Personal Development Power Tips

Hello Beautiful Soul!

This week, I want to provide some tips on one of the everlasting goals in life- personal development. Personal Development, at its basis, is anything that allows us to grow into an ordered life that is of our choosing. This is one of the most cherished goals among self-improvement practitioners. There are some excellent methods available for achieving it. Personal development may seem a bit overwhelming at times, so here are a few hints and tips to get you started.

Clean the clutter from your life

There is an excellent saying in the personal development field, “a tidy desk is a tidy mind”. Oftentimes, your outer environment is a reflection of the way you think and feel. Is your living or work space always cluttered? It’s important that you start to order your environment to reflect the ordered life you are building. Clear away unnecessary clutter from your surroundings. This may sound like a meaningless task, but you are sending a very clear message to your subconscious mind that you intend to get organized. When you begin to organize your living and work environment it allows you to develop the basic skills needed for organizing your life. This can be achieved through goals. You should structure your goals in such a way that each one builds on the other and ensure that they are not in opposition to one another.

Don’t have your goal too ‘set in stone’

A major factor in the non-attainment of goals is the inability to restructure plans and change direction when circumstances dictate these should be done. Remain flexible.

Don’t focus on the mistakes

There’s absolutely no need to agonize over every little imperfect detail. Simply analyze them and learn the lesson they are trying to teach you. By staying focused on your failures, problems or toils you are creating more of them or at least keeping them in your experience. Focus on the solutions or at least focus on the fact “your still in the game”. Consider any mistakes you’ve made as life lessons. Apply what you have learned from them and use them as references (of what not to do) in the future.

Make sure you follow through on your plans

Action and persistence can accomplish things that nothing else can. A plan without action is simply a dream that will never come true. To see success we must believe in our dream, form a plan, take action, and then remain diligent in performing those tasks until we see the result we desire.

Have you ever given up on a dream and regretted it? Did you ever wonder just how close you were to accomplishing your goal before you quit? Did you accept temporary lack of motivation as a ‘sign’ that you should give up?

Lack of motivation isn’t necessarily a sign to give up on your goal. Some people get excited and motivated at the start of a venture but find their enthusiasm waning as time goes on. If you’re one of those people, be sure to check in with yourself and discover if you’re unmotivated due to natural ebb and flow, (you’re not going to feel excitement all the time and that’s okay) or if your lack of motivation is truly lack of desire. Understand that your goal may take some time and effort to achieve and continue forward with persistence. Those who persist, especially in times like these, are those who ALWAYS win!

Until next time Beautiful Souls, keep Glowing…

The Most Powerful Word- No!

Hey Boo!

You ever get tired of saying ‘yes’? Society has set the tone that the default answer to nearly every question is “Yes.” Advertising is all geared towards getting us to say “Yes – I need that.” We phrase our inquiries looking for yes: “Would you like more coffee?” “Would you be interested in joining me for dinner?” “Would you help me move next week?” “Would you mind if I asked you a personal question?” “Do you love me?”

With such a powerful default answer ingrained in us it can be very difficult to say anything else – often leaving us feeling trapped, guilty, or frustrated as a result.

With such an expected and requested default answer “No” becomes one of the most powerful words we can use – if we can manage it! With all the pressure though, overcoming this momentum for “Yes” can be incredibly difficult sometimes.

While it is still very important to make sure we are clear about what we want to say yes to, it is equally important if not more so, to be clear when to say no. Specifically the issue here is to be clear about what is important to you. Yes and no are equally viable and relevant answers in the appropriate circumstances – but may yield dramatically different results.

Saying yes when we really mean no can lead to resentment, frustration, confusion, and dissatisfaction. Understanding and applying the right answer at the right time is super important – but how do we figure it out?

The most important step in figuring out which answer is right is to start off by understanding what is important to you. This can be done with a simple reflection process. Take a moment to slow down and sink into your body. Allow yourself to notice sensations in your body without seeking to change them. Relax and connect with your inner voice of knowledge.

Now ask yourself a few simple questions about issues in your life. Notice how your body reacts. Is it energized? Does your body feel drained or depleted? One of those reactions will occur with Yes and the other with No in response to the question. Typically, the response that energizes us the most is the answer that is most relevant and thus most important to us. All you need to do is notice the response and thus the answer.

So now that we have our Yes/No list of life – how do we apply it? That seems easier said than done sometimes. The reality is it all boils down to the simple issue of honesty. Are you ready, willing and able to be honest first with yourself and then with others? This can be the hardest step as well as the most liberating.

Try out the “no” answer on something small at first. Maybe something as simple as “Would you like more coffee?” or a similar question.

Notice the contentment and satisfaction you feel in giving the honest answer or even just using the word! See where we can begin to apply that answer in ways that feel comfortable and empowering. Notice how your body reacts and feels more alive. Experiment with new questions and new opportunities.

Once you get comfortable with this easier answer comes the hard part – how do you say no to something we already said yes to? While perhaps a bit more uncomfortable it is still the same technique of honesty. When speaking with honesty it is also important to speak with patience, compassion and understanding. Remember that what we are essentially doing is changing the message we have previously communicated. Do not allow guilt or shame to color the communication though. Speak clearly about your decision and the realization to change the answer.

With openness and honesty, we can all speak clearly from our hearts about what is truly yes and truly no. Over time it gets easier, and we have to correct ourselves less and less.

If you find that saying no is especially difficult for you due to a history of people pleasing, then you should attend the From Grieving to Glowing Workshop on 2/24/2024 where we will be discussing anxiety, depression, people pleasing and other effects of narcissistic abuse along with tips on how to combat those effects.

Until Next Time Beautiful Souls, could you do two things for me?

Remember that ‘No” is a complete sentence on its own.
Keep Glowing

10 New Beliefs to Empower Your Life

Hello Beautiful Souls!

What we believe about ourselves and the world greatly affects how happy- or unhappy- we are in life. If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, it is highly likely that you have some limiting or toxic beliefs preventing you from being the person you were meant to be. Below is the list of the ten toxic beliefs that make women more susceptible to mistreatment, and the new empowering beliefs that you should learn in order to establish boundaries and live authentically.

Toxic Belief #1 Other people’s feelings and needs are more important than my own.

New Empowering Belief #1: My needs and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s.

Toxic Belief #2 The best way to ensure that I am safe from harm is to be nice to people.

New Empowering Belief #2: I am kind by choice because I can protect myself from harm.

Toxic Belief #3: What other people think of me is of paramount importance.

New Empowering Belief #3: My perception of myself is much more important than anyone’s opinion of me.

Toxic Belief #4: I need to be perfect in order to be loved and accepted.

New Empowering Belief #4: I am amazing and worthy of love just as I am.

Toxic Belief #5: I don’t have a right to stand up for myself.

New Empowering Belief #5: I have a right to defend myself and to do what’s best for me.

Toxic Belief #6: Others are responsible for my wellbeing.

I am a capable woman and my wellbeing is my responsibility.

Toxic Belief #7: Anger is a destructive emotion and shouldn’t be expressed.

New Empowering Belief #7: Anger is a healthy emotion and can be used for constructive change.

Toxic Belief #8: Conflict is to be avoided at all costs.

New Empowering Belief #8: Conflict is a part of life and can be an opportunity for greater intimacy.

Toxic Belief #9: There is good in everyone, and people deserve multiple chances to prove it.

New Empowering Belief #9: I prioritize my boundaries over giving second chances.

Toxic Belief #10: Women need men to protect them and to support them financially.

New Empowering Belief #10: I am more than capable of protecting and providing for myself.

These toxic beliefs have put many women in harmful situations, some of which had fatal endings. It is very important to unlearn toxic or limiting beliefs, reclaim your power and take responsibility for your wellbeing so that you’re not just surviving, but living life on your own terms. Thriving and glowing from the inside, out.

There will be another Toxic Beliefs and People Pleasing Workshop later on this year, I’m not quite sure when yet so keep your eyes open for that. Also, the tickets for the From Grieving to Glowing workshop are available on Eventbrite. We will be discussing the effects of narcissistic abuse and some techniques to combat those effects so mark your calendars and I’ll see you on February 24, 2024!

Well Boo, that’s all I have for you this week. Remember that you are unique, divine, and capable of great things.

The Glow Up!

How we can ALL level up this year…

Hello Beautiful Souls!

I know that I’ve been missing in action lately when it comes to the weekly blog, but I have some great news and plans of things to come from Glow with Mimi.

I have been (and still am) furthering my education for the sake of my own personal growth and continued healing, and for the benefit of my readers, followers, and future clients as well. I’ve recently added narcissistic abuse recovery to my growing arsenal and am becoming trauma informed so that I can be as helpful and impactful as possible.

Considering this new information, Glow with Mimi is going through some changes and making some improvements. Here are some things to look out for:

Added/Improved Coaching Programs:

Glow with Mimi’s signature 12 week program (The ‘Inner Glow’ Program) has had some modifications and additions to its material and two program variations were created as well.

Variation 1: Inner Glow Mini

Inner Glow Mini is a 6 week program that covers the core elements of recovery, clarity, and goal setting to get you back on track after an encounter with a narcissist.

Variation 2: Inner Glow Deluxe

Inner Glow Deluxe includes everything from the Inner Glow Complete program along with 3 free additional sessions, weekly accountability check-ins, and VIP listing for discounts of future Glow with Mimi events and/or courses.

There are also three workshops taking place this year.

Workshop #1: From Grieving to Glowing

Informative and empowering workshop discussing the effects of narcissistic abuse as well as some techniques and strategies to heal those effects.

Date: 2/24/2024 12:00pm MST

The effects of narcissistic abuse are anxiety, depression, PTSD (or c-ptsd), loss of self-worth, physical symptoms, inability to forgive yourself, cognitive problems, emotional lability, trust issues, self-destructive habits, people pleasing, and can have effects on the children involved as well. Each of these effects impact our lives and relationships, and even alters the way we think of ourselves.

This workshop could be instrumental to healing the damaging effects of narcissistic abuse so that you can regain your sense of self and start a new and beautiful chapter in your life where you are confident and in control of your life and your world is a stunning reflection of your own self-love and inner glow. Message me for details or register on Eventbrite. Tickets are currently available for 25% off!

*This workshop is not gender specific and is a safe place for all who desire to participate. Anyone being rude or otherwise inappropriate will be promptly removed from the workshop with no refund.

Workshop #2: Anger Management

Not everyone responds to abuse the same way. While the more predictable or expected response to abuse is a timid demeanor and people pleasing behavior, some victims do become angry. When anger is not addressed it gets bottled up and can become very harmful. This workshop will discuss ways to deal with excessive anger.

*This workshop is not gender specific and is a safe place for all who desire to participate. Anyone being rude or otherwise inappropriate will be promptly removed from the workshop with no refund.

Date: TBA

Workshop #3 Toxic Beliefs & People Pleasing

This workshop will be an encore to the workshop that took place in September 2023 and will discuss the damaging beliefs learned during a girl’s upbringing that make her easy prey for narcissists. People pleasing behavior also attracts narcissistic relationships, both romantic and platonic and prevents the people pleaser from being authentic and/or prioritizing themselves which in turn makes them unhappy, resentful, and unfulfilled. The toxic beliefs must be recognized and unlearned with new empowering beliefs being set in their place.

Date: TBA

I am really excited about all the changes that are taking place! That’s all the glow up info that I can share at this time. Follow me on Facebook ( Glow with Mimi / Michelle Sumling) or on Instagram (mimi.sums) to stay up to date with workshop dates, catch live mini sessions when they happen, and get notifications every time a new blog drops.

You can also join my private facebook group Resilient Brave Beings where thought provoking prompts and tips are shared. (I’ve got some great plans for the group too! 😊 )

Much love to you beautiful soul. Until next time, keep glowing…

Stop Waiting on Your Life!

Time is of the Essence, is it not?

Hello Beautiful Souls!

This week I was sitting on the phone with tech support, and over and over again, I thought of things I could have done while I sat there – just waiting. In the past I’d done that- just waited for things to happen instead of taking action to get what I wanted. I used to wait for support, validation, perfection, ‘the right timing’, and sometimes even permission to do things until I realized that I was putting my entire life on hold. What about you?

Are you “on hold” in your life?

Are you waiting for a spouse to come along, waiting on the motivation to get your home organized, waiting on a great job to fall into your lap, waiting to win the lottery so that you could plan your retirement? Stop waiting on your life! The only difference between you and the people who are getting what they want, is that they kept moving and you didn’t. They are not better, stronger, more favored, or more deserving than you are. You just need to get back to it! Here are some ideas to help get you started again.

Focus on the who, not the what

If you find that you’ve been stuck on a goal for a while, try restarting it in “who am I” terms instead of “what I want” terms. For example, instead of saying “I want to lose 30 lbs.”, say “I am someone who takes care of herself by keeping my weight around XXX which is a healthy range for my height and age.” Be as specific as possible. Notice that ‘I want to be someone who helps others’ could mean anything from a clerk in the grocery store to a heart surgeon. Focus on who you want to be. Then ask yourself what actions would fit with your desire “to be” instead of “to get”.

Analyze it

Did you know that a full 80% of your problems come from 20% of your life? It’s true! Determine what that 20% is that’s affecting so much of your life, and start working to make it happier, more efficient, more satisfying.

Assign Value

A big mistake I see in my coaching clients is not assigning a true value to your time, to your energy, to your money, and to your “real estate” (your home or office). Realize that for each thing you say yes to, you have said no to something else. For example: if I say ‘yes’ to listening to my friend gossip about her co-workers for an hour and a half, then I am saying ‘no’ completing my blog or having a coaching session.

Always ask yourself – is this valuable enough to me to crowd my life with, or sacrifice something that I truly want or need?

If you aren’t sure of anything, be sure of this beautiful soul, that you are capable of whatever changes in life you want to make. Stop waiting for change and take action to effect change in your life!

Until Next time, keep Glowing…

Start with a Baseline

Want to Make some Changes but Aren’t sure Where to Start?

Making changes in your life is great and it is the way we grow and develop as people. Change is a constant process and part of being human. When you embark on changing anything in your life, start from where you are. Until you know where that is it would be difficult to effectively make the change. You have to start with a baseline.

Starting with a baseline is about figuring out where you are and what you are doing so that you know exactly what needs to be changed. It may sound odd, but many of us are unaware of what we do. When my clients tell me they want to lose weight the first thing I do is have them keep a food journal for a week just to get a baseline. The next week they share how shocked they were to see not only how much they were eating, but also what they were eating. Many of us are on autopilot and we simply are not aware of what we are doing. When you track it – and this works with anything – you have a real picture of where you are and what needs to change.

I read a statistic once that said most people consistently spend about 10% more than they make. I believe that is true, and it is because what is being spent, especially on a credit card, is not tracked. I once had a client that just didn’t have enough time to accomplish everything she needed to do. When she tracked her time for a week she was made painfully aware that she was spending hours in front of the television. The first step in change is awareness. You have to become aware of what you are doing and exactly where you are before you can proceed forward. Keeping track for a week or two will provide you with valuable information that will support your efforts to change.

Before you embark on any type of change effort you have to know where you are. I liken it to those travel maps that have an X printed next to “You are here.” Until you are aware of exactly where you are – and many of us don’t have a clue – it will be impossible to make the needed change.

The first step in your change effort is to determine where you are. Keep a log for a week or two. This will give you a realistic idea of what you are doing. You can track anything from how much money you spend to how many hours of sleep you get. Once you know the truth about where you are you can proceed.

My coaching program, although primarily focused on narcissistic abuse recovery does provide information and methods to help with focus, time management, goal setting, and accountability.

That’s all I have for this week. Until Next time beautiful souls, keep Glowing!

T.I.M.E.

Some tips to manage your most precious resource.

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Today we are going to talk about one of the most precious resources in existence- time.

You have to give some to get some. The old adage is usually applied to money, but it is also true of time.

We are always pressed for time or seem to owe time to others, from our bosses to our families. Time is such a valuable commodity so we need to make sure that we use it carefully. Careful use of our time means one thing — time management.

The sad truth is that most of us who are really in need of time management rarely utilize it. However, spending time on this simple four-step plan named “TIME” can really make a difference in your day, your life, and your time!

T Is For Taking Time To Plan

Every minute spent on planning and organizing will save at least that amount of time when you implement your plan. Shopping trips taken without a list often result in wasted time, errands run without prior planning often mean wasted time, and tasks not properly organized often mean wasted time. We all know this is true and yet we still rush forward in our haste to get something done. Take time to plan and you will be more efficient.

I Is For Involving Others

Whether at work or at home, involving other crucial stake-holders in your planning and prioritizing can help you attend to the essentials and share the work. Others may have good ideas to help you achieve your goals and others may well spark even more ideas from you. Sometimes, simply talking things over with a sympathetic audience can help you think more clearly. Don’t forget to give others a share in the work as well as the planning.

M Is For Meditation

No matter how busy your life or hectic your schedule is, you must take time to reflect on your goals and dreams. Taking a few moments to clear your mind, focus your energy, and rebuild your strength can revitalize you and help you accomplish more when you swing back into action.

Allowing yourself this down time may well give you the opportunity to prioritize and brainstorm so you can be even more productive than before. Even if you don’t have brainstorms from taking this time out, it will definitely give you an energy boost.

E Is For Evaluation

It is important for you to regularly evaluate your priorities and goals. Perhaps you have accomplished tasks that can now be permanently crossed off your list or can be set aside until a later date. Perhaps you have achieved certain goals resulting in a change of other priorities. Perhaps you simply have learned something along the way that caused a number of shifts in your priorities and goals.

Evaluation can also give you a sense of accomplishment if you look back on what you have achieved and the goals you have reached.

Even if taking TIME for time management can seem wasteful, it is actually a process that pays for itself time and time again. Time management may cost you time for planning and organization but in the end it helps you gain time through efficiency and prioritization. The simple truth is that time management saves you time and can alleviate some of your stress.

Time management is important for us all, but it is especially important for people who have experienced narcissistic abuse and may be suffering from anxiety or cognitive issues such as brain fog or short term memory loss.

I do hope that these time management tips are useful to you. Please feel free to comment any additional tips you may have 😊

Until next time beautiful souls, keep Glowing…

The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse:

And How to Start Healing from it.

Hello Beautiful Souls!

I wanted to talk to you about the effects of narcissistic abuse both as a confirmation and as a road map. The confirmation is for the survivors of narcissistic abuse- to show them that they aren’t alone and help them understand the effects of the abuse they experienced so that they can take proactive steps towards treatment and healing. The road map is for the family members of narcissistic abuse survivors. It pinpoints the primary effects of narcissistic abuse so that family members and friends can be equipped with insight so that they may offer more thoughtful and knowledge support.

Here are the most common effects of narcissistic abuse:

Anxiety: After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may experience extreme fear or anxiety in relationships with new people. Anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and hypervigilance may result as well.

Depression: Survivors of narcissistic abuse often struggle with feelings of worthlessness after being manipulated, gaslighted, and devalued over the course of the relationship. Because of this, some of the survivors self-isolate which makes the depression worse.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: The traumatic events that transpire during a narcissistic relationship can trigger a fight or flight response within you. Anything associated with the memories of abuse can trigger an anxiety attack. Many survivors develop hypervigilance because of narcissistic abuse. Many victims have repeated the sentiment that they ‘never knew’ what their abuser was going to do next.

Lost Sense of Self & Loss of Self Worth: Narcissistic abuse is a form of brainwashing and can destroy your sense of self-worth. The survivor of narcissistic abuse often feels as if they’ve lost themselves. They are no longer the person they were before the relationship began. They begin doubting and second guessing themselves and sometimes have trouble making decisions. This is likely due to being insulted, disregarded, and/or devalued by the narcissist.

Inability to Forgive Yourself: Victims of narcissistic abuse often feel guilt or shame after they are discarded. The mental and emotional manipulation may cause an ‘unworthy’ feeling whether the victim blames themselves for the narcissist’s behavior- believing that they aren’t worthy of love or that they would receive better treatment had they done things differently. In my case, the guilt and shame came from staying as long as I did. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I had allowed another person to treat me that way.

Physical Symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, and body aches have been experienced by many victims of narcissistic abuse. I personally experienced headaches and difficulty sleeping during the marriage as well as shortly after discard.

Cognitive Problems: Memories of traumatic events are known to interfere with concentration and focus. The stress hormones released during narcissistic abuse can cause short term memory loss due to the damage to the hippocampus region of the brain.

Emotional Lability: This can very from mood swings and irritability to being emotionless. The effects of narcissistic abuse can make it challenging to regulate your emotions.

Stuck in a Cycle: This is one of the most dangerous effects in my opinion. Many people find themselves stuck in a cycle where they remain in communication with the abuser after the relationship is over. The connection is kept through various tactics such as threats, manipulation/pity attempts, or hoovering- when they attempt to suck you back into the relationship by love bombing and making promises they don’t intend to keep.

Being stuck in this cycle is dangerous because things often escalate and can become physical. If you are in a situation that is unsafe please get help as quickly and as quietly as you can.

Trust Issues: After experiencing narcissistic abuse your trust levels tend to be quite low. While this is quite understandable, it can hinder the success of future relationships, cause social anxiety, make you overly sensitive to criticism or judgment, and cause an insecure attachment.

People Pleasing: Narcissistic abuse is a perfect learning ground for people pleasing if you weren’t a people pleaser already. Most victims of abuse have grown accustomed to walking on eggshells, avoid confrontation, and may also struggle with expressing emotions or thoughts for fear of being judged. A person who doesn’t express their emotions is often disregarded while the narcissist places their emotions at the forefront for you to focus on.

Self-Destructive Habits: People who have been in relationships with narcissists often engage in self-destructive habits such as alcohol abuse, smoking, food or drug addiction, and overspending. Some believe that this is because the victim feels at fault for the narcissistic partner’s behavior toward them. I personally believe that this behavior may be the victim’s attempt to numb the pain of the abuse. In either case, it is highly encouraged that you find a coping mechanism that builds you up instead of tearing you down.

**How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse**

Recognize and Accept Your Feelings

Feelings such as grief, depression, anger, and anxiety are completely normal feelings to have. Your feelings are valid and it’s important not to suppress your emotions and you should definitely not judge yourself for feeling them.

Educate Yourself

Learn about narcissistic traits and behaviors to more easily recognize when you are being manipulated, and self-check to unearth any internal programming or beliefs you may have for a narcissist to use against you. For more information on those internal programmings or toxic beliefs, you can check out my ebook on Amazon entitled Toxic Beliefs: The Beginning of Internal Destruction.

Join a Support Group

You may find it therapeutic to interact with others who understand exactly what you’re going through and can offer tips and advice to help you cope. You are more than welcome to join my growing facebook group Resilient Brave Beings for a safe space to ask questions and express your concerns.

Reach Out to a Therapist, Counselor, or Coach

A qualified professional can equip you with tools to cope with and heal from narcissistic abuse in a safe and nonjudgmental space. Sign up for my informative workshop where we will be discussing the effects of narcissistic abuse and some strategies to help your healing process.

Practice Self Care

When your self-esteem has taken a hit it’s easy to feel unmotivated and undeserving of good things. But you deserve the utmost love and care. Adequate sleep, healthy food, and engaging in activities that you enjoy are all heavily encouraged.

Narcissistic abuse can be a difficult thing to recover from, but with education, support, encouragement, and strategy healing is possible.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog this week. I do hope that it was helpful to you.

Until Next Time Beautiful Souls, keep Glowing…

You’ve Got Problems.

A Simple Coping Strategy.

Hello Beautiful Souls!

I heard you’ve got problems.

We are all faced with problems throughout our lives, some are small, others huge. Depending on how we deal with them, they can be overwhelming and devastate our lives, or they can quickly fade into the past.

Attitude plays a big role. With a difficult personal or work undertaking, consider all viewpoints, even those you think you don’t like. It just might provide relief from your fearful analysis of the situation. Don’t oversize the problem which is often a panic reaction. Discuss the actions that you could take with a friend or co-worker which can sometimes provide a good suggestion and some instant stress relief.

Lay out a procedure and slowly complete the first task. The next steps should be easier. Often, we will keep on worrying after the decisions are made, which of course is of no help at all. If everything that can be done has been done, then it’s time to follow through.

“Our plans miscarry if they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” Lucius Seneca

Rejection can be an unpleasant experience, but it just lets us know that we aren’t perfect. Who is? Consider it a lesson learned, then forget it and move on with your life in a positive constructive manner.

To help solve a difficult problem or to cut down on worrying about making a decision, analyze the situation, determine what must be done and carry it out.

Make a list composed of the following:

Get all the facts.

Describe the problem in detail.

List all the possible solutions.

List the advantages and disadvantages of each.

Detail what you will do.

Follow through. Now that you have detailed the planning and have some idea how things will go, relax and allow yourself to do what comes natural to you. Keep in mind that the aim is not necessarily perfection, but effectiveness. You can also refer to your written plan if you begin to feel twinges of doubt. (I would suggest you keep your written plan handy and add some affirmations for additional encouragement.)

Simple Tips to Improve Your Communication/Relationship Skills

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Have you ever been to a function in a room full of strangers and found yourself at a loss for words? There was a time in my life where being in a room full of strangers would cause me great anxiety. My palms would sweat as I frantically debated with myself over what to say and how to introduce myself. The art of introducing yourself to others and creating small talk may come natural for some, but there are plenty of people like me who confess to feeling shy, embarrassed, self-conscious or simply don’t know where to start when it comes to making connections and building relationships.

There are four levels of communication: Small talk, fact disclosure, sharing viewpoints and opinions and sharing personal feelings. Different levels of communication are used based on the nature of the relationship or level of familiarity between those involved in the communication.

Because we are in a room full of strangers, the level of familiarity is non-existent and we must start with the first level of communication- which is small talk.

Small Talk

In new relationships or acquaintances, the safest place to start is to talk about surface issues. For instance, make a comment about the weather, current events, or the surroundings you are in. Small talk is used to “size up” the other person to determine the comfort zone between the two of you. There is no need to disclose any personal information with the other person at this stage, as this initial interaction assists you to determine how “safe” they are on your first meeting.

If you are comfortable with each other at the surface level of small talk, you can then proceed to the next level of communication: fact disclosure.

Fact Disclosure

Fact disclosure is slightly deeper than small talk in that you disclose facts about yourself without triggering topics of emotional interest.

The purpose of fact disclosure is to find out if you have something in common. You can use these common areas to build a friendship. You may want to talk about your career, occupation, hobbies, or where you live.

Avoid topics like marriage, divorce, politics, sex, and religion in this second level of communication. If you find a topic of mutual interest, you may want to progress to the next level of communication: sharing viewpoints and opinions.

-Sharing Viewpoints and Opinions

Once you have established that the other person is “safe” through small talk, and have found areas of common interest, you can build rapport by sharing your opinions and viewpoints.

By sharing your viewpoints and opinions you allow yourself to become vulnerable to the scrutiny and objections of the other person. Enter this level of communication once you are comfortable that you both share positive feelings through the first two levels.

Be prepared to listen to the opinions of your new friend. This will enable your friendship to survive.

Make sure you don’t use your opinions as a form of “character assassination” of other people. You may be thought of as a negative person and this may cause your new friend to distance himself/herself from you.

The fourth level of communication is sharing personal feelings. Solid friendships over time usually enter this fourth level of communication.

Sharing Personal Feelings

After building upon trust, finding things in common and listening to the viewpoints and opinions of others, you may be able to share your personal feelings. This is when an acquaintance becomes a genuine friend.

Things of deep value to you can be shared without feeling threatened. You listen closely to each other without the need to “solve” your friend’s problem. You are happy to reflect their feelings back to them – forming a bond of empathy and compassion between the two of you.

At this level of communication, it is important that you provide a little distance between yourself and your friend. Relationships (both platonic and romantic) are more likely to flourish if both parties have space, free expression, and individuality. If the distinction between yourself and your friend becomes unrecognizable, it is possible for your relationship to go sour. If you know how to handle your own feelings, attitudes and behaviors while maintaining your friendship at this level, you will build a successful friendship that can last a lifetime.

And it all starts with communication.

Until next time beautiful souls, keep Glowing… https://glow-with-mimi.square.site