Tag: mental health

Follow Up/Reach Out

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today, I wanted to do a follow up blog based on last week’s post. Last week’s post was a poem that I had written; entitled Can’t Find Happy.

While I was typing those words that I had written a few years back, I could recall the depth of sadness and misery that I was feeling when I originally wrote it. During that time, I was fighting with everything I had to salvage my marriage and make my family happy.

The man that I loved was unhappy. And although I was also unhappy, I put myself on the back burner and focused on him. No matter how hard I focused on his happiness, he seemed to always find something to be unhappy about. In turn, I became even more unhappy. This deep sadness had become depression.

I was an unaware, ill-equipped empath who was codependent and had trauma bonded with a narcissist. My environment was toxic. My self esteem was at an all time low due to being constantly manipulated and gaslighted, and I didn’t believe that I could leave and do well on my own. I felt trapped. I felt broken. And I felt oh so lost.

Can’t Find Happy was written in efforts to release my depression and despair through writing. Depression is very real and should be taken very seriously. It is a legitimate illness that has chemical effects on the brain and the body.

It isn’t always easy to spot, (some people who battle depression are very good at hiding their inner turmoil) but if you notice a change in behavior in a friend or loved one Please Follow Up with them! If they seem uncharacteristically moody, withdrawn, easily flustered, distracted, or lethargic, these may be indications that something is wrong. Follow Up with them. Show them that you care! Compassion is free.

And if you, beautiful soul; feel any of the previously mentioned symptoms. If you feel like you’re carrying a burden that is too heavy for you- Please reach out!

**There are people that care!

I care.

And things may seem heavy and hopeless now, but you can make it out of that situation. I was in a situation that I thought was hopeless and I made it through.

I was depressed, but I made it.

I was manipulated, but I made it.

I was broken, but I made it.

I was gaslighted, but I made it.

I was doubted, but I made it.

I was afraid, but I made it.

I made it.

I made it!!

And so can you.

And so will you.

And so ARE you.

A post from the narcissistic abuse support group I’m in…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Depression. Is. Real.

I’m all about transparency. I feel that in sharing my vulnerabilities; I can perhaps help someone else. Whether it’s preventing them from going down the same path, helping them realize their strengths, or to let them know that they aren’t alone- I just want to help people.

That being said; I just want to go on record and say that Depression is real. It’s not someone being “sad” or just trying to get attention. It’s far more than that. It’s starts internally. Sometimes it builds up. Sometimes it quickly overtakes the person suffering. Either way it goes- depression is real and can be debilitating.

I am currently going through a bout with depression. For weeks, I internalized my feelings. I didn’t want to burden anyone…but as the days crashed into each other and various situations and demands attacked me from all directions; I finally had a meltdown. It wasn’t a stage four freak-out or anything huge, but the depression had made itself impossible to hide.

I went out to my truck to run an errand and one of the tires were flat.

I came unhinged.

I was thinking about making my niece late for work, about how I had to call the attendance office for my daughter, about how little I felt I had done with my life, about Lupus, about everything imaginable-

And I burst into tears. I mean, I wept. This took all of my family members by surprise and they were concerned. I got hugged from all directions. My father took the car keys and headed to the tire shop, and my niece called her job and informed them of our car troubles.

Things were okay…for the time being. But I have a huge issue to resolve somehow. I’m not sure how to go about this. I’ve read that it’s good to set goals and maintain a routine, so I’m working on that. I’m also pushing myself to exercise (endorphins) and do things that I’d ordinarily enjoy.

It’s a process and I’m taking things one day at a time.

If you are a person who suffers from depression, I urge you to talk to someone. Look for the beauty and positivity in each day and focus on that. Know that you are loved. Invaluable. Please hold on. You can beat this!

Be blessed. I’ll see you on the mountain top. ❤️