Tag: author

Start with a Baseline

Want to Make some Changes but Aren’t sure Where to Start?

Making changes in your life is great and it is the way we grow and develop as people. Change is a constant process and part of being human. When you embark on changing anything in your life, start from where you are. Until you know where that is it would be difficult to effectively make the change. You have to start with a baseline.

Starting with a baseline is about figuring out where you are and what you are doing so that you know exactly what needs to be changed. It may sound odd, but many of us are unaware of what we do. When my clients tell me they want to lose weight the first thing I do is have them keep a food journal for a week just to get a baseline. The next week they share how shocked they were to see not only how much they were eating, but also what they were eating. Many of us are on autopilot and we simply are not aware of what we are doing. When you track it – and this works with anything – you have a real picture of where you are and what needs to change.

I read a statistic once that said most people consistently spend about 10% more than they make. I believe that is true, and it is because what is being spent, especially on a credit card, is not tracked. I once had a client that just didn’t have enough time to accomplish everything she needed to do. When she tracked her time for a week she was made painfully aware that she was spending hours in front of the television. The first step in change is awareness. You have to become aware of what you are doing and exactly where you are before you can proceed forward. Keeping track for a week or two will provide you with valuable information that will support your efforts to change.

Before you embark on any type of change effort you have to know where you are. I liken it to those travel maps that have an X printed next to “You are here.” Until you are aware of exactly where you are – and many of us don’t have a clue – it will be impossible to make the needed change.

The first step in your change effort is to determine where you are. Keep a log for a week or two. This will give you a realistic idea of what you are doing. You can track anything from how much money you spend to how many hours of sleep you get. Once you know the truth about where you are you can proceed.

My coaching program, although primarily focused on narcissistic abuse recovery does provide information and methods to help with focus, time management, goal setting, and accountability.

That’s all I have for this week. Until Next time beautiful souls, keep Glowing!

Coaching Blog: Creating Goals with an Action Plan!

Hello Beautiful Souls!

We all know how important goal setting is, but if we set goals without an action plan our efforts are futile and nothing more than elaborate hopes. If you have ever set goals before, but failed to achieve them, it may have been because you did not create a specific plan of action to accomplish those goals.

Taking the time to set goals is only part of the process of goal setting, and many people often overlook the other part, creating a plan!

Without a plan your goals remain incomplete. It’s like having a destination without having a map. Your goals tell you where you want to go in life, and your plan tells you how to get there.

A goal plan is simply a list of scheduled activities that you will do sometime in the future. These may include activities done over a series of days, weeks, months or even years depending on the type of goal you set for yourself.

Your plan does not have to be completed perfectly the first time. Usually, you will find that your first attempt at creating a goal plan will be vague and incomplete. Don’t worry this is ok. Plans should be flexible and so are likely to be constantly updated as you move towards completing your primary goal.

In your plan you should create a series of steps that you think you need in order to accomplish that goal. Think of it like baking a cake. Your ultimate goal is to make a cake (and eat it!), but the ingredients and the things you do with those ingredients are your plan. Once you complete the plan, you complete your goal.

Creating a goal plan is frequently overlooked, and many people discipline themselves to write their goals every day but create no plan! So, make sure you take the time to decide where you want to go (your goals) and then create a plan (your map) that will tell you how to get there!

In addition to your goal plan, it is also a good idea to use visualization to help clarify in your mind exactly what you want to achieve. This can simply involve thinking about your goals and imaging them as completed when you go to bed. You can do this for about 10 minutes (or longer if you want) before you fall to sleep, and you will be surprised at what a difference it makes in achieving your goals. One of the main reasons visualization before sleep is so effective, is that it provides easy access to the subconscious mind. Thereby allowing you to program your goals into your mind, increasing the likelihood you will accomplish them.

Know that your dreams aren’t just silly hopes. They are possible, your goals are attainable or else you wouldn’t have the desire for them. You are absolutely capable of living the life you’ve always dreamed of. All you have to do is everything you can to make it happen. Believe, set goals, create a plan or action, believe some more, try and fail, believe some more, and there you are.

You’ve got this!

Until Next Time, Beautiful Souls

Mimi Loves You!

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Coaching Blog: Born to Be an Optimist

Born To Be an Optimist

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Today, I really wanna talk to you about optimism. Optimism is vital in life, especially adult life. There will be challenges and tough times that are an unavoidable part of life’s journey. A person’s mindset during those tough times heavily influences the impact and outcome of a situation.

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.“

– Winston Churchill

An optimist, when faced with a problem, tends to find the upside to the situation and starts figuring out ways to solve that problem, or ways to turn it around.  A pessimist, however, immediately throws up his hands, and yells, “That’s it; it’s all over. I can’t handle this anymore.”  Or he will distance himself from the problem, pretending it doesn’t matter.  This is denial, and it never works.

According to the world’s foremost expert on optimism, Dr. Martin Seligman, everyone is born optimistic.  And yet, 95% of grownups are pessimists, not optimists. So, what goes wrong? Well, the isn’t one simple answer, but I believe that most people become pessimists because of the way society shapes us to think. We are told what’s practical, what’s acceptable, what’s possible even. The people close to us tell us about their negative experiences and situations, discouraging us all the more. We begin to think that failing is the norm. But this isn’t true at all! Our mindset, whether we or hopeful or doubtful, plays a major part in our success…or our defeat.

  If a person feels like something will go well or feels optimistic about it, it usually seems to go well. The same is true of the reverse.  When someone feels like something will go badly, it tends to do just that.

An indication that you are dealing with a pessimist is in a simple phrase they will use in stressful situations – “I can’t”.  The pessimist is helpless, powerless and it shows in his response.  The optimist responds with – “I can”.  The optimist is making a conscious choice. Positive, hopeful, and determined.

An optimist prefers to focus on what could go right as opposed to what could go wrong.

Think about the following statements:

  • Optimists achieve their goals because they never give up.
  • Optimists attract Success naturally.
  • Optimists are happier, healthier, and more energetic than pessimists.
  • Optimists are easier to be around, inspiring people around them to be positive.
  • Optimists live longer and suffer from fewer and less severe diseases.
  •  Optimists have a higher quality of life.

Which ones do you think are true? These are all probably true just by the fact that optimists’ positive thinking makes challenging situations “not that bad” after all. When you practice having a positive outlook, you are less affected by negativity.

Now true optimism is not sitting back, thinking positive thoughts, and hoping everything will turn out all right.  It’s choosing to focus on a positive aspect of the situation or learning a valuable lesson from the ordeal.  You face each situation, each problem, and each occasion with a positive attitude; and you always look forward to the “benefits” you will derive from it. You have a choice.  “Change your thoughts and change your world,” said Norman Vincent Peale. What it comes down to is that your attitude is a conscious choice.  If you choose pessimism, you’re choosing to see the downside of every situation, judge people unfairly, and live unhappily the rest of your life.  What an oppressive existence!

On the other hand, if you choose optimism, you’re empowering yourself to see the positive side of each challenge, seeing the good in people, helping them to see the good in life too.  Taking action to further improve your own life and living happily with friends and family who care about you.  Attracting all good to yourself. Choosing to be more optimistic and positive does not mean you won’t encounter difficult times, trauma, loss, and many challenges.  What it does mean is that you will have more power on your side to help you through those tough times. The more elevated your mind state is, the easier it is for you to rise above your circumstances.  You’ll bounce back faster and make better choices, rather than letting life just wash over you.  You’ll learn to be proactive instead of reactive.

If you’re not naturally optimistic and positive, don’t worry.  You can learn how to use your thoughts to change your attitude and emotions. Some days will be challenging, but you can do it.  Improving your optimism rate is one of the most important actions you can take to improve your life.  It doesn’t come automatically, though.  It takes effort. It takes deliberate, conscious awareness of your thoughts and feelings.  And then acting on that awareness.

Each time you think a negative thought, stop right there and turn it around to find the positive aspect of the situation. Do this each time and build on it.  It will become a habit to be positive and upbeat about your life.

Let’s try this:

Practice your ‘positive thinking’ and your ‘positive feeling’.  Give yourself permission to think new thoughts and feel new feelings.

You can be as optimistic that you will attract wealth for the things you want, like a new car or new house.  The positive thoughts and brain activity helps to push things to that end, and you will get there. 

So, I would say to you: Be Optimistic!  Expect the best out of life! Think and Act Optimistically.

Until Next Time, Beautiful Souls!

Stress Management Tips!

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Over the last few weeks, my family and I have gone through some stressful events. A close family friend passed, work slowed down, a door dasher dashed through our dining room wall, and there was a medical scare with my mother to name a few.

With all of this seemingly going on at once, I found myself really struggling to manage my stress levels. And then I went into some old notes of mine in a composition notebook. There was a page with an asterisk written in the top corner. The title said, “3 Quick Stress Busters”. I began to read what I had written. As I tried the methods that I had already written down, I thought of more stress relievers and tried them as well. My mood improved considerably!

And then I thought to myself: You have to share this information! And so, here it is!

Sleep More

Many of us have the tendency to sleep less when we are under stress. Sometimes, we are awake at night because our worry over life events causes us to feel restless. We sacrifice sleep, feverishly searching for a solution, when the answer may just be that we need more sleep. Experts recommend 6-8 hours of sleep per night. Sleep doesn’t just give rest to our bodies, but it also provides rejuvenation to our minds as well. While we sleep, our bodies not only rest, but they heal.

Get Organized

Sometimes our outer environment affects our inner environment and vice versa. Organizing your immediate area- your workspace, your bedroom, etc. not only clears space and provides a more comfortable and relaxing environment but it raises your vibration as well. I believe that clearing negative space around you clears negative space within you too. And that when that space is cleared it alleviates some of your stressful feelings as well.

Listen to Music

Music didn’t just soothe the savage beast. Music has been known for years as a very effective mood-altering tool. You want a romantic scene? Play a love song. Want to make it a real tearjerker? Play a sentimental pop song. Music is so effective because it carries frequencies. Some frequencies  are high and some of them are low. The music with the higher vibrational frequencies will produce a more favorable reaction, while the music with the lower vibrational frequencies reap a more unfavorable response. This is why people say that certain songs ‘make them sad.’ The low frequencies in the music sparked an unfavorable emotional response in the person’s mind.

With music being powerful enough to evoke an emotion or a reaction, why not use music to your benefit? Play music with high or positive frequencies. Listen to your favorite song a few times in a row. Or you could even listen to sound bowls.

And what goes well with sound bowls?

Meditation

Of course, meditation! If you’ve read any of my blogs before in the past, you may have gathered that I’m quite a fan of meditation. Meditation is a great tool to calm yourself and gain clarity. When you slow your thoughts down, things are less hectic, and you are able to respond to stressful events with more ease.

Journaling

This is a hidden gem! Journaling. In my opinion, is a very underused stress management tool. Journaling, when used effectively with emotion monitoring can be the first line of defense against stress and anxiety. When you monitor your emotions, you pay more attention to your moods and energy shifts. Accessing your feelings regularly provides insights on the people, places, things, and situations that trigger you or result in feelings of stress and anxiety. After assessing the emotion, journal about it. Write about your feelings and what you believe caused those feelings. Is there any validity to the emotions that you’re experiencing? Are you able to release what you have written and move forward in peace? Writing out your feelings helps with releasing the stress that you feel while possibly brainstorming for a solution!

Find a Reason to Laugh!

While most of the other stress relieving tips chose a more direct and hands-on method, this method plays by its own rules. This is my favorite stress relieving method because I’m a goofy person and I love to laugh. I love making others laugh. The sound of laughter (whether it’s me or someone else) brings me joy.

When you find yourself feeling tense and your stress levels begin to rise, shift your thinking. Choose something else to focus your attention on. Think of your favorite movie, a funny memory, a random joke- anything that may make you laugh. It has been said that laughter is on the same sound frequency as healing. Is that why they say laughter is the best medicine?

Shut it Down

Technology is wonderful. There’s no doubt about it. It provides us with valuable and effective tools and connections that we otherwise wouldn’t have access to. Technology is how I get to communicate with all of you!

But sometimes, technology can be a double-edged sword. When we overindulge in technology, we can find ourselves overstimulated by news, social media, emails, and other noise. This noise makes it hard for us to settle down, unwind, to destress. To reduce stress and rest more easily, I suggest putting your phone down at least 30 minutes before bed.

Last, but not least:

Vacation, baby!

Maybe it’s just time to get away. Take some time for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a super expensive trip, and it doesn’t have to be an extensive amount of time. It could be a day at the beach, or an afternoon at the park. Just go to a place where you can be you. Detach from as many stressors as possible and enjoy yourself. You deserve it!

That’s all I have for now.

As always, these words were sent with good intentions, but I do apologize if my words caused you to feel anything other than inspired, empowered, or enlightened.

Until next time, beautiful souls!

Confidence Boost Part 2

Hello Beautiful Souls!

I know that I already did a blog on confidence, but since confidence is one of the pillars of self-love (and an area that I struggled in immensely) I thought I’d share a few more tips with you. These tips, along with the tips from the previous confidence boosting blog have helped me rebuild my confidence after my experience with narcissistic abuse and codependency. For best results, implement as many of these tips as you can into your everyday life.

Don’t Worry about what Others Think

This step is often over complicated by societal norms, expectations, and agreements that we’ve made- whether knowingly or unknowingly- throughout our lives. But we must get out of our heads, get out of our own way, remove those constructs and do what’s best for us no matter what people think of our actions.

Always Consider:

That a person’s opinions are solely based on their own perceptions and understanding.

That you are valid with or without the positive opinions or support of others.

That this is your life, so:

Be Fearless

You are a unique being and this is a unique experience. You will only do this once. Each person on earth, whether they are aware of it or not, is on a mission for personal happiness and fulfillment. You are absolutely deserving of happiness; in fact, it is your right to be happy in this life. True happiness can only be achieved when you do the things that bring you joy. You become fearless when you do the things that please you without fear of judgment and open up to change and opportunities that help you grow and elevate.

Be Yourself

What better way to be confident is there than being yourself? A lot of discontent is caused and further exacerbated by people being who other people want them to be rather than who they really are. When you free yourself from the expectations of others and be yourself your happiness will skyrocket! But who are you really? To discover your true self, you will need to do some honest self-evaluation and reflection. Spend some time alone, get to know yourself inside and out. This is a sure way to know, understand, and love yourself authentically. Once you find the real you- you wouldn’t want to be anyone else!

Monitor Your Progress

Take the process one day at a time and be gentle with yourself when you fall short of your expectations. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Years of programming is not likely to fall away in a week or two. This process is not to be rushed. It takes time and consistent effort. Be aware of your emotions, energy shifts that you may feel, and things that trigger you. Trust yourself and do not ignore your intuition. These feelings work as a signal light to let you know that something needs to be fixed or adjusted. And don’t be afraid to call in reinforcements! Statistically, people are much more likely to complete a task when they create a plan or have an accountability partner.

I really help that these tips do you some good. I apply them to my life and they are doing great things for my confidence.

Until Next Time Beautiful Souls!

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Find your Focus

Hello beautiful souls! 💖

Have you ever experienced an obstacle or road block while trying to accomplish a goal? I think we all have. As we set out to accomplish goals in our lives it’s commonplace to encounter an obstacle here and there. But sometimes the discouragement and frustration caused by those obstacles can throw us off track and cause us to lose focus.

When we experience the feelings of discouragement and frustration, it is important not to give way to those emotions. We must only acknowledge them and allow them to pass. Once you let the negative feelings pass you must refocus and continue to apply effort. Know with a certainty that success is always on the other side of effort. It’s only a matter of time.

If you are having trouble finding your focus after a setback or obstacle, here are some helpful tips to find your focus and get your mind back onto your goals!

1. Think Positive

You may be thinking ‘easier said than done’, right? But in this context what I mean by ‘be positive’ is don’t quit mentally. Believe in yourself and know that there is a solution to every single problem you face. Process the obstacle as a learning experience and look for the good in it. Move forward knowing that there are better days ahead!

2. Keep A Clear, Open Mind

Always be ready to receive new ideas. Focus and concentrate. Think in a wide scale manner and always be open to new options that eliminate your obstacle. Brainstorming with peers, coworkers, or a coach is a great way to stir up some new ideas as well as refocus.

Meditation is a wonderful way to regain focus. When you meditate, you still the mind and get rid of excess noise. Excess noise is anything that distracts you from your current goal. It could be day to day nuances or huge life events that present themselves at the most inconvenient times. Either way, meditation can help you slow down your thoughts and reign in the ego. When the ego is subdued it is easier to have positive thoughts. Those positive thoughts create more positive thoughts. And with the increase of positive thoughts you begin to feel happy, relaxed, and full of gratitude. This is the best state of mind for goal setting and focus.

3. Persist and Persevere

Be sure to exhaust every possibility. Do not be afraid of trial and error. Exploring every option and aspect will increase knowledge and experience in your desired area. This knowledge, in turn will lead you to accomplish your goal with continued effort. Remember: Success is always on the other side of effort.

4. Simulate

Try to picture in your head a possible solution to help overcome and/or solve the problem you are having and return your focus to your goal.

Visualization is a really good way to simulate. Visualization is powerful because the subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish your concentrated thoughts from your reality. With diligence, your mind will accept your visualizations and work to create the reality that you visualize.

How to Visualize

Relax. Close your eyes and try to see as many accurate details as you can. For example, if you want a car, visualize the make, model, color, year, and interior of the car you want. If you can, go a bit further and imagine the fresh car smell and feel yourself sitting in the driver seat. When you think often of a thing your brain creates it. So why not think of positive things that you’d like to create? When you visualize, you can literally see it happening!

5. Ask for Help

If all fails, get assistance from others you know who are more knowledgeable on the work being done. Even if their suggestions are not the exact ones you were hoping to hear, they may trigger some new ideas and ways for you to refocus, set your goals, and find the solution to your problem.

You got this!

Until next time, beautiful souls! 💖

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2 Keys to Boosting Your Inner Confidence

Hello Beautiful souls! I’ve been spreading myself a bit thin over the last several weeks. I’ve been writing my book, working on content, preparing to launch my life coaching business, while working my 9 to 5. From now on, my blogs will be posted on this site as well as my patreon site so that more people are able to see it.

http://www.patreon.com/glowwithmimi

I would really like as many people to see it as possible; so if you know someone that may benefit from my blogs- please share! Let’s build each other up. I want to help as many people find their inner glow as I can.

During my journey of self discovery and my evolution to becoming a life coach, I’ve learned one very important thing – inner confidence is the key to it all.

There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but they’re all redundant if the foundation isn’t there. That foundation is the real you, the you that you know deep down you are. The trick is that it takes confidence to find that and to bring out who you are – here are the three keys to real inner confidence.

1. Get To Know Your Values

Personal values are a big passion of mine and I often get carried away with myself when I talk about them. I make no apology for that though – they’re one of the most important things you can know about yourself and are vital in getting genuine inner confidence. Your values are ten thousand feet down inside you, right at the very core of who you are; and they’re the building blocks, the foundations and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that’s most important to you, and could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.

Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? It’s because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed or repressed – and we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, amazing or buzzing? Those are the times when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.

Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they’re there all the time just waiting for you to notice and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is that you’re allowing who you are to live in the real world.

2. Exercise the Muscle

Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time until you see the results you were looking for.

It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself. You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ That kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be and so the less confident they become.

To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way. You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do and who you are. The more open you are to risk, opportunity and possibility the more confident you need to be, and so the more confidence you’ll develop. That’s your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?”

That is the question that I had to ask myself. What am I going to do to exercise it?

And now, I pose that same question to you. What are you going to do to exercise your muscle?

Let me know in the comments. 🙂

Until Next Time Beautiful Souls

Relinquish my Strength?! Uh, No.

Hello, beautiful souls 💖

I’d like to discuss something that has been tugging on my heart strings lately. Ive noticed that there has been a reel trending on social media about ‘strong black women’. In case you aren’t familiar with it, it goes a little something like this:

I am not a strong black woman. I am delicate, fragile, and I can’t do it all on my own…

There’s more to the reel, and I don’t remember the audio verbatim but I’d like to address the sentiment. I viewed this audio as a cry for help from my queens who are tired of carrying the load alone.

Being strong is a blessing and a curse in today’s society. When a person is strong, they are often given more weight to carry. The growing assumption is that since you’ve carried so much, you can carry a little more…and a bit more…and wait, here’s a little more. People typically don’t check on or offer assistance to strong people. And that can cause even the strongest of people to be weary.

Yet, strength is a gift. It is earned based on perseverance and is the by product of experience and wisdom. Strength is an invaluable attribute that should be celebrated.

I am strong.

I didn’t think of myself as strong at one point. I endured quite a bit of misfortune as well as mistreatment from people I loved and to be honest I felt anything but strong. At times I felt broken, lost, and out of control. And that’s okay too. A strong person doesn’t feel strong all the time. In fact, a person is strong because they go through painful experiences and still stand.

Strength is often appreciated in the hard times. In relationships I was often commended for my strength when I helped my mate with an issue they were facing or found a solution to a problem when my partner didn’t have one. But when I stood up for myself, I was told often that I was “too strong”.

What does that mean?!

The same strength that was admired and appreciated was quickly shunned and viewed as a negative attribute once I established some boundaries. That is not how things work.

That being said, strength is an attribute that I’ve earned and I will not relinquish my strength so that a person will accept me. I am strong, I am soft, I am fierce, I am sweet. I am human. We are human. And we all deserve to be loved and accepted as we are.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖