The Ultimate Goal

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately in regards to my goals. As I grow and evolve, I find it imperative to not only identify my desires, but to set a plan in motion to obtain the things that I desire.

So, I asked myself what my goals are and even what my ultimate goal is. This is what I came up with:

The ultimate goal for me is to feel high without stimulants. To “get high” at will. I’d like to achieve a state of elevation and remain there. Additionally, I want to open and balance my crown Chakra and experience nirvana. For a moment I questioned myself. I wondered if my ultimate goal was perhaps a bit lofty. After some thought I decided that I’d rather live my life trying to obtain it than to prematurely count myself out.

I then formulated a plan to discover and experience my own bliss. I found that the key to nirvana for me is expansion. In order to expand, I must dare to step out of the predictable and the ordinary, and take that leap of faith into the exciting, creative, bold…intoxicating even!

I cannot settle for a dull existence. I will not resign to working a job that I absolutely hate just to pay my bills. Although I know I have to make a living, I will make the time to build the life that I want. The point of this human experience is to bound boldly and fearlessly out of mediocrity and explore the possibilities of life. And then take those possibilities and make them realities.. A reality where I love and live without limits and encourage others to do the same.

My goal is to be worry free- to be fearless. To appreciate life..to be grateful for who I am and what I have.. to spread love, passion, fire…To lose control sometimes and not always go with the safest choice. Not to be irresponsible or wreckless- but to be okay with not knowing how every day will end because somehow I know that life will be beautiful and superb. That is my ultimate goal.

And that is my hope and dream for you as well. For you to achieve your ultimate goal. There is room and time and space for each and every one of us to experience our own nirvana. Complete and utter bliss. We just have to dare to step put of our comfort zones.

I am stepping out. Who’s coming with me? 😉

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Follow Up/Reach Out

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today, I wanted to do a follow up blog based on last week’s post. Last week’s post was a poem that I had written; entitled Can’t Find Happy.

While I was typing those words that I had written a few years back, I could recall the depth of sadness and misery that I was feeling when I originally wrote it. During that time, I was fighting with everything I had to salvage my marriage and make my family happy.

The man that I loved was unhappy. And although I was also unhappy, I put myself on the back burner and focused on him. No matter how hard I focused on his happiness, he seemed to always find something to be unhappy about. In turn, I became even more unhappy. This deep sadness had become depression.

I was an unaware, ill-equipped empath who was codependent and had trauma bonded with a narcissist. My environment was toxic. My self esteem was at an all time low due to being constantly manipulated and gaslighted, and I didn’t believe that I could leave and do well on my own. I felt trapped. I felt broken. And I felt oh so lost.

Can’t Find Happy was written in efforts to release my depression and despair through writing. Depression is very real and should be taken very seriously. It is a legitimate illness that has chemical effects on the brain and the body.

It isn’t always easy to spot, (some people who battle depression are very good at hiding their inner turmoil) but if you notice a change in behavior in a friend or loved one Please Follow Up with them! If they seem uncharacteristically moody, withdrawn, easily flustered, distracted, or lethargic, these may be indications that something is wrong. Follow Up with them. Show them that you care! Compassion is free.

And if you, beautiful soul; feel any of the previously mentioned symptoms. If you feel like you’re carrying a burden that is too heavy for you- Please reach out!

**There are people that care!

I care.

And things may seem heavy and hopeless now, but you can make it out of that situation. I was in a situation that I thought was hopeless and I made it through.

I was depressed, but I made it.

I was manipulated, but I made it.

I was broken, but I made it.

I was gaslighted, but I made it.

I was doubted, but I made it.

I was afraid, but I made it.

I made it.

I made it!!

And so can you.

And so will you.

And so ARE you.

A post from the narcissistic abuse support group I’m in…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Poetry Time: Can’t Find Happy

Hello beautiful souls 💖 For my blog this week, I’m going to share a poem that I wrote in 2018 and next week I plan to do a follow up on this poem. I do hope you can appreciate this piece.

I want “Happy”.

And that’s a problem

Because happy is unobtainable.

Well, not unobtainable. More so elusive

Most certainly fleeting

And definitely unkind to me.

It’s with me one minute and

At the first sign of conflict

It ducks out. Vanishes.

Through the back door

And out of my life

Without so much as a note.

No explanation. Happy is gone.

I had happy once.

I think I was about nine

My family and I were

Moving into our own place.

Or…wait. Was it my 16th birthday?

I think happy was there

During my first marriage,

Or maybe during my divorce.

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure that

I had happy at least once, but-

Now, I can’t find it.

Gone again without a trace.

I reach out, but Happy leaves

My messages on ‘seen’.

And happy looks right through me

When we cross paths on the street.

Like an enemy.

Or worse; a stranger.

Not a twinkle of familiarity

In its eyes, but

I promise you;

It’s not my imagination!

I did have it.

And now..I can’t find happy.

That’s quite a problem.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖

Do it!

Hello beautiful souls…

It’s that time again. The dawning of a new year. I do sincerely hope that this year turns out to be everything you’d like it to be.

That being said, in order for this year to be different, dynamic, or special in any way- you have to do something different, dynamic and/or special. Good intentions (resolutions, dreams, affirmations) are just that until you pair these hopes and desires with action.

Nothing changes for us until we enact change. I firmly believe that when properly aligned, our desires are strong indicators of our purpose in life. Desires, dreams, and ideas that occur to us should not be taken lightly. That is literally your soul trying to lead you toward happiness and to your true self.

So if you have an idea-pursue it.

Write down any ideas you have, do your research to decide how to go about it and then immediately give yourself a realistic timeline/deadline to accomplish this. Get an accountability partner if need be but do not tell multiple people your idea. Even people who mean well can thwart or discourage a situation that they don’t understand.

**Not everyone will understand or even approve of what it is you need to do.

And they don’t need to.

What is needed is you. Your unique gift. Your perspective. Your skill.

Let’s denounce imposter syndrome. Let’s free ourselves from fear by understanding that what’s meant for us is for us and no one can take it. The only one who can steal our dream is us. That happens when we don’t take action.

So, beautiful souls- if there’s something you’ve been wanting to do or try…

Do it!

Until next time…💖💖 Mimi

Complete

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today, there is so much gratitude and joy in my heart as I see a painful cycle of my life coming to a close.

Over the past few much I have endured much. Some of it good, some…not so much, but I learned a lesson from every experience. And that, today is what I want to focus on.

It’s easy to feel good and be happy when things are going well. But it’s during those times of learning, unfamiliarity, and sometimes even betrayal that have the most growth and rewards come from them.

And during this time, is when I really learned how strong I am. I had been put in a strange and difficult position and there was no one to depend on but me. This is not to say, of course that no one was there for me. There were/are a few very special and very supportive people in my small circle that gave me words of encouragement and showed me kindness.

But when the rubber meets the road, if a person wants change, only they can do that for themselves. I had spent so much time doubting myself…I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to make something happen. There were people depending on me. I was depending on me.

I pulled myself together and started writing my goals down. I started meditating more, I wrote new affirmations and my confidence began to grow. I had no choice but to believe in myself.

It didn’t happen overnight, but things began to change. Once my perspective changed work got a bit easier and I saw the good in my situation.

And now I’m actually quite grateful for that betrayal because it set me free. It helped me see myself truly. I learned that I already am and have what I need.

I am complete within myself.

And so are you.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Celebrate!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

During this time of year and this point in my life I find it to be of vital importance to celebrate.

I didn’t allow myself to celebrate much before. I felt that I hadn’t accomplished anything worth celebrating- except for create my daughter- and I didn’t do even do that on my own.

I realized that my way of thinking in the past was not only negative, but it was ungrateful. Self evaluation proved that I had been choosing to see my life and experiences as some sort of punishment or rejection by “God”. I felt like I was being picked on; bullied. My perspective was completely damaging. I was grading myself based on outside expectations and popular clichés and comparing myself to my peers.

Over the years, I have learned and evolved much. I have looked into my past and separated the pain from the lessons. I have begun to truly know, love, and appreciate myself. I find that life is much more simple and enjoyable when I stop overthinking or worrying and just live.

Live and Celebrate.

Celebrate!

I celebrate each day that I am given. I celebrate my gifts and talents, my empathy and kindness, my body, my experiences, my wisdom, my sensuality, my intelligence, my uniqueness…

I celebrate me.

And you should celebrate yourself as well.

Let’s Celebrate!

Until next time beautiful souls ✨ 💖

Safe Place

Hello Beautiful souls 💖

I was chatting with one of my followers on Instagram a few days ago and I began to think.

He had shared a reel with me in which the gentleman on the reel was reacting to another man’s monolog. He was talking about how hard it is to be a man and how women don’t care about men’s feelings, etc.

Now, I won’t lie to you- my initial reaction was annoyance. I felt like the guy was whining about basic things that men do like open doors and pull out chairs…which, to be honest, I always appreciate chivalry but alot of men don’t even do that anymore. But then he spoke about women not caring about men’s feelings.

And that bothered me.

Which brought me to the very point of this blog: it is very important to have a safe place.

This bothered me because I absolutely believe that both women and men have emotions that are valid. In some cases, men have been brought up to hold in their emotions. They have been told to toughen up; that real men don’t cry. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men have emotions and should be comfortable enough to express them.

Men and women- if you are in a serious relationship where you cannot express yourself without judgment, then I strongly suggest that you reevaluate that relationship. Because everyone should have a safe place.

A safe place; in my opinion, is a person that you can let your guard down with. A person that you can be completely yourself around without fear of ridicule or negativity. This doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t disagree with you when you’re wrong. But it does mean that you can be vulnerable without being attacked. Their intentions for you are the best for you. They want to see you grow. They want to see you happy.

This safe place does not have to be a romantic partner. It could be a parent, sibling, relative, or friend. It is just my humble opinion that if you are in a romantic relationship, that your mate ideally would be a safe place for you.

As a woman, I am clueless to the perils of being a man. I have some idea, I can empathize, but I cannot TELL a man how he should react/feel about his stressors. As his partner, however, I aim to listen, support, comfort, advise, or to simply be there.

You are safe with me.

You are safe.

You are safe…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖 Mimi

Never Change

Hello Beautiful souls 💖

I was reflecting on some things and wanted to share something with you.

Here’s what I learned: I’ve learned to never change for the satisfaction of another. No matter how I love or think I love a person. A person asking you to change is a person telling you that they do not accept you as you are. It’s saying, ‘you’re almost good enough, but you gotta fix this first.’

Now, if someone brings to your attention a negative or self sabotaging behavior and you elect to adjust – that’s great because it’s your choice. You recognize this as an opportunity to grow or improve and have chosen to make a change. This change then is to please yourself and not the other person.

But if you change yourself to please someone else, at some point, resentment will fester. And that’s what happened with me.

It took me quite a while to see things this way. Initially, I was fine with the idea of making adjustments-especially for the sake of love. My spouse said that it would help our marriage and he would be satisfied if I made this change for him. And so I did.

But one change became another. And another. And yet another. I had made so many changes, that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I had become a shell of my former self: broken, depressed, and codependent.

This, I knew, was not who I was supposed to be. It’s taken quite a bit of work and I’m still working, but I regain more of myself everyday. I am no longer in that toxic environment, and each day I work to be a more improved, balanced version of myself.

I will never again change to fit someone else’s idea of what I should be. And I hope you don’t either.

Until next time, beautiful souls. I wish you so much Love and Light!

Mimi 💖💖

Poetry Time: Selah.

Hello Beautiful souls!

I’d like to share a piece that I wrote entitled: Selah. I hope you like it…

I think you need to just break.

Pause. Yield. Think.

Meditate. Pray. Selah.

Take a moment.

Take even just a moment

To recall just who you are

You are life,

You are strength,

You are absolute magic

Wrapped in some of

The most beautiful skin

I’ve ever seen.

You are brilliant

You are creative,

You are walking inspiration.

And you never cease to

Fascinate me with your

Infinite avenues of self expression.

You are the unique painter

Of the only picture

I ever want to see.

I am drawn to your candor,

Refreshed by your humor,

Ignited by your wisdom.

You are- in a word: magnificent.

So, if ever for a moment

You forget exactly who you are…

I need you to just break.

Pause. Yield. Think.

Meditate. Pray. Selah.

Take a moment.

Selah.

Until next time, beautiful souls…. 💖💖 Mimi

Stop Overthinking!

Hello beautiful souls!

I had an uncomfortable conversation with someone that I care about and it led me to the topic of this blog.

He pointed out that I am an “overthinker” and went on to say that having a conversation with me is hard sometimes because I put too much thought into my responses…

And it hurt.

Initially, I got upset. I was offended. Wow. I thought to myself. Did he just say that talking to me is hard? I could’ve responded that if talking to me was so difficult, then he could simply stop talking to me. But that would’ve been an egotistical response said out of negative emotions that I was feeling. I didn’t want that.

Instead, I took some time after the call to process and evaluate what was said. And there are still aspects of the conversation that do not resonate with me (I discarded those) but I found what he said to be true.

I do tend to overthink. I knew that before he said it. But what I didn’t understand was; why?

And now I know.

Overthinking is the byproduct of fear and self doubt. I had made decisions and said things in the past that led to such painful experiences, that I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust myself to say what I wanted to say exactly as I wanted to say it, I didn’t trust myself to do and be what I wanted to do and be because I had never done it before.

There was always someone or something holding me back.

I thought it was parents, Peers, teachers, the military, significant others, people on social media…

But after further review; I realized that the “someone” was me. And while it’s true that people didn’t respond well to things that I did and said, I had to come to grips with the fact that I am not responsible for another person’s reaction. Their truth and my truth may not be the same.

In addition to that, some of the past decisions I made that didn’t fare well were made from the ego and misinformation.

Overthinking only leads to procrastination, discomfort, anxiety, fear, complacency, and a myriad of other negative emotions and setbacks. Overthinking keeps us from living our best lives and being our most elevated selves. It prevents action and promotes mediocrity. Some people overthink to prevent making a decision not realizing that overthinking is a decision. It’s just not a favorable one.

Currently when faced with a decision; I consider these things: 1. I make sure that I am aligned with my inner wisdom. 2. I do not prioritize the opinions/reactions of others over my own.

Now that I am considering those two things with every decision, I can move forward in confidence.

This change is quite necessary in order for me to fulfill my calling and destiny in life. I cannot help or inspire others if I overthink and constantly live in my head.

And the change may not happen overnight. But I am putting this knowledge to work and developing a new practice.

So, the next time you’re faced with a decision and it’s time to take action, take a moment to think, but don’t let yourself be consumed by overthinking.

Do not let fear overtake you.

Everything is going to be okay.

From one recovering overthinker to another: trust yourself.

Until next time beautiful souls… 💜💫💜