Use the Power of Choice to Discover your Purpose!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Do you wonder what your purpose in life is? Do you grow weary of drifting through life feeling unfulfilled? If you feel that way, you aren’t alone.

Determining what our purpose is in life can be one of the hardest questions that we as humans must try to answer. In this blog, we will explore our feelings and options, and by the end, we should have a fairly solid tool to help give our lives a more meaningful direction!

There are three steps to the process of discovering the purpose of your life:

1. Understanding the Principle of Choice.

2. Creating your ‘Underlying Principle’

3. Aligning your Life with this Underlying Principle

Understanding the Principle of Choice

Norman Vincent Peale has this to say about the Power Of Choice: “The greatest power we have is the power of Choice. It is an actual fact, that if you have been groping under unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous instead. And, by effort, lift yourself into joy. If you tend to be fearful, you can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of anyone’s life is determined by the choices that are made.”

Choosing is the most important activity of our minds, because by making a choice, we are proclaiming our desires to the subconscious mind. Once the subconscious mind gets to know our desires, it does everything in its power to manifest those desires in our lives. The things the we choose become goals to the subconscious mind. And if we are sincere in pursuing them, there is no reason why we would not accomplish those goals.

Naturally then, it’s reasonable to deduce that indecision prevents us from accomplishing our goals. It not only creates frustration and anxiety; but indecision confuses the subconscious mind about what we want. That is not at all to suggest making snap decisions or behaving impulsively. We should always follow our intuition and make decisions that are in accordance to our true desires and purpose.

A lot of us let others make choices for us, or make choices according to societal norms or cultural stereotypes. Sometimes we make these choices even though they go against our own wishes. We must not make our life decisions based on the desires of other people. What is right for one individual may not be right for another, and the way to know what’s right for you is to listen to what your heart says.

So, to begin the process, make a list of things that interest you. Add things you’ve always enjoyed, things that make you feel better, that inspire you, etc.

Whatever it is that interests you, write it down and answer these questions:

What thing do you love to do?

What is it that you love about that thing, and why?

How could you do this for money, and make a living out of it?

Creating your Underlying Principle

The next step is to examine the list you made and find out if there is a recurring theme. Then, take the central theme of the things you love to do, and try to put it in a short and precise statement. This will be your Mission Statement. It could be a quote by a famous person, or a philosophy that has influenced you. The mission statement doesn’t have to be permanent; it can grow and change as you do. Go ahead and write down your Mission Statement 🙂

Aligning your Life with Your Underlying Principle

Now that you have your Mission Statement, it’s time to map out the path to your ultimate purpose. By implementing small changes and remaining consistent to them, you will begin living out your underlying principle each and every day. By becoming aware and intentional of this underlying principle of your life, you will certainly start to feel the difference in your enthusiasm for life as a whole. Create time and space to bring the things on your list into your life. If you find that you like being in nature, plan a camping trip or visit a national park.

You could even change professions or start a business that more closely aligns with your Mission.

So..there it is!

By following the steps mentioned above, you will be on your way to finding and living out your purpose. And as you go through this process, always remember that –

“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. ” – Steve Maraboli

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Take up Space!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

As the month of April comes to a close, I’d like to finish strong with a slight recap of what we’ve discussed during the month.

This is The Evolution.

First and foremost, we are to show up for ourselves. Self love and self care are the root of evolution. Growth does not happen until our foundation – is stable. We cannot evolve into better people if we do not first love ourselves and show up for ourselves.

Once we have self awareness and self love, and we are showing up for ourselves, we must be intentional. Being intentional directs or funnels our positive energy and our awareness into more purposeful, positive, and deliberate actions, boundaries, priorities, schedules, and habits.

Creating a to-do list is a great way to be intentional.

Next, we begin self evaluation. It is absolutely necessary for growth. This is where we have to be honest with ourselves about our habits, our connections, our emotions, our trauma, our “dirt” if you will. We have to take ownership for our flaws and look for ways to make healthy changes. We should forgive those who have done us wrong and we should forgive ourselves too.

In this stage, we look at who we associate ourselves with and make changes if need be. Once we become more intentional, we may realize that there are people in our lives that no longer resonate with us or the new direction our lives are headed. Self evaluation is the place where we may have some uncomfortable conversations or process some less than favorable emotions. It all works out for the best, because now we move on and we take up space.

Do you find yourself doing these things? Self Evaluation may be in order.

And now, we reach the most fun part of our evolution:

Take Up Space!

To take up space means to expand, to fearlessly step out of the shadows and be seen, and to be who we are unapologetically. We must never shrink, lower, or stifle ourselves to make others comfortable.

Taking up space requires confidence. This is something that I continue to work on myself, and I can honestly say that I’ve come a long way. Feel free to contact me if you would like some tips or suggestions on confidence building, or if you have some tips to add.

But…it is not over once we begin taking up space. We continue on. We continue to show up for ourselves, be intentional, self evaluate, and take up space through this journey that we call life. Deep down, expansion is what we all long for. What our souls long for.

It’s been a pleasure sharing my thoughts with you. I hope you enjoy this blog. Feel free to share it with like minded individuals. 😊

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Self-Evaluation

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week, the focus is on self-evaluation. Self-evaluation is the third (and most pivotal) step in our evolution. Self evaluation, or shadow work, is a process that has brought forth a lot of healing for me on my journey.

Self Evaluation is so important because no real progress can be made without it.

No one can truly show up for themselves; neither can they be intentional without evaluating their behaviors first. Self evaluation enables a person to know their strengths and challenges. Only then can a person truly show up and adequately assess the areas where they should be more intentional.

What does self evaluation really mean?

My interpretation of self evaluation is a combination of self awareness and self discovery. It’s being 100% truthful with myself about my emotions and triggers. When I feel triggered or become frustrated, I immediately ask myself why I am feeling the way that I am. I consider the four agreements- am I breaking one of them? I continue to ask myself questions and evaluating my emotions and responses until I find the root of the problem.

Sometimes, my evaluation goes deeper than a few self check questions and I take a more extensive approach that involves journaling and meditation.

Each step in the Evolution process works together to ensure our progression into greatness. Self evaluation eventually leads to self mastery- a beautiful level of elevation that I am still striving to reach.

The process of evaluating ourselves may be uncomfortable at times, but it is definitely worth it! This brings up our vibration as well as prevents us from repeating painful lessons.

Whatever method of self-evaluation you use,(journaling, meditation, prayer, hobbies and activities, therapy, etc) I wish you well on your evolution.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions, and/or comment if you have tips or suggestions to add to this topic. 🙂

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Letting Go

Hello Beautiful Souls! 💖

I’ve been processing a lot of emotions lately. To be completely honest I didn’t know if all the emotions were mine or where they were coming from. Self evaluation and reflection have become some of my most powerful tools on this journey. I knew that I had to stop and sort things out.

Some of the emotions I was feeling were feelings of grief. Some of you may already know that I lost my father in November of 2020. He was not only my father, but a close friend of mine. He was an awesome person. We talked often and we lived under the same roof. The whole family and I were shocked and grief stricken at such a loss.

Over a year has passed and I just started to feel like I was getting it together. I hadn’t been crying quite as much. I could think of him and laugh a little; when I couldn’t at first…I was beginning to heal.

And then I lost it.

I felt heavy, sad, and confused. I tried to quickly move through the experience without truly feeling it. I was trying too hard to get back to “normal.” I wanted so badly for the pain to go away. I just wanted to be okay.

But the emotions that I felt were too strong to ignore. And I realized that the reason I was feeling these emotions so strongly was because I wasn’t letting go. In my efforts to heal, I tried to tuck away the pain, sadness, and grief that I was experiencing. But that wasn’t the solution.

I needed to let go.

But first, I had to sit in it. In order to move forward, I had to feel the pain, acknowledge the hurt, be okay with not being okay, and cry. Once I did those things; I could begin letting go. I let go of the tears and the regret. I let go of all anger and blame.

And then I reminded myself that healing and grief are not linear. There will be great days, and there will be more challenging ones. And when those challenging days come I will evaluate myself, feel my emotions, process them, and let go in a healthy way.

I’ve also learned the importance of letting go in relationships. For years I carried the weight, rejection, and pain from past relationships. I’ve always been one to love deeply and I used to take it personally when my relationships didn’t succeed. I’d take it as direct reflection of me. Why wasn’t I good enough? What could I have done differently? What makes her so much better than me? And a myriad of other self blaming, self depreciating thoughts.

And then I learned my worth. I learned the art of letting go and practicing detachment. I let go of the notion that I wasn’t good enough. I let go of my people pleasing and codependent behaviors and I set a new standard.

I refuse to let a person manipulate me into staying in a toxic relationship. I will not stay in an environment where I’m not happy and be emotionally abused just to prove my loyalty. I will not be gaslighted or guilted into sticking around. I no longer accept the narrative that I’m ‘giving up’. I trust my intuition and I love myself enough to let go of what no longer serves me.

And my sincerest hope is that you see how wonderful you are and do the same. Letting go is beautiful…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Expectations lead to Unhappiness…

Hello Beautiful souls! 💖

Today’s blog may contain some explicit language. So if that’s not your jam- no problem. I’ll see you next time. 🙂

For those of you still with me, I’d like to share an experience of mine that lead me to a very liberating conclusion.

The conclusion is: Expectations lead to Unhappiness.

For those of you that aren’t aware, I am a black woman who lives in an area that is not very culturally diverse. I mean, at all. My family and I constantly get stares when we are out in town. The stores have little to no products for our hair and skin types. A large percentage of the city’s residents are Caucasian people that seem completely unadjusted to the presence of other races…My place of work mimics that lack of diversity.

Well, directly after my traumatic discard experience from the narcissistic relationship I was in, (I discuss this more in my upcoming book entitled The Evolution) I met a seemingly nice coworker who was a Caucasian male. We worked beside each other for 12 hours and we talked. We had experienced similar relationship betrayals. We bonded and became friends. My sister and I sometimes rode with him to work. Things were going pretty well…

Another coworker joined the car pool. He was also a Caucasian male. One particular morning on our way to work a racially insensitive word was said by my friend-the driver. He said gal..

Moment of transparency: I did not hear the context of the conversation. He was having a conversation with his passenger in the front and I was having a different conversation with my sister in the back. To be completely honest I do not care what the context of the conversation was. I was immediately triggered by the word. I let out a small guttural noise as soon as I heard it.

When I looked his direction, he was already looking at me in his rear view mirror. “What’s wrong?” He asked. I informed him that I did not like that word. I explained to him that I felt triggered by that word and I told him why. He responded by casually saying that he ‘used that word all the time’. I had spent quite a bit of time with him and had never heard him use the word before, but if I may be frank- I don’t give a damn. He proceeded to use the word again while looking at me in his mirror. I found the word unacceptable, and I thought we were friends. Out of respect I believed that he should stop using a word that offended a good friend. Someone that he called sister.

Apparently, he did not agree. He went on to say that he would not stop using the word and then he called me “gal” directly to my face. I was very angry. Momentarily, I felt like I had devolved. I wanted to thoroughly beat his ass.

We stopped being friends after that. We didn’t even speak to each other.

For the sake of growth; I knew that I had to do some self evaluation. As I did, I learned where my error was. My error was that I had an expectation of my former friend. I expected him to change his choice of words because I found offense in them. But that is not my right. Whether I agree with them or not, I cannot choose his words for him.

A similar thing often happens in relationships. One person may expect certain things from their mate and become very displeased when things do not go as they envision.

*Note: Expectations are not to be confused with Standards or Boundaries.

These are my definitions-

Expectations are the imposition of a person’s thoughts, ideals or behaviors onto another person.

Standards are a person’s personal guidelines for relationships, treatment, and/or behaviors.

Boundaries are a person’s guidelines put in place to protect their own peace and personal comfort.

It is healthy to have standards and boundaries.

That being said, I realized that having expectations of others only leads to disappointment if things do not go the way that I’d like.

I should not have allowed another person’s perception to have a negative affect on me. He has a right to his reality just as I have a right to mine. I do not accept his reality. I am not a gal, girl, bitch, or any other term used in a negative context. I am a woman. A creator. I am a goddess made of strength, sensuality, intelligence, beauty, and stardust.

And no one can take that from me unless I give it to them.

And this lesson; this realization has been so immensely liberating for me because it has freed me from the weight of other people’s behaviors. I take everyone at face value, maintain my standards and boundaries. And I govern myself.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Sexy

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today I felt inspired! So much so, that I’m posting my blog early this week.

Some of you may already know that I am currently writing two books. One of them is a book of poetry and the other is a book about my personal journey. While I was writing this morning, I had some thoughts that I wanted to share.

Excerpt from my upcoming book:

I never thought of myself as sexy. When men asked me to ‘do something sexy’ I always would cringe on the inside. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was sexy. I couldn’t recognize myself as sexy, and I didn’t know how to emulate it because I’d never felt it before. I didn’t think I could be sexy. Isn’t that against the rules? I was brought up a certain way. Christian girls aren’t sexy. They are holy. They are good. I thought I had to be good; and by default that meant that I could not be sexy.

I was made to believe that kind or ‘righteous’ souls are not sexy or provocative because that is lustful behavior. And lustful behavior will send you right to the pits of hell…I tried to be what I thought was good…

I had put too much pressure on myself to be someone else’s depiction of perfect. I had become helpful to the point of my own detriment, and submissive to the point of utter foolishness. In time, I became depressed and resigned. I was his doormat.

As I reflect on how poor my morale and my self image was at that time in my life; I can’t help but be extremely grateful for the progress that I’ve made. This journey of mine is on-going. I work on loving myself and affirming positivity into my life daily. I am honest with myself and take ownership of all of me-even the parts of me that still need work. Especially those parts.

That’s the beauty of this journey for me: discovering that I can be kind and sexy, vulnerable and powerful, whimsical and wise. I can be exactly who I am.

And I love it here.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖

Not My Lupus!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I hope that this blog finds you in good spirits. I’ve been traveling all day, but I wanted to make it a point to discuss this topic before February ends… so here goes:

In February of 2003, I was diagnosed with Lupus, RA, (rheumatoid arthritis) and a couple of other things. As you could imagine; I was afraid. I didn’t know much about lupus, but what I did know wasn’t good. At all. A family friend had just passed away due to lupus complications. What’s more, I was in my third trimester of pregnancy! I was afraid for myself, my future, and my child.

I was in pain a lot. Undoubtedly, it put strain on my marriage. We were both young and not quite used to being adults. There were so many things to deal with at once.. I felt like a burden to my husband and I believe that I was going through postpartum depression as well. Some days, I could barely walk. My codependency increased as a result. I lived in fear for years and I counted myself out.

I realized that I had sentenced myself to a lifetime of pain, sadness, and mediocrity because of this diagnosis. I felt even more inadequate than I had already thought I was. Sometimes I settled for things when I knew I deserved better because I was just grateful that someone was willing to be with me with all the issues I had.

I found that I was inadvertently attaching myself to the illness. I often referred to it as ‘my lupus’. I would say things like, ‘Well, I can’t make plans because I never know when my lupus is gonna flare up.’ And ‘I can’t do that type of job because of my lupus.’

BUT…

There’s always a ‘but’…💖

But I’ve grown to understand that a diagnosis does not make me who I am. It does not define me! I am a person worthy of respect and love with or without that diagnosis. An illness does not make me less of a person. If anything, it makes me that much more unique and strong.

I began to understand that the way I thought and spoke had doomed me far more than any illness could. I had to stop giving that illness power over me!

*Disclaimer* I am not saying in any way, shape or form to disregard medical advice or diagnosis.

What I am saying is that people with illnesses could benefit largely by understanding their strengths and practicing a little detachment. I was making the situation worse by thinking the worst.

Occasionally, I feel some discomfort but it isn’t severe. I am so much more happy, healthy, and in control of my body and my life. So, if you’ve been diagnosed with an illness my advice to you is to decide right now that YOU are in charge. Do not attach yourself to it. Do not call it yours.

Love yourself, be gentle with yourself and remember that you are not your circumstances.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Follow Up/Reach Out

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today, I wanted to do a follow up blog based on last week’s post. Last week’s post was a poem that I had written; entitled Can’t Find Happy.

While I was typing those words that I had written a few years back, I could recall the depth of sadness and misery that I was feeling when I originally wrote it. During that time, I was fighting with everything I had to salvage my marriage and make my family happy.

The man that I loved was unhappy. And although I was also unhappy, I put myself on the back burner and focused on him. No matter how hard I focused on his happiness, he seemed to always find something to be unhappy about. In turn, I became even more unhappy. This deep sadness had become depression.

I was an unaware, ill-equipped empath who was codependent and had trauma bonded with a narcissist. My environment was toxic. My self esteem was at an all time low due to being constantly manipulated and gaslighted, and I didn’t believe that I could leave and do well on my own. I felt trapped. I felt broken. And I felt oh so lost.

Can’t Find Happy was written in efforts to release my depression and despair through writing. Depression is very real and should be taken very seriously. It is a legitimate illness that has chemical effects on the brain and the body.

It isn’t always easy to spot, (some people who battle depression are very good at hiding their inner turmoil) but if you notice a change in behavior in a friend or loved one Please Follow Up with them! If they seem uncharacteristically moody, withdrawn, easily flustered, distracted, or lethargic, these may be indications that something is wrong. Follow Up with them. Show them that you care! Compassion is free.

And if you, beautiful soul; feel any of the previously mentioned symptoms. If you feel like you’re carrying a burden that is too heavy for you- Please reach out!

**There are people that care!

I care.

And things may seem heavy and hopeless now, but you can make it out of that situation. I was in a situation that I thought was hopeless and I made it through.

I was depressed, but I made it.

I was manipulated, but I made it.

I was broken, but I made it.

I was gaslighted, but I made it.

I was doubted, but I made it.

I was afraid, but I made it.

I made it.

I made it!!

And so can you.

And so will you.

And so ARE you.

A post from the narcissistic abuse support group I’m in…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Complete

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today, there is so much gratitude and joy in my heart as I see a painful cycle of my life coming to a close.

Over the past few much I have endured much. Some of it good, some…not so much, but I learned a lesson from every experience. And that, today is what I want to focus on.

It’s easy to feel good and be happy when things are going well. But it’s during those times of learning, unfamiliarity, and sometimes even betrayal that have the most growth and rewards come from them.

And during this time, is when I really learned how strong I am. I had been put in a strange and difficult position and there was no one to depend on but me. This is not to say, of course that no one was there for me. There were/are a few very special and very supportive people in my small circle that gave me words of encouragement and showed me kindness.

But when the rubber meets the road, if a person wants change, only they can do that for themselves. I had spent so much time doubting myself…I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to make something happen. There were people depending on me. I was depending on me.

I pulled myself together and started writing my goals down. I started meditating more, I wrote new affirmations and my confidence began to grow. I had no choice but to believe in myself.

It didn’t happen overnight, but things began to change. Once my perspective changed work got a bit easier and I saw the good in my situation.

And now I’m actually quite grateful for that betrayal because it set me free. It helped me see myself truly. I learned that I already am and have what I need.

I am complete within myself.

And so are you.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Celebrate!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

During this time of year and this point in my life I find it to be of vital importance to celebrate.

I didn’t allow myself to celebrate much before. I felt that I hadn’t accomplished anything worth celebrating- except for create my daughter- and I didn’t do even do that on my own.

I realized that my way of thinking in the past was not only negative, but it was ungrateful. Self evaluation proved that I had been choosing to see my life and experiences as some sort of punishment or rejection by “God”. I felt like I was being picked on; bullied. My perspective was completely damaging. I was grading myself based on outside expectations and popular clichés and comparing myself to my peers.

Over the years, I have learned and evolved much. I have looked into my past and separated the pain from the lessons. I have begun to truly know, love, and appreciate myself. I find that life is much more simple and enjoyable when I stop overthinking or worrying and just live.

Live and Celebrate.

Celebrate!

I celebrate each day that I am given. I celebrate my gifts and talents, my empathy and kindness, my body, my experiences, my wisdom, my sensuality, my intelligence, my uniqueness…

I celebrate me.

And you should celebrate yourself as well.

Let’s Celebrate!

Until next time beautiful souls ✨ 💖