Hey!

There were so many things between us that went unsaid. We had misunderstandings, petty arguments and outside influences that started us off on the wrong foot. And then there was the age gap: you were seven years older than me and I know that seems like forever when you’re a teenager…

But we made it through the big stuff and we buried the hatchet. Dispelled some rumors and untruths. And we got to a good place.

And if I knew then what I know now; we would’ve gotten to that good place sooner. Whether you were willing or not, I would’ve made it happen. Because the time we had was not enough. And now I cant get it back…I guess everything happens for a reason, but it just seems so terribly unfair.

I am glad for the time we did have though. When I wasn’t deployed or didn’t have duty, I would ride out to San Bernardino for the weekend with my boy Eric. Your house was my favorite place to go. And it didn’t matter what we did- you were that cool. It was in those small, fleeting moments during stolen weekends that I got to know you. The real you. Not what I heard about you or what you showed people-but you. Strong, vulnerable, perfectly flawed …

You.

And I really love that you.

You were a good mother and a good girlfriend -although you deserved better. You’d give the shirt off your back to help people you love, and it pains me to think that you left this world not knowing how ridiculously dope you were.

It pains me.

Oh, it hurts me.

That’s not even the worst part. I know that as much as I hurt, there are five people who hurt all the more. And that why I’ve cried in secret for the last ten years. I felt like it was selfish to cry openly because I know your kids miss you more. Nae…Your kids are grown now, and some of them have had children of their own. I chuckle when I visualize you being the most fabulous “glamma” ever. And my daughter is seventeen now; isn’t that crazy?!

I just wanted you to know that I love you and I think about you often. Sometimes those thoughts of you make me laugh. Sometimes I cry.

But one thing is certain: you were one of a kind, and I’d rather cry a thousand times over than forget.

I could never forget you.

06/30/1973 – 03/02/2010

I miss you sis.