious thoughts and “what ifs.”

How to Break the Cycle: Calming Your Nervous System

The good news? Overthinking, hypervigilance, and mental looping aren’t your fault—they’re just ways your mind and body try to help. There are gentle ways to calm your nervous system and take care of yourself:

  • Mindfulness: Focusing on the here-and-now can help you break out of thought spirals and notice what you’re really feeling.
  • Grounding Techniques: Simple things like deep breathing, noticing your senses, or relaxing your muscles can help signal to your body that you’re safe.
  • Therapeutic Support: A good therapist can help you understand where these patterns come from and support you in building healthier ways to connect.

If you find yourself overthinking, hypervigilant, or stuck in mental loops, know that your nervous system is just trying to look out for you. With a little understanding and some gentle practices, you can feel safer in your relationships—with others and with yourself—and start to feel a lot more at ease.

If you aren’t already, follow me on Instagram @mimi.sums or on facebook Mimi Sums for affirmations, journaling prompts, and mindfulness content.

Until Next Time Boo, keep Glowing…

You’re Not Broken. You’re in Survival Mode.

Hey Boo!

I just want you to know-

You’re not dramatic. You’re not “too much.” You’re not overreacting.

You’re in survival mode. And survival mode is hectic and loud.

It scans for danger, anticipates rejection, and prepares for disappointment before it happens. Survival mode can cause you to replay conversations over and over in your head and read between lines that may not even exist.

But it’s not because you’re messed up or broken. It’s because you experienced a shock to your nervous system and you’ve had to adapt. At some point in your life, being hyper-aware kept you safe. Overthinking protected you from danger and potential threats. Bracing for impact softened the blow and expecting less kept you from being disappointed when the person inevitably failed you. Your past experiences sent this message to your nervous system: “If I stay prepared, I stay protected.”

That makes complete sense- creating a survival strategy to be okay and minimize the risk of further danger. But the important thing to remember about survival strategies is that they don’t automatically turn off once the danger is gone. Your body doesn’t always know that you’re safe now, your mind doesn’t realize you’re no longer in that same toxic environment, and so it runs those old programs in new situations.

Running Old Programs in New Situations May Look Like:

Questioning Your Worth

Feeling Guilty For Resting

Feeling Like You Aren’t Doing Enough

Putting Too Much Pressure on Yourself

Wondering Why You Weren’t Chosen

Bracing in Relationships That Haven’t Actually Harmed You

It feels real because your body believes it is. But survival mode and present reality are not always the same thing.

And this is where self-trust begins. Don’t shame yourself for overthinking, there’s no need to force or feign positivity, and you don’t have to pretend not to be triggered when you are.

Just pause and gently ask yourself:

“Is this current, or is this familiar?”

Familiar feels urgent and is rooted in anxiety. Current is grounded in fact.

When you begin to notice the difference, you stop fighting yourself. You stop labeling yourself as ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too much’. You begin trusting your intuition and yourself and you realize that you’re not broken. You’re healing and coming back together just fine. You just needed to rebuild your self-trust.

Self-trust is built in small increments.

When you choose not to spiral or “crash out”

When you regulate instead of react

When you allow calm without searching for what’s wrong

When you rest without guilt

-And no, it’s not laziness. It’s nervous system healing.

The goal isn’t to become someone who never feels fear. The goal is to become someone who can feel fear and still choose from a place of clarity. From steadiness. From self-trust.

You don’t need to fix yourself. You need safety.

And safety begins inside.

I’m Back with Truth

I paused-

I didn’t disappear.

I didn’t lose momentum.

I didn’t fall behind.

I paused because I was listening.

Hey Boo!

The recent season that I experienced required more of me than I felt I was prepared for. It was a season where my body asked for gentleness, where my nervous system needed safety more than strategy, and my inner world mattered more than accomplishments and output. So, I did what I’d advise a friend or a client to do- I chose myself. Quietly, consistently. Without explaining.

During that time, I started sharing a series on my platform- Something For Me.

Pilates. Coloring. Slowing down. Ordinary acts of care that didn’t need to be dressed up or explained. They were small, grounding choices that helped me come back to myself- and back into truth.

And that truth is this:

Healing doesn’t mean stopping your life. It just changes how you move through it.

I used to believe that growth required pressure-that I needed to push, fix, or harden myself to move forward. But what I learned in the quiet is that self-compassion isn’t indulgence. It’s responsibility. It is mandated. It’s what allows growth to last.

This new season, this new chapter in my life isn’t about proving anything to anyone. It’s about trusting myself.

Trusting my pace. Trusting my intuition in places where I used to doubt it or ignore it. Trusting  that softness can be strong, boundaries can be loving, and progress doesn’t have to cost me my well-being. I’m moving forward now- but not by abandoning myself like I once did. I’m moving with myself. In complete love and full alignment.

Glow with Mimi has always been about coming home to who you are beneath the noise, the pressure, the expectations. This season just asked me to live that truth before teaching it again.

So, if you’re here- whether you’ve been resting, recalibrating, or quietly choosing yourself too- please know this:

You’re not behind Boo. You’re integrating while elevating. And you’re allowed to move forward gently and at your own pace.

I’m back with truth. And I’m letting it lead.

If this resonated with you, stay connected. This new chapter is rooted in self-trust, embodied care, and creating a life that feels safe to live wholly and completely.

We’re not rushing. We’re glowing- honestly and authentically.

Til next time Boo…keep Glowing.

When The Light Feels Far Away: What My Latest Battle With Depression Taught Me

Hey Boo.

There are seasons in life when the light feels unbearably far away. Not gone…just distant. And even though you know you’ve survived things before, there’s a particular kind of ache that comes with feeling stagnant, inadequate, or like life is moving without you.

Recently, I found myself back in that place.

Not the dramatic, cinematic kind of darkness.

The quiet kind.

The kind that creeps in slowly- a heaviness, a numbness, a persistent whisper that says, “You should be doing more by now.”

I tried to push through it like I usually do. I tried to “bounce back” to motivate myself, to force clarity. But depression doesn’t respond to pressure. It responds to honesty.

And when I finally got honest, I realized something:

I wasn’t broken – I was overwhelmed.

I wasn’t inadequate – I was depleted.

I wasn’t stagnant – I just needed stillness.

Sometimes your soul hits pause before your mind even understands why.

The Inadequacy Loop No One Talks About

When you’re struggling with depression, you slip into what I call the inadequacy loop:

“I should be further by now.”

“Everyone else is moving forward.”

“Why can’t I just get it together?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

You start to measure your worth by your productivity, your clarity, your consistency- all things that naturally dip when you’re healing.

But here’s the truth I had to relearn:

You are not meant to outperform your humanity.

Feeling low doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re falling behind. And needing rest doesn’t mean you’re weak- it means you’re alive.

The Moment I Realized I Was Coming Back Online

It didn’t happen with fireworks.

It didn’t happen in a big “I’m healed!” moment.

It happened the day I felt the tiniest spark of curiosity again. Not joy, not motivation, just curiosity. A small desire to try, to move, to breathe. To meet myself where I was instead of where I “should” be.

That’s when I remembered-

Healing is not a leap- it’s a series of returns. A return to your breath. A return to small routines. A return to giving yourself grace. A return to seeing yourself with softer eyes. Every tiny spark counts- even if no one else sees it.

What This Season Taught Me

Here is what I want you to know, especially if you’re in that quiet, dark place right now:

  1. You are not inadequate- you are overwhelmed. Your mind is tired, not broken.
  2. You are not stagnant- you are incubating. Some seasons look like nothing on the outside, but everything is shifting within.
  3. You don’t have to “feel like yourself” to be deserving of care. You are worthy of gentleness even on your worst days.
  4. This season is not the end of your story. It is a passage- a slow, tender one- but a passage nonetheless.

If You’re Here Too… You’re Not Alone

I know how heavy this feels. I know how personal it gets. And I know how easy it is to believe the lie that you’re behind or you’re not enough. But your glow isn’t gone, love. It’s resting. Recalibrating. Gathering itself for the next chapter.

And when the light feels far away, that’s when you learn to build your own- breath by breath, choice by choice by choice, thought by thought, day by day. You are allowed to heal at your pace. You’re allowed to start again gently. You’re allowed to take up space even in your lowest moments.

I’m right here with you.

And I promise – there is a version of you on the other side of this who is so glad you didn’t give up.

Until Next Time Boo…Keep Glowing.