Relinquish my Strength?! Uh, No.

Hello, beautiful souls 💖

I’d like to discuss something that has been tugging on my heart strings lately. Ive noticed that there has been a reel trending on social media about ‘strong black women’. In case you aren’t familiar with it, it goes a little something like this:

I am not a strong black woman. I am delicate, fragile, and I can’t do it all on my own…

There’s more to the reel, and I don’t remember the audio verbatim but I’d like to address the sentiment. I viewed this audio as a cry for help from my queens who are tired of carrying the load alone.

Being strong is a blessing and a curse in today’s society. When a person is strong, they are often given more weight to carry. The growing assumption is that since you’ve carried so much, you can carry a little more…and a bit more…and wait, here’s a little more. People typically don’t check on or offer assistance to strong people. And that can cause even the strongest of people to be weary.

Yet, strength is a gift. It is earned based on perseverance and is the by product of experience and wisdom. Strength is an invaluable attribute that should be celebrated.

I am strong.

I didn’t think of myself as strong at one point. I endured quite a bit of misfortune as well as mistreatment from people I loved and to be honest I felt anything but strong. At times I felt broken, lost, and out of control. And that’s okay too. A strong person doesn’t feel strong all the time. In fact, a person is strong because they go through painful experiences and still stand.

Strength is often appreciated in the hard times. In relationships I was often commended for my strength when I helped my mate with an issue they were facing or found a solution to a problem when my partner didn’t have one. But when I stood up for myself, I was told often that I was “too strong”.

What does that mean?!

The same strength that was admired and appreciated was quickly shunned and viewed as a negative attribute once I established some boundaries. That is not how things work.

That being said, strength is an attribute that I’ve earned and I will not relinquish my strength so that a person will accept me. I am strong, I am soft, I am fierce, I am sweet. I am human. We are human. And we all deserve to be loved and accepted as we are.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖

Letting Go

Hello Beautiful Souls! 💖

I’ve been processing a lot of emotions lately. To be completely honest I didn’t know if all the emotions were mine or where they were coming from. Self evaluation and reflection have become some of my most powerful tools on this journey. I knew that I had to stop and sort things out.

Some of the emotions I was feeling were feelings of grief. Some of you may already know that I lost my father in November of 2020. He was not only my father, but a close friend of mine. He was an awesome person. We talked often and we lived under the same roof. The whole family and I were shocked and grief stricken at such a loss.

Over a year has passed and I just started to feel like I was getting it together. I hadn’t been crying quite as much. I could think of him and laugh a little; when I couldn’t at first…I was beginning to heal.

And then I lost it.

I felt heavy, sad, and confused. I tried to quickly move through the experience without truly feeling it. I was trying too hard to get back to “normal.” I wanted so badly for the pain to go away. I just wanted to be okay.

But the emotions that I felt were too strong to ignore. And I realized that the reason I was feeling these emotions so strongly was because I wasn’t letting go. In my efforts to heal, I tried to tuck away the pain, sadness, and grief that I was experiencing. But that wasn’t the solution.

I needed to let go.

But first, I had to sit in it. In order to move forward, I had to feel the pain, acknowledge the hurt, be okay with not being okay, and cry. Once I did those things; I could begin letting go. I let go of the tears and the regret. I let go of all anger and blame.

And then I reminded myself that healing and grief are not linear. There will be great days, and there will be more challenging ones. And when those challenging days come I will evaluate myself, feel my emotions, process them, and let go in a healthy way.

I’ve also learned the importance of letting go in relationships. For years I carried the weight, rejection, and pain from past relationships. I’ve always been one to love deeply and I used to take it personally when my relationships didn’t succeed. I’d take it as direct reflection of me. Why wasn’t I good enough? What could I have done differently? What makes her so much better than me? And a myriad of other self blaming, self depreciating thoughts.

And then I learned my worth. I learned the art of letting go and practicing detachment. I let go of the notion that I wasn’t good enough. I let go of my people pleasing and codependent behaviors and I set a new standard.

I refuse to let a person manipulate me into staying in a toxic relationship. I will not stay in an environment where I’m not happy and be emotionally abused just to prove my loyalty. I will not be gaslighted or guilted into sticking around. I no longer accept the narrative that I’m ‘giving up’. I trust my intuition and I love myself enough to let go of what no longer serves me.

And my sincerest hope is that you see how wonderful you are and do the same. Letting go is beautiful…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Safe Place

Hello Beautiful souls 💖

I was chatting with one of my followers on Instagram a few days ago and I began to think.

He had shared a reel with me in which the gentleman on the reel was reacting to another man’s monolog. He was talking about how hard it is to be a man and how women don’t care about men’s feelings, etc.

Now, I won’t lie to you- my initial reaction was annoyance. I felt like the guy was whining about basic things that men do like open doors and pull out chairs…which, to be honest, I always appreciate chivalry but alot of men don’t even do that anymore. But then he spoke about women not caring about men’s feelings.

And that bothered me.

Which brought me to the very point of this blog: it is very important to have a safe place.

This bothered me because I absolutely believe that both women and men have emotions that are valid. In some cases, men have been brought up to hold in their emotions. They have been told to toughen up; that real men don’t cry. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men have emotions and should be comfortable enough to express them.

Men and women- if you are in a serious relationship where you cannot express yourself without judgment, then I strongly suggest that you reevaluate that relationship. Because everyone should have a safe place.

A safe place; in my opinion, is a person that you can let your guard down with. A person that you can be completely yourself around without fear of ridicule or negativity. This doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t disagree with you when you’re wrong. But it does mean that you can be vulnerable without being attacked. Their intentions for you are the best for you. They want to see you grow. They want to see you happy.

This safe place does not have to be a romantic partner. It could be a parent, sibling, relative, or friend. It is just my humble opinion that if you are in a romantic relationship, that your mate ideally would be a safe place for you.

As a woman, I am clueless to the perils of being a man. I have some idea, I can empathize, but I cannot TELL a man how he should react/feel about his stressors. As his partner, however, I aim to listen, support, comfort, advise, or to simply be there.

You are safe with me.

You are safe.

You are safe…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖 Mimi

Balance

Hi beautiful souls!

As I discover myself anew of this spiritual journey; I realize more and more how important balance is. I just wanted to share a few thoughts on the importance of balance.

Life is about balance. You can’t be completely selfish just as you can’t be completely selfless. If you’re selfish; then you’re constantly taking. Often to the detriment of others. Taking and storing. Taking and storing. And eventually, you fill your vessel to its capacity.

And then what happens?

You become stagnant. There’s a stench. It starts to smell because some of what you continue to hold on to has become useless to you. It’s wasting away.

It now belongs to someone else but you won’t release it. “What about me? What about me? What about me?” Until you’re completely full. You can’t take on any new information or learn any new gifts because you haven’t cultivated anything but yourself. There’s no flow.

On the other hand, if you’re completely selfless, you give and give and give. But then, what becomes of you? You are now ill nourished, miserable, weak, nonfunctional, dried up and probably even bitter because you gave of your entire self without being refilled. You feel used. You have nothing else to give now. There’s no flow. We all need flow. We need that constant movement and exchange of energy to be our best selves. We need balance.

This I know from experience because I was a giver. I would give to spouses, lovers, and boyfriends thinking that they would see how wonderful I was and give back. When they didn’t give back, or didn’t give back equally- it hurt me to my core. Until I met someone else. I was in a self destructive cycle.

I gave and gave until one day I looked around and saw what little there was left of myself. This journey helped me see what I was doing to myself and what I was allowing…

But now I break free!

I share my vulnerability in the hope that it will reach and help someone before they experience this pain. Or perhaps you’re in a similar situation, and this piece may be used to enlighten you and remind you of how wonderful you are- with or without the validation of another person.

Either way; I hope this helps someone.

Until next time beautiful souls… 💜✨ Mimi

The giving tree

Do you remember that story by Shel Silverstein? In case you don’t, it’s a story about a tree that deeply loved a little boy; even to its own detriment. As a child, it was one of the stories that impacted me most. I wasn’t sure at the time why that story meant so much- I was so angry at the selfish little boy. I used to wish that the boy would return the tree’s love; or that the tree would realize that the boy didn’t love him and say ‘no’ for once. I wished that the tree would love itself more.

But now, I realize that I grew up to be a human version of that tree.

I didn’t love myself very much. But now, I do. I love myself.

I remember a point in time when I couldn’t honestly say that. I didn’t really see anything worth loving; so I needed someone’s love to validate me. I’ve always been enamored with love. It seemed so out of reach for me. Other people had love, but not me. I longed for it. I chased it. I immersed myself in it.

And I thought something was wrong with me because the people I loved didn’t love me back. I found myself in this cycle- this self destructive cycle- where I’d pour my love into someone until I exhausted myself. The person would take my love gladly, but I received little to nothing in return. When I had nothing else to give; the person became bored and left. I became bitter and depressed…until the next opportunity to prove how worthy of love I was came along…

Each “opportunity” left me more broken than the last.

Until I unplugged. I unplugged from expectations and took some time to myself. I took a good look at myself. Not my outer appearance; but my qualities. My personality. My morals. All the things that make me –Me. And I began to celebrate them. It took some time but yes; I celebrated myself!

And now I can emphatically say that no matter what my relationship status is: I’m okay. Because I do not need another person’s love to complete me. I am whole with or without a partner.

I still love freely and completely, but I’m no “giving tree”. Because I’ve learned that true love doesn’t leave you empty and I love myself enough to walk away from toxicity.

Thanks for reading.

Love and Light- Mimi 💜