Tag: family
Be Intentional
Hello beautiful souls đ
This week is all about the second step in The Evolution to our best selves: Be Intentional.
(Step one was last week’s topic: Show Up For Yourself!)
To be intentional is to be mindful of your thoughts, aware of your actions, and to be deliberate with your time and energy. In short, being intentional means that your actions have a specific aim or purpose.
Here are some tips for being intentional:
1. Prioritize tasks
2. Create a schedule
3. Set boundaries
4. Form good habits
An accountability partner may also be useful if you find yourself losing motivation.
If you’d like some suggestions or have any that you’d like to add, feel free to comment and let me know!
Next week, we will be talking about the third step in the ongoing process of evolution: Self Evaluation.
Always remember; you are heard, you are loved, you are seen.
Until next time beautiful souls đđ
Follow Up/Reach Out
Hello beautiful souls đ
Today, I wanted to do a follow up blog based on last week’s post. Last week’s post was a poem that I had written; entitled Can’t Find Happy.
While I was typing those words that I had written a few years back, I could recall the depth of sadness and misery that I was feeling when I originally wrote it. During that time, I was fighting with everything I had to salvage my marriage and make my family happy.
The man that I loved was unhappy. And although I was also unhappy, I put myself on the back burner and focused on him. No matter how hard I focused on his happiness, he seemed to always find something to be unhappy about. In turn, I became even more unhappy. This deep sadness had become depression.
I was an unaware, ill-equipped empath who was codependent and had trauma bonded with a narcissist. My environment was toxic. My self esteem was at an all time low due to being constantly manipulated and gaslighted, and I didn’t believe that I could leave and do well on my own. I felt trapped. I felt broken. And I felt oh so lost.
Can’t Find Happy was written in efforts to release my depression and despair through writing. Depression is very real and should be taken very seriously. It is a legitimate illness that has chemical effects on the brain and the body.
It isn’t always easy to spot, (some people who battle depression are very good at hiding their inner turmoil) but if you notice a change in behavior in a friend or loved one Please Follow Up with them! If they seem uncharacteristically moody, withdrawn, easily flustered, distracted, or lethargic, these may be indications that something is wrong. Follow Up with them. Show them that you care! Compassion is free.
And if you, beautiful soul; feel any of the previously mentioned symptoms. If you feel like you’re carrying a burden that is too heavy for you- Please reach out!
**There are people that care!
I care.
And things may seem heavy and hopeless now, but you can make it out of that situation. I was in a situation that I thought was hopeless and I made it through.
I was depressed, but I made it.
I was manipulated, but I made it.
I was broken, but I made it.
I was gaslighted, but I made it.
I was doubted, but I made it.
I was afraid, but I made it.
I made it.
I made it!!
And so can you.
And so will you.
And so ARE you.
Until next time beautiful souls đ
Michael
I lost him a week ago today. He was my first love. He was giving, caring, funny, smart, loving and hard working.
He showed me what love really was. Not the cheesy, romantic comedy type love- but honest love. Love thatâs real and true. Love that stands through anger and remains steadfast even when you donât get your way. I thought that if I could get a man half as good as Michael; Iâd be the most blessed woman on earth.
You see, Michael is my father. He and my mother were married for 40 years. They didnât have a lot of material things, but they had each other. And they had us.
I wanted to become wealthy so that I could reward my parents for all of their hard work and sacrifice. I wanted to spoil them. But now, heâs gone and all of our hearts are broken.
So, my new goal is to make sure that everyone knows his name. Michael Antonio. My first love.
I miss you…
Hey!
There were so many things between us that went unsaid. We had misunderstandings, petty arguments and outside influences that started us off on the wrong foot. And then there was the age gap: you were seven years older than me and I know that seems like forever when youâre a teenager…
But we made it through the big stuff and we buried the hatchet. Dispelled some rumors and untruths. And we got to a good place.
And if I knew then what I know now; we wouldâve gotten to that good place sooner. Whether you were willing or not, I wouldâve made it happen. Because the time we had was not enough. And now I cant get it back…I guess everything happens for a reason, but it just seems so terribly unfair.
I am glad for the time we did have though. When I wasnât deployed or didnât have duty, I would ride out to San Bernardino for the weekend with my boy Eric. Your house was my favorite place to go. And it didnât matter what we did- you were that cool. It was in those small, fleeting moments during stolen weekends that I got to know you. The real you. Not what I heard about you or what you showed people-but you. Strong, vulnerable, perfectly flawed …
You.
And I really love that you.
You were a good mother and a good girlfriend -although you deserved better. Youâd give the shirt off your back to help people you love, and it pains me to think that you left this world not knowing how ridiculously dope you were.
It pains me.
Oh, it hurts me.
Thatâs not even the worst part. I know that as much as I hurt, there are five people who hurt all the more. And that why Iâve cried in secret for the last ten years. I felt like it was selfish to cry openly because I know your kids miss you more. Nae…Your kids are grown now, and some of them have had children of their own. I chuckle when I visualize you being the most fabulous âglammaâ ever. And my daughter is seventeen now; isnât that crazy?!
I just wanted you to know that I love you and I think about you often. Sometimes those thoughts of you make me laugh. Sometimes I cry.
But one thing is certain: you were one of a kind, and Iâd rather cry a thousand times over than forget.
I could never forget you.
06/30/1973 – 03/02/2010
I miss you sis.
Keep Smiling
It may seem hard to do right now, with everything thatâs going on in the world- but keep smiling.
My heart goes out to all that have been diagnosed with the Coronavirus; and I grieve with those that have lost loved ones… While I donât know anyone personally who has gone through this; to me, thatâs irrelevant. My sense of humanity, my heart hurts when I think of all the lives lost. This is serious!
Because of the seriousness of this situation; I leave my property as little as possible. My husband, out of concern, has heavily suggested that I stay inside as much as possible.
You see, Iâm one of those people with a âweakened immune system.â I was diagnosed with Lupus in 2003. And the news of this virus; to be honest, shook me to my core. I literally cried- thinking that I would contract the virus and die. But I couldnât live that way. I had to shake the fear off!
I decided to choose happiness and productivity over fear and boredom. I am now taking this time to continue working on my personal development. Months before this virus impacted the US, I invested in my education. So, as I sit in wait; I am making myself a more marketable asset. Iâm taking typing, learning languages, brushing up on my Microsoft office skills, etc.
That being said, the best thing to do in times like these is to focus on the positive. As long as youâre alive; you are blessed! And there are things you can do while you wait at home for the virus to be subdued. You can find a hobby, write a book, take online classes, make and sell arts and crafts, increase your online presence and communicate that way, rekindle damaged relationships, read…
Believe me when I say; âI am practicing what I preach!â I am telling you to keep smiling because thatâs what I told myself. And itâs working. I am working on me. Dieting, exercising, learning, definitely cleaning and disinfecting, sheltering in place, and searching intently for the silver lining each day.
We- as a nation- will be okay. Things may look a little grim at times but this world will be alright.
Riverside Review
No one asked me, and only approximately 5 people even take the time to read my blog at this current moment (thank you!) but I enjoy writing and wanted to give a review on a recent family outing.
On Friday, my family and I decided that we’d get out of the house and have dinner together.
There isn’t much going on in golden valley, az- I’m sure you’re even wondering; where’s that?! Well, golden valley is a town in between the notoriously racist city of Kingman, Az and Bullhead City, Az which sits on the Colorado River near Laughlin, NV.
We had a choice to make: would we travel about a half an hour to Laughlin, or would we take an hour an a half drive to Las Vegas? They both have a strip with hotels, casinos, restaurants, and buffets. Initially, Vegas seemed more appealing…
Until hubby did some research and pointed out that Don Laughlin’s Riverside Casino has an all you can eat seafood buffet on Fridays. It’s a new promotion that they’ve started and it costs a little over twenty bucks. Upon your first time, you can get a player’s card which enables you to either get half price on the buffet, or feed a second person for free.
Considering that the Riverside was serving seafood and Boulder Station was serving BBQ; we almost unanimously decided to go local and eat at the Riverside buffet.
The eight of us hopped into two vehicles and headed out. 25 minutes later we had arrived. We send the kids to hold a place for us in line and four of the over 21 adults go to get our club cards.
My review in one word: Fantastic!
Despite the ripples of bigotry and stares from a few ignorant patrons; we all had a great time.
The pricing was fair, the staff was friendly and the variety of seafood was well worth it. There was both fresh and battered shrimp, hush puppies, crab cakes, crawfish, a salad bar, and desserts to name a few items. But the best part of the buffet to me was the shrimp scampi and the crab legs!
The crab legs were cut in half; making the deliciously flavored meat easily accessible for clumsy folks like me. There was no dining time limit, (some buffets in Vegas have them) the area was clean, and the was a ramp to the dining area so that mom could take her chair up to the table.
I would absolutely come back to the Riverside Casino and enjoy myself! They left a good impression on me.
Until next time beautiful people. đ
Not good at being 39
The days that lead up to my birthday (December 13) were filled with anticipation and planning. I would take on this new year of life with an unprecedented hunger. I’ve always had goals, but now I have a plan of action and a “can do” attitude. I was prepared to make this the best year yet. The first of many great years to come.
When the day came, however, it brought with it unpredictability and disaster. I was in Las Vegas at my hubby’s job when I got a call from my sister. Okay, nothing out of the ordinary there- my sister is one of my best friends.
But she was calling me to tell me that our mother was behaving strangely and that she may need to go to the emergency room. This sucked the joy out of my soul. You see, my mother had suffered from a stroke about six months ago and was in the hospital for an entire month. She got home and was doing really well. She was eating better and was much more active. But (oh how I hate buts) she soon returned to her previous habits and had regained the weight she lost during recovery. And now this.
My chest hurt. I couldn’t breathe. I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes, so I quickly gathered my things and exited the building. I just had to get to the car so that I could cry in peace.
Too late.
Tears stream down my face before I could open the door. I collapse into the front seat and weep. Everyone else is inside the building working, so at least no one saw me.
Not everyone was in the building.
I didn’t see him, but one of my husband’s coworkers/friends was taking his break in the car next to ours. He immediately contacted hubby over the radio, asking him to meet him outside. In moments, my husband was beside me asking what was wrong. I told him. A few minutes later, we were leaving the job site and our plans for the day to head home. Nothing else mattered. I had to get to my mama.
When we got the the house, mom had been cleaned up and dressed. For all intents and purposes; she was ready to go. But she wouldn’t cooperate and didn’t recognize us, so it was difficult. It took five of us to get her safely into the truck. We headed to the hospital.
Would you believe we had car trouble?! Of all the things to happen right now! Fortunately, we have more than one car and were only a few miles from home. We called our son to bring another car. We switched, loaded mom into the other vehicle and left.
When we got to the hospital, they almost immediately took her into a room. I was so grateful. I just didn’t want time to keep passing without her receiving help. It didn’t take long for medical professionals to agree that she had another stroke. She was admitted and is still recovering.
My family made an attempt to make up for the shambles that was my birthday, but it failed miserably. We are all concerned about mama, and things won’t be okay until she is. I told them that I appreciate the effort, but I would prefer to just move forward.
Please get better mama, I don’t wanna be 39 without you here.
Phase 1…again
It seems like I’ve spent most of my life in phase 1. Starting over, reinventing, learning, loving, gaining, losing…although, “phase 1 ” is in reference to me restarting the Atkins diet, I felt the bitter sting of irony when I realized that I may be at phase one in other aspects of my life as well.
This is my second marriage. I’m older now and more refined and I feel that he should be as well. Especially when you consider that there’s quite an age difference between us.
I don’t expect us not to disagree, but I do believe that at this juncture in our lives, we should both be past certain things. And we don’t seem to be. I’m growing tired of being the main person to compromise; to sacrifice, to take the high road.
At times, our blended family doesn’t blend so well and we all experience some discomfort.
But I draw the line at perpetual discomfort. I get fed up when my daughter is uncomfortable. She’s not perfect, but she’s polite, helpful, caring and goes out of her way to be kind to everyone. So if my daughter is uncomfortable; I am uncomfortable.
We as parents are supposed to lead by example. We should treat all members of the family with love and respect. I just feel like my daughter and I compromise and walk on eggshells much more than my bonus son and my husband do.
So, if this situation does not work itself out soon I will not only be in phase 1 of my diet, but I will be in phase 1 in life yet again.
That means twice divorced, getting a new place, a new bank account and a new job. But it’s okay.
I survived it once, I can survive it again if need be.
Inner Glow Blog 