There’s No Time Like Now

Hey Boo!

Most people in our culture today are so busy running around trying to arrange their lives to be somewhere else. We all want to be somewhere else geographically or financially or in our relationships. We want to be anywhere but here as we’ve been led to believe that if only we can be somewhere else then our lives would be perfect. This escapism acts like a drug that only gives temporary relief to a chronic problem.

Apart from wanting to be somewhere else, most people today also live by a philosophy of “someday” that allows them to manipulate time. “I can do it, but just not today. I’ll do it when…” and they use these excuses to stay in their comfort zones. The problem is that both someday and somewhere are undefined and illusionary. Somewhere does not exist and someday never comes, although you keep hoping that it does. This can be very disempowering and is responsible for a lot of disappointment and frustration for a lot of people.

The truth, however, is that right now is all you’ve really got. Tomorrow is never promised to you and learning to fully live in and for the moment is a vital distinction to make in creating a great life. Being grateful does not mean that you lose your drive or purpose but allows you to slow down and really enjoy the ride. Not only is it healthy to want more from life, but it is also required to be truly fulfilled and knowing where you are is critical in getting where you want to be. Using someday as an excuse to soften your problems will not create long term success and fulfilment. Be honest with yourself and stop making excuses only to make yourself feel better. A little pain can be very useful as it will move you to action. There is always something you can do right now to turn your ideas into reality. There is always one small step you can take.

One of the most powerful resources you have is resourcefulness. This means that right now you have all that you need to achieve whatever you desire and that you have the ability to take action with exactly what you’ve got and exactly where you are. You do not have to wait for “someday when” or “when I am…” before you act on your dreams and goals. The smallest idea acted upon can make all the difference as it immediately makes your idea real and smothers someday because you used your will to consciously take charge.

It is important to realize that the purpose of pursuing a goal or a dream is not just in achieving it but even more so in the experience of achieving it. You do not travel for the purpose of reaching a destination but for the purpose of travelling. Whatever dream or goal you are pursuing you will probably spend more time in pursuit of it than actually achieving it and most goals are an anti-climax when you actually achieve them anyway. The process is where true fulfilment comes from and the actual experience is what makes you become something instead of accumulating something. If you can’t be happy and grateful without your goal, then chances are that you won’t be happy and grateful with it.

Live in the present but know where you are going. Be right here and celebrate and capture the magical moments of your life. Hold on to them as the treasures you get to take with you into your magnificent future. Life is not just lived in the moment but also created in the moment. Now is the best time to design the next ten years of your life. Let your thoughts and knowledge serve you through action. Action is what eventually determines your destiny. Move confidently in the direction of your choosing and don’t get seduced by the popular belief that someday things will come your way or someday your luck will change. You are the source and the creator of your own prosperity, and it all starts with a sense of immense gratitude for everything you already have exactly where you are right now. One of the greatest privileges you have in life is that you can start right now with exactly what you’ve got to create anything you desire as the ultimate resources to life are within you.

Living in a place called somewhere really won’t serve you long term although it might feel good as a short-term escape or excuse. Having to constantly lie to yourself that you will act on your true desires some day when x, y or z is just right will only create an unnecessary burden. When you turn your “someday” philosophy into a “same day” philosophy you can start to adopt the mindset where you take action on your ideas immediately with exactly what you’ve got and exactly where you are.

What someday and somewhere really comes down to is that you falsely admit to yourself that what you need is not available to you. This creates a belief that you are not in control of your life but that you are waiting for something else somewhere else before you can take charge. Ironically, you will only get full access to your true resources when you take action exactly where you are with exactly what you’ve got, despite your excuses. True happiness and gratitude never rely on external conditions but is purely determined by your evaluation of where you are now. Now contains the seed of the rest of your life. Plant it with joy and water it with gratitude and rejoice in your life for you are its creator.

Until Next time beautiful souls, keep glowing..

The Power of A Dream

Hey Boo!

Some time ago, I spoke to a Youth Leadership Group at a conference, and I was deeply inspired listening to the dreams that the teenagers had for the future. While I was presenting, I felt the group of teens begin to realize that it is ok to dream and be proud of what you have done in your life, and where you want to go in life.

As adults, we need to realize that the power of a dream will enable you to achieve whatever your ultimate “WHY” in life is. By the age of 35, most people lose all of their dreams and fall into a rut. From the age of 25-65, people generally go back and forth to work and say to themselves,” I wish…if only I could have…if only I knew then what I know now,” and numerous other lamentations expressing that they do not feel fulfilled in life. The key in life tofeeling fulfilled is to simply listen to your inner spirit and make your daily work in life something that you love to do and will help you achieve your dreams.

The key word in that sentence is dreams! Too many people when asked, “Where do you see yourself 2-5 years from now” give the answer, “Just let me make it through the weekend.” The underlying reason that they don’t know where they are going to be is because they have no dreams. This can be extremely frightening! Most of the teenagers that I spoke to at the conference had dreams for their life and where they see themselves in the future. As a life coach, my ultimate goal is to empower people to find their WHY in life — to catapult them to attain their dreams.

I also spoke to the group about how important it is to be around a mastermind team, which will push you on and let you know it is awesome that you have a dream. As an overall population, the majority of adults (somewhere around 95%) have no mastermind team or solid support system. They do, however, have a group of so-called friends who will tell every reason why they should never try to win and to just accept their life. But do you really want to concede to a life of mediocrity? Of course not! You need to stop right now and take a personal inventory of your life and ask yourself three life-changing questions:

1) WHAT is my WHY in life? (Why am I getting up each and every day?)

2) WHO is my Mastermind Team?

3) WHERE do I see myself 2-5 years from now?

When you answer these questions you need to be tell yourself the truth because the truth shall set you FREE! The key to living a fulfilled life is waking up each day with a driving desire to achieve your “WHY”. The key to winning in life is to be part of a winning team and realize life decisions are challenging but very beneficial. Bring your Dreams back to life!

Until next time Beautiful Soul, keep Glowing…

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The Most Powerful Word- No!

Hey Boo!

You ever get tired of saying ‘yes’? Society has set the tone that the default answer to nearly every question is “Yes.” Advertising is all geared towards getting us to say “Yes – I need that.” We phrase our inquiries looking for yes: “Would you like more coffee?” “Would you be interested in joining me for dinner?” “Would you help me move next week?” “Would you mind if I asked you a personal question?” “Do you love me?”

With such a powerful default answer ingrained in us it can be very difficult to say anything else – often leaving us feeling trapped, guilty, or frustrated as a result.

With such an expected and requested default answer “No” becomes one of the most powerful words we can use – if we can manage it! With all the pressure though, overcoming this momentum for “Yes” can be incredibly difficult sometimes.

While it is still very important to make sure we are clear about what we want to say yes to, it is equally important if not more so, to be clear when to say no. Specifically the issue here is to be clear about what is important to you. Yes and no are equally viable and relevant answers in the appropriate circumstances – but may yield dramatically different results.

Saying yes when we really mean no can lead to resentment, frustration, confusion, and dissatisfaction. Understanding and applying the right answer at the right time is super important – but how do we figure it out?

The most important step in figuring out which answer is right is to start off by understanding what is important to you. This can be done with a simple reflection process. Take a moment to slow down and sink into your body. Allow yourself to notice sensations in your body without seeking to change them. Relax and connect with your inner voice of knowledge.

Now ask yourself a few simple questions about issues in your life. Notice how your body reacts. Is it energized? Does your body feel drained or depleted? One of those reactions will occur with Yes and the other with No in response to the question. Typically, the response that energizes us the most is the answer that is most relevant and thus most important to us. All you need to do is notice the response and thus the answer.

So now that we have our Yes/No list of life – how do we apply it? That seems easier said than done sometimes. The reality is it all boils down to the simple issue of honesty. Are you ready, willing and able to be honest first with yourself and then with others? This can be the hardest step as well as the most liberating.

Try out the “no” answer on something small at first. Maybe something as simple as “Would you like more coffee?” or a similar question.

Notice the contentment and satisfaction you feel in giving the honest answer or even just using the word! See where we can begin to apply that answer in ways that feel comfortable and empowering. Notice how your body reacts and feels more alive. Experiment with new questions and new opportunities.

Once you get comfortable with this easier answer comes the hard part – how do you say no to something we already said yes to? While perhaps a bit more uncomfortable it is still the same technique of honesty. When speaking with honesty it is also important to speak with patience, compassion and understanding. Remember that what we are essentially doing is changing the message we have previously communicated. Do not allow guilt or shame to color the communication though. Speak clearly about your decision and the realization to change the answer.

With openness and honesty, we can all speak clearly from our hearts about what is truly yes and truly no. Over time it gets easier, and we have to correct ourselves less and less.

If you find that saying no is especially difficult for you due to a history of people pleasing, then you should attend the From Grieving to Glowing Workshop on 2/24/2024 where we will be discussing anxiety, depression, people pleasing and other effects of narcissistic abuse along with tips on how to combat those effects.

Until Next Time Beautiful Souls, could you do two things for me?

Remember that ‘No” is a complete sentence on its own.
Keep Glowing

10 New Beliefs to Empower Your Life

Hello Beautiful Souls!

What we believe about ourselves and the world greatly affects how happy- or unhappy- we are in life. If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, it is highly likely that you have some limiting or toxic beliefs preventing you from being the person you were meant to be. Below is the list of the ten toxic beliefs that make women more susceptible to mistreatment, and the new empowering beliefs that you should learn in order to establish boundaries and live authentically.

Toxic Belief #1 Other people’s feelings and needs are more important than my own.

New Empowering Belief #1: My needs and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s.

Toxic Belief #2 The best way to ensure that I am safe from harm is to be nice to people.

New Empowering Belief #2: I am kind by choice because I can protect myself from harm.

Toxic Belief #3: What other people think of me is of paramount importance.

New Empowering Belief #3: My perception of myself is much more important than anyone’s opinion of me.

Toxic Belief #4: I need to be perfect in order to be loved and accepted.

New Empowering Belief #4: I am amazing and worthy of love just as I am.

Toxic Belief #5: I don’t have a right to stand up for myself.

New Empowering Belief #5: I have a right to defend myself and to do what’s best for me.

Toxic Belief #6: Others are responsible for my wellbeing.

I am a capable woman and my wellbeing is my responsibility.

Toxic Belief #7: Anger is a destructive emotion and shouldn’t be expressed.

New Empowering Belief #7: Anger is a healthy emotion and can be used for constructive change.

Toxic Belief #8: Conflict is to be avoided at all costs.

New Empowering Belief #8: Conflict is a part of life and can be an opportunity for greater intimacy.

Toxic Belief #9: There is good in everyone, and people deserve multiple chances to prove it.

New Empowering Belief #9: I prioritize my boundaries over giving second chances.

Toxic Belief #10: Women need men to protect them and to support them financially.

New Empowering Belief #10: I am more than capable of protecting and providing for myself.

These toxic beliefs have put many women in harmful situations, some of which had fatal endings. It is very important to unlearn toxic or limiting beliefs, reclaim your power and take responsibility for your wellbeing so that you’re not just surviving, but living life on your own terms. Thriving and glowing from the inside, out.

There will be another Toxic Beliefs and People Pleasing Workshop later on this year, I’m not quite sure when yet so keep your eyes open for that. Also, the tickets for the From Grieving to Glowing workshop are available on Eventbrite. We will be discussing the effects of narcissistic abuse and some techniques to combat those effects so mark your calendars and I’ll see you on February 24, 2024!

Well Boo, that’s all I have for you this week. Remember that you are unique, divine, and capable of great things.

Use the Power of Choice to Discover your Purpose!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Do you wonder what your purpose in life is? Do you grow weary of drifting through life feeling unfulfilled? If you feel that way, you aren’t alone.

Determining what our purpose is in life can be one of the hardest questions that we as humans must try to answer. In this blog, we will explore our feelings and options, and by the end, we should have a fairly solid tool to help give our lives a more meaningful direction!

There are three steps to the process of discovering the purpose of your life:

1. Understanding the Principle of Choice.

2. Creating your ‘Underlying Principle’

3. Aligning your Life with this Underlying Principle

Understanding the Principle of Choice

Norman Vincent Peale has this to say about the Power Of Choice: “The greatest power we have is the power of Choice. It is an actual fact, that if you have been groping under unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous instead. And, by effort, lift yourself into joy. If you tend to be fearful, you can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of anyone’s life is determined by the choices that are made.”

Choosing is the most important activity of our minds, because by making a choice, we are proclaiming our desires to the subconscious mind. Once the subconscious mind gets to know our desires, it does everything in its power to manifest those desires in our lives. The things the we choose become goals to the subconscious mind. And if we are sincere in pursuing them, there is no reason why we would not accomplish those goals.

Naturally then, it’s reasonable to deduce that indecision prevents us from accomplishing our goals. It not only creates frustration and anxiety; but indecision confuses the subconscious mind about what we want. That is not at all to suggest making snap decisions or behaving impulsively. We should always follow our intuition and make decisions that are in accordance to our true desires and purpose.

A lot of us let others make choices for us, or make choices according to societal norms or cultural stereotypes. Sometimes we make these choices even though they go against our own wishes. We must not make our life decisions based on the desires of other people. What is right for one individual may not be right for another, and the way to know what’s right for you is to listen to what your heart says.

So, to begin the process, make a list of things that interest you. Add things you’ve always enjoyed, things that make you feel better, that inspire you, etc.

Whatever it is that interests you, write it down and answer these questions:

What thing do you love to do?

What is it that you love about that thing, and why?

How could you do this for money, and make a living out of it?

Creating your Underlying Principle

The next step is to examine the list you made and find out if there is a recurring theme. Then, take the central theme of the things you love to do, and try to put it in a short and precise statement. This will be your Mission Statement. It could be a quote by a famous person, or a philosophy that has influenced you. The mission statement doesn’t have to be permanent; it can grow and change as you do. Go ahead and write down your Mission Statement 🙂

Aligning your Life with Your Underlying Principle

Now that you have your Mission Statement, it’s time to map out the path to your ultimate purpose. By implementing small changes and remaining consistent to them, you will begin living out your underlying principle each and every day. By becoming aware and intentional of this underlying principle of your life, you will certainly start to feel the difference in your enthusiasm for life as a whole. Create time and space to bring the things on your list into your life. If you find that you like being in nature, plan a camping trip or visit a national park.

You could even change professions or start a business that more closely aligns with your Mission.

So..there it is!

By following the steps mentioned above, you will be on your way to finding and living out your purpose. And as you go through this process, always remember that –

“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. ” – Steve Maraboli

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Take up Space!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

As the month of April comes to a close, I’d like to finish strong with a slight recap of what we’ve discussed during the month.

This is The Evolution.

First and foremost, we are to show up for ourselves. Self love and self care are the root of evolution. Growth does not happen until our foundation – is stable. We cannot evolve into better people if we do not first love ourselves and show up for ourselves.

Once we have self awareness and self love, and we are showing up for ourselves, we must be intentional. Being intentional directs or funnels our positive energy and our awareness into more purposeful, positive, and deliberate actions, boundaries, priorities, schedules, and habits.

Creating a to-do list is a great way to be intentional.

Next, we begin self evaluation. It is absolutely necessary for growth. This is where we have to be honest with ourselves about our habits, our connections, our emotions, our trauma, our “dirt” if you will. We have to take ownership for our flaws and look for ways to make healthy changes. We should forgive those who have done us wrong and we should forgive ourselves too.

In this stage, we look at who we associate ourselves with and make changes if need be. Once we become more intentional, we may realize that there are people in our lives that no longer resonate with us or the new direction our lives are headed. Self evaluation is the place where we may have some uncomfortable conversations or process some less than favorable emotions. It all works out for the best, because now we move on and we take up space.

Do you find yourself doing these things? Self Evaluation may be in order.

And now, we reach the most fun part of our evolution:

Take Up Space!

To take up space means to expand, to fearlessly step out of the shadows and be seen, and to be who we are unapologetically. We must never shrink, lower, or stifle ourselves to make others comfortable.

Taking up space requires confidence. This is something that I continue to work on myself, and I can honestly say that I’ve come a long way. Feel free to contact me if you would like some tips or suggestions on confidence building, or if you have some tips to add.

But…it is not over once we begin taking up space. We continue on. We continue to show up for ourselves, be intentional, self evaluate, and take up space through this journey that we call life. Deep down, expansion is what we all long for. What our souls long for.

It’s been a pleasure sharing my thoughts with you. I hope you enjoy this blog. Feel free to share it with like minded individuals. 😊

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

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Self-Evaluation

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week, the focus is on self-evaluation. Self-evaluation is the third (and most pivotal) step in our evolution. Self evaluation, or shadow work, is a process that has brought forth a lot of healing for me on my journey.

Self Evaluation is so important because no real progress can be made without it.

No one can truly show up for themselves; neither can they be intentional without evaluating their behaviors first. Self evaluation enables a person to know their strengths and challenges. Only then can a person truly show up and adequately assess the areas where they should be more intentional.

What does self evaluation really mean?

My interpretation of self evaluation is a combination of self awareness and self discovery. It’s being 100% truthful with myself about my emotions and triggers. When I feel triggered or become frustrated, I immediately ask myself why I am feeling the way that I am. I consider the four agreements- am I breaking one of them? I continue to ask myself questions and evaluating my emotions and responses until I find the root of the problem.

Sometimes, my evaluation goes deeper than a few self check questions and I take a more extensive approach that involves journaling and meditation.

Each step in the Evolution process works together to ensure our progression into greatness. Self evaluation eventually leads to self mastery- a beautiful level of elevation that I am still striving to reach.

The process of evaluating ourselves may be uncomfortable at times, but it is definitely worth it! This brings up our vibration as well as prevents us from repeating painful lessons.

Whatever method of self-evaluation you use,(journaling, meditation, prayer, hobbies and activities, therapy, etc) I wish you well on your evolution.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions, and/or comment if you have tips or suggestions to add to this topic. 🙂

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Be Intentional

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week is all about the second step in The Evolution to our best selves: Be Intentional.

(Step one was last week’s topic: Show Up For Yourself!)

To be intentional is to be mindful of your thoughts, aware of your actions, and to be deliberate with your time and energy. In short, being intentional means that your actions have a specific aim or purpose.

Here are some tips for being intentional:

1. Prioritize tasks

2. Create a schedule

3. Set boundaries

4. Form good habits

An accountability partner may also be useful if you find yourself losing motivation.

If you’d like some suggestions or have any that you’d like to add, feel free to comment and let me know!

Next week, we will be talking about the third step in the ongoing process of evolution: Self Evaluation.

Always remember; you are heard, you are loved, you are seen.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖

Letting Go

Hello Beautiful Souls! 💖

I’ve been processing a lot of emotions lately. To be completely honest I didn’t know if all the emotions were mine or where they were coming from. Self evaluation and reflection have become some of my most powerful tools on this journey. I knew that I had to stop and sort things out.

Some of the emotions I was feeling were feelings of grief. Some of you may already know that I lost my father in November of 2020. He was not only my father, but a close friend of mine. He was an awesome person. We talked often and we lived under the same roof. The whole family and I were shocked and grief stricken at such a loss.

Over a year has passed and I just started to feel like I was getting it together. I hadn’t been crying quite as much. I could think of him and laugh a little; when I couldn’t at first…I was beginning to heal.

And then I lost it.

I felt heavy, sad, and confused. I tried to quickly move through the experience without truly feeling it. I was trying too hard to get back to “normal.” I wanted so badly for the pain to go away. I just wanted to be okay.

But the emotions that I felt were too strong to ignore. And I realized that the reason I was feeling these emotions so strongly was because I wasn’t letting go. In my efforts to heal, I tried to tuck away the pain, sadness, and grief that I was experiencing. But that wasn’t the solution.

I needed to let go.

But first, I had to sit in it. In order to move forward, I had to feel the pain, acknowledge the hurt, be okay with not being okay, and cry. Once I did those things; I could begin letting go. I let go of the tears and the regret. I let go of all anger and blame.

And then I reminded myself that healing and grief are not linear. There will be great days, and there will be more challenging ones. And when those challenging days come I will evaluate myself, feel my emotions, process them, and let go in a healthy way.

I’ve also learned the importance of letting go in relationships. For years I carried the weight, rejection, and pain from past relationships. I’ve always been one to love deeply and I used to take it personally when my relationships didn’t succeed. I’d take it as direct reflection of me. Why wasn’t I good enough? What could I have done differently? What makes her so much better than me? And a myriad of other self blaming, self depreciating thoughts.

And then I learned my worth. I learned the art of letting go and practicing detachment. I let go of the notion that I wasn’t good enough. I let go of my people pleasing and codependent behaviors and I set a new standard.

I refuse to let a person manipulate me into staying in a toxic relationship. I will not stay in an environment where I’m not happy and be emotionally abused just to prove my loyalty. I will not be gaslighted or guilted into sticking around. I no longer accept the narrative that I’m ‘giving up’. I trust my intuition and I love myself enough to let go of what no longer serves me.

And my sincerest hope is that you see how wonderful you are and do the same. Letting go is beautiful…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖