How to Stop Seeking Validation and Start Valuing Yourself

Hey Boo!

There’s something quietly powerful about choosing yourself- not out of ego, but out of remembrance. For so long, many of us were taught to earn love by being agreeable, accommodating, or endlessly understanding. We learned to shrink to fit. But eventually, that constant bending leaves us disconnected from our own reflection.

Lately, as I prepare to open my heart again- to date, to love, to be seen- I’ve realized how essential it is to return to myself first. Not to prove that I’m healed, but to remember that my worth was never broken to begin with.

The Trap of Seeking Validation

Validation isn’t always obvious

Sometimes it’s the small things- checking your phone to see if they texted back, overexplaining to avoid being misunderstood, or agreeing when your heart quietly says no. It’s the part of us that asks, “Am I enough?” and waits for someone else to answer.

But the truth is, external validation is nothing more than a quick fix for the ego. It gives a brief rush of worthiness before it fades, leaving us hungry again. Real nourishment comes from within- from learning to validate your own emotions, choices, and needs before anyone else does.

Reclaiming Your Worth

When you start valuing yourself, the entire energy of your world shifts.

You speak differently.

You walk differently.

You choose differently.

You stop chasing closure and start protecting your peace. You stop performing for love and start standing in your truth. And the more you honor your worth, the more life- and love – rises to meet it.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

Saying no without guilt.

Walking away from connections that require you to shrink.

Celebrating your progress even when no one else notices.

Taking time to rest, recharge, and realign before you re-engage.

Every act of self-respect reinforces your worth like a sacred affirmation.

Love, But From Wholeness

As I step back into dating, I’ve made a quiet promise to myself. I will no longer look for someone to make me feel chosen- I already am. I will not wait for validation- I radiate it from within. And I will remember that love is meant to add to my glow, not define it.

When you show up knowing your value, you magnetize people who see you clearly. You no longer chase energy- you attract your energetic match. You no longer beg to be understood- you speak your truth and trust it will land where it’s meant to.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not hard to love- you were just taught to love others more than yourself. You are not behind; you’re right on time for your own becoming. And you are not too much- you’re exactly enough for the version of love that’s ready for you now. So, before you reach for someone else’s approval, place your hand on your heart and whisper-

“I remember who I am. And that is enough.”

Want to go deeper? Each week I share exclusive journaling prompts with my subscribers- gentle guidance to help you put these insights into practice and reset your mindset in real time. Subscribe to the Inner Glow Blog and give yourself the gift of reflection, clarity, and calm.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…

What it Really Means to Glow Up Your Mindset

Hey Boo!

If you’re like most people, when you hear “glow up” you think of outer changes like new clothes, hair, makeup, or weight loss. While those things are wonderful and can be empowering, the real glow up begins on the inside. Your mindset shapes how you see yourself, how you move through challenges, and how much light you allow yourself to shine into the world.

A mindset glow up isn’t about becoming someone new-it’s about uncovering the radiant version of you that’s been there all along.

Why Your Mindset Matters

Your mindset is the lens through which you view your life. When it’s clouded with self-doubt, limiting beliefs, or fear, everything feels heavier. But when you begin to shift toward self-belief, possibility, and trust, life feels lighter and more aligned. Suddenly,opportunities that once felt out of reach begin flowing your way.

3 Ways to Glow Up Your Mindset

Release Old Beliefs

Think of old limiting thoughts as outdated clothes- they may have served you once, but they no longer fit who you are becoming. Letting them go creates space for new, empowering beliefs to take their place.

Try this: Write down one belief that no longer serves you, then reframe it into an empowering truth. For example, the limiting belief I’m not good enough can be reframed to I am more than capable and worthy of everything I desire.

Embody Your Glowed-Up Self

Manifestation works when you align with the version of yourself who already has what you want. That means showing up with confidence, speaking kindly to yourself, and making choices as if your desires are already reality.

Ask Yourself: “What would the glowed-up version of me believe, say, or do in this moment?” And then do exactly that.

Practice Daily Glow Rituals

Consistency is key. Small daily rituals- like affirmations, journaling, or mindful breathing-keep your energy aligned with your intentions. Over time, these little practices compound into major shifts in mindset and manifestation.

You can start the mindset shift by saying an affirmation every morning while taking a deep breath. It could be something simple like: “I radiate confidence, love, and abundance.”

The Glow-Up Isn’t About Perfection

Remember: a mindset glow-up doesn’t happen overnight, and it isn’t about being perfect. It’s about progress. It’s about catching yourself in moments of self-doubt and choosing to redirect yourself toward self-belief. It’s about celebrating small wins, trusting the process, and glowing brighter each day.

Never forget- your glow isn’t something that you need to earn, it’s already within you. By upgrading your mindset and aligning your energy, you allow your inner light to shine more powerfully. That’s the kind of glow that no one can take away.

Til next time Boo

P.S. Keep Glowing…

Soft Strength: The Power of Being Both Gentle and Unshakable

Hey Boo!

When most people think of strength, they imagine steel walls, unshakable composure, and the ability to push through no matter what. And when they think of softness, they often picture fragility or weakness.

But here’s the truth: real strength isn’t about never bending, and real softness isn’t about breaking. Soft strength is the harmony between a tender heart and an unshakable core. It’s the courage to stay open in a world that sometimes asks us to shut down.

Why Soft Strength Matters

We live in a culture that celebrates hustle, grit, and toughness. Now, don’t get me wrong- those qualities are valid and have their place, but they can leave us disconnected from our humanity if they become our only mode of living.

Soft strength is important because it reminds us that we can be assertive and compassionate, we can set boundaries and stay kind, and more important still- we can cry and still be capable, loving, and powerful.

It’s not about choosing between being gentle or strong- it’s about being both, fully.

Vulnerability as a Form of Courage

Vulnerability isn’t about oversharing or exposing yourself to harm, it’s about showing up as your authentic self, even when there’s a risk of being misunderstood. That’s bravery in its purest form. Every time you tell your truth, ask for help, or admit you don’t have it all figured out, you’re proving that your strength doesn’t depend on pretending- it depends on being honest and authentic.

Resilience with a Soft Heart

Resilience often gets portrayed as bouncing back quickly, but soft strength knows there’s value in moving slowly, in feeling the impact before standing tall again. True resilience means allowing yourself to grieve, rest, and process- not skipping over the discomfort but moving through it with self-compassion.

I’ve learned that my own resilience doesn’t come from ignoring my pain; it comes from acknowledging it and still choosing to move forward. Some of my most courageous moments where I held my boundaries while keeping my heart open, or when I let tears fall but still spoke my truth. That’s the balance of soft strength- open hands, steady feet.

A Challenge for You This Week

Ask Yourself:

-Where can I let myself be a little softer without fear of losing my strength?

-Where can I stand a little taller without closing my heart?

Because when you embrace both, you become unstoppable- not because you can’t be broken, but because you know how to heal and rise again. Remember soft strength doesn’t shout. It doesn’t need to. It radiates from within.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…

From Rock Bottom to Rebirth: Why I Became a Life Coach

Hey Boo!

Some stories aren’t easy to tell. But they’re the ones that matter most.

For a long time, I stayed silent about what I had been through- about the pain, the fear, the loss, and the quiet hope that somehow kept me going. But today, I want to share a part of my journey with you, for those of you who aren’t familiar. Not for pity, but for the sake of authenticity and connection. Because if you’re in a dark place right now, I want you to know that you aren’t alone and that healing is possible.

The Breaking Point

From 2017 to 2021, I was in a marriage that was emotionally- and at times physically- abusive. Despite how miserable I was, I still found it difficult to leave. Part of me was still holding on to this hope that we would ‘get past’ this horrible time in our marriage and return to the love and life that we had planned together. He was also there for me during one of the most difficult periods of my life- the loss of my father in 2020. I felt like I couldn’t leave him after that. I mean, how could I walk away now?

The ’how’ became clear once the abuse worsened. It was as if the passing of my father emboldened him. And although I had a fear of the unknown, I knew that the unknown had to be better than what I was going through. I left with my daughter and the clothes on our backs. And for a time, we were homeless.

We bounced from motel to motel just trying to survive. My sister and I worked twelve hour shifts to keep us from literally being on the streets- and to take care of ourselves, my daughter, and mama. I was exhausted, heartbroken, and unsure of how we’d ever rebuild. But somewhere in all that pain, a small voice inside me whispered: this is not the end of your story.

The Turning Point

I didn’t become a life coach because I had it all together. I became one because I needed healing.

I enrolled in a certification program not to start a business at first, but to save myself. To understand my trauma. To learn how to process the pain, and piece my life back together.

And slowly, I began to do just that.

I applied what I was learning to my own life. I started seeing myself more clearly. I began trusting my voice again. I reclaimed my peace- and in doing so, I found my purpose.

Why I Coach Now

Today, I don’t just coach people on mindset and motivation. I walk them through their own moments of doubt, overwhelm, burnout, and healing. I create space for others to find themselves again- because I know what it’s like to feel lost and invisible.

This work isn’t a cash grab to me or just a job. It’s sacred.

It’s proof that even after everything… you can still glow.

If my journey teaches you anything, let it be this:

-Rock bottom doesn’t mean you’re broken- it means it’s time to rise.

-Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible.

-Your power is still within you, even if you’ve been through hell and back.

You’re not too broken. You’re not too late. And your story? It’s not over yet.

This is why I became a life coach. To rise- and to help others rise with me.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…

Rest Isn’t Lazy- It’s Sacred.

Hey Boo!

There was a time in my life when I didn’t believe I had the right to rest. I equated rest with laziness- a luxury I hadn’t earned yet. I thought if I just push harder, worked longer, or kept showing up no matter how I felt…maybe I’d feel secure. Maybe I’d be “enough.”

A few years ago, while caring for my mother, I lost my job. Out of fear and survival, I poured myself into building my coaching business. I woke up every morning at 5 a.m. and would often work 13-hour days. I told myself if I didn’t hit certain milestones, I didn’t deserve a break. No sleep. No pause. Just pressure.

But then, life forced me to stop. My mother’s health declined rapidly, and the stress of everything began to take its toll. I ended up having a lupus flare- my body shutting down from the weight I had been carrying in silence.

I had no choice but to rest.

And it was in that sacred stillness-not the hustle- that I began to heal.

I found clarity.

I started breathing again.

I began to understand that rest wasn’t weakness. It was wisdom.

Rest isn’t something we earn. It’s something we are entitled to.

Our bodies, our minds, our hearts- they aren’t machines. They whisper to us long before they scream. But we’ve been taught to ignore those whispers in the name of productivity, performance, and pressure.

If you’re in a season where everything feels heavy…

If you’re tired and you’re still telling yourself to “push through” …

If you’re afraid that resting means falling behind- please hear me:

You are not lazy. You are human. And your rest is sacred.

A Gentle Invitation

Ask Yourself:

What would it look like to rest on purpose today?

What could shift if I honored my body’s need to slow down- before it begs me too?

You don’t have to wait until burnout knocks you down to listen. You can choose peace now. Choose softness now. Choose yourself- gently, bravely, and without guilt.

You are worthy of rest, exactly as you are.

With Love,

Mimi

5 Signs You’re Healing (Even if it Doesn’t Feel Like It)

Hey Boo!

If you’re on a healing journey then you know that healing doesn’t always feel good. Some days, healing feels like breaking. Like going in circles. Like you’re never going to get “there”- wherever there is. I’ve been there more times than I can count.

One thing that I’ve discovered is that healing isn’t always loud. It isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it’s subtle and sacred. It hides in the way you keep going, even when it hurts.

Here are five signs that you’re healing, even if doesn’t feel like it right now:

You’re More Aware of What Triggers You

Before, Things might’ve thrown you into a spiral without warning. Now? You notice. You see the common themes in the situations that put you in a negative space. You’re more aware of your emotional state than you use to be. That awareness is growth. It means your mind is working with you now, not against you. Healing begins with noticing.

You Set Boundaries (Even if it Feels Uncomfortable)

You used to put the comfort of others ahead of your own. You’d be the first to show up for others and the last to show up for yourself. But now, you’ve started saying no, taking up space, and not explaining yourself every time. If you’ve been doing any of those things lately, even awkwardly- you’re healing. You’re learning to protect your peace. Boundaries are an act of healing and self love.

You’re Gentler with Yourself Than You Used to Be

You used to live in this loop of overthinking then beating yourself up, and it was hard for you to forgive yourself. But now you find that you give yourself a bit more grace and forgiveness. That grace and forgiveness is the softness that comes as a result of healing. Self-compassion is quiet, but it changes everything.

You Don’t Chase What Once Broke You

The old relationship, that toxic friend, the bad habit that you always ran to. If you’re choosing yourself and walking away from the things that once hurt you, you’ve shown a great amount of strength. That’s healing. Walking away isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.

You Still Hope- Even a Little

If you’re here, reading this, trying to feel better… that’s hope. Even when it’s dim. Even when it’s tired. Hope is a sign that somewhere deep down, you believe in the possibility of more. Healing is holding onto hope in the dark.

You may not see your progress, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Healing isn’t linear. It’s messy and painful and brave. You’re doing better than you think.

Keep Glowing

The Downward Spiral of Self-Sabotage

Hey Boo!

This week, we are talking about self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage is the act of consciously or subconsciously undermining one’s own efforts or progress. Self-sabotage can appear in the form of procrastination-putting off tasks that are important to you or engaging in activities that are counterproductive. Self-sabotage could also be negative self-talk or self-defeating behaviors that prevent you from achieving your goals or reaching your fullest potential.

What drives self-sabotage? Fear. Generally, self-sabotage is driven by fear on some level. This underlying fear can contribute to procrastination and perfectionism, and before we know it, we are on a downward spiral. The procrastination and perfectionism caused by our fear increases anxiety which can lead us to think in the form of worst-case scenarios. Constantly thinking of worst-case scenarios causes distorted beliefs about ourselves and the world, which ignites our inner critic. The inner critic has such harsh inner dialogue that it often keeps us stifled, frozen, or running in place- avoiding important tasks or wasting time with insignificant ones. The more the harsh inner dialogue continues, the further we are driven into survival mode. In survival mode, the brain is constantly on the lookout for threats to your safety. This unconscious vigilance can drive you to hold on to old issues to protect you from physical or emotional damage. We cannot be abundant or reach our fullest potential in survival mode, so it’s very important to break to debilitating habit of self-sabotage.

The first step in breaking this habit is to become aware of it – to identify when and why you are engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. Once you have identified the behavior, it is important to understand the underlying causes or triggers for it. This may require exploring your thoughts and feelings in order to better understand why you are engaging in these behaviors.

Once you have identified the triggers, the next step is to replace the self-sabotaging behavior with more positive, productive behaviors. This could be anything from taking a break when you feel overwhelmed, engaging in positive self-talk, to scheduling regular breaks throughout your day.

Finally, it is important to be gentle with yourself and practice self-compassion. Self-sabotage is often a defense mechanism, and it is important to remember that it is not a reflection of your worth or ability. It is possible to break the habit of self-sabotage and take the steps to make positive changes in your life. With this blog and the journaling prompts I hope to help you shed some light on your self-sabotage habits, learn how to recognize them, identify which areas of your life they show up most, and how to manage your habits by creating new ones.

Be sure to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and/or TikTok (@mimi.sums) for more self-sabotaging and personal development content.

Until Next Time Boo, keep Glowing…

How to Find Your Real Self Again

Hey Boo!

On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love us.

But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside.

And yet, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else.

If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 4 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.

Quiet the noise in your head

You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the family appointments, keep the boss happy, etc. With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything else. This MUST be the first step. How do you do that? By setting up systems, simplifying, and establishing enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from a position of abundance, instead of lack.

Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways

In order to do that, you must first believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined –that’s a lot of talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.” Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”

Listen to your heart

Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important.

Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal

What you’re really after is a feeling — respect, love, appreciation – as opposed to the company car, or a great guy/girl. Keep an open mind to the feelings and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. The mask will come off and your real self will come shining through.

A person you can know and love – you! – is waiting for you to take the time to listen and understand and accept. When you accept your Real Self again, you’ll make smarter choices, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. Now, that’s what you’re really looking for, isn’t it?

Until Next Time beautiful soul, keep Glowing…

Do you have a Worthiness Wound?

What a Worthiness Wound is and How to Heal it.

Hey Boo!

As some of you may know, I’ve been doing a Heal Your Worthiness Wounds Challenge on my social medial platforms. Well, as the challenge went on, I received a question from a follower that wasn’t quite sure if he had a worthiness wound or not. I thought that this could be someone else’s experience as well, so I put together a blog so that we can talk about what a worthiness wound is and how to recognize it if you have one.

A worthiness wound is a deep-seated belief that a person is inadequate, less than, or undeserving. These wounds can form during childhood or as a result of a traumatic relationship. Worthiness wounds can hinder your personal growth and lead to self-sabotage, so it’s very important that these wounds are identified so that you can heal and flourish in life.

Here is how worthiness wounds appear in your everyday life and hold you back from becoming your best self and having a pretty awesome life. Do any of these apply to you?

You doubt yourself and your abilities

You are afraid to take risks

You are afraid of failure

You are afraid of success

You feel unworthy of love and happiness

You feel like you have to do everything perfectly

You feel like you are not good enough

You put others needs before your own

You compare yourself to others and feel like you come up short

You give up easily

Did you see yourself in any of these examples? Do you have a worthiness wound?

Worthiness Wounds and Self-Sabotage

If worthiness wounds aren’t addressed, they lead to all kinds of self-sabotaging behavior. Here are some examples:

Staying at a job you hate because you don’t think you can find another one.

Staying in an unhealthy relationship because you don’t feel worthy of love and respect.

Tolerating bad treatment from others because you don’t feel worthy enough to set boundaries.

Not pursuing your dreams because you don’t feel adequate to achieve them.

Constantly comparing yourself to others and not feeling good enough.

Allowing others to take advantage of you because you don’t feel like you deserve better.

Having a hard time accepting compliments because you don’t believe that you deserve them.

Finding it difficult to ask for help because you believe that you should be able to do everything on your own.

Constantly putting yourself down and focusing on your flaws instead of your strengths.

Are you experiencing any of these things? Can you think of any other examples of self-sabotage that have come up in your life after reading this?

If after reading this you feel that you have a worthiness wound, you can find the Heal Your Worthiness Wounds challenge journaling prompts that I’ve shared on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Happy healing Boo!

Until next time beautiful soul, keep glowing…

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You Made Me Who I am Today, But if I Never Saw You Again it Would be Too Soon.

Hey Boo!

For this week’s blog, I thought I’d do something different. A week or so ago, I saw a post from a content creator expressing love and gratitude to the person who helped them elevate to their current level of being. It brought me joy to see the post, but it also caused me to reflect on the person who made me who I am today and that’s not quite as joyful a story. I want to share some of my story with you in the form of a letter. Here goes:

Dear “Deion”,

A lot has happened since we last spoke. It’s been over two years since we’ve had any communication at all, and I know that’s not what you wanted, but it’s what I needed. I blocked you on social media, changed my number and stopped responding to your e-mails because it was clear that you were still unwilling to claim any responsibility for the way our marriage fell apart. My jaw hit the floor when I read your line about how ‘if anyone was afraid, it should be you’. I was amazed and appalled, especially since it was me who was threatened with a steel pipe and chased away from my home on foot.

I won’t mince words- our marriage was a complete disaster. From the very beginning you weren’t honest about who you were. You lied about your age, how many children you had, and your criminal history just to name a few things. The thing about that is if you were honest from the beginning, I may have still given you a chance. I thought you were a decent guy and my heart went out to you as you talked about the women in your past and how they’d done you wrong. I had experienced similar hurt and betrayal and just wanted someone I could love freely who would reciprocate. I thought that I’d found that in you. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You looked me in my eyes as I shared my pain, vulnerabilities, and fears and you vowed to be different. And I guess you didn’t lie because you were different. You turned out to be much worse than anything I’d encountered before.

The first few months were blissful. You were caring, thoughtful, and attentive. You looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in your life. You told me that you’d never met a woman like me, and you appreciated all of the things that I did for you out of love. You said you loved everything about me- how I dressed and presented myself, my intelligence and personality, even my goals and aspirations. I had written and self-published a book and you had offered to help me promote it on social media. I was so happy to be your wife. I would’ve went to the ends of the earth for you because I loved you. And you loved me too, right?

Wrong.

After the first few months, I never saw the man I married again. Your representative had disappeared, and I was left with something that you had actually never shared with me, your true self. You started complaining about the very things you claimed to love and understand. We began to fight a lot and I made changes to keep the peace. You didn’t want me working, so I quit. You felt like social media was causing problems in our marriage, so I disconnected. I changed how I dressed so that you wouldn’t think I was ‘trying to look good for someone else’. Essentially, I tried to become everything you wanted me to be. But even that wasn’t enough. Every time I met your expectations, you created new ones for me to meet. As I put in more effort, you put in even less. The fighting increased and intensified to the point of exhaustion. Sometimes things got physical, and let’s not forget the night you could’ve ended both of our lives.

It may seem like I’m trying to dump all of the blame on you, but I’m not. Although youdid a lot of very hurtful things to me, it was I who allowed them. I take responsibility for my lack of self-esteem, poor boundaries, and codependency. I acknowledge that there were red flags that I ignored because I was already so convinced that you were the one. I made excuses for you and dismissed things that I shouldn’t have.

During the course of our marriage, I gained over 60 pounds, struggled with bouts of depression and ptsd, and experienced multiple lupus flares due to stress. I was stifled, isolated, and miserable.

Outside of the passing of my parents, our marriage was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I’d never felt so broken, so worthless, so low. But it was also one of the most impactful. Because when you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but UP. And that’s what I did. From the trauma and pain I was able to heal and rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

And in some way, I have you to thank for that. The truth is, you helped make me the person I am today but if I never saw you again it would be too soon. I don’t wish you any harm and I truly hope that you are able to heal from your wounds and find peace. Because that’s what I was able to do and it’s absolutely blissful. Not perfect but blissful.

Goodbye “Deion”, and good luck.

Well, that’s all I have for this week beautiful souls. Until next time, keep Glowing…