I won’t be before you long- as I’ve heard many men of the cloth say but it was never true. 🤣
I just want to take a few moments to encourage some and remind others of this undisputable fact:
You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to do.
That is an actual fact. Think about that. Understand it. You can literally do anything you set your mind to.. as soon as you take the limits off of yourself. Anything.
Because when you set your mind that means that you are locked in. You are diligent, and you are focused on this thing. You apply time and energy to this thing daily.
And when you do that- the roadblocks crumble.
The obstacles move, and you formulate a way to do that thing in your mind.
And then you go do it. Then, you come back to step one. You focus on something else. Set your mind on it and repeat the process over again.
You can do anything.
So…what are you gonna do?
Feel free to comment and let me know what you plan to do!
Today, I wanted to do a follow up blog based on last week’s post. Last week’s post was a poem that I had written; entitled Can’t Find Happy.
While I was typing those words that I had written a few years back, I could recall the depth of sadness and misery that I was feeling when I originally wrote it. During that time, I was fighting with everything I had to salvage my marriage and make my family happy.
The man that I loved was unhappy. And although I was also unhappy, I put myself on the back burner and focused on him. No matter how hard I focused on his happiness, he seemed to always find something to be unhappy about. In turn, I became even more unhappy. This deep sadness had become depression.
I was an unaware, ill-equipped empath who was codependent and had trauma bonded with a narcissist. My environment was toxic. My self esteem was at an all time low due to being constantly manipulated and gaslighted, and I didn’t believe that I could leave and do well on my own. I felt trapped. I felt broken. And I felt oh so lost.
Can’t Find Happy was written in efforts to release my depression and despair through writing. Depression is very real and should be taken very seriously. It is a legitimate illness that has chemical effects on the brain and the body.
It isn’t always easy to spot, (some people who battle depression are very good at hiding their inner turmoil) but if you notice a change in behavior in a friend or loved one Please Follow Up with them! If they seem uncharacteristically moody, withdrawn, easily flustered, distracted, or lethargic, these may be indications that something is wrong. Follow Up with them. Show them that you care! Compassion is free.
And if you, beautiful soul; feel any of the previously mentioned symptoms. If you feel like you’re carrying a burden that is too heavy for you- Please reach out!
**There are people that care!
I care.
And things may seem heavy and hopeless now, but you can make it out of that situation. I was in a situation that I thought was hopeless and I made it through.
I was depressed, but I made it.
I was manipulated, but I made it.
I was broken, but I made it.
I was gaslighted, but I made it.
I was doubted, but I made it.
I was afraid, but I made it.
I made it.
I made it!!
And so can you.
And so will you.
And so ARE you.
A post from the narcissistic abuse support group I’m in…
Today, there is so much gratitude and joy in my heart as I see a painful cycle of my life coming to a close.
Over the past few much I have endured much. Some of it good, some…not so much, but I learned a lesson from every experience. And that, today is what I want to focus on.
It’s easy to feel good and be happy when things are going well. But it’s during those times of learning, unfamiliarity, and sometimes even betrayal that have the most growth and rewards come from them.
And during this time, is when I really learned how strong I am. I had been put in a strange and difficult position and there was no one to depend on but me. This is not to say, of course that no one was there for me. There were/are a few very special and very supportive people in my small circle that gave me words of encouragement and showed me kindness.
But when the rubber meets the road, if a person wants change, only they can do that for themselves. I had spent so much time doubting myself…I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to make something happen. There were people depending on me. I was depending on me.
I pulled myself together and started writing my goals down. I started meditating more, I wrote new affirmations and my confidence began to grow. I had no choice but to believe in myself.
It didn’t happen overnight, but things began to change. Once my perspective changed work got a bit easier and I saw the good in my situation.
And now I’m actually quite grateful for that betrayal because it set me free. It helped me see myself truly. I learned that I already am and have what I need.
During this time of year and this point in my life I find it to be of vital importance to celebrate.
I didn’t allow myself to celebrate much before. I felt that I hadn’t accomplished anything worth celebrating- except for create my daughter- and I didn’t do even do that on my own.
I realized that my way of thinking in the past was not only negative, but it was ungrateful. Self evaluation proved that I had been choosing to see my life and experiences as some sort of punishment or rejection by “God”. I felt like I was being picked on; bullied. My perspective was completely damaging. I was grading myself based on outside expectations and popular clichés and comparing myself to my peers.
Over the years, I have learned and evolved much. I have looked into my past and separated the pain from the lessons. I have begun to truly know, love, and appreciate myself. I find that life is much more simple and enjoyable when I stop overthinking or worrying and just live.
Live and Celebrate.
Celebrate!
I celebrate each day that I am given. I celebrate my gifts and talents, my empathy and kindness, my body, my experiences, my wisdom, my sensuality, my intelligence, my uniqueness…
I was chatting with one of my followers on Instagram a few days ago and I began to think.
He had shared a reel with me in which the gentleman on the reel was reacting to another man’s monolog. He was talking about how hard it is to be a man and how women don’t care about men’s feelings, etc.
Now, I won’t lie to you- my initial reaction was annoyance. I felt like the guy was whining about basic things that men do like open doors and pull out chairs…which, to be honest, I always appreciate chivalry but alot of men don’t even do that anymore. But then he spoke about women not caring about men’s feelings.
And that bothered me.
Which brought me to the very point of this blog: it is very important to have a safe place.
This bothered me because I absolutely believe that both women and men have emotions that are valid. In some cases, men have been brought up to hold in their emotions. They have been told to toughen up; that real men don’t cry. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men have emotions and should be comfortable enough to express them.
Men and women- if you are in a serious relationship where you cannot express yourself without judgment, then I strongly suggest that you reevaluate that relationship. Because everyone should have a safe place.
A safe place; in my opinion, is a person that you can let your guard down with. A person that you can be completely yourself around without fear of ridicule or negativity. This doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t disagree with you when you’re wrong. But it does mean that you can be vulnerable without being attacked. Their intentions for you are the best for you. They want to see you grow. They want to see you happy.
This safe place does not have to be a romantic partner. It could be a parent, sibling, relative, or friend. It is just my humble opinion that if you are in a romantic relationship, that your mate ideally would be a safe place for you.
As a woman, I am clueless to the perils of being a man. I have some idea, I can empathize, but I cannot TELL a man how he should react/feel about his stressors. As his partner, however, I aim to listen, support, comfort, advise, or to simply be there.
Inner Glow Blog 