Safe Place

Hello Beautiful souls 💖

I was chatting with one of my followers on Instagram a few days ago and I began to think.

He had shared a reel with me in which the gentleman on the reel was reacting to another man’s monolog. He was talking about how hard it is to be a man and how women don’t care about men’s feelings, etc.

Now, I won’t lie to you- my initial reaction was annoyance. I felt like the guy was whining about basic things that men do like open doors and pull out chairs…which, to be honest, I always appreciate chivalry but alot of men don’t even do that anymore. But then he spoke about women not caring about men’s feelings.

And that bothered me.

Which brought me to the very point of this blog: it is very important to have a safe place.

This bothered me because I absolutely believe that both women and men have emotions that are valid. In some cases, men have been brought up to hold in their emotions. They have been told to toughen up; that real men don’t cry. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men have emotions and should be comfortable enough to express them.

Men and women- if you are in a serious relationship where you cannot express yourself without judgment, then I strongly suggest that you reevaluate that relationship. Because everyone should have a safe place.

A safe place; in my opinion, is a person that you can let your guard down with. A person that you can be completely yourself around without fear of ridicule or negativity. This doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t disagree with you when you’re wrong. But it does mean that you can be vulnerable without being attacked. Their intentions for you are the best for you. They want to see you grow. They want to see you happy.

This safe place does not have to be a romantic partner. It could be a parent, sibling, relative, or friend. It is just my humble opinion that if you are in a romantic relationship, that your mate ideally would be a safe place for you.

As a woman, I am clueless to the perils of being a man. I have some idea, I can empathize, but I cannot TELL a man how he should react/feel about his stressors. As his partner, however, I aim to listen, support, comfort, advise, or to simply be there.

You are safe with me.

You are safe.

You are safe…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖 Mimi

Never Change

Hello Beautiful souls 💖

I was reflecting on some things and wanted to share something with you.

Here’s what I learned: I’ve learned to never change for the satisfaction of another. No matter how I love or think I love a person. A person asking you to change is a person telling you that they do not accept you as you are. It’s saying, ‘you’re almost good enough, but you gotta fix this first.’

Now, if someone brings to your attention a negative or self sabotaging behavior and you elect to adjust – that’s great because it’s your choice. You recognize this as an opportunity to grow or improve and have chosen to make a change. This change then is to please yourself and not the other person.

But if you change yourself to please someone else, at some point, resentment will fester. And that’s what happened with me.

It took me quite a while to see things this way. Initially, I was fine with the idea of making adjustments-especially for the sake of love. My spouse said that it would help our marriage and he would be satisfied if I made this change for him. And so I did.

But one change became another. And another. And yet another. I had made so many changes, that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I had become a shell of my former self: broken, depressed, and codependent.

This, I knew, was not who I was supposed to be. It’s taken quite a bit of work and I’m still working, but I regain more of myself everyday. I am no longer in that toxic environment, and each day I work to be a more improved, balanced version of myself.

I will never again change to fit someone else’s idea of what I should be. And I hope you don’t either.

Until next time, beautiful souls. I wish you so much Love and Light!

Mimi 💖💖

Poetry Time: Selah.

Hello Beautiful souls!

I’d like to share a piece that I wrote entitled: Selah. I hope you like it…

I think you need to just break.

Pause. Yield. Think.

Meditate. Pray. Selah.

Take a moment.

Take even just a moment

To recall just who you are

You are life,

You are strength,

You are absolute magic

Wrapped in some of

The most beautiful skin

I’ve ever seen.

You are brilliant

You are creative,

You are walking inspiration.

And you never cease to

Fascinate me with your

Infinite avenues of self expression.

You are the unique painter

Of the only picture

I ever want to see.

I am drawn to your candor,

Refreshed by your humor,

Ignited by your wisdom.

You are- in a word: magnificent.

So, if ever for a moment

You forget exactly who you are…

I need you to just break.

Pause. Yield. Think.

Meditate. Pray. Selah.

Take a moment.

Selah.

Until next time, beautiful souls…. 💖💖 Mimi

Balance

Hi beautiful souls!

As I discover myself anew of this spiritual journey; I realize more and more how important balance is. I just wanted to share a few thoughts on the importance of balance.

Life is about balance. You can’t be completely selfish just as you can’t be completely selfless. If you’re selfish; then you’re constantly taking. Often to the detriment of others. Taking and storing. Taking and storing. And eventually, you fill your vessel to its capacity.

And then what happens?

You become stagnant. There’s a stench. It starts to smell because some of what you continue to hold on to has become useless to you. It’s wasting away.

It now belongs to someone else but you won’t release it. “What about me? What about me? What about me?” Until you’re completely full. You can’t take on any new information or learn any new gifts because you haven’t cultivated anything but yourself. There’s no flow.

On the other hand, if you’re completely selfless, you give and give and give. But then, what becomes of you? You are now ill nourished, miserable, weak, nonfunctional, dried up and probably even bitter because you gave of your entire self without being refilled. You feel used. You have nothing else to give now. There’s no flow. We all need flow. We need that constant movement and exchange of energy to be our best selves. We need balance.

This I know from experience because I was a giver. I would give to spouses, lovers, and boyfriends thinking that they would see how wonderful I was and give back. When they didn’t give back, or didn’t give back equally- it hurt me to my core. Until I met someone else. I was in a self destructive cycle.

I gave and gave until one day I looked around and saw what little there was left of myself. This journey helped me see what I was doing to myself and what I was allowing…

But now I break free!

I share my vulnerability in the hope that it will reach and help someone before they experience this pain. Or perhaps you’re in a similar situation, and this piece may be used to enlighten you and remind you of how wonderful you are- with or without the validation of another person.

Either way; I hope this helps someone.

Until next time beautiful souls… 💜✨ Mimi

Give You A Smile

Hi beautiful souls! This week I want to share a poem with you. It’s called Give You A Smile

Here

I want to give you a smile

Keep it with you always;

Tuck it away in the recesses

Of your mind.

May it always remind you

Of the light in my heart for you.

Wait:

Let me give you a laugh.

An everlasting laugh for you

To wrap your troubles in

And let them sail away.

Troubles in your life won’t do!

Please-

I want to give you a love

A love relentless, tried and true.

This love will radiate.

This love will permeate.

This love will always stay with you.

Until next time beautiful souls 💜✨

Allow Today to Be Awesome!

Today is monumental to me. Today- a day that had all the makings of another average occurrence of days tumbling one on top of another, was allowed- by me- to be something magical. I woke up and smiled. “Today is an awesome day!” I said to myself.

I started the day in gratitude. I burned some sage and palo santo, I set my intention for a ‘beautiful day filled with love’. I meditated. I admired my crystals for a little while and then began to say my affirmations.

This time, I decided to say them in front of the mirror. Things were going typically until I got to one specific affirmation:

“I am beautiful.”

When I said this affirmation in the mirror, I cringed. Say it again. So, I did. I didn’t cringe this time. Say It Again. And I did. “I am beautiful.” It wasn’t painful. In fact, it seemed like less of a lie this time. One More Time. “I am beautiful.”

Silence.

I stood there; replaying the words in my head. I looked at myself, and for the first time in all of my life; I saw a beautiful person looking back at me.

“I am beautiful.” I whispered to myself once more…and I believed it! I began to cry.

I never thought I was beautiful. Maybe ‘cute’ sometimes when I have my hair and makeup done. Perhaps ‘pretty’ if I really liked my outfit. But I have never felt beautiful.

So, today is indeed a special day for me. And I hope that today is a special day for you as well. May today be the day that you discover something new about yourself. May today be the day that you find your bliss.

I am grateful for today because it is a milestone on my journey of self-love and self-discovery. Today is a great day because I allow it to be. Because I am a deliberate creator and I decide what type of day I am to have. I decide.

And that in itself; is a beautiful day filled with love.

Much love and be blessed. 💜✨Mimi

Directly after my “I am Beautiful” breakthrough.

Grief..

It’s been a while.

I couldn’t bring myself to blog consistently – try as I might- due to recent circumstances in my life.

On November 17, 2020 I lost my father. And that has been difficult for me and my family. I briefly touched on it in a blog post, but I didn’t mention my inner turmoil.

Losing my father sent shock waves through my entire household. We have always been a family oriented group of people, but moving out to Arizona together made us that much closer. We were family, friends; we were our own little community. Each member was important, and each person played a role.

His passing was like an explosion followed by an earthquake. The people near him got hurt first in the explosion, and then during the earthquake which; in my opinion, was a 9.5 on the Richter scale. And then, we had to spread that hurt.

…and now, it’s been three months and one day and I still mourn his loss. But I guess that’s what grief is- it’s an earthquake. You suffer the initial damage, and then randomly, there are aftershocks.

I’ve learned that grieving is not linear. It’s a cycle. No one can tell you when or how to grieve. No one can tell you how long to grieve either. You may have some good days- do not feel guilty about them! And unfortunately, some days may feel like you’re back at day 1.

All I can say is this:

1. Take your time and actually process the loss. If you bury it; it will only hurt more later.

2. Cry as much as you need to. (Yes, it’s okay.)

3. Don’t let the loss consume you! (This is a tough one, but it’s very important.) When we lose someone close to us, it can affect us in many ways- some people get angry, feel lost and/or hopeless, some get depressed. Or maybe a combination of those emotions and others. It’s important to identify your emotions and deal with them accordingly.

*I personally felt a mixture of these emotions, and because of COVID-19, grief counseling is not available. But, I am coping with my grief through meditation, and therapeutic activity that I enjoy such as writing and drawing.

4. Take care of yourself! Be kind to yourself and others. Remember that you are still here because you have work to do. Get reacquainted with yourself and discover/rediscover your purpose.

5. Remember your loved one “out loud.” I plan to keep my father’s memory alive by remembering the moments we shared, the things he taught me, and the man that he was.

In fact…

My father was an awesome man. He was funny, kind, loving, smart, supportive…he was one of my closest friends. My father was the kind of man who would go to work with broken ankles and hide his crutches from his employer so that he could continue to provide for us. He was a hard worker; a man of integrity, and a great listener with wisdom, creativity, and charisma.

I love you and I will always remember you out loud.

Michael

I lost him a week ago today. He was my first love. He was giving, caring, funny, smart, loving and hard working.

He showed me what love really was. Not the cheesy, romantic comedy type love- but honest love. Love that’s real and true. Love that stands through anger and remains steadfast even when you don’t get your way. I thought that if I could get a man half as good as Michael; I’d be the most blessed woman on earth.

You see, Michael is my father. He and my mother were married for 40 years. They didn’t have a lot of material things, but they had each other. And they had us.

I wanted to become wealthy so that I could reward my parents for all of their hard work and sacrifice. I wanted to spoil them. But now, he’s gone and all of our hearts are broken.

So, my new goal is to make sure that everyone knows his name. Michael Antonio. My first love.

Health Scare

Recently, my husband and I got sick.

First, it was him. He had a bit of a temperature, body aches, chills. A day or two later; so did I.

Immediately he and I both became afraid. You know what we were thinking- coronavirus.

I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we feared for our lives, our family, our livelihood. I myself am high risk and it got me to thinking morbid thoughts as I read and re-read about the virus and it’s symptoms. I could see my hubby mentally going in the same direction.

And then I stopped myself. No, I wasn’t suddenly unafraid but I remembered all of the positive thinking that I had been practicing. And I thought about all the things that I still wanted to accomplish. Not as if I had completely forgotten; but my memory was refreshed on how precious life is.

I talked to my husband. I told him that we were going to be okay. And although we kept our distance from family members; we began to focus on the positive.

Personally, this health scare gave me a new lease on life. It has caused me to more boldly speak my truth.

And while I’m being honest; I stopped blogging as much due to the lack of reaction/understanding of the few people that read this blog. It just seemed to me that when I write about random things that are not so important; that’s when I get likes and follows. But when I spoke about police brutality, systemic racism, and the mistreatment of various groups…

Silence.

It was disappointing to say the least.

But it’s okay. You don’t have to agree with me. You don’t have to ‘like’ another word that I post. It’s still the truth.

It’s still my truth, and the truth of millions of others around the world.

So, if you don’t have a problem with fear gripping you when police get behind your vehicle- even when you’ve done nothing wrong, if you don’t feel the injustice and the irony of law enforcement killing people that look like you at alarming rates, if your ancestors weren’t raped and enslaved, and/or forced onto a small portion of the land that you owned, if you don’t feel for the people being separated from their families, mistreated and locked in cages like animals, or if you don’t have to fear for your job or your healthcare merely based on your sexual preference… good for you I guess.

I’m just a person with a heart. With compassion. And even though all of these things don’t apply directly to me, I have the presence of mind to know that the shit ain’t right! Plain and simple.

Like it or not, it’s my truth. My family’s truth. My shipmate’s truth. My community’s truth. This country’s truth and truth all over the world.

And I will still speak it. Until I can’t speak it anymore.

Thank you health scare. For reminding me.

P.S WE STILL MATTER.

Love and light- Mimi 💜

I miss you…

Hey!

There were so many things between us that went unsaid. We had misunderstandings, petty arguments and outside influences that started us off on the wrong foot. And then there was the age gap: you were seven years older than me and I know that seems like forever when you’re a teenager…

But we made it through the big stuff and we buried the hatchet. Dispelled some rumors and untruths. And we got to a good place.

And if I knew then what I know now; we would’ve gotten to that good place sooner. Whether you were willing or not, I would’ve made it happen. Because the time we had was not enough. And now I cant get it back…I guess everything happens for a reason, but it just seems so terribly unfair.

I am glad for the time we did have though. When I wasn’t deployed or didn’t have duty, I would ride out to San Bernardino for the weekend with my boy Eric. Your house was my favorite place to go. And it didn’t matter what we did- you were that cool. It was in those small, fleeting moments during stolen weekends that I got to know you. The real you. Not what I heard about you or what you showed people-but you. Strong, vulnerable, perfectly flawed …

You.

And I really love that you.

You were a good mother and a good girlfriend -although you deserved better. You’d give the shirt off your back to help people you love, and it pains me to think that you left this world not knowing how ridiculously dope you were.

It pains me.

Oh, it hurts me.

That’s not even the worst part. I know that as much as I hurt, there are five people who hurt all the more. And that why I’ve cried in secret for the last ten years. I felt like it was selfish to cry openly because I know your kids miss you more. Nae…Your kids are grown now, and some of them have had children of their own. I chuckle when I visualize you being the most fabulous “glamma” ever. And my daughter is seventeen now; isn’t that crazy?!

I just wanted you to know that I love you and I think about you often. Sometimes those thoughts of you make me laugh. Sometimes I cry.

But one thing is certain: you were one of a kind, and I’d rather cry a thousand times over than forget.

I could never forget you.

06/30/1973 – 03/02/2010

I miss you sis.