Perfect Love

Hello beautiful souls πŸ’–

I hope that this piece finds you well and in good spirits.

Today, I had no idea what I was going to blog about. I considered skipping it this week, but for the sake of consistency I didn’t want to do that. Should I just post a poem? I wondered to myself. And then I received a suggestion:

“Love. How does the thought of it make you feel?” Okay, let’s go with that.

Instinctively I responded, “Scared but excited.”

Then I paused and gave the question some real thought. And then I realized some important things that I’d like to share.

Perfect love casts out all fear.” Unconditional love and fear cannot reside in the same space. A love without conditions is perfect. It is open and free flowing. It has no limits, caution, or stipulations.

This is the exact opposite of fear. Actions fueled by fear are often performed with apprehension or some sense of obligation. (Example: If I don’t do this, they may leave me for someone else, etc)

My initial response was a conditioned one. That response was the response of my former self. In the past I was a person that had low self esteem and codependency issues. My fear surrounding love came from a fear of rejection because I correlated my own worth to the love and acceptance from another person.

It isn’t even true. I don’t feel that way. The thought of love does not make me feel afraid. I am secure in myself and my emotions.

I love myself. This journey of self discovery and self love that I have been on has taught me some beautiful lessons. I’ve been getting to know myself and love myself for exactly who I am. I know the value of my love, time, and energy. I am not afraid to love another person because I am not relying on their love to replenish me.

I replenish myself. I love and care for myself adequately and then I give love to others. If they do not love me back the same way- it’s perfectly fine! This is not a negative reflection on me. I understand that no one owes me their love and I do not take this personally.

So…how does the thought of love make me feel?

I feel bold. I feel limitless. And I feel completely empowered.

Until next time beautiful souls πŸ’–

Be Impeccable with Your Word!

Hello beautiful souls πŸ’–

Today, I just wanted to touch bases with you and remind you of the power of your words. As humans, we have been gifted with a power that no other creature on earth has: we are able to speak.

This is a gift and with our words we can build or tear down, bless someone or curse them.

We as people can sometimes be brazen when we speak to others. Sometimes we get angry and say the first thing that comes to our minds without any regard to the damage that we may cause.

I just finished reading an awesome book called The Four Agreements. If you haven’t read it; I recommend that you do.

The First Agreement of the four is Be Impeccable with Your Word. I define impeccable as ‘on point’, deliberate, careful, intentional. According to the book, impeccable quite literally means “without sin.” To be impeccable with your word means to speak carefully and be sure to not “sin” against yourself or others.

When we speak negative words or things with ill intent, we literally send out poison to ourselves and the people around us. These words can create strongholds or agreements that we are obligated to live by until the agreement is broken.

For Example: A single mother is tired after a long day of work. All she wants to do is take off her shoes and relax, but she just found out that her son got involved in a situation at school that requires her attention. She goes and picks up her son from school and they head home. During the ride, the frustrated mother tells her son that he’s a really bad kid and that he always causes problems.

The little boy accepted his mother’s words as factual. He has now made an agreement with himself that he is a really bad kid that always causes problems. Ten years later, the little boy is in high school. He often receives disciplinary action at school and is on the verge of being expelled. His mother doesn’t understand why her son behaves this way.

It was her words that presented a verbal contract and without knowing any better, the little boy accepted it. He has an agreement- an obligation to always cause problems just as his mother said all those years ago. This will continue unless the boy accepts a different agreement. It takes work, but agreements can be broken.

Wouldn’t it just be better if we mind our mouths from the beginning?

Well…we don’t have the beginning. It’s gone forever. But we do have now. We can be kinder now. We can be loving now. We can be intentional now.

We can be impeccable with our word now.

Until next time beautiful souls πŸ’–

The Ultimate Goal

Hello beautiful souls πŸ’–

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately in regards to my goals. As I grow and evolve, I find it imperative to not only identify my desires, but to set a plan in motion to obtain the things that I desire.

So, I asked myself what my goals are and even what my ultimate goal is. This is what I came up with:

The ultimate goal for me is to feel high without stimulants. To “get high” at will. I’d like to achieve a state of elevation and remain there. Additionally, I want to open and balance my crown Chakra and experience nirvana. For a moment I questioned myself. I wondered if my ultimate goal was perhaps a bit lofty. After some thought I decided that I’d rather live my life trying to obtain it than to prematurely count myself out.

I then formulated a plan to discover and experience my own bliss. I found that the key to nirvana for me is expansion. In order to expand, I must dare to step out of the predictable and the ordinary, and take that leap of faith into the exciting, creative, bold…intoxicating even!

I cannot settle for a dull existence. I will not resign to working a job that I absolutely hate just to pay my bills. Although I know I have to make a living, I will make the time to build the life that I want. The point of this human experience is to bound boldly and fearlessly out of mediocrity and explore the possibilities of life. And then take those possibilities and make them realities.. A reality where I love and live without limits and encourage others to do the same.

My goal is to be worry free- to be fearless. To appreciate life..to be grateful for who I am and what I have.. to spread love, passion, fire…To lose control sometimes and not always go with the safest choice. Not to be irresponsible or wreckless- but to be okay with not knowing how every day will end because somehow I know that life will be beautiful and superb. That is my ultimate goal.

And that is my hope and dream for you as well. For you to achieve your ultimate goal. There is room and time and space for each and every one of us to experience our own nirvana. Complete and utter bliss. We just have to dare to step put of our comfort zones.

I am stepping out. Who’s coming with me? πŸ˜‰

Until next time beautiful souls πŸ’–

Follow Up/Reach Out

Hello beautiful souls πŸ’–

Today, I wanted to do a follow up blog based on last week’s post. Last week’s post was a poem that I had written; entitled Can’t Find Happy.

While I was typing those words that I had written a few years back, I could recall the depth of sadness and misery that I was feeling when I originally wrote it. During that time, I was fighting with everything I had to salvage my marriage and make my family happy.

The man that I loved was unhappy. And although I was also unhappy, I put myself on the back burner and focused on him. No matter how hard I focused on his happiness, he seemed to always find something to be unhappy about. In turn, I became even more unhappy. This deep sadness had become depression.

I was an unaware, ill-equipped empath who was codependent and had trauma bonded with a narcissist. My environment was toxic. My self esteem was at an all time low due to being constantly manipulated and gaslighted, and I didn’t believe that I could leave and do well on my own. I felt trapped. I felt broken. And I felt oh so lost.

Can’t Find Happy was written in efforts to release my depression and despair through writing. Depression is very real and should be taken very seriously. It is a legitimate illness that has chemical effects on the brain and the body.

It isn’t always easy to spot, (some people who battle depression are very good at hiding their inner turmoil) but if you notice a change in behavior in a friend or loved one Please Follow Up with them! If they seem uncharacteristically moody, withdrawn, easily flustered, distracted, or lethargic, these may be indications that something is wrong. Follow Up with them. Show them that you care! Compassion is free.

And if you, beautiful soul; feel any of the previously mentioned symptoms. If you feel like you’re carrying a burden that is too heavy for you- Please reach out!

**There are people that care!

I care.

And things may seem heavy and hopeless now, but you can make it out of that situation. I was in a situation that I thought was hopeless and I made it through.

I was depressed, but I made it.

I was manipulated, but I made it.

I was broken, but I made it.

I was gaslighted, but I made it.

I was doubted, but I made it.

I was afraid, but I made it.

I made it.

I made it!!

And so can you.

And so will you.

And so ARE you.

A post from the narcissistic abuse support group I’m in…

Until next time beautiful souls πŸ’–

Poetry Time: Can’t Find Happy

Hello beautiful souls πŸ’– For my blog this week, I’m going to share a poem that I wrote in 2018 and next week I plan to do a follow up on this poem. I do hope you can appreciate this piece.

I want “Happy”.

And that’s a problem

Because happy is unobtainable.

Well, not unobtainable. More so elusive

Most certainly fleeting

And definitely unkind to me.

It’s with me one minute and

At the first sign of conflict

It ducks out. Vanishes.

Through the back door

And out of my life

Without so much as a note.

No explanation. Happy is gone.

I had happy once.

I think I was about nine

My family and I were

Moving into our own place.

Or…wait. Was it my 16th birthday?

I think happy was there

During my first marriage,

Or maybe during my divorce.

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure that

I had happy at least once, but-

Now, I can’t find it.

Gone again without a trace.

I reach out, but Happy leaves

My messages on ‘seen’.

And happy looks right through me

When we cross paths on the street.

Like an enemy.

Or worse; a stranger.

Not a twinkle of familiarity

In its eyes, but

I promise you;

It’s not my imagination!

I did have it.

And now..I can’t find happy.

That’s quite a problem.

Until next time beautiful souls πŸ’–πŸ’–

Do it!

Hello beautiful souls…

It’s that time again. The dawning of a new year. I do sincerely hope that this year turns out to be everything you’d like it to be.

That being said, in order for this year to be different, dynamic, or special in any way- you have to do something different, dynamic and/or special. Good intentions (resolutions, dreams, affirmations) are just that until you pair these hopes and desires with action.

Nothing changes for us until we enact change. I firmly believe that when properly aligned, our desires are strong indicators of our purpose in life. Desires, dreams, and ideas that occur to us should not be taken lightly. That is literally your soul trying to lead you toward happiness and to your true self.

So if you have an idea-pursue it.

Write down any ideas you have, do your research to decide how to go about it and then immediately give yourself a realistic timeline/deadline to accomplish this. Get an accountability partner if need be but do not tell multiple people your idea. Even people who mean well can thwart or discourage a situation that they don’t understand.

**Not everyone will understand or even approve of what it is you need to do.

And they don’t need to.

What is needed is you. Your unique gift. Your perspective. Your skill.

Let’s denounce imposter syndrome. Let’s free ourselves from fear by understanding that what’s meant for us is for us and no one can take it. The only one who can steal our dream is us. That happens when we don’t take action.

So, beautiful souls- if there’s something you’ve been wanting to do or try…

Do it!

Until next time…πŸ’–πŸ’– Mimi

Complete

Hello beautiful souls πŸ’–

Today, there is so much gratitude and joy in my heart as I see a painful cycle of my life coming to a close.

Over the past few much I have endured much. Some of it good, some…not so much, but I learned a lesson from every experience. And that, today is what I want to focus on.

It’s easy to feel good and be happy when things are going well. But it’s during those times of learning, unfamiliarity, and sometimes even betrayal that have the most growth and rewards come from them.

And during this time, is when I really learned how strong I am. I had been put in a strange and difficult position and there was no one to depend on but me. This is not to say, of course that no one was there for me. There were/are a few very special and very supportive people in my small circle that gave me words of encouragement and showed me kindness.

But when the rubber meets the road, if a person wants change, only they can do that for themselves. I had spent so much time doubting myself…I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to make something happen. There were people depending on me. I was depending on me.

I pulled myself together and started writing my goals down. I started meditating more, I wrote new affirmations and my confidence began to grow. I had no choice but to believe in myself.

It didn’t happen overnight, but things began to change. Once my perspective changed work got a bit easier and I saw the good in my situation.

And now I’m actually quite grateful for that betrayal because it set me free. It helped me see myself truly. I learned that I already am and have what I need.

I am complete within myself.

And so are you.

Until next time beautiful souls πŸ’–

Celebrate!

Hello beautiful souls πŸ’–

During this time of year and this point in my life I find it to be of vital importance to celebrate.

I didn’t allow myself to celebrate much before.Β  I felt that I hadn’t accomplishedΒ  anything worth celebrating- except for create my daughter- and I didn’t do even do that on my own.

I realized that my way of thinking in the past was not only negative, but it was ungrateful. Self evaluation proved that I had been choosing to see my life and experiences as some sort of punishment or rejection by “God”. I felt like I was being picked on; bullied. My perspective was completely damaging. I was grading myself based on outside expectations and popular clichΓ©s and comparing myself to my peers.

Over the years, I have learned and evolved much. I have looked into my past and separated the pain from the lessons. I have begun to truly know, love, and appreciate myself. I find that life is much more simple and enjoyable when I stop overthinking or worrying and just live.

Live and Celebrate.

Celebrate!

I celebrate each day that I am given. I celebrate my gifts and talents, my empathy and kindness, my body, my experiences, my wisdom, my sensuality, my intelligence, my uniqueness…

I celebrate me.

And you should celebrate yourself as well.

Let’s Celebrate!

Until next time beautiful souls ✨ πŸ’–

Safe Place

Hello Beautiful souls πŸ’–

I was chatting with one of my followers on Instagram a few days ago and I began to think.

He had shared a reel with me in which the gentleman on the reel was reacting to another man’s monolog. He was talking about how hard it is to be a man and how women don’t care about men’s feelings, etc.

Now, I won’t lie to you- my initial reaction was annoyance. I felt like the guy was whining about basic things that men do like open doors and pull out chairs…which, to be honest, I always appreciate chivalry but alot of men don’t even do that anymore. But then he spoke about women not caring about men’s feelings.

And that bothered me.

Which brought me to the very point of this blog: it is very important to have a safe place.

This bothered me because I absolutely believe that both women and men have emotions that are valid. In some cases, men have been brought up to hold in their emotions. They have been told to toughen up; that real men don’t cry. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men have emotions and should be comfortable enough to express them.

Men and women- if you are in a serious relationship where you cannot express yourself without judgment, then I strongly suggest that you reevaluate that relationship. Because everyone should have a safe place.

A safe place; in my opinion, is a person that you can let your guard down with. A person that you can be completely yourself around without fear of ridicule or negativity. This doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t disagree with you when you’re wrong. But it does mean that you can be vulnerable without being attacked. Their intentions for you are the best for you. They want to see you grow. They want to see you happy.

This safe place does not have to be a romantic partner. It could be a parent, sibling, relative, or friend. It is just my humble opinion that if you are in a romantic relationship, that your mate ideally would be a safe place for you.

As a woman, I am clueless to the perils of being a man. I have some idea, I can empathize, but I cannot TELL a man how he should react/feel about his stressors. As his partner, however, I aim to listen, support, comfort, advise, or to simply be there.

You are safe with me.

You are safe.

You are safe…

Until next time beautiful souls πŸ’–πŸ’– Mimi

Never Change

Hello Beautiful souls πŸ’–

I was reflecting on some things and wanted to share something with you.

Here’s what I learned: I’ve learned to never change for the satisfaction of another. No matter how I love or think I love a person. A person asking you to change is a person telling you that they do not accept you as you are. It’s saying, ‘you’re almost good enough, but you gotta fix this first.’

Now, if someone brings to your attention a negative or self sabotaging behavior and you elect to adjust – that’s great because it’s your choice. You recognize this as an opportunity to grow or improve and have chosen to make a change. This change then is to please yourself and not the other person.

But if you change yourself to please someone else, at some point, resentment will fester. And that’s what happened with me.

It took me quite a while to see things this way. Initially, I was fine with the idea of making adjustments-especially for the sake of love. My spouse said that it would help our marriage and he would be satisfied if I made this change for him. And so I did.

But one change became another. And another. And yet another. I had made so many changes, that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I had become a shell of my former self: broken, depressed, and codependent.

This, I knew, was not who I was supposed to be. It’s taken quite a bit of work and I’m still working, but I regain more of myself everyday. I am no longer in that toxic environment, and each day I work to be a more improved, balanced version of myself.

I will never again change to fit someone else’s idea of what I should be. And I hope you don’t either.

Until next time, beautiful souls. I wish you so much Love and Light!

Mimi πŸ’–πŸ’–