sexy

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today I felt inspired! So much so, that I’m posting my blog early this week.

Some of you may already know that I am currently writing two books. One of them is a book of poetry and the other is a book about my personal journey. While I was writing this morning, I had some thoughts that I wanted to share.

Excerpt from my upcoming book:

I never thought of myself as sexy. When men asked me to ‘do something sexy’ I always would cringe on the inside. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was sexy. I couldn’t recognize myself as sexy, and I didn’t know how to emulate it because I’d never felt it before. I didn’t think I could be sexy. Isn’t that against the rules? I was brought up a certain way. Christian girls aren’t sexy. They are holy. They are good. I thought I had to be good; and by default that meant that I could not be sexy.

I was made to believe that kind or ‘righteous’ souls are not sexy or provocative because that is lustful behavior. And lustful behavior will send you right to the pits of hell…I tried to be what I thought was good…

I had put too much pressure on myself to be someone else’s depiction of perfect. I had become helpful to the point of my own detriment, and submissive to the point of utter foolishness. In time, I became depressed and resigned. I was his doormat.

As I reflect on how poor my morale and my self image was at that time in my life; I can’t help but be extremely grateful for the progress that I’ve made. This journey of mine is on-going. I work on loving myself and affirming positivity into my life daily. I am honest with myself and take ownership of all of me-even the parts of me that still need work. Especially those parts.

That’s the beauty of this journey for me: discovering that I can be kind and sexy, vulnerable and powerful, whimsical and wise. I can be exactly who I am.

And I love it here.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖

Hi!

Today marks a special day in my hair evolution. Hair evolution, you say? Yes! Yes I do.

For some people “it’s just hair”. But in my opinion, my hair is a crown. It is a form of self expression that I handled (and sometimes mishandled) in different ways.

As a child, my mother styled my hair. She would do braids and beads which I loved for both the color and the clacking sound they made. She also did twisted ponytails with barrettes at the ends. I loved this too, but I had to play more carefully for fear of losing my hair ornaments.

And then I was “old enough” to do my own hair. Oh, the independence! I thought of all the wonderful and courageous styles that I would come up with. But when my time came to style my own hair, I didn’t do such a great job.

I used relaxers and far too much heat. I was trying to have my hair ‘bone straight’ as they used to say. I suffered from split ends and breakage. So then, I went to my next hairstyle- braided extensions.

This style became my comfort zone. While it did lend versatility and protection for my hair, I became too reliant on it. Even when my hair was healthy again, and had grown; I still continued to wear them. After many years, I realized that I was hiding behind them. It gave me a length and texture that I didn’t naturally have at that time.

Years ago, after my lupus diagnosis, I suffered from an extreme episode of hair loss. It came out one day in the shower. I still remember it like it was yesterday! Massive clumps of my hair were splattering on the floor of my bathtub. I was devastated. And it look away the little bit of confidence that I felt like I had.

Momentarily…

After that devastation, I actually felt liberated! I came to realize that it was just hair. No big deal. It’ll grow back. I said to myself. (And it did!) But with that new realization, I was open to do something different. Something so not me. I had it cut!

This haircut was everything! My sister is a cosmetologist and she gave me the initial look…which evolved into what you see above and other derivatives of that. I felt so exciting, edgy, sexy. I felt brand new.

…but after a few years of the short style, I was ready to move on. I felt really proud and empowered by the natural hair movement- especially when my sister and daughter chose to “go natural”. If they could do it; so could I. So I did.

I stopped using harsh chemicals and heat on my hair and began to just let it grow. Naps and all! But it was okay, because I was infatuated with the magic of the Afro.

Over two years into my natural hair journey, (and one year ago today) I decided to take the evolution one step further. And guess what? I locked my hair! For a moment I doubted it; thinking, is this really the last hair style I want to have?

I decided that the benefits outweigh any risks and I have no regrets. I can still add braided extensions for variety if I want, and sometimes I do. But I am really enjoying cultivating my hair with our oils and watching it grow. My hair is evolving as I evolve and it’s a beautiful thing.

So, happy “loc-iversary” to me!

Much love to those of you reading…be blessed. Be free.

Tag: sexy

Hair Evolution