Reclaiming Your Power

Hey Boo,

There are experiences that can make you feel as though your power has been taken from you.

Being controlled, silenced, dismissed, mistreated. Having decisions made for you. Being placed in circumstances you never would have chosen. Or spending so much time surviving that you forget you are allowed to want more than whatever gets you through the day.

Sometimes losing your sense of power doesn’t look dramatic. It could look like constantly second-guessing yourself, staying quiet to avoid conflict, or waiting for someone else to validate what you already know. Sometimes it’s accepting what hurts because you don’t believe you have another option. Making yourself smaller so someone else can remain comfortable. Or allowing fear to make every decision before you have a chance to speak.

After a while, powerlessness can begin to feel like part of your identity. But it isn’t.

Your power may have been suppressed, ignored, manipulated, or buried beneath survival. That does not mean it disappeared.

Power is Not the Same as Control

Sometimes we imagine that reclaiming our power means becoming fearless, untouchable, or completely in control. But control and power are not the same thing.

Control says:

Nothing can happen unless I allow it.

Power says:

Whatever happens, I will not abandon myself.

You cannot control every outcome. You can’t make people understand you, respect your boundaries, choose you, apologize, change, or give you the closure you deserve. You cannot rewrite what has already happened.

But you can decide what access someone has to you now. You can decide what you will no longer participate in. You determine whose opinion gets to shape how you see yourself, or whether an old experience continues making your present decisions. You can listen to your own voice- even when someone else disagrees.

Power is not the ability to control everything around you. Power is remembering that you still have choices within you.

Notice Where You Have Been Giving Your Power Away

Losing your sense of power doesn’t always happen in big, obvious, forceful ways. Sometimes it happens quietly.

You give your power away when you need someone’s approval before you trust your own decision. When you allow rejection to determine your worth. By repeatedly explaining a boundary to someone who benefits from ignoring it. You give your power away by making another person’s behavior responsible for your peace. And when you remain emotionally available to people who consistently mishandle your vulnerability. Giving your power away could also look like waiting for an apology before giving yourself permission to heal, or believing that you can’t move forward until someone finally understands what they did to you.

Many of these patterns begin as ways of surviving, maintaining connection, keeping the peace, or protecting yourself from further pain. That by no means makes you weak, you did what you knew how to do.

But survival strategies are not lifelong contracts.

You are allowed to recognize that something once protected you has now outlived its usefulness and should no longer lead you.

Your Power is in Your Participation

Not everything in your life was your choice. That truth deserves to be acknowledged and honored.

There may have been things done to you, losses you could not prevent, responsibilities you did not ask for, and seasons when your available choices were painfully limited. Reclaiming your power is not about blaming yourself for what you could not control, it’s about becoming curious about where choice exists now.

What conversation no longer requires your participation? Is there an expectation that you’re allowed to question or eliminate? What version of yourself are you no longer required to perform? What boundary can you uphold, even if someone dislikes it? What truth have you known that you’ve been afraid to honor? Is there one decision you can make from who you are becoming instead of what you have survived?

Sometimes your power is not in changing the entire situation. Sometimes it is in changing your participation in it.

Stop Asking Permission to Belong to Yourself

When you have spent years prioritizing other people’s needs, managing their reactions, or adapting yourself to remain safe and accepted, choosing yourself can feel wrong. You may feel selfish for setting a boundary. Guilty for disappointing someone. Uncomfortable when you stop overexplaining. Afraid that using your voice will cost you connection. But maintaining a connection with others is futile if you do not first belong to yourself.

Belonging to yourself does not mean you stop loving or caring about other people. It means you no longer disappear in order to do it. You are allowed to consider yourself when making decisions about your own life. You may certainly say ‘no’ without presenting a courtroom argument. You can change your mind when something no longer aligns with you. You may leave roles, relationships, environments, and beliefs that require your self-abandonment. You are allowed to trust the discomfort that tells you something is not right.

And you are allowed to choose differently-even if people do not celebrate your choices with you. You don’t need permission to belong to yourself.

Power Can Be Quiet

Reclaiming your power does not always look bold from the outside.

Sometimes it looks like not responding. Resting before your body forces you to stop. Keeping a promise you made to yourself. Allowing someone to misunderstand you instead of exhausting yourself trying to change their mind. Walking away without delivering one final speech. Or saying, ‘This doesn’t work for me.’

Reclaiming your power can also look like trying again after disappointment, letting yourself want more, telling the truth in your journal before you are ready to say it aloud, and an especially important one:

Asking for help.

Most times when we think of power we think loud, forceful, bold. And yes, power can be a roar. But it can also be the quiet moment when you realize-

I don’t have to keep doing this.

And then you choose yourself.

Reclaim One Choice at a Time

You do not have to transform your entire life today to prove that you are powerful. Power is rebuilt through patience.

Each time you honor a boundary, you practice power. Every time you listen to your intuition, you practice power. Each time you make a decision without abandoning yourself, you practice power. Every time you stop chasing validation and return to what you need, or walk away from what diminishes you, you practice power.

Small choices become evidence. Evidence becomes self-trust. And self-trust makes it easier to recognize that your life still belongs to you.

So, ask yourself:

Where does my power live in this moment?

Your power may live in your voice. Your boundary. Your attention. Your next decision. Your willingness to begin again. Your refusal to continue carrying what was never yours. Your ability to choose what receives your energy from this point forward.

You cannot change everything that happened. You cannot control everything that comes next. But you can meet yourself here- without shame, without blame, and without abandoning the person you are becoming. Your power was never dependent upon being untouched by life. It lives in your ability to return to yourself after everything you have survived.

You are not powerless. You are remembering that you have a voice. You have choices. You have agency. And you still have a say in what happens next.

This week, we are reclaiming our power.

Want to go a little deeper?

This blog is just the beginning. Subscribers get access to exclusive journaling prompts designed to help you take what you’ve read and explore what it means in your life. Because reclamation isn’t just something we read about- it’s something we practice.

Subscribe to unlock this week’s prompts and continue your reclamation journey.

Reclaiming Your Confidence

Hey Boo!

You know what I’ve learned from experience?

I’ve learned that confidence doesn’t always disappear at once. Sometimes it gets chipped away.

A rejection here. A disappointment there. A mistake you can’t stop replaying. A season where nothing seems to be working. Someone’s criticism that landed a little too deeply. Watching other people move forward while you feel like you’re standing still.

And slowly, the voice that once said ‘I’ve got this’ starts asking:

What if I don’t?

Maybe you’ve experienced that. I know I have.

There are times when I need to remind myself of who I am, what I’ve survived, what I’ve accomplished, and what I am capable of. And I’ve realized something:

Sometimes confidence isn’t something you need to build. Sometimes it’s something you need to remember.

Confidence Can Be Bruised Without Being Lost

We often talk about confidence as though confident people never doubt themselves.

But confidence doesn’t require the absence of doubt. You can believe in yourself and still have moments when you’re uncertain. Know your worth and still feel the sting of rejection. You can be capable and still make mistakes. And you can come incredibly far and still encounter something that makes you wonder whether you’re good enough.

One difficult experience doesn’t erase everything you knew about yourself before it happened. Neither does one person’s inability to recognize your value. A failure certainly doesn’t define you. And neither does a season when you aren’t performing your best.

Your confidence may have taken a hit, but that doesn’t mean that it’s gone.

Be Careful What You Turn Into Evidence

Sometimes we experience something unpleasant and without realizing it, we turn that experience into evidence against ourselves.

I wasn’t chosen, so maybe I’m not desirable.

It didn’t work, so maybe I’m not capable.

They criticized me, so maybe I’m not good enough.

Someone else is further ahead, so maybe I’m behind.

I made the wrong decision, so maybe I can’t trust myself.

But an experience is not automatically a verdict. Rejection tells you that something didn’t align. A mistake tells you that you’re human. A setback tells you that something didn’t work this time. None of those things get to define your entire identity unless you hand them that authority.

Ask yourself:

What have I been using as evidence that I should doubt myself?

And then ask another question:

Is that actually what this experience proves?

You may discover that you’ve been carrying a conclusion that was never yours to keep.

Remember Your Receipts

If doubt gets to present evidence, so do you.

Remember the things you’ve figured out. The moments you were terrified and did it anyway. The decisions you made when nobody could make them for you. The skills you’ve developed. The boundaries you’ve learned to set. The things you once didn’t know how to do that now come naturally. The times life knocked you down, and you somehow found your footing again.

Your confidence doesn’t have to come from pretending you’re fearless. It can come from evidence.

I’ve handled hard things before.

I’ve learned things I once didn’t know.

I’ve recovered from mistakes.

I’ve survived disappointment.

I’ve rebuilt before.

Those are receipts. Keep them.

Stop Requiring Yourself to Feel Ready

Sometimes we think confidence comes first.

Once I feel confident, I’ll start. I’ll try once I’m sure I can do it. Once I’m no longer afraid, I’ll take the chance. But confidence is often built in the opposite direction. You move while you’re unsure. When you’re nervous, you still try. You speak even though your voice shakes. You take the first step without knowing exactly where the tenth one leads.

And afterward, you realize:

I can do hard things even while I’m uncertain.

That realization becomes evidence. And the next time fear shows up, you have another receipt. Confidence isn’t always the thing that gets you through the door. Sometimes walking through the door is what creates it.

You Don’t Need to Compare Yourself

Confidence rooted in comparison will always be fragile because there will always be another person to compare yourself to.

And there will always be someone who seems more accomplished. More attractive. A person that has more success. Is more experienced. More polished. Or more certain. Reclaiming your confidence means bringing your attention back home.

Not: Am I better than them?

But: Am I fully becoming myself?

You don’t have to outperform another person to prove you belong. You don’t need universal approval to validate your value. And you don’t have to shrink because someone else shines. There is room for their light.

And there is room for yours.

Come Back to Yourself

Maybe you’ve been doubting yourself lately.

Maybe something happened that made you question what you bring to the table. You may have looked outside yourself for confirmation that you’re talented enough, attractive enough, capable enough, worthy enough, or ready enough.

This week, I want you to come back.

Not to some perfect, fearless version of yourself. To you.

The person who has learned. A person who has survived. The person who has grown. Someone who has gotten things wrong and kept going. The person who is still becoming.

You don’t need to know exactly how everything will turn out to believe in your ability to meet what comes next. And when doubt inevitably visits again, you don’t have to panic and assume you’ve lost your confidence. Sometimes you just need to pull out your receipts and remind yourself that you’ve always been capable.

Your confidence didn’t leave you.

Maybe life just got so loud that you couldn’t hear it for a while. It’s time to turn your voice back up. Reclaim your confidence. Remember your receipts.

And keep becoming the person who knows that even when they don’t have every answer, they can trust themselves to figure out what comes next.

Til next time.

Your Boundaries Are Not a Betrayal

Hey Boo!

There comes a point in reclamation when finding your voice is no longer enough. You have to use it. You have to say no when you mean no. You have to stop explaining yourself into exhaustion. You have to recognize when something doesn’t feel right and trust yourself enough to respond accordingly. You have to decide that access to you is no longer automatic.

And for many of us, this is where healing gets uncomfortable. Because reclaiming your boundaries can feel a lot like disappointing people who benefited from you not having any.

When Boundaries Feel “Mean”

If you’ve spent years being the understanding one, the accommodating one, the dependable one, the peacemaker, or the person who always gives one more chance, boundaries can feel unnatural at first. You might feel guilty for saying no. You might worry that you’re being selfish. You may overexplain your decisions because simply saying, “That doesn’t work for me,” somehow doesn’t feel like enough of an explanation.

You may even find yourself managing someone else’s feelings about a boundary that was created to protect you. But as I said before, guilt doesn’t always mean you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes guilt is simply what happens when you begin doing something differently.

Especially when the old version of you was taught that being loved required unlimited access to your time, energy, emotions, or attention.

Boundaries Are Where You Meet Yourself

A boundary isn’t just something you establish with other people. It’s a promise you make to yourself.

It says:

I will listen when I’m uncomfortable.

I will stop ignoring my needs to make someone else happy.

I will pay attention when my body tells me something is wrong.

I will not continuously sacrifice my peace for connection.

I will honor my limits.

And perhaps most importantly, I will stop abandoning myself to avoid being abandoned by someone else.

That’s reclamation.

You Don’t Need Permission

One of the hardest lessons to learn is that other people do not have to understand your boundary for it to be valid. They don’t have to agree. They don’t have to like it. They don’t even have to believe that your reason is “good enough.” Your boundaries aren’t negotiations about whether or not you’re allowed to protect your well-being.

You are. Period.

And sometimes the people who react most strongly to your boundaries are the people who were most comfortable with you having none. They’ll be alright. Let them adjust. Their discomfort doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve done something wrong.

Boundaries Don’t Have to Be Harsh

This was a big concern of mine. I didn’t want to be mean or become someone I wasn’t to establish boundaries. But reclaiming your boundaries doesn’t require you to become cold, guarded, or disconnected.

You can be compassionate and still have limits. You can love someone and say no. You can understand someone’s circumstances without accepting behavior that hurts you. You can forgive someone without restoring their previous level of access to you. You can wish someone well from a distance. And you can be soft and still be unavailable for disrespect.

Boundaries aren’t walls designed to keep everyone out. Healthy boundaries are doors.

You decide who enters, how long they stay, and what is required for continued access.

Start With the Small Things

Establishing boundaries doesn’t require a swift and drastic shift. In fact, after years of people pleasing, I found it easier to establish and maintain boundaries by building slowly and steadily. Not every boundary needs a dramatic announcement.

Sometimes reclamation sounds like:

“No, I can’t do that today.”

“I need some time to think about it.”

“I’ m not comfortable with that.”

“I don’t want to discuss this.”

“I need some space.”

Or simply-

“No.”

Full stop. No essay. No list of evidence proving why your feelings deserve consideration.

Just a decision that honors you.

The more you practice honoring the small boundaries, the easier it becomes to recognize when the bigger ones are necessary.

Some People May Prefer You Old You

This part can hurt.

When you begin healing and changing, there may be people who miss the version of you who overextended, overexplained, tolerated, rescued, or remained silent.

They may tell you that you’ve changed. And maybe you have.

But maybe that’s the point.

Reclamation isn’t about returning to the person you were before life hurt you. It’s about uncovering who you are now- with wisdom to recognize what you deserve, what you need, and what you will no longer accept.

You are allowed to become someone who protects their peace. You are allowed to become someone who doesn’t answer every call. Who doesn’t accept every invitation. Who doesn’t carry every problem. Who doesn’t repeatedly offer access where respect is absent. You are allowed to choose yourself.

Your Boundary is Not a Betrayal

Not every boundary will cost you a relationship. Some might.

But if a relationship can only survive when you have no limits, silence your needs, or continuously betray yourself to maintain it, then the boundary didn’t destroy the relationship. It revealed the truth about it.

Remember that goal isn’t to keep everyone. The goal is to stop losing yourself.

So as you continue reclaiming the pieces of yourself you once surrendered for survival, remember this-

Your needs matter. Your limits matter. Your peace matters. Your ‘NO’ matters.

And you don’t have to shrink, explain, apologize, or abandon yourself to prove that you are worth loving or respecting.

Your boundaries are not a betrayal of anyone else.

They are an act of loyalty to yourself.

And maybe this chapter of your reclamation isn’t about learning how to hold on. Maybe it’s about finally learning what you are no longer willing to lose:

You.

Reclamation Reminder

I can love deeply without abandoning myself. I can be compassionate without sacrificing my peace. My boundaries honor the life, energy, and person I am reclaiming.

Heal, Grow. Glow.

Til next time.

When You Stop Waiting to Be Chosen

Hey Boo!

There comes a moment in many healing journeys when we realize that the deepest wound wasn’t the breakup, the betrayal, or even the rejection. It was the story we told ourselves afterward.

“Maybe I wasn’t enough.”

“Maybe if I had been different.”

“Why wasn’t I chosen?”

For many of us, that question lingers much longer than the relationship itself. The truth is, wanting to be chosen is deeply human. We all long to feel loved, valued, and significant to someone else. But somewhere along the way, many of us begin measuring our worth by someone else’s ability-or inability – to recognize it.

That’s where we lose ourselves.

Real healing begins when we realize that our value was never waiting for another person’s approval. It was waiting for our own. There’s a quiet power that comes from choosing yourself. Choosing to honor your boundaries. Choosing peace over chaos. Choosing relationships that feel safe instead of relationships that keep you guessing. Choosing to stop shrinking so someone else feels comfortable.

The people who have experienced deep emotional pain often become some of the most compassionate people in the world. They learn to recognize hurt because they’ve lived it. They know how to sit beside someone else’s grief because they’ve carried their own.

Pain can make us bitter, or it can make us wiser. Better. The choice is ours.

One of the most beautiful transformations happens when you stop asking, “why didn’t they choose me?” And begin asking, “Am I choosing the life, relationships, and version of myself that I deserve?”

That single shift changes everything. Your story is no longer one of rejection. Instead, your story has become one of reclamation. You stop chasing validation. You begin creating it from within. You stop waiting for someone to tell you you’re enough and begin living like you already know.

The right people won’t ask you to become smaller to fit into their lives. They’ll appreciate the light that you’ve worked so hard to uncover.

You were never meant to spend your life auditioning for love. You were meant to experience love that recognizes you without asking you to abandon yourself.

Choose yourself today, Boo.

Not because no one else will, but because you deserve to know what it feels like to be loved by the one person who will be with you for every chapter of your life-you.

And from there, everything begins to glow.

Heal. Grow. Glow.

‘Til Next Time

When Love and Pain Share The Same Face:

Grieving a Parent Who Both Loved and Hurt You

Hey Boo,

When we talk about grief, people often assume it is straightforward.

Someone we love passes away, and we miss them. But what happens when the person we lost was also the person who wounded us? What happens when the memories are both beautiful and painful?

What happens when the person we are grieving is a parent?

For many people, losing a parent brings not only crushing sadness but also confusion, anger, relief, guilt, compassion, regret, and longing. These emotions can coexist even when they feel contradictory.

And yet, society rarely talks about this kind of grief. We are often expected to remember only the good, focus on gratitude, and avoid discussing the more complicated parts of the relationship. But healing requires honesty.

The Parent You Loved and the Parent Who Hurt You

One of the most difficult truths to hold is that a person can love you and still hurt you. Many of us were raised to believe that love automatically means safety, understanding, and emotional support. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the reality. Some parents loved their children deeply but lacked the emotional tools, self-awareness, or healing necessary to nurture them in healthy ways.

Some parents carried their own wounds. Some repeated patterns they learned from previous generations. And some caused pain they never fully acknowledged.

Recognizing these truths does not erase the love that existed. It simply allows for the full story.

Why Grief Can Feel So Complicated

When a parent dies, we are not only grieving who they were. Sometimes we are grieving who we hoped they would become.

We may also mourn:

The apology we never received.

The conversation(s) we never had.

The understanding or acceptance we longed for.

The relationship we wished could have existed.

This kind of grief is layered. There is grief for the parent we had, and grief for the parent we needed. Both losses deserve acknowledgment.

The Guilt of Telling the Truth

Many adult children carry guilt when they speak honestly about a parent who has passed away. They worry that acknowledging their pain is disrespectful. They fear being seen as ungrateful. They wonder if they should simply focus on the positive. But honesty is not the same thing as condemnation.

You can appreciate the sacrifices someone made and still acknowledge the wounds you carry. You can recognize their humanity without minimizing your own experience. Your healing does not require rewriting history.

But…That’s not How I Remember it.

Another challenge can arise when siblings have different experiences of the same parent. One sibling may remember warmth and support. Another may remember criticism, emotional neglect, or instability. Neither experience is necessarily wrong. Parents often show different sides of themselves to different children. This can make conversations about grief especially difficult.

You may feel isolated in your truth. You may worry about upsetting others. You may also find yourself carrying your emotions quietly to avoid conflict.

If this resonates with you, know that your experience is still valid. You do not need unanimous agreement for your feelings to matter.

Healing Without Erasing the Past

Healing does not require you to choose between love and truth. It asks you to make room for both. You can remember the good times. You can cherish the memories that bring comfort. You can hold compassion for your parents’ struggles.

And you can acknowledge the ways you were hurt.

These realities are not opposites. They are pieces of the same story.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are grieving a parent who both loved and hurt you, please know this:

You are not disloyal for telling the truth. You are not ungrateful for acknowledging your pain. You are not a bad person for having mixed emotions. Grief is rarely simple.

Sometimes healing begins when we stop trying to force our feeling into neat categories and allow ourselves to hold the complexity of being human.

You are allowed to love them.

You are allowed to miss them.

You are allowed to hurt.

And you are allowed to heal.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…

Reflection Question:

What would change if I gave myself permission to honor both the love I received and the pain I experienced- without feeling guilty for either?

When Love Requires Distance:

Navigating Narcissistic Abuse in Family and Friendships

Hey Boo!

I’ve noticed something.

When people talk about narcissistic abuse, the conversation often centers around romantic relationships. But narcissistic dynamics can also exist within families and friendships, making them more difficult to recognize and navigate.

Unlike a romantic relationship, family and long-term friendships often come with deep emotional ties, shared history, social expectations, and feelings of obligation. Many people stay in unhealthy dynamics not because they don’t recognize the harm, but because they genuinely care about the person involved.

This is why conversations about boundaries, low contact, and no contact deserve more compassion and understanding.

What Narcissistic Abuse Can Look Like Outside of Romance

In familial and platonic relationships, narcissistic abuse may look like:

Chronic guilt-tripping

Emotional manipulation

Gaslighting

Boundary violations

Silent treatment

Triangulation

Constant criticism disguised as concern

Making everything about their needs

Punishing you when you become more independent

Over time, these patterns can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, anxious, confused, and disconnected from your own intuition. You may find yourself constantly questioning your perceptions or feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions.

Why Leaving Feels So Difficult

One of the biggest misconceptions about low contact or no contact is that people make these decisions impulsively. In reality, most people who go low or no contact spend years doing everything they can to save the relationship first.

They have the difficult conversations, try to explain their feelings, offer forgiveness, set boundaries, give chance after chance, and even minimize their own needs to keep the peace. By the time they finally begin creating distance, they are often emotionally depleted. The decision to go low/no contact is usually born from repeated experiences, not a single incident or disagreement.

Low Contact and No Contact Are Not Punishments

This is a very important distinction to remember.

Healthy boundaries are not about controlling another person. They are about protecting your own well-being.

Low Contact may involve:

Limiting conversations

Avoiding emotionally charged topics

Reducing access to personal life

Creating emotional space**

No contact may become necessary when repeated attempts to create healthier interactions have failed and the relationship continues to cause significant harm.

Neither choice makes a person cruel. Neither choice means they stopped caring.

Sometimes distance becomes necessary when proximity repeatedly causes injury.

The Guilt That Often Follows

Many survivors experience intense guilt after establishing boundaries. They often wonder to themselves:

“Am I being selfish?”

“Am I overeacting?”

“What if they change?”

“What will other people think?”

These questions are normal. Especially for people who were conditioned to prioritize everyone else’s comfort before their own.

But the guilt you’re feeling does not automatically mean you are doing something wrong. Sometimes guilt simply means you are doing something different.

You Are Allowed to Protect Your Peace

Not every relationship can be healed through communication. Not everyone is willing to acknowledge their behavior or the impact it has on others.

And not every relationship is meant to continue in its current form.

You are allowed to create boundaries. You are allowed to choose our emotional well-being. You are allowed to stop participating in dynamics that consistently harm you.

Most importantly, you are allowed to trust yourself.

Healing often begins when we stop asking for permission to protect our peace and start recognizing that our peace is worth protecting.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are navigating narcissistic abuse within a family or a friendship, please know this:

You do not have to prove your pain.

You do not have to justify your boundary.

You do not have to sacrifice your mental health to make others comfortable.

You are allowed to choose safety.

You are allowed to choose healing.

And you are allowed to choose yourself.

Here are a few affirmations to give you strength as you navigate through this part of your journey:

My boundaries are an act of self-respect.

I do not need to justify the decisions I make for my well-being.

Protecting my peace is not selfish.

I trust myself to recognize what is healthy for me.

And one of my personal favorites:

I can love someone and still choose distance.

Remember, you can wish someone well and still refuse to hand them continued access to your peace. You can love someone and still choose yourself.

Both can be true.

Be gentle with yourself Boo. Til next time…

**Creating emotional space means finding the best time, place, and method to regularly and safely investigate and learn from your feelings.

The Many Faces of Self-Sabotage

Hey Boo!

To close the subject of self-sabotage (for now, at least) I wanted to write this blog post revealing the many faces of it. If left unchecked, self-sabotage can exacerbate or cause anxiety, distorted thoughts, and awaken a harsh inner critic that hurls us into survival mode with its overthinking. It’s vital that we recognize the signs of self-sabotage so that we can adjust our behavior and redirect ourselves. Self-sabotage can show up in our lives in many ways: in our career, education, romantic partnerships, friendships and family dynamics, and even in our health. Here is the list of ways that self-sabotage can occur in each of these categories.

Self-Sabotage in Your Career

It’s not uncommon for self-sabotaging habits to show up most in our career, in fact according to the Self-Sabotage Workbook by The Daily Wellness, the career is the area that people who self-sabotage struggle with the most. Here are the nine signs of self-sabotage in your career to look out for:

Indecision. You struggle or hesitate to make decisions and choose behaviors that block you from achieving your goals. (This is likely due to overthinking or self-doubt)
Not Taking Risks. Taking calculated risks is essential for career growth, but if you’re afraid to take risks you may be missing out on great opportunities.
Not Staying Organized. If you can’t stay organized, you may miss important deadlines or forget to take care of tasks.
Not Being Proactive. Waiting for instructions or tasks to be handed to you is not the best way to get ahead. Initiative is needed to move forward.
Not Setting Goals. Without goals, you don’t have anything to strive for, and that can lead to complacency.
Refusing to Accept Constructive Criticism. If you’re not willing to listen to criticism and learn from it, you may be hindering your career progress.
Not Seeking Feedback. Not taking the time to get feedback from your peers or supervisors can keep you from understanding and improving your skills and performance.
Failing to Focus on Development. Investing in yourself through training and development is essential, especially if you want to move up in your field.
Seeking Comfort. You might stay in your career comfort zone due to fear of failure of uncertainty.

Self-Sabotage in Your Education

Education and schooling can highlight strengths and weaknesses, and future goals, which can often bring about self-sabotaging behaviors like professionalism and procrastination. Self-Sabotage in your education shows up in these eight ways:

Procrastinating. Putting off studying, completing assignments and other tasks that are essential for academic success.

Being Disorganized. Not having a plan for completing tasks or deadlines, or not keeping track of important dates and materials.

Lack of Focus. Not being able to concentrate on the task at hand and allowing distractions to get in the way of learning.

Not Asking For Help. Not seeking advice or assistance from teachers, tutors, or peers when needed.

Not Taking Breaks. Trying to cram too much studying in a short period of time, which can lead to burn-out.

Unrealistic Expectations. Setting goals that are too difficult to achieve or not allowing for any mistakes.

Not Taking Responsibility. Blaming others for mistakes or not taking ownership of a situation.

Not Making Healthy Choices. Not getting enough sleep eating unhealthy foods or engaging in other activities that can affect your ability to focus.

Self-Sabotage in Your Romantic Partnerships

Previous traumas, childhood relationships with your parents, and self-esteem are some of the biggest factors that can contribute to you self-sabotaging your romantic relationships. Here are 13 ways that self-sabotaging can affect romantic relationships:

Not communicating openly and honestly

Blaming the other person for your own issues

Resisting vulnerability

Putting up walls

Not being able to forgive

Having unrealistic expectations

Having a lack of trust

Making assumptions about the other person

Not respecting boundaries

Constantly seeking reassurance, validation, or approval

Using the silent treatment to punish the other person

Allowing outside influences to interfere in the relationship

Not taking the time to nurture the relationship

Self-Sabotage in Your Friendships/Family

Relationships with friends and family members are layered and complex. It can often bring about questions about your self-worth, self-esteem, having to practice boundaries, and unconscious behaviors you may not be aware of. There are nearly 20 ways to sabotage your relationship with family members or friends. Here they are:

Not making time for friends or not showing up when plans are made.

Making negative comments about others.

Being unreliable or not following through on promises.

Withholding compliments or downplaying another person’s successes.

Refusing to listen or hear out another person’s point of view.

Failing to be honest or keeping secrets from friends.

Jealousy or feeling threatened by another person’s successes.

Blaming others for one’s own mistakes.

Not being supportive of friends/family members during difficult times.

Gossiping or talking badly about other people or friends.

Comparing one’s friends to others or putting them down.

Not respecting boundaries or taking advantage of the friendship.

Ignoring or disrespecting a friend’s feelings.

Not apologizing when wrong or not taking responsibility for mistakes.

Not giving your friends the same attention as you give to others.

Being overly competitive or trying to one-up friends.

Making friends feel like they’re not important or not valued.

Not being honest about one’s feelings or intentions.

Not being flexible or open to compromise.

Not being present or engaged when spending time with friends or family members.

And last but certainly not least-

Self-Sabotage in Your Health

People often self-sabotage their health by having unhealthy habits and attitudes that can lead to physical and mental issues. Here are ten ways that we sabotage our physical health:

Eating a diet poor in nutrients

Not getting enough sleep

Not drinking enough water

Failing to exercise regularly

Not taking your medication

Drinking or smoking excessively

Neglecting your mental health

Excessive social media use

Engaging in dangerous activities

Not making time for hobbies or relaxation

Being aware of the many ways that we self-sabotage can help us avoid these tendencies or habits and adjust early on. As they say, prevention is better than treatment and the goal is to break the cycle of self sabotage and thrive on the greatest level of authenticity.

Until Next Time Beautiful Soul, keep Glowing…

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The Secret to Making Lasting Changes

Hey Boo!

Think you can’t change? Many of us already know that we need to improve our state of well-being in order to extend our lives as we age. Making changes is traditionally difficult, but the good news is that it’s never too late to make changes for the better. The first step is to understand what’s important to you, and then determine the choices and decisions that represent where you want to be. Maybe you want to start a new career, lose weight, stop smoking or start exercising. Whatever the change is, be sure you understand why you want to make the change.

Take a moment to think about a time in your life when you made a successful change or developed a new habit. What was your motivation for the change? What was your attitude at the time? What obstacles or barriers did you have to overcome? Your level of readiness to change will determine how successful you are, and how much time it will take. Once you make the decision to change, you must practice that new behavior one day at a time until it becomes a habit – a lasting change.

Embracing the concept of change is a big thing, because interestingly, many people think they don’t have a choice when it comes to change. But why is that? For some it’s fear, guilt, love, pain, time management, or even tradition. What motivates one person may not be the same thing that gets another person to act. Everyone reacts differently to changes, whether voluntary or mandatory.

To start making a change, let go of certain assumptions or ways of doing things, to make room for new ideas. Work on this one day at a time until you feel comfortable.

To make a lasting change, you start wherever you are and stretch a tiny bit more each time. If you fall off the wagon, or experience resistance, identify the cause or circumstances— who you were with, where you were, or your emotional state. The key is to get up and get back on the path again. You may go forward and backward a few times because making a lasting change is challenging and takes consistency and trial and error. Your level of readiness to change will determine how successful you are, and how much time it will take. But you need to be ready, able and willing to make change happen.

Until Next Time Beautiful Soul, keep Glowing…

5 Ways to Get Motivated Again

Hey Boo!

From time to time, we find ourselves in a rut. We seem to lose our zest for life and feel tired, irritable and unmotivated. We want to hide under the covers rather than face the day. Perhaps you’re feeling overwhelmed by work and adulting or just bored with the routine of your daily life.

You are not alone love. We all go through periods like this at some point. The good news is that we can do something about it. Here are some tips to help break out of the rut and feel excited about life again:

Take a “Time Out” – Prolonged stress can wear us down and zap any enthusiasm we once had. Before doing anything else, take a few minutes to breathe and just BE. Empty your mind of all stress and worry. This takes practice, but don’t give up! As thoughts come into your mind, gently push them back out and continue to keep your mind empty and calm. Take slow, deep breaths and let all of your muscles relax. Sit quietly and recharge your batteries. Try to do this daily, or even twice daily (morning and night). We need quiet time as much as we need anything else in life. Give yourself the gift of inner peace.

Get Inspired – Read something motivational, inspirational or uplifting. Look at some beautiful nature photos or read something you find funny. Consciously move your thoughts to a more positive place. Focusing on nothing but work and our daily tasks in life can leave us feeling pretty uninspired. It’s easy to turn it around if we want to. We just have to seek out things that will lift our spirits and our moods. Make it a point to laugh, be happy, joyful and lighthearted each day. Don’t wait for inspiration to come knocking on your door, go out and find it, or create it. Conjure up some funny or touching memories. Write them in a journal so you can go back and read them when you’re feeling down.

Get Excited – Think about the things you have planned for the day and rekindle the enthusiasm you once felt for them. When we first begin a new project, or start a new job, we are excited about the possibilities and eager to get moving! Over time, we can lose that enthusiasm for a variety of reasons. Travel back in time for a moment and think about what got you so excited at the beginning. What made your heartbeat a little faster? Recapture that feeling and hang onto it! Even if your tasks aren’t anything to be really excited about, at least think of some positive benefits to doing them. For example, list the ways they will benefit your children, your spouse, yourself, your job or your home. Identify the reward and focus on that. Even mundane tasks have some benefits. Sometimes it’s just a matter of switching our mindset to see the positive side.

Baby Steps – Sometimes the hardest part is actually getting started. A project seems so monstrous that we cringe at the thought of all that time and energy we’ll have to expend. Instead of overwhelming yourself, start small. Set a timer for 15 minutes and just start working on it. Allow yourself to stop after 15 minutes if you really want to. But most often, once we actually start working on something, we won’t want to stop. Don’t focus on the big picture, look at the smaller details and take them on one at a time. Any large task seems manageable once we break it down into smaller steps.

Care for Your Body – Sometimes our feelings of fatigue are caused by physical deficiencies, not mental. Be sure you are getting enough rest, eating food that nourishes your body, drinking enough water, getting enough exercise, etc. Especially when we’re very busy, we tend to grab the quickest, easiest meals, which aren’t always the best choice for our bodies. Eating a lot of highly processed foods and sugar is like putting watered-down gasoline into our cars. In order for our cars to run smoothly, we need to maintain them properly, and so it is with our bodies also. Remember, the body is the vehicle for the mind and soul!

Finally, remember to reward yourself from time to time, and be gentle with yourself! There will always be things that “need” to be done. But some of us take on way more than we can handle, and our lives turn into a pit of drudgery because of it. Try to eliminate the things that truly don’t bring you joy, or at least minimize the time you spend on them. Do what you can, and let the rest go. Or ask for help. Don’t feel you have to do everything yourself.

Remember that motivation, just like happiness, is something we CHOOSE. We may need to give ourselves a little push at the beginning, but once we get into the right mindset, it’s simple to stay there if we so desire.

Until Next time beautiful souls, keep glowing…

How to Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

Hey Boo!

Have you ever made a statement like “I can’t afford that” or “I don’t have time, and I am not strong enough”? Limiting beliefs are those that confine you and incorrectly define you.

Limiting beliefs are the lies or excuses we tell ourselves that ultimately stifle us or delay success. The majority of limiting beliefs are subconscious and started in childhood when rules and limits were imposed. As crucial as these rules and guidelines were for your safety or success in school, this is likely where you started developing limiting beliefs. These limiting beliefs can hold us back from living a whole life as adults. We still have rules to follow, but there are less and achievement is endless. While you do not have to adhere to the same standards and regulations as a child or young adult, that does not mean your mind has changed to know any better.

It is your responsibility to recognize and break down these limiting beliefs to accomplish all the impressive goals you have. This blog will show you how to identify your limiting beliefs and overcome them so you can achieve greater heights in life.

Identify Your Beliefs

There are a few ways to identify your limiting beliefs, and all require personal reflection. It may even be helpful to bring in a close friend or coworker to help identify your limiting beliefs through an open conversation. It can be challenging to identify limiting beliefs, but here are a couple of exercises you can do to help find them.

Make A List Of Your Own Beliefs.

Take time to write down any beliefs you hold that are important to you and influence your everyday life. Then, you can group these beliefs into different categories, like finances, family, relationships, and health. When you’ve done this, consider the ones that limit your growth and the ones that help.

Analyze Your Behavior

You can also assess your behavior to identify limiting beliefs. For example, consider situations where you have acted negatively or in unhealthy ways and why you behaved that way. Limiting beliefs may be the underlying cause of your toxic behavior if you examine it closely.

For instance, if you find it difficult to talk about money or a financial situation, you may possess the limiting belief that money or conflict is terrible, which makes having difficult but necessary conversations regarding budgeting, retirement, and general finances in life. Consequently, causing relational conflicts when money is involved, e.g., marriage and business.

It may also be an excellent time to bring in a trusted individual to help you identify your limiting beliefs during this analyzing process. For instance, watch where your inner dialog goes when someone compliments you. Is it gratitude or distrust? If it is distrust, there is most likely a limiting belief looming in the corner of your mind. Analyze that moment and see if you can figure out the limiting belief and what new, more positive mantra can replace it.

Where Are You Repeatedly Challenged?

Think about times when you repeatedly struggle. Perhaps, you never have luck in romantic relationships, or you procrastinate consistently when a specific task needs to get done. These challenges may indicate a limiting belief. Whenever you write down an area of challenge, take note of which of your thoughts may be holding you back. In other words, if you’re constantly struggling to squeeze in a workout, find out what you think about health and wellness and how accessible it is for you. What is the limiting belief, the consistent excuse, or the lack of confidence preventing you from achieving this goal?

Applying Change to Break Down Barriers

To start letting go of limiting beliefs, we need to let go of certainty. As humans, we love stability, comfort, and certainty. However, certainty can also hold you back. It’s what prevents you from leaving unhealthy relationships, starting that business you want to have, traveling to that far away place that intrigues you, and keeps you from quitting that job you hate. Certainty can be a dream killer. Combining certainty with limited beliefs will keep you stuck in unhappiness and unfulfillment for a very long time. So let’s start with killing certainty and then change those limiting beliefs.

Once you understand that certainty needs to go, it’s time to start changing self-talk. More often than not, negative self-talk tells you why you can’t achieve your goals. Unfortunately, self-talk is constant, and we must switch out negative self-talk with positive, life-giving, empowering thoughts. Once you identify your limiting beliefs, choose a new empowering belief to replace them. Then, apply this new belief whenever you feel the only limiting belief creep up. Doing this will create a new habit of thought and slowly change your mindset and eliminate limiting beliefs over time.

Until Next Time Beautiful Soul, keep glowing…