Do you remember that story by Shel Silverstein? In case you don’t, it’s a story about a tree that deeply loved a little boy; even to its own detriment. As a child, it was one of the stories that impacted me most. I wasn’t sure at the time why that story meant so much- I was so angry at the selfish little boy. I used to wish that the boy would return the tree’s love; or that the tree would realize that the boy didn’t love him and say ‘no’ for once. I wished that the tree would love itself more.

But now, I realize that I grew up to be a human version of that tree.

I didn’t love myself very much. But now, I do. I love myself.

I remember a point in time when I couldn’t honestly say that. I didn’t really see anything worth loving; so I needed someone’s love to validate me. I’ve always been enamored with love. It seemed so out of reach for me. Other people had love, but not me. I longed for it. I chased it. I immersed myself in it.

And I thought something was wrong with me because the people I loved didn’t love me back. I found myself in this cycle- this self destructive cycle- where I’d pour my love into someone until I exhausted myself. The person would take my love gladly, but I received little to nothing in return. When I had nothing else to give; the person became bored and left. I became bitter and depressed…until the next opportunity to prove how worthy of love I was came along…

Each “opportunity” left me more broken than the last.

Until I unplugged. I unplugged from expectations and took some time to myself. I took a good look at myself. Not my outer appearance; but my qualities. My personality. My morals. All the things that make me –Me. And I began to celebrate them. It took some time but yes; I celebrated myself!

And now I can emphatically say that no matter what my relationship status is: I’m okay. Because I do not need another person’s love to complete me. I am whole with or without a partner.

I still love freely and completely, but I’m no “giving tree”. Because I’ve learned that true love doesn’t leave you empty and I love myself enough to walk away from toxicity.

Thanks for reading.

Love and Light- Mimi 💜