If You Can See It…

Hey Boo!

Have you ever heard that phrase, ‘if you can see it, you can be it?’ Well, it’s not just some cutesy little phrase, it’s an actual fact. If you can’t see yourself with a better job, you won’t get one. If you can’t see yourself leaving him or her, you won’t leave them. Ultimately, if you can’t see yourself doing better in life then you will not do better in life! Why? Because change happens in your mind before it changes in your environment. This is a lesson that I had to learn. I struggled doing better for myself because I struggled to see better for myself. Things began to change for me when I made that change in my mind.

So, how do you get that change to happen in your mind? There are a few necessary components. First, you have to have a clear idea of what you want. Take a moment right now and ask yourself- What do I truly want in this moment? Be honest. Don’t judge it. What is it that you truly want? Your first response is usually the correct one *Prince Akeem thinks so too* Go ahead and write down what you truly want in life right now.

After you’ve defined what you want, the next necessary component is to believe that you are worthy of it. Do you believe that you are worthy of the thing that you desire most in life? Do you believe it’s possible for you? Can you see yourself achieving that goal or acquiring that thing that you desire? If you don’t believe that you are worthy of what your heart desires, I will be sharing content on my social media to help you recognize your worth and remove that wound. It has been very helpful for me on my healing journey and I periodically return to the information as reinforcement. Knowing your worth can help you remove the nagging thoughts that prevent you from visualizing the life that you desire, thus pushing your dream life or goal further and further away.

Let’s bring the goal back into focus with a nice visualization technique. A great way to visualize is to close your eyes and think of something with as much detail as you can. Project it in front of you as if you’re watching a movie. What do you want? What does it look like? Look at it from different angles. Can you see yourself with it/in it/ with it? If it’s a house, how is it decorated? How do you look? Can you see the joy on your face? Feel the excitement? What about your friends or loved ones? Are they there celebrating you? The goal is to create as much detail in your mind as possible. Let go of worries. Let go of logic and really see yourself in that moment. Feels great doesn’t it?

…Unless you’re like I was and had a difficult time visualizing. Once I identified what I wanted and realized that I am truly worthy of it, I still struggled with seeing myself with it. The only things that I could see were the things that I remembered, and that was no good. They were just memories of things that I had in the past, and that wasn’t what I wanted for myself. I didn’t want my old life, I wanted my new one! But all I could picture was my old car and my old house because those were the nicest things that I had.

So, I created some new things to visualize by looking at house listings on the internet (preferably the ones with video) I placed myself in every room and inmagined myself walking through the beautiful homes and properties. AI photos have also been very helpful. It allowed me to look at myself in different places, with different looks and has helped me visualize and create a vibration lifting, emersive experience for myself.

Well, that’s all I have for this week Boo. Remember that the things that you desire in alignment are things that belong to you. They are waiting for you to come and claim them.

If you can see it, you can be it.

Until next time beautiful soul, keep Glowing…

P.S. * The Prince Akeem line is a reference to the movie Coming to America. In this particular scene, Prince Akeem was talking to his love interest who didn’t know he was a prince and also had a boyfriend. She expressed doubts in continuing her relationship with superficial Daryl and then attempted to backtrack to which Akeem responded, ‘the first response is usually the correct one.’ (Meaning to say that her initial thoughts to end her relationship with Daryl were correct because Akeem was secretly in love with her.)

Okay, bye for real this time! lol

Make it Happen!

Hey Boo!

How is your life and/or your business doing? Is it stagnating, boring, going nowhere? Have you become obsessed with meeting those loan repayments or trying to just survive until the next fistful of money comes in? Are you having trouble maintaining your positive expectancy about life and/or business?

The way to live satisfying lives is to simply dream up the things that we want to do and then make them happen. A simple statement but so few of us can put it into practice! You can put it into practice if you take these steps. First, find yourself a quiet, comfortable location where you will be free from disturbances. Ensure that you have paper and pen handy as you will need to write some things down.

Brainstorm Ideas

For the next ten to fifteen minutes, write down all the things you’d like to do. A few rules for this exercise are in order- don’t evaluate as you write! For example, if you’d like to go overseas on vacation for twelve months – don’t stop and think whether you can afford it. Just write it down. Evaluation can occur later. At this stage, write down all the things that you’d like to do assuming there was nothing that you couldn’t do.

Prioritize Ideas

When you have finished brainstorming, you will have a list of the things you would like to do. Your next step is to review your list and sort it into priority order. Again, do not evaluate any of these items while you are ranking them. Number the items from things you want most to least.

Evaluation

Now, look at the top three items on your list and ask yourself the question: “What is stopping me from doing these things? It will help to clarify things if you write down these reasons. For example, if your number one choice is to go overseas for twelve months, your reasons for not being able to do so could be: can’t afford it, can’t leave my business unattended, or afraid I won’t like it when I get there.

Create an Action Plan

Your final step in this process is to put your plan into action – and do it now! Don’t wait for a more opportune time – the best time is always NOW!

However, don’t let your big plans stop you from doing some of your smaller plans now. Pick a couple of activities you can do within the next month that won’t cost you money. DO THEM! You will feel like a different person for having done so.

Until Next Time, Beautiful Soul keep Glowing…

8 Tips to Achieve Any Goal

Know exactly what you want

This may sound obvious but when asked “what do you want?” Many people struggle to clearly express their desires. Most people know that they want to be happy, but the descriptions typically don’t surpass vague visions of love or money. However, when asked about something that displeases us, we often go into vivid detail about it. That’s exactly how we should be regarding our goals. Remember the S.M.A.R.T. goals? The ‘S’ in the acronym represents specific. The more details, numbers, dates you can plan the better. You need a very clear focus of what you do want in order to receive it.

Write down your goals

This is one technique that separates the people who get things done from the people that are ‘getting around to it’. We are constantly reminded how important it is to write down our goals yet very few of us do it. According to research you are 95% more likely to achieve your goal if it is written down. So, that settles that. Let’s do it!

Believe

If you try and achieve a goal that you don’t truly believe in, your subconscious mind will not allow you to achieve it. You’ll only succeed in tearing yourself up inside. As Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind of a man can conceive and believe, it can achieve”. Take a moment to do some self-reflection. Do you really believe that your goal is possible to achieve? Do you feel worthy of it? Can you envision yourself achieving it? If you answered ‘No’ to any of those questions, there may be a guilt, self-doubt, or worthiness blockage that needs to be addressed. You must believe that your goal is possible for you to achieve!

Remind yourself constantly of the goal

The more you repeat it to your subconscious mind, the more it will be programmed in. There are a variety of techniques you can use including repeating affirmations or using subliminal software. If you spend a lot of time on your computer I recommend using software that flashes messages on your screen that only the subconscious can pick up.

Be passionate about your goal

You’re far more likely to achieve your goal if it excites you. Think about all the benefits to you once you have achieved your goal. Imagine how you would feel, how would your life be different.

Break it down into bite size chunks

If you have really big goals, this may be your most helpful tip. First, congratulations for taking up space and daring to go big! To go big in a way that’s sustainable, healthy and fits into your current life, you may need to break your goal down into smaller, intermediate goals. It makes it easier for you to believe it’s possible and it helps you organize yourself on a short, medium and long term. The ‘A’ in S.M.A.R.T. goals stands for achievable and there’s no use in setting goals that are unattainable.

Reward yourself along the way

Every Time you have some success make sure you reward yourself. It will help keep the desire and enthusiasm burning. It will also tell your subconscious mind you’re achieving your goals.

Stay Positive

Ultimately the only person who can stop you achieving your goals is YOU. Fear and self doubt are common enemies but are only created in your mind. You must also make sure that you are concentrating on what you do want, not what you don’t want.

Remember the only way you will fail is if you give up.

Until next time Beautiful Soul, keep Glowing..

3 Keys to Motivation & Self-Improvement

Hey Boo!

What are the three keys to self-improvement and motivation? Let’s get into it.

INSPIRATION

Inspiration is critical to staying motivated and improving oneself. If you are not interested in your business, your motivation level will never be high, and you will not be able to sustain productivity or success for very long.

Take an honest look at your inspiration level. Are you excited about going to work or is it an obligation? You would be surprised at the number of people who choose a business that looks good on paper but does not interest them in the least.

These individuals will grow weary and uninterested pretty quickly because they have no inspiration or passion to sustain them during the difficult times they will encounter as a small business owner.

If you do not like your work, then think about how you can refocus your small business (career, schooling, etc) to better match your needs. Or consider making a change entirely. Without inspiration, they will not be motivated to even try self-improvement.

SETTING GOALS

Short and long-term goal setting is vital for any business owner. (If you aren’t a business owner, consider your employment or other important task) If you do not set goals, you would have no definite purpose on which path of self-improvement to take.

How could you possibly be motivated if you were unsure about the direction of your company?

Take the time to put your goals in writing. A business plan may sound daunting, but it is really nothing more than goals, strategies, implementation and a budget. Write your own business plan and update it at least annually. Or find someone who can help you do that.

Include “mini-goals” that can be accomplished in a matter of hours, days or weeks as well as the more ambitious “grand-goals” that may take years to complete. Refer to this plan throughout the year.

But can a business plan really help motivate you? Of course. Written goals will make you feel more professional and certainly more connected to your business. It will also free you from having to reinvent your business goals every single day.

NETWORKING

Another key factor in getting and staying motivated is networking with other small business owners. No one person knows all the knowledge.

In fact, the isolation of working alone is one of the most difficult parts of being an entrepreneur. You can never be on your way to self improvement without the help of others. Mutual support is motivating.

However, when a number of people begin working together, the challenges will just be there waiting to be conquered.

Make it easier on yourself by connecting with others either in your community or online. Even when businesses are not related, you will often find common ground and ways to work together.

Many successful entrepreneurs report that finding the right networking group was a turning point in the growth of the business. Working together, a networking group can help its members generate more qualified sales leads and solve problems faster and more efficiently.

Sharing ideas, expertise and experience is also an invaluable aspect of motivation and self-improvement.

Your own personal team of business owners will help re-energize you when the burdens of running your own business seem too much.

With your networking team to rely on, you can accomplish more in less time and probably have more fun in the process. You will feel motivated to accomplish self-improvement when you know you are not alone.

Until next time beautiful soul keep glowing…

There’s No Time Like Now

Hey Boo!

Most people in our culture today are so busy running around trying to arrange their lives to be somewhere else. We all want to be somewhere else geographically or financially or in our relationships. We want to be anywhere but here as we’ve been led to believe that if only we can be somewhere else then our lives would be perfect. This escapism acts like a drug that only gives temporary relief to a chronic problem.

Apart from wanting to be somewhere else, most people today also live by a philosophy of “someday” that allows them to manipulate time. “I can do it, but just not today. I’ll do it when…” and they use these excuses to stay in their comfort zones. The problem is that both someday and somewhere are undefined and illusionary. Somewhere does not exist and someday never comes, although you keep hoping that it does. This can be very disempowering and is responsible for a lot of disappointment and frustration for a lot of people.

The truth, however, is that right now is all you’ve really got. Tomorrow is never promised to you and learning to fully live in and for the moment is a vital distinction to make in creating a great life. Being grateful does not mean that you lose your drive or purpose but allows you to slow down and really enjoy the ride. Not only is it healthy to want more from life, but it is also required to be truly fulfilled and knowing where you are is critical in getting where you want to be. Using someday as an excuse to soften your problems will not create long term success and fulfilment. Be honest with yourself and stop making excuses only to make yourself feel better. A little pain can be very useful as it will move you to action. There is always something you can do right now to turn your ideas into reality. There is always one small step you can take.

One of the most powerful resources you have is resourcefulness. This means that right now you have all that you need to achieve whatever you desire and that you have the ability to take action with exactly what you’ve got and exactly where you are. You do not have to wait for “someday when” or “when I am…” before you act on your dreams and goals. The smallest idea acted upon can make all the difference as it immediately makes your idea real and smothers someday because you used your will to consciously take charge.

It is important to realize that the purpose of pursuing a goal or a dream is not just in achieving it but even more so in the experience of achieving it. You do not travel for the purpose of reaching a destination but for the purpose of travelling. Whatever dream or goal you are pursuing you will probably spend more time in pursuit of it than actually achieving it and most goals are an anti-climax when you actually achieve them anyway. The process is where true fulfilment comes from and the actual experience is what makes you become something instead of accumulating something. If you can’t be happy and grateful without your goal, then chances are that you won’t be happy and grateful with it.

Live in the present but know where you are going. Be right here and celebrate and capture the magical moments of your life. Hold on to them as the treasures you get to take with you into your magnificent future. Life is not just lived in the moment but also created in the moment. Now is the best time to design the next ten years of your life. Let your thoughts and knowledge serve you through action. Action is what eventually determines your destiny. Move confidently in the direction of your choosing and don’t get seduced by the popular belief that someday things will come your way or someday your luck will change. You are the source and the creator of your own prosperity, and it all starts with a sense of immense gratitude for everything you already have exactly where you are right now. One of the greatest privileges you have in life is that you can start right now with exactly what you’ve got to create anything you desire as the ultimate resources to life are within you.

Living in a place called somewhere really won’t serve you long term although it might feel good as a short-term escape or excuse. Having to constantly lie to yourself that you will act on your true desires some day when x, y or z is just right will only create an unnecessary burden. When you turn your “someday” philosophy into a “same day” philosophy you can start to adopt the mindset where you take action on your ideas immediately with exactly what you’ve got and exactly where you are.

What someday and somewhere really comes down to is that you falsely admit to yourself that what you need is not available to you. This creates a belief that you are not in control of your life but that you are waiting for something else somewhere else before you can take charge. Ironically, you will only get full access to your true resources when you take action exactly where you are with exactly what you’ve got, despite your excuses. True happiness and gratitude never rely on external conditions but is purely determined by your evaluation of where you are now. Now contains the seed of the rest of your life. Plant it with joy and water it with gratitude and rejoice in your life for you are its creator.

Until Next time beautiful souls, keep glowing..

4 Personal Development Power Tips

Hey Boo!

No matter what your dream is, working on your personal development is sure to get you there. Personal Development, at its basis, is anything that allows us to grow into an ordered life that is of our choosing. This is one of the most cherished goals among self-improvement practitioners. There are some excellent methods available for achieving it. However, it is easier said than done. Here are a few hints and tips to get you started.

Clean the clutter from your life

There is a personal development saying, “a tidy desk is a tidy mind”. Oftentimes, your outer environment is a reflection of the way you think and feel. Is your living or working space always cluttered? It’s important that you start to order your environment to reflect the ordered life you are building. Clear away unnecessary clutter from your surroundings. This may sound like a meaningless task but you are sending a very clear message to your subconscious mind that you intend to get organized. When you begin to organize your living and working environment it allows you to develop the basic skills needed for organizing your life. This can be achieved through goals. You should structure your goals in such a way that each one builds on the other and ensure that they are not in opposition to one another.

Don’t be too set on achieving your goals in exactly the manner you intend to

A major factor in the non-attainment of goals is the inability to restructure plans and change direction when circumstances dictate these should be done. Remain flexible.

Don’t focus on the mistakes

Simply analyze them and learn the lesson they are trying to teach you. By staying focused on your failures, problems or toils you are actually creating more of them, or at least keeping them in your experience. Focus on the solutions or at least focus on the fact “you’re still in the game”. You still have the opportunity to learn, grow, and turn things around. Consider any mistakes you’ve made as life lessons. Apply what you have learned from them and use them as references (of what not to do) in the future.

Make sure you follow through on your plans

Persistence can accomplish things that nothing else can. How many times were you close to the end of the rainbow, and without even knowing how close you were, you quit? You may be someone who has drive at the start of a venture but finds your enthusiasm waning as you progress, lacking the motivation that is needed to “keep you keeping on” during times of hardship. Those who persist, especially in times like these, are those who ALWAYS win!

Key Takeaways:

To increase clarity and encourage organization, be sure to keep your work environment clean and clutter-free. Remember that your outer environment I often an indication of how you think and feel.

Don’t be so dogmatic when it comes to the how. Have a goal and plan of action to get you going in the right direction, but keep in mind that things may not go exactly as you planned down to the letter.

Don’t harp on the mistakes that you make along the way. It’s part of the journey. Learn from your mistakes and move on. It’s okay.

Be sure to follow through! We sometimes self-sabotage by not being consistent. The only way that you can truly fail is if you give up.

Until next time beautiful souls, keep glowing…

How to Develop a Motivated Mindset

Having trouble finding the silver lining? This might help.

Hey Boo!

From time to time, we find ourselves in a rut. We seem to lose our zest for life and feel tired, irritable and unmotivated. We want to hide under the covers rather than face the day. Perhaps you’re feeling overwhelmed by work and adulting or just bored with the routine of your daily life.

You are not alone love. We all go through periods like this at some point. The good news is that we can do something about it. Here are some tips to help break out of the rut and feel excited about life again:

Take a “Time Out” – Prolonged stress can wear us down and zap any enthusiasm we once had. Before doing anything else, take a few minutes to breathe and just BE. Empty your mind of all stress and worry. This takes practice, but don’t give up! As thoughts come into your mind, gently push them back out and continue to keep your mind empty and calm. Take slow, deep breaths and let all of your muscles relax. Sit quietly and recharge your batteries. Try to do this daily, or even twice daily (morning and night). We need quiet time as much as we need anything else in life. Give yourself the gift of inner peace.

Get Inspired – Read something motivational, inspirational or uplifting. Look at some beautiful nature photos or read something you find funny. Consciously move your thoughts to a more positive place. Focusing on nothing but work and our daily tasks in life can leave us feeling pretty uninspired. It’s easy to turn it around if we want to. We just have to seek out things that will lift our spirits and our moods. Make it a point to laugh, be happy, joyful and lighthearted each day. Don’t wait for inspiration to come knocking on your door, go out and find it, or create it. Conjure up some funny or touching memories. Write them in a journal so you can go back and read them when you’re feeling down.

Get Excited – Think about the things you have planned for the day and rekindle the enthusiasm you once felt for them. When we first begin a new project, or start a new job, we are excited about the possibilities and eager to get moving! Over time, we can lose that enthusiasm for a variety of reasons. Travel back in time for a moment and think about what got you so excited at the beginning. What made your heartbeat a little faster? Recapture that feeling and hang onto it! Even if your tasks aren’t anything to be really excited about, at least think of some positive benefits to doing them. For example, list the ways they will benefit your children, your spouse, yourself, your job or your home. Identify the reward and focus on that. Even mundane tasks have some benefits. Sometimes it’s just a matter of switching our mindset to see the positive side.

Baby Steps – Sometimes the hardest part is actually getting started. A project seems so monstrous that we cringe at the thought of all that time and energy we’ll have to expend. Instead of overwhelming yourself, start small. Set a timer for 15 minutes and just start working on it. Allow yourself to stop after 15 minutes if you really want to. But most often, once we actually start working on something, we won’t want to stop. Don’t focus on the big picture, look at the smaller details and take them on one at a time. Any large task seems manageable once we break it down into smaller steps.

Care of the Body – Sometimes our feelings of fatigue are caused by physical deficiencies, not mental. Be sure you are getting enough rest, eating food that nourishes your body, drinking enough water, getting enough exercise, etc. Especially when we’re very busy, we tend to grab the quickest, easiest meals, which aren’t always the best choice for our bodies. Eating a lot of highly processed foods and sugar is like putting watered-down gasoline into our cars. In order for our cars to run smoothly, we need to maintain them properly, and so it is with our bodies also. Remember, the body is the vehicle for the mind and soul!

Finally, remember to reward yourself from time to time, and be gentle with yourself! There will always be things that “need” to be done. But some of us take on way more than we can handle, and our lives turn into a pit of drudgery because of it. Try to eliminate the things that truly don’t bring you joy, or at least minimize the time you spend on them. Do what you can, and let the rest go. Or ask for help. Don’t feel you have to do everything yourself.

Remember that motivation, just like happiness, is something we CHOOSE. We may need to give ourselves a little push at the beginning, but once we get into the right mindset, it’s simple to stay there if we so desire.

Until Next time beautiful soul, keep Glowing…

6 Steps to Activating and Applying Behavioral Change

Do you REALLY want to make change in your life??

Hey Boo!

Without change there is stagnancy, and stagnancy eventually brings death.

In order to truly live, you must grow, and the requirement of growth is that you experience new things that open your perspective so that you evolve and become better. Hence, we cannot truly live without becoming better, and we cannot become better without change. But what kind of change?

The only kind of change that truly matters is behavioral change. We cannot change the people around us, nor can we avoid certain circumstances in life. The only thing that we can really change is ourselves. When we change our behavior, we empower ourselves to elevate in various aspects of life. Activating and applying behavioral change is the key to elevation and living the life you truly want. There are six steps and we are going to walk through them right now.

Step 1: Clarify Values for Each Life Domain

This really just means ‘write down what’s most important to you in each area of your life. What goals would you like to accomplish mentally, physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally?

For example: I want to make ‘x’ amount of dollars a month. That would be your value for your financial domain.

Once you’ve placed a value in each life domain you want to improve, move on to step two.

Step 2: Identify Life Giving Activities

Life giving activities are the things that you do that give you a feeling of accomplishment or bring enjoyment to your life. Some people become so focused on achieving goals that they cut out enjoyment and spend all of their available time with their noses to the grindstone. They believe that enjoyment is distracting them from achievement and hyperfocus is the answer. But unfortunately, hyper focusing on goals creates the opposite effect of the one desired. Instead of making more progress, it’s more likely that you become bitter, experience burnout, and possibly give up on the goal altogether.

The truth is, enjoyment is not frivolous, it is necessary. The best way to accomplish your goals is to identify life giving activities that bring enjoyment and align with your goals.

For example: One of my life-giving activities is writing. In my opinion, writing is art. It’s the first form of self expression that I ever embraced and has a special place in my heart. I can use my life-giving activity of writing to bring myself enjoyment, feel a sense of accomplishment, and aid in accomplishing my goal of reaching 10k beautiful souls per month.

Other lifegiving activities such as painting, dancing, listening to music are for my enjoyment and although they may not necessarily provide a sense of accomplishment or help achieve a goal, these activities serve as a form of reward or celebration and can also provide balance. (Work hard, play hard.)

So, for step two I want you to write down life-giving activities. They don’t all have to align with your goals but if they do, that’s awesome!

Step 3: Rate the Difficulty of Each Activity

Take a moment to rate the level of difficulty for each of the lifegiving activities that you’ve written down. What steps do you need to take to begin and/or complete these activities?

Step 4: Plan the Order of Completion

Now that you have an idea of how challenging each activity will be, you can plan which activity you want to start with. Are there any life-giving activities that you can start with right now?

Step 5: Schedule Activities Into A Calendar

How’s it going so far Boo? At this point you should have a list of goals for every aspect of your life, selected life-giving activities that align with your goals or provide balance and enjoyment. You should also have rated the level of difficulty for each activity and selected which activity you’re starting with. The more specific you are about scheduling and executing your plans, the more likely you are to complete them.

Since you’ve chosen your starting activity, go ahead and schedule that activity on your calendar. When scheduling the activity in your calendar it’s important to be realistic about the time it takes to complete the task. If it is a particularly large task or you’re dealing with time restrictions, it’s best to break bigger tasks into smaller steps to prevent overwhelm and ensure completion.

Which leads us to step 6…

Step 6: Complete the Activities

While accomplishing your goals remember to be fully present during the activity. Appreciating the moment that you are in is a very important part of the process.

Yay! You did it Boo! You have successfully activated behavioral change in your life.

Here are a few tips on how to apply and maintain the changes you’ve just made.

-Build a game plan around your goals and work progressively toward them.

Remember that every bit of progress counts.

-Think holistically

Progress in different areas of your life can be mutually beneficial and reinforcing.

-Make sure tasks are rewarding.

Life giving activities help you stay consistent while enjoying the journey at the same time.

-Remember to break down big tasks.

Make sure the task is small enough to get started and then work on it steadily to ensure continued success.

-Plan activities for specific times.

Are you a morning person or a night owl? Plan activities for the time of day where you would be most productive and attentive.

–Make yourself accountable.

Write down your plans on your calendar to stay abreast of what you need to do. An accountability partner is also a great way to make sure that you stay diligent in the pursuit of your goals.

–Address negative thoughts.

Sometimes negative self-talk and self-doubt starts to creep in. Remember that this can happen in various parts of your journey and it’s normal. Remind yourself of your why and counteract your negative self-talk with positive affirmations and facts about how capable you are.

-Focus on completing one task at a time.

You may feel more productive to multi-task, but the more tasks you do at once the greater the margin for error. For the best, most consistent result start with one task and move on to the next only upon completion.

-Track your activities.

This tip is especially helpful as it serves as a form of accountability and encourages consistency. Tracking what activities you do and when you do them can also help you see what you are or aren’t doing consistently. Tracking your activities can also make you aware of trends in your behavior whether positive or negative.

Well Boo, that’s all I have for this week. If this blog was helpful to you, please share it. Until next time beautiful souls, keep Glowing…

You Made Me Who I am Today, But if I Never Saw You Again it Would be Too Soon.

Hey Boo!

For this week’s blog, I thought I’d do something different. A week or so ago, I saw a post from a content creator expressing love and gratitude to the person who helped them elevate to their current level of being. It brought me joy to see the post, but it also caused me to reflect on the person who made me who I am today and that’s not quite as joyful a story. I want to share some of my story with you in the form of a letter. Here goes:

Dear “Deion”,

A lot has happened since we last spoke. It’s been over two years since we’ve had any communication at all, and I know that’s not what you wanted, but it’s what I needed. I blocked you on social media, changed my number and stopped responding to your e-mails because it was clear that you were still unwilling to claim any responsibility for the way our marriage fell apart. My jaw hit the floor when I read your line about how ‘if anyone was afraid, it should be you’. I was amazed and appalled, especially since it was me who was threatened with a steel pipe and chased away from my home on foot.

I won’t mince words- our marriage was a complete disaster. From the very beginning you weren’t honest about who you were. You lied about your age, how many children you had, and your criminal history just to name a few things. The thing about that is if you were honest from the beginning, I may have still given you a chance. I thought you were a decent guy and my heart went out to you as you talked about the women in your past and how they’d done you wrong. I had experienced similar hurt and betrayal and just wanted someone I could love freely who would reciprocate. I thought that I’d found that in you. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You looked me in my eyes as I shared my pain, vulnerabilities, and fears and you vowed to be different. And I guess you didn’t lie because you were different. You turned out to be much worse than anything I’d encountered before.

The first few months were blissful. You were caring, thoughtful, and attentive. You looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in your life. You told me that you’d never met a woman like me, and you appreciated all of the things that I did for you out of love. You said you loved everything about me- how I dressed and presented myself, my intelligence and personality, even my goals and aspirations. I had written and self-published a book and you had offered to help me promote it on social media. I was so happy to be your wife. I would’ve went to the ends of the earth for you because I loved you. And you loved me too, right?

Wrong.

After the first few months, I never saw the man I married again. Your representative had disappeared, and I was left with something that you had actually never shared with me, your true self. You started complaining about the very things you claimed to love and understand. We began to fight a lot and I made changes to keep the peace. You didn’t want me working, so I quit. You felt like social media was causing problems in our marriage, so I disconnected. I changed how I dressed so that you wouldn’t think I was ‘trying to look good for someone else’. Essentially, I tried to become everything you wanted me to be. But even that wasn’t enough. Every time I met your expectations, you created new ones for me to meet. As I put in more effort, you put in even less. The fighting increased and intensified to the point of exhaustion. Sometimes things got physical, and let’s not forget the night you could’ve ended both of our lives.

It may seem like I’m trying to dump all of the blame on you, but I’m not. Although youdid a lot of very hurtful things to me, it was I who allowed them. I take responsibility for my lack of self-esteem, poor boundaries, and codependency. I acknowledge that there were red flags that I ignored because I was already so convinced that you were the one. I made excuses for you and dismissed things that I shouldn’t have.

During the course of our marriage, I gained over 60 pounds, struggled with bouts of depression and ptsd, and experienced multiple lupus flares due to stress. I was stifled, isolated, and miserable.

Outside of the passing of my parents, our marriage was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I’d never felt so broken, so worthless, so low. But it was also one of the most impactful. Because when you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but UP. And that’s what I did. From the trauma and pain I was able to heal and rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

And in some way, I have you to thank for that. The truth is, you helped make me the person I am today but if I never saw you again it would be too soon. I don’t wish you any harm and I truly hope that you are able to heal from your wounds and find peace. Because that’s what I was able to do and it’s absolutely blissful. Not perfect but blissful.

Goodbye “Deion”, and good luck.

Well, that’s all I have for this week beautiful souls. Until next time, keep Glowing…

Experiencing Inner Peace

Hey Boo!

Inner Peace, isn’t that what we’d all love to experience consistently as we weave our paths through everything life gives us? The good news is it is far simpler to attain than many of our outer (material or physical) goals. The bad news is that simple isn’t always easy! Attaining inner peace is not easy because it means replacing old habits with new, and that requires dedicated commitment. But the benefits are absolutely worth the effort.

Inner peace gives you the ability to live your life with a sense of happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment which is not disturbed or influenced by outside events. How do you acquire it? By living your life your own way, not how others think you should. By not worrying about what others think of you – we all judge others (both positively and negatively) according to our own values, but if we try to live our lives in a way which honors somebody else’s values rather than our own, we’ll always have a little gnawing discomfort going on deep inside.

To experience inner peace, we also need to be able to forgive and to let go of guilt. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Feeling guilty about past actions won’t change them and won’t make anybody feel any better (either the offended or the offender). Do what you can to make things right, make a clear and distinct decision to do better in the future and move on.

Letting go of anger or grudges will also bring about a surprising sense of peace. Think about it – how does holding onto these negative emotions help you? And do you think they hurt those against whom you hold them more than they hurt you? Not at all. In most situations, the person that’s hurt you has moved on and is enjoying life-completely oblivious to how you feel. We must take both responsibility and control of our emotions because no matter who we believe caused them they only truly affect us.

Of course, it can be very difficult to forgive someone who’s hurt you, but what I’ve come to realize is that most people don’t maliciously set out to hurt others, and those who do are deeply unhappy themselves. The motivation behind their action was most probably some kind of fear rather than deliberately wanting to cause hurt or pain. And thought of in that context, it’s easier to let it go and move forward.

And with a little bit of practice at forgiveness, you may even find yourself getting less annoyed or angry with people in future. When you can shrug things off and not take things personally (it’s really about them, and not you at all), you’ll have a greater sense of inner peace. Our happiness is determined by how we think about the events in our lives, rather than by the events themselves. Take charge of your thoughts and you take charge of your emotions.

To achieve inner peace, you also need to let go of worry. This does take work but, it’s definitely worth the effort. Worry is similar to guilt. Worrying about what might or might not happen is completely unproductive, and totally destroys your ability to enjoy the present moment. A great shame that would be, as the present moment is all we really have.

So, how do we learn to let go of worries, guilt and anger? Well, the first thing is to become consciously aware of what we’re thinking whenever we feel worried, guilty or angry. Notice what’s going on in your inner dialogue, and acknowledge that it’s your thoughts about the external event that’s causing you to feel the way you do, and not the event itself. Then reframe your thoughts to reflect what’s going on around you in a more positive light. Whenever you catch yourself thinking the old thought, banish it immediately and replace it with the new one.

“No-one can create negativity or stress within you. Only you can do that by virtue of how you process your world.” — Dr Wayne Dyer

This will take a lot of practice but with patience and persistence you will develop a lighter inner dialogue that promotes a feeling of well-being and inner peace, and the world will feel like a far better place to live in!

Until Next time beautiful souls, keep Glowing…