Tag: blog

Confidence Boost Part 2

Hello Beautiful Souls!

I know that I already did a blog on confidence, but since confidence is one of the pillars of self-love (and an area that I struggled in immensely) I thought I’d share a few more tips with you. These tips, along with the tips from the previous confidence boosting blog have helped me rebuild my confidence after my experience with narcissistic abuse and codependency. For best results, implement as many of these tips as you can into your everyday life.

Don’t Worry about what Others Think

This step is often over complicated by societal norms, expectations, and agreements that we’ve made- whether knowingly or unknowingly- throughout our lives. But we must get out of our heads, get out of our own way, remove those constructs and do what’s best for us no matter what people think of our actions.

Always Consider:

That a person’s opinions are solely based on their own perceptions and understanding.

That you are valid with or without the positive opinions or support of others.

That this is your life, so:

Be Fearless

You are a unique being and this is a unique experience. You will only do this once. Each person on earth, whether they are aware of it or not, is on a mission for personal happiness and fulfillment. You are absolutely deserving of happiness; in fact, it is your right to be happy in this life. True happiness can only be achieved when you do the things that bring you joy. You become fearless when you do the things that please you without fear of judgment and open up to change and opportunities that help you grow and elevate.

Be Yourself

What better way to be confident is there than being yourself? A lot of discontent is caused and further exacerbated by people being who other people want them to be rather than who they really are. When you free yourself from the expectations of others and be yourself your happiness will skyrocket! But who are you really? To discover your true self, you will need to do some honest self-evaluation and reflection. Spend some time alone, get to know yourself inside and out. This is a sure way to know, understand, and love yourself authentically. Once you find the real you- you wouldn’t want to be anyone else!

Monitor Your Progress

Take the process one day at a time and be gentle with yourself when you fall short of your expectations. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Years of programming is not likely to fall away in a week or two. This process is not to be rushed. It takes time and consistent effort. Be aware of your emotions, energy shifts that you may feel, and things that trigger you. Trust yourself and do not ignore your intuition. These feelings work as a signal light to let you know that something needs to be fixed or adjusted. And don’t be afraid to call in reinforcements! Statistically, people are much more likely to complete a task when they create a plan or have an accountability partner.

I really help that these tips do you some good. I apply them to my life and they are doing great things for my confidence.

Until Next Time Beautiful Souls!

Find your Focus

Hello beautiful souls! 💖

Have you ever experienced an obstacle or road block while trying to accomplish a goal? I think we all have. As we set out to accomplish goals in our lives it’s commonplace to encounter an obstacle here and there. But sometimes the discouragement and frustration caused by those obstacles can throw us off track and cause us to lose focus.

When we experience the feelings of discouragement and frustration, it is important not to give way to those emotions. We must only acknowledge them and allow them to pass. Once you let the negative feelings pass you must refocus and continue to apply effort. Know with a certainty that success is always on the other side of effort. It’s only a matter of time.

If you are having trouble finding your focus after a setback or obstacle, here are some helpful tips to find your focus and get your mind back onto your goals!

1. Think Positive

You may be thinking ‘easier said than done’, right? But in this context what I mean by ‘be positive’ is don’t quit mentally. Believe in yourself and know that there is a solution to every single problem you face. Process the obstacle as a learning experience and look for the good in it. Move forward knowing that there are better days ahead!

2. Keep A Clear, Open Mind

Always be ready to receive new ideas. Focus and concentrate. Think in a wide scale manner and always be open to new options that eliminate your obstacle. Brainstorming with peers, coworkers, or a coach is a great way to stir up some new ideas as well as refocus.

Meditation is a wonderful way to regain focus. When you meditate, you still the mind and get rid of excess noise. Excess noise is anything that distracts you from your current goal. It could be day to day nuances or huge life events that present themselves at the most inconvenient times. Either way, meditation can help you slow down your thoughts and reign in the ego. When the ego is subdued it is easier to have positive thoughts. Those positive thoughts create more positive thoughts. And with the increase of positive thoughts you begin to feel happy, relaxed, and full of gratitude. This is the best state of mind for goal setting and focus.

3. Persist and Persevere

Be sure to exhaust every possibility. Do not be afraid of trial and error. Exploring every option and aspect will increase knowledge and experience in your desired area. This knowledge, in turn will lead you to accomplish your goal with continued effort. Remember: Success is always on the other side of effort.

4. Simulate

Try to picture in your head a possible solution to help overcome and/or solve the problem you are having and return your focus to your goal.

Visualization is a really good way to simulate. Visualization is powerful because the subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish your concentrated thoughts from your reality. With diligence, your mind will accept your visualizations and work to create the reality that you visualize.

How to Visualize

Relax. Close your eyes and try to see as many accurate details as you can. For example, if you want a car, visualize the make, model, color, year, and interior of the car you want. If you can, go a bit further and imagine the fresh car smell and feel yourself sitting in the driver seat. When you think often of a thing your brain creates it. So why not think of positive things that you’d like to create? When you visualize, you can literally see it happening!

5. Ask for Help

If all fails, get assistance from others you know who are more knowledgeable on the work being done. Even if their suggestions are not the exact ones you were hoping to hear, they may trigger some new ideas and ways for you to refocus, set your goals, and find the solution to your problem.

You got this!

Until next time, beautiful souls! 💖

9 Ways to Fight Fear!

Does Fear get in your way?

Hello Beautiful Souls! Today, I’d like to talk about fear.

Fear gets to the best of us, whether it is fear of failure, fear of success or even fear of fear. All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a real stumbling block that holds us back from being truly successful.

A beautiful life is on the other side of our fears. So, let’s step out of our comfort zone, face our fears and thrive! There are several ways to overcome fear, here are my top 9:

1. Separate Reality from Perception

Ask yourself what is really going on, locate the facts and place them over your feelings. Sometimes we form an unfavorable point of view in our minds based on past events and accept them as facts. Remember that just because something happened before, doesn’t mean that it will happen that same way again.

2. Identify the Trigger

Figure out what it is in a situation that triggers you. Learning to identify it will help you learn to combat it. (This is where self-evaluation is key.)

3. Know where Fear lives in your Body

A lot of times, fear takes over physically. It affects different people different ways. Identify if/how it affects your physical body and do the work to take care of your body. Ex: if you hold stress in your back, you can learn stretches, foam rolling, etc. to avoid the pain.

4. Practice Gratitude

Everyday, list out 1-3 things you are thankful for. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, gratitude helps shift the mind into a positive light, which overtime, overcomes fear.

5. Listen to Your Inner Voice

Monitor your inner conversations. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Speak positively to yourself and remind yourself of your strengths.

6. Create a New Association

Remind yourself that the feeling and the moment will pass. Focus on the positive outcome of the situation, rather than the scary inbetween.

7. Look at the Glass as Half Full

Perception is a very powerful thing, and how you feel about your situation dictates how you respond. So think positively and you’ll give yourself a much better chance of success. This won’t happen overnight; practice with just one thought. What is one recurring negative/fearful thought you have? Work on reversing this one thought. Overtime, this will become a habit.

8. Practice Breathing Techniques

Breathing helps center your body. You can do a grounding exercise, or even just take 5 deep, long breaths at any point to calm and center yourself. It is best to start your  day with this, but feel free to practice all day long.

9. Create a Safe Space

When you feel safe and secure, there is no room for fear. Find somewhere safe you can retreat to when ill feelings begin- whether this is a real place such as your bedroom, or a place in your mind such as the beach. This sense of comfort will soothe you and allow you to face your fear.

Please keep in mind, these are just 9 strategies, not everything works for everyone. But this is a place to start. Start implementing these techniques into your life and don’t let fear hold you back from reaching your goals and your highest potential this year!

Until Next Time, Beautiful Souls

Relinquish my Strength?! Uh, No.

Hello, beautiful souls 💖

I’d like to discuss something that has been tugging on my heart strings lately. Ive noticed that there has been a reel trending on social media about ‘strong black women’. In case you aren’t familiar with it, it goes a little something like this:

I am not a strong black woman. I am delicate, fragile, and I can’t do it all on my own…

There’s more to the reel, and I don’t remember the audio verbatim but I’d like to address the sentiment. I viewed this audio as a cry for help from my queens who are tired of carrying the load alone.

Being strong is a blessing and a curse in today’s society. When a person is strong, they are often given more weight to carry. The growing assumption is that since you’ve carried so much, you can carry a little more…and a bit more…and wait, here’s a little more. People typically don’t check on or offer assistance to strong people. And that can cause even the strongest of people to be weary.

Yet, strength is a gift. It is earned based on perseverance and is the by product of experience and wisdom. Strength is an invaluable attribute that should be celebrated.

I am strong.

I didn’t think of myself as strong at one point. I endured quite a bit of misfortune as well as mistreatment from people I loved and to be honest I felt anything but strong. At times I felt broken, lost, and out of control. And that’s okay too. A strong person doesn’t feel strong all the time. In fact, a person is strong because they go through painful experiences and still stand.

Strength is often appreciated in the hard times. In relationships I was often commended for my strength when I helped my mate with an issue they were facing or found a solution to a problem when my partner didn’t have one. But when I stood up for myself, I was told often that I was “too strong”.

What does that mean?!

The same strength that was admired and appreciated was quickly shunned and viewed as a negative attribute once I established some boundaries. That is not how things work.

That being said, strength is an attribute that I’ve earned and I will not relinquish my strength so that a person will accept me. I am strong, I am soft, I am fierce, I am sweet. I am human. We are human. And we all deserve to be loved and accepted as we are.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖

Use the Power of Choice to Discover your Purpose!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Do you wonder what your purpose in life is? Do you grow weary of drifting through life feeling unfulfilled? If you feel that way, you aren’t alone.

Determining what our purpose is in life can be one of the hardest questions that we as humans must try to answer. In this blog, we will explore our feelings and options, and by the end, we should have a fairly solid tool to help give our lives a more meaningful direction!

There are three steps to the process of discovering the purpose of your life:

1. Understanding the Principle of Choice.

2. Creating your ‘Underlying Principle’

3. Aligning your Life with this Underlying Principle

Understanding the Principle of Choice

Norman Vincent Peale has this to say about the Power Of Choice: “The greatest power we have is the power of Choice. It is an actual fact, that if you have been groping under unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous instead. And, by effort, lift yourself into joy. If you tend to be fearful, you can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of anyone’s life is determined by the choices that are made.”

Choosing is the most important activity of our minds, because by making a choice, we are proclaiming our desires to the subconscious mind. Once the subconscious mind gets to know our desires, it does everything in its power to manifest those desires in our lives. The things the we choose become goals to the subconscious mind. And if we are sincere in pursuing them, there is no reason why we would not accomplish those goals.

Naturally then, it’s reasonable to deduce that indecision prevents us from accomplishing our goals. It not only creates frustration and anxiety; but indecision confuses the subconscious mind about what we want. That is not at all to suggest making snap decisions or behaving impulsively. We should always follow our intuition and make decisions that are in accordance to our true desires and purpose.

A lot of us let others make choices for us, or make choices according to societal norms or cultural stereotypes. Sometimes we make these choices even though they go against our own wishes. We must not make our life decisions based on the desires of other people. What is right for one individual may not be right for another, and the way to know what’s right for you is to listen to what your heart says.

So, to begin the process, make a list of things that interest you. Add things you’ve always enjoyed, things that make you feel better, that inspire you, etc.

Whatever it is that interests you, write it down and answer these questions:

What thing do you love to do?

What is it that you love about that thing, and why?

How could you do this for money, and make a living out of it?

Creating your Underlying Principle

The next step is to examine the list you made and find out if there is a recurring theme. Then, take the central theme of the things you love to do, and try to put it in a short and precise statement. This will be your Mission Statement. It could be a quote by a famous person, or a philosophy that has influenced you. The mission statement doesn’t have to be permanent; it can grow and change as you do. Go ahead and write down your Mission Statement 🙂

Aligning your Life with Your Underlying Principle

Now that you have your Mission Statement, it’s time to map out the path to your ultimate purpose. By implementing small changes and remaining consistent to them, you will begin living out your underlying principle each and every day. By becoming aware and intentional of this underlying principle of your life, you will certainly start to feel the difference in your enthusiasm for life as a whole. Create time and space to bring the things on your list into your life. If you find that you like being in nature, plan a camping trip or visit a national park.

You could even change professions or start a business that more closely aligns with your Mission.

So..there it is!

By following the steps mentioned above, you will be on your way to finding and living out your purpose. And as you go through this process, always remember that –

“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. ” – Steve Maraboli

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Take up Space!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

As the month of April comes to a close, I’d like to finish strong with a slight recap of what we’ve discussed during the month.

This is The Evolution.

First and foremost, we are to show up for ourselves. Self love and self care are the root of evolution. Growth does not happen until our foundation – is stable. We cannot evolve into better people if we do not first love ourselves and show up for ourselves.

Once we have self awareness and self love, and we are showing up for ourselves, we must be intentional. Being intentional directs or funnels our positive energy and our awareness into more purposeful, positive, and deliberate actions, boundaries, priorities, schedules, and habits.

Creating a to-do list is a great way to be intentional.

Next, we begin self evaluation. It is absolutely necessary for growth. This is where we have to be honest with ourselves about our habits, our connections, our emotions, our trauma, our “dirt” if you will. We have to take ownership for our flaws and look for ways to make healthy changes. We should forgive those who have done us wrong and we should forgive ourselves too.

In this stage, we look at who we associate ourselves with and make changes if need be. Once we become more intentional, we may realize that there are people in our lives that no longer resonate with us or the new direction our lives are headed. Self evaluation is the place where we may have some uncomfortable conversations or process some less than favorable emotions. It all works out for the best, because now we move on and we take up space.

Do you find yourself doing these things? Self Evaluation may be in order.

And now, we reach the most fun part of our evolution:

Take Up Space!

To take up space means to expand, to fearlessly step out of the shadows and be seen, and to be who we are unapologetically. We must never shrink, lower, or stifle ourselves to make others comfortable.

Taking up space requires confidence. This is something that I continue to work on myself, and I can honestly say that I’ve come a long way. Feel free to contact me if you would like some tips or suggestions on confidence building, or if you have some tips to add.

But…it is not over once we begin taking up space. We continue on. We continue to show up for ourselves, be intentional, self evaluate, and take up space through this journey that we call life. Deep down, expansion is what we all long for. What our souls long for.

It’s been a pleasure sharing my thoughts with you. I hope you enjoy this blog. Feel free to share it with like minded individuals. 😊

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Self-Evaluation

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week, the focus is on self-evaluation. Self-evaluation is the third (and most pivotal) step in our evolution. Self evaluation, or shadow work, is a process that has brought forth a lot of healing for me on my journey.

Self Evaluation is so important because no real progress can be made without it.

No one can truly show up for themselves; neither can they be intentional without evaluating their behaviors first. Self evaluation enables a person to know their strengths and challenges. Only then can a person truly show up and adequately assess the areas where they should be more intentional.

What does self evaluation really mean?

My interpretation of self evaluation is a combination of self awareness and self discovery. It’s being 100% truthful with myself about my emotions and triggers. When I feel triggered or become frustrated, I immediately ask myself why I am feeling the way that I am. I consider the four agreements- am I breaking one of them? I continue to ask myself questions and evaluating my emotions and responses until I find the root of the problem.

Sometimes, my evaluation goes deeper than a few self check questions and I take a more extensive approach that involves journaling and meditation.

Each step in the Evolution process works together to ensure our progression into greatness. Self evaluation eventually leads to self mastery- a beautiful level of elevation that I am still striving to reach.

The process of evaluating ourselves may be uncomfortable at times, but it is definitely worth it! This brings up our vibration as well as prevents us from repeating painful lessons.

Whatever method of self-evaluation you use,(journaling, meditation, prayer, hobbies and activities, therapy, etc) I wish you well on your evolution.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions, and/or comment if you have tips or suggestions to add to this topic. 🙂

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Be Intentional

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week is all about the second step in The Evolution to our best selves: Be Intentional.

(Step one was last week’s topic: Show Up For Yourself!)

To be intentional is to be mindful of your thoughts, aware of your actions, and to be deliberate with your time and energy. In short, being intentional means that your actions have a specific aim or purpose.

Here are some tips for being intentional:

1. Prioritize tasks

2. Create a schedule

3. Set boundaries

4. Form good habits

An accountability partner may also be useful if you find yourself losing motivation.

If you’d like some suggestions or have any that you’d like to add, feel free to comment and let me know!

Next week, we will be talking about the third step in the ongoing process of evolution: Self Evaluation.

Always remember; you are heard, you are loved, you are seen.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖

Show up for Yourself

Hello beautiful souls! 💖

How are you doing today?

I just wanted to take a moment to check on all the adults out there.

The wearers of many hats. The ones putting everything into everyone else but themselves.

I see you.

I see you being the stellar employee at work, the kids’ personal chef, the sounding board for your spouse. The “go to” friend or relative. You’re always there when they need you. You always show up and are present,, aware,, engaged,, attentive. You give 110% to the people you care about. But do you show up for yourself?

If you’re anything like I used to be, the answer is a resounding “NO.”

I had to learn to show up for myself. I started with prioritizing myself and I struggled with it at first. It felt wrong. I felt like I was being selfish. I was so used to putting myself on the back burner that basic self care felt like overindulgence.

I had to realize that self care is not wrong. It is vital and should be a daily occurrence. Even if it is a small thing, we must do something for ourselves every day.

Take a few minutes out of your day and invest in yourself. My intention each day is to spend half an hour enriching myself. Some days I reach and even exceed my goal and others…not so much. It happens. Fifteen minutes invested is better than no time at all…

Feel like you’re too busy to commit? Here are a few suggestions:

Set an alarm. If possible, wake up a few minutes earlier than the family to have a moment to yourself.

Fake sleep. This may sound silly, but when I was in a really controlling relationship, I used to wake up and be completely still for a while. I’d meditate and think positive thoughts before getting out of bed. Those positive thoughts really helped me through some rough days.

Go to the bathroom. Another strategy I learned during my last marriage. Going to the bathroom can give you a moment to gather yourself and take a few deep breaths. One of my favorites is three deep breaths. Inhale Peace. Exhale Love. It works in a pinch!

If you found these tips useful, would like to know more, or have any other tips, please feel free to reach out and let me know. 😊

The key to showing up for yourself is being intentional; which I will go into more detail about next week.

I wish the very best for you and challenge you to show up for yourself!

Until next time beautiful souls 💖