Have Fun/Enjoy Life

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Growth and personal development are topics that we speak of often. But…what about fun? It seems that as we age, we leave the concepts of fun and adventure behind us as if they are only reserved for the young.

As we grow into adulthood and load more responsibility onto our plates, we find that we have no room for fun.

Adulthood is about being serious and taking care of business. Or, at least that’s what I thought. So, I went about the business of adulting… I took care of my spouse, our home, our children. I paid bills, the mortgage, and such. My life became a list of obligations instead of a gift to enjoy. I was made aware of “my job” as a female adult and I didn’t deviate from that.

Then one day; about seven months ago my life changed and I had suddenly lost most of the things that I was so serious about. I was left alone to piece my life back together.

For quite a while, all I did was work and go home. I worked, I went home, I paid bills, and went to sleep so that I could go to work again.

My morale began to sink. I was grateful for my job and the ability to provide for myself and my little family. But there was something missing.

It was fun. Fun was missing!

I began to make friends at work and they started inviting me out. And there it was. The fun that I had been missing.

My friends and I preparing for a night out 😉

It took me a while but I finally realized that life is about enjoyment and love. All the things that we do should be based on enjoyment and love because that’s the beauty and purpose of the human experience.

I know that every minute of every day can’t be fun, but we all deserve to enjoy life. Remember to schedule some fun into your life. Don’t get too busy to smile, laugh, and make memories.

Until next time beautiful souls

Not My Lupus!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I hope that this blog finds you in good spirits. I’ve been traveling all day, but I wanted to make it a point to discuss this topic before February ends… so here goes:

In February of 2003, I was diagnosed with Lupus, RA, (rheumatoid arthritis) and a couple of other things. As you could imagine; I was afraid. I didn’t know much about lupus, but what I did know wasn’t good. At all. A family friend had just passed away due to lupus complications. What’s more, I was in my third trimester of pregnancy! I was afraid for myself, my future, and my child.

I was in pain a lot. Undoubtedly, it put strain on my marriage. We were both young and not quite used to being adults. There were so many things to deal with at once.. I felt like a burden to my husband and I believe that I was going through postpartum depression as well. Some days, I could barely walk. My codependency increased as a result. I lived in fear for years and I counted myself out.

I realized that I had sentenced myself to a lifetime of pain, sadness, and mediocrity because of this diagnosis. I felt even more inadequate than I had already thought I was. Sometimes I settled for things when I knew I deserved better because I was just grateful that someone was willing to be with me with all the issues I had.

I found that I was inadvertently attaching myself to the illness. I often referred to it as ‘my lupus’. I would say things like, ‘Well, I can’t make plans because I never know when my lupus is gonna flare up.’ And ‘I can’t do that type of job because of my lupus.’

BUT…

There’s always a ‘but’…💖

But I’ve grown to understand that a diagnosis does not make me who I am. It does not define me! I am a person worthy of respect and love with or without that diagnosis. An illness does not make me less of a person. If anything, it makes me that much more unique and strong.

I began to understand that the way I thought and spoke had doomed me far more than any illness could. I had to stop giving that illness power over me!

*Disclaimer* I am not saying in any way, shape or form to disregard medical advice or diagnosis.

What I am saying is that people with illnesses could benefit largely by understanding their strengths and practicing a little detachment. I was making the situation worse by thinking the worst.

Occasionally, I feel some discomfort but it isn’t severe. I am so much more happy, healthy, and in control of my body and my life. So, if you’ve been diagnosed with an illness my advice to you is to decide right now that YOU are in charge. Do not attach yourself to it. Do not call it yours.

Love yourself, be gentle with yourself and remember that you are not your circumstances.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Follow Up/Reach Out

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today, I wanted to do a follow up blog based on last week’s post. Last week’s post was a poem that I had written; entitled Can’t Find Happy.

While I was typing those words that I had written a few years back, I could recall the depth of sadness and misery that I was feeling when I originally wrote it. During that time, I was fighting with everything I had to salvage my marriage and make my family happy.

The man that I loved was unhappy. And although I was also unhappy, I put myself on the back burner and focused on him. No matter how hard I focused on his happiness, he seemed to always find something to be unhappy about. In turn, I became even more unhappy. This deep sadness had become depression.

I was an unaware, ill-equipped empath who was codependent and had trauma bonded with a narcissist. My environment was toxic. My self esteem was at an all time low due to being constantly manipulated and gaslighted, and I didn’t believe that I could leave and do well on my own. I felt trapped. I felt broken. And I felt oh so lost.

Can’t Find Happy was written in efforts to release my depression and despair through writing. Depression is very real and should be taken very seriously. It is a legitimate illness that has chemical effects on the brain and the body.

It isn’t always easy to spot, (some people who battle depression are very good at hiding their inner turmoil) but if you notice a change in behavior in a friend or loved one Please Follow Up with them! If they seem uncharacteristically moody, withdrawn, easily flustered, distracted, or lethargic, these may be indications that something is wrong. Follow Up with them. Show them that you care! Compassion is free.

And if you, beautiful soul; feel any of the previously mentioned symptoms. If you feel like you’re carrying a burden that is too heavy for you- Please reach out!

**There are people that care!

I care.

And things may seem heavy and hopeless now, but you can make it out of that situation. I was in a situation that I thought was hopeless and I made it through.

I was depressed, but I made it.

I was manipulated, but I made it.

I was broken, but I made it.

I was gaslighted, but I made it.

I was doubted, but I made it.

I was afraid, but I made it.

I made it.

I made it!!

And so can you.

And so will you.

And so ARE you.

A post from the narcissistic abuse support group I’m in…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Poetry Time: Can’t Find Happy

Hello beautiful souls 💖 For my blog this week, I’m going to share a poem that I wrote in 2018 and next week I plan to do a follow up on this poem. I do hope you can appreciate this piece.

I want “Happy”.

And that’s a problem

Because happy is unobtainable.

Well, not unobtainable. More so elusive

Most certainly fleeting

And definitely unkind to me.

It’s with me one minute and

At the first sign of conflict

It ducks out. Vanishes.

Through the back door

And out of my life

Without so much as a note.

No explanation. Happy is gone.

I had happy once.

I think I was about nine

My family and I were

Moving into our own place.

Or…wait. Was it my 16th birthday?

I think happy was there

During my first marriage,

Or maybe during my divorce.

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure that

I had happy at least once, but-

Now, I can’t find it.

Gone again without a trace.

I reach out, but Happy leaves

My messages on ‘seen’.

And happy looks right through me

When we cross paths on the street.

Like an enemy.

Or worse; a stranger.

Not a twinkle of familiarity

In its eyes, but

I promise you;

It’s not my imagination!

I did have it.

And now..I can’t find happy.

That’s quite a problem.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖

Complete

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today, there is so much gratitude and joy in my heart as I see a painful cycle of my life coming to a close.

Over the past few much I have endured much. Some of it good, some…not so much, but I learned a lesson from every experience. And that, today is what I want to focus on.

It’s easy to feel good and be happy when things are going well. But it’s during those times of learning, unfamiliarity, and sometimes even betrayal that have the most growth and rewards come from them.

And during this time, is when I really learned how strong I am. I had been put in a strange and difficult position and there was no one to depend on but me. This is not to say, of course that no one was there for me. There were/are a few very special and very supportive people in my small circle that gave me words of encouragement and showed me kindness.

But when the rubber meets the road, if a person wants change, only they can do that for themselves. I had spent so much time doubting myself…I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to make something happen. There were people depending on me. I was depending on me.

I pulled myself together and started writing my goals down. I started meditating more, I wrote new affirmations and my confidence began to grow. I had no choice but to believe in myself.

It didn’t happen overnight, but things began to change. Once my perspective changed work got a bit easier and I saw the good in my situation.

And now I’m actually quite grateful for that betrayal because it set me free. It helped me see myself truly. I learned that I already am and have what I need.

I am complete within myself.

And so are you.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Allow Today to Be Awesome!

Today is monumental to me. Today- a day that had all the makings of another average occurrence of days tumbling one on top of another, was allowed- by me- to be something magical. I woke up and smiled. “Today is an awesome day!” I said to myself.

I started the day in gratitude. I burned some sage and palo santo, I set my intention for a ‘beautiful day filled with love’. I meditated. I admired my crystals for a little while and then began to say my affirmations.

This time, I decided to say them in front of the mirror. Things were going typically until I got to one specific affirmation:

“I am beautiful.”

When I said this affirmation in the mirror, I cringed. Say it again. So, I did. I didn’t cringe this time. Say It Again. And I did. “I am beautiful.” It wasn’t painful. In fact, it seemed like less of a lie this time. One More Time. “I am beautiful.”

Silence.

I stood there; replaying the words in my head. I looked at myself, and for the first time in all of my life; I saw a beautiful person looking back at me.

“I am beautiful.” I whispered to myself once more…and I believed it! I began to cry.

I never thought I was beautiful. Maybe ‘cute’ sometimes when I have my hair and makeup done. Perhaps ‘pretty’ if I really liked my outfit. But I have never felt beautiful.

So, today is indeed a special day for me. And I hope that today is a special day for you as well. May today be the day that you discover something new about yourself. May today be the day that you find your bliss.

I am grateful for today because it is a milestone on my journey of self-love and self-discovery. Today is a great day because I allow it to be. Because I am a deliberate creator and I decide what type of day I am to have. I decide.

And that in itself; is a beautiful day filled with love.

Much love and be blessed. 💜✨Mimi

Directly after my “I am Beautiful” breakthrough.

Here to be happy

When a middle aged man would leave his firm where he’s junior partner to live in a small apartment as an artist- he was said to have had a mid life crisis.

When a suburban housewife and mother of four children files for divorce, gets her own place and becomes a social media influencer-the popular opinion may be that she’s crazy. Or selfish. Or maybe even a bad mother.

But maybe, just maybe; the world of courtrooms and PTA meetings just wasn’t for them. And that’s okay. Sometimes the social norms are just that.

At times, these norms can be quite restricting! While some of them are necessary for structure, the rest of them are a demand. A chore. An unrealistic mandate that is daunting to a soul that desires adventure and excitement.

People grow and change every day. As we evolve, there’s sometimes a pull. An urge. A longing to do and be something or someone different.

The truth is, aside from harming others, there is no wrong answer when living life.

Don’t stay in a career you hate because you make good money. Find a way to monetize what you love to do!

Don’t stay in an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage ‘for stability’ or ‘for the kids’. There’s nothing stable about going through the motions half heartedly because you really wish you were doing something else.

I’m not saying quit your job with no job to replace it. Neither am I saying that you shouldn’t take care of your kids. What I’m saying is, find your bliss. Your destiny and purpose is wrapped up in those longings!

If you feel that urge…lean into it. Decipher if it’s legitimate and if it is, make the required moves- responsibly of course-to satisfy your soul’s longing. Because that is your destiny. That is why you’re here and who you’re truly meant to be.

You are here to be happy.

Be blessed, and be free…

Create Your Joy

Today is a great day!

I firmly believe that for myself as well as you. I was doing my morning meditation, and decided to check out this app I just heard about called Shine. In honor of national women’s day, it was featured in the App Store. So I said, why not?

The meditation for me today; referred to as my “Daily Shine”; was titled “Create Your Joy”. This really resonates with me because I’m into positive thinking, gratitude, and creating my reality. So, after I listened to Fearless Soul (I swear by them too!) I dove into my daily shine and…

This daily shine was really helpful! It put into perspective even more how easy it is to create your own bliss. I realized that there were small and/or simple things that bring me joy and by doing those things; I can make a better mood for myself thus, building better thoughts. And as they say- thoughts become things.

Thoughts Become Things. These three words, like Create Your Joy; are simple yet profound. They unlocked a new way of thinking for me. It made me realize that although unpleasant things may happen in life, that doesn’t make my entire life unpleasant. Yes, pain is painful. But with some positive thinking, that pain can teach a lesson, and maybe even create joy later.

For example: losing my father is the most insanely painful thing that I have experienced in my life so far. But that loss opened my eyes to a lot of things. After I grieved my loss and climbed my way out of depression (it’s a daily process) I began to focus on things that make me feel good. I really dug my heels into the Law of Attraction, meditation, affirmations, and gratitude.

These thought patterns reverberated into my daily life, my relationships, and my outlook on life. I am beginning to focus on my energy and my purpose. I have become a ‘curious seeker of what makes me light up’ (Fearless Soul)

And it feels great!

So, I challenge you to create your own joy. Take some time to think about things that bring you joy. And when circumstances start to go in a direction that doesn’t serve you- stop and reflect for a moment.

Ask yourself: what can I learn from this?

Think about a small thing that brings you joy…and then go do it! If you can’t do it right that second, take a deep breath and visualize yourself doing it.

We are Creators. So…

Create Your Joy!

Be blessed 💜

Taboo (Religion)

There are certain things that I purposely avoid talking about. I’ve never really been the type of person that likes to upset people.

As I grew older and wiser, I realized that that had to change. I still don’t like upsetting people, but I know that there are some things that need to be said- whether someone gets hurt or not. Because in the end, if you don’t speak your truth and live your truth, it is YOU that ends up hurting.

That being said, I am going to address a topic that many people may consider taboo: religion. I feel that this is necessary because I recently published a book about a Christian family.

This book, entitled Small Family Battles; was written over 6 years ago when I was a devout Christian. It addresses common issues and situations that occur in everyday life in what I call “church culture.”

Now, I say ‘was a devout Christian’ because my views on religion and church culture have changed. My life experiences have caused me to have a less ‘black and white’ view than I had at one point.

But I was never the stereotypical Christian…I didn’t judge others and I didn’t gossip. I myself was judged and treated like an outcast- no way I’d put anyone else through that! I tried to live by the Bible and be “the ideal Christian “…whatever that is.

After a while I had to break free. Try as I might, I couldn’t meet the standards of church leadership. Yes, I made mistakes and I sinned, but I was met with the same blatant disdain no matter how good or bad I was doing. Certain other members and I were left out, looked down on, and scrutinized. I had questions about the Bible that I was afraid to ask for fear of more scrutiny. I was becoming depressed and bitter. I didn’t feel like I was becoming a better person…and that’s the point of it all, isn’t it?

Yes! Of course that’s the point of it all. If you are practicing a religion and are not improving as a person: I urge you to evaluate yourself, your life, and your religion.

And please; don’t take this the wrong way. I have absolutely nothing against Christians or any other religious groups! I just believe that people should do what makes them better, happy; whole.

And if religion makes you better- then by all means continue on. But no matter what your religious beliefs are, I do believe that everyone can relate to one of the characters in Small Family Battles. The story is filled with real life situations. It’s entertaining- no matter what your beliefs are.

Until next time; remember to live out loud, love honestly and truly, and always speak your truth.

Love and Light – Mimi 💜

Keep Smiling

It may seem hard to do right now, with everything that’s going on in the world- but keep smiling.

My heart goes out to all that have been diagnosed with the Coronavirus; and I grieve with those that have lost loved ones… While I don’t know anyone personally who has gone through this; to me, that’s irrelevant. My sense of humanity, my heart hurts when I think of all the lives lost. This is serious!

Because of the seriousness of this situation; I leave my property as little as possible. My husband, out of concern, has heavily suggested that I stay inside as much as possible.

You see, I’m one of those people with a ‘weakened immune system.’ I was diagnosed with Lupus in 2003. And the news of this virus; to be honest, shook me to my core. I literally cried- thinking that I would contract the virus and die. But I couldn’t live that way. I had to shake the fear off!

I decided to choose happiness and productivity over fear and boredom. I am now taking this time to continue working on my personal development. Months before this virus impacted the US, I invested in my education. So, as I sit in wait; I am making myself a more marketable asset. I’m taking typing, learning languages, brushing up on my Microsoft office skills, etc.

That being said, the best thing to do in times like these is to focus on the positive. As long as you’re alive; you are blessed! And there are things you can do while you wait at home for the virus to be subdued. You can find a hobby, write a book, take online classes, make and sell arts and crafts, increase your online presence and communicate that way, rekindle damaged relationships, read…

Believe me when I say; “I am practicing what I preach!” I am telling you to keep smiling because that’s what I told myself. And it’s working. I am working on me. Dieting, exercising, learning, definitely cleaning and disinfecting, sheltering in place, and searching intently for the silver lining each day.

We- as a nation- will be okay. Things may look a little grim at times but this world will be alright.