Tag: show up for yourself

Relinquish my Strength?! Uh, No.

Hello, beautiful souls 💖

I’d like to discuss something that has been tugging on my heart strings lately. Ive noticed that there has been a reel trending on social media about ‘strong black women’. In case you aren’t familiar with it, it goes a little something like this:

I am not a strong black woman. I am delicate, fragile, and I can’t do it all on my own…

There’s more to the reel, and I don’t remember the audio verbatim but I’d like to address the sentiment. I viewed this audio as a cry for help from my queens who are tired of carrying the load alone.

Being strong is a blessing and a curse in today’s society. When a person is strong, they are often given more weight to carry. The growing assumption is that since you’ve carried so much, you can carry a little more…and a bit more…and wait, here’s a little more. People typically don’t check on or offer assistance to strong people. And that can cause even the strongest of people to be weary.

Yet, strength is a gift. It is earned based on perseverance and is the by product of experience and wisdom. Strength is an invaluable attribute that should be celebrated.

I am strong.

I didn’t think of myself as strong at one point. I endured quite a bit of misfortune as well as mistreatment from people I loved and to be honest I felt anything but strong. At times I felt broken, lost, and out of control. And that’s okay too. A strong person doesn’t feel strong all the time. In fact, a person is strong because they go through painful experiences and still stand.

Strength is often appreciated in the hard times. In relationships I was often commended for my strength when I helped my mate with an issue they were facing or found a solution to a problem when my partner didn’t have one. But when I stood up for myself, I was told often that I was “too strong”.

What does that mean?!

The same strength that was admired and appreciated was quickly shunned and viewed as a negative attribute once I established some boundaries. That is not how things work.

That being said, strength is an attribute that I’ve earned and I will not relinquish my strength so that a person will accept me. I am strong, I am soft, I am fierce, I am sweet. I am human. We are human. And we all deserve to be loved and accepted as we are.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖

Use the Power of Choice to Discover your Purpose!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Do you wonder what your purpose in life is? Do you grow weary of drifting through life feeling unfulfilled? If you feel that way, you aren’t alone.

Determining what our purpose is in life can be one of the hardest questions that we as humans must try to answer. In this blog, we will explore our feelings and options, and by the end, we should have a fairly solid tool to help give our lives a more meaningful direction!

There are three steps to the process of discovering the purpose of your life:

1. Understanding the Principle of Choice.

2. Creating your ‘Underlying Principle’

3. Aligning your Life with this Underlying Principle

Understanding the Principle of Choice

Norman Vincent Peale has this to say about the Power Of Choice: “The greatest power we have is the power of Choice. It is an actual fact, that if you have been groping under unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous instead. And, by effort, lift yourself into joy. If you tend to be fearful, you can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of anyone’s life is determined by the choices that are made.”

Choosing is the most important activity of our minds, because by making a choice, we are proclaiming our desires to the subconscious mind. Once the subconscious mind gets to know our desires, it does everything in its power to manifest those desires in our lives. The things the we choose become goals to the subconscious mind. And if we are sincere in pursuing them, there is no reason why we would not accomplish those goals.

Naturally then, it’s reasonable to deduce that indecision prevents us from accomplishing our goals. It not only creates frustration and anxiety; but indecision confuses the subconscious mind about what we want. That is not at all to suggest making snap decisions or behaving impulsively. We should always follow our intuition and make decisions that are in accordance to our true desires and purpose.

A lot of us let others make choices for us, or make choices according to societal norms or cultural stereotypes. Sometimes we make these choices even though they go against our own wishes. We must not make our life decisions based on the desires of other people. What is right for one individual may not be right for another, and the way to know what’s right for you is to listen to what your heart says.

So, to begin the process, make a list of things that interest you. Add things you’ve always enjoyed, things that make you feel better, that inspire you, etc.

Whatever it is that interests you, write it down and answer these questions:

What thing do you love to do?

What is it that you love about that thing, and why?

How could you do this for money, and make a living out of it?

Creating your Underlying Principle

The next step is to examine the list you made and find out if there is a recurring theme. Then, take the central theme of the things you love to do, and try to put it in a short and precise statement. This will be your Mission Statement. It could be a quote by a famous person, or a philosophy that has influenced you. The mission statement doesn’t have to be permanent; it can grow and change as you do. Go ahead and write down your Mission Statement 🙂

Aligning your Life with Your Underlying Principle

Now that you have your Mission Statement, it’s time to map out the path to your ultimate purpose. By implementing small changes and remaining consistent to them, you will begin living out your underlying principle each and every day. By becoming aware and intentional of this underlying principle of your life, you will certainly start to feel the difference in your enthusiasm for life as a whole. Create time and space to bring the things on your list into your life. If you find that you like being in nature, plan a camping trip or visit a national park.

You could even change professions or start a business that more closely aligns with your Mission.

So..there it is!

By following the steps mentioned above, you will be on your way to finding and living out your purpose. And as you go through this process, always remember that –

“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. ” – Steve Maraboli

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Take up Space!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

As the month of April comes to a close, I’d like to finish strong with a slight recap of what we’ve discussed during the month.

This is The Evolution.

First and foremost, we are to show up for ourselves. Self love and self care are the root of evolution. Growth does not happen until our foundation – is stable. We cannot evolve into better people if we do not first love ourselves and show up for ourselves.

Once we have self awareness and self love, and we are showing up for ourselves, we must be intentional. Being intentional directs or funnels our positive energy and our awareness into more purposeful, positive, and deliberate actions, boundaries, priorities, schedules, and habits.

Creating a to-do list is a great way to be intentional.

Next, we begin self evaluation. It is absolutely necessary for growth. This is where we have to be honest with ourselves about our habits, our connections, our emotions, our trauma, our “dirt” if you will. We have to take ownership for our flaws and look for ways to make healthy changes. We should forgive those who have done us wrong and we should forgive ourselves too.

In this stage, we look at who we associate ourselves with and make changes if need be. Once we become more intentional, we may realize that there are people in our lives that no longer resonate with us or the new direction our lives are headed. Self evaluation is the place where we may have some uncomfortable conversations or process some less than favorable emotions. It all works out for the best, because now we move on and we take up space.

Do you find yourself doing these things? Self Evaluation may be in order.

And now, we reach the most fun part of our evolution:

Take Up Space!

To take up space means to expand, to fearlessly step out of the shadows and be seen, and to be who we are unapologetically. We must never shrink, lower, or stifle ourselves to make others comfortable.

Taking up space requires confidence. This is something that I continue to work on myself, and I can honestly say that I’ve come a long way. Feel free to contact me if you would like some tips or suggestions on confidence building, or if you have some tips to add.

But…it is not over once we begin taking up space. We continue on. We continue to show up for ourselves, be intentional, self evaluate, and take up space through this journey that we call life. Deep down, expansion is what we all long for. What our souls long for.

It’s been a pleasure sharing my thoughts with you. I hope you enjoy this blog. Feel free to share it with like minded individuals. 😊

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Featured

Self-Evaluation

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week, the focus is on self-evaluation. Self-evaluation is the third (and most pivotal) step in our evolution. Self evaluation, or shadow work, is a process that has brought forth a lot of healing for me on my journey.

Self Evaluation is so important because no real progress can be made without it.

No one can truly show up for themselves; neither can they be intentional without evaluating their behaviors first. Self evaluation enables a person to know their strengths and challenges. Only then can a person truly show up and adequately assess the areas where they should be more intentional.

What does self evaluation really mean?

My interpretation of self evaluation is a combination of self awareness and self discovery. It’s being 100% truthful with myself about my emotions and triggers. When I feel triggered or become frustrated, I immediately ask myself why I am feeling the way that I am. I consider the four agreements- am I breaking one of them? I continue to ask myself questions and evaluating my emotions and responses until I find the root of the problem.

Sometimes, my evaluation goes deeper than a few self check questions and I take a more extensive approach that involves journaling and meditation.

Each step in the Evolution process works together to ensure our progression into greatness. Self evaluation eventually leads to self mastery- a beautiful level of elevation that I am still striving to reach.

The process of evaluating ourselves may be uncomfortable at times, but it is definitely worth it! This brings up our vibration as well as prevents us from repeating painful lessons.

Whatever method of self-evaluation you use,(journaling, meditation, prayer, hobbies and activities, therapy, etc) I wish you well on your evolution.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions, and/or comment if you have tips or suggestions to add to this topic. 🙂

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Be Intentional

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week is all about the second step in The Evolution to our best selves: Be Intentional.

(Step one was last week’s topic: Show Up For Yourself!)

To be intentional is to be mindful of your thoughts, aware of your actions, and to be deliberate with your time and energy. In short, being intentional means that your actions have a specific aim or purpose.

Here are some tips for being intentional:

1. Prioritize tasks

2. Create a schedule

3. Set boundaries

4. Form good habits

An accountability partner may also be useful if you find yourself losing motivation.

If you’d like some suggestions or have any that you’d like to add, feel free to comment and let me know!

Next week, we will be talking about the third step in the ongoing process of evolution: Self Evaluation.

Always remember; you are heard, you are loved, you are seen.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖

Show up for Yourself

Hello beautiful souls! 💖

How are you doing today?

I just wanted to take a moment to check on all the adults out there.

The wearers of many hats. The ones putting everything into everyone else but themselves.

I see you.

I see you being the stellar employee at work, the kids’ personal chef, the sounding board for your spouse. The “go to” friend or relative. You’re always there when they need you. You always show up and are present,, aware,, engaged,, attentive. You give 110% to the people you care about. But do you show up for yourself?

If you’re anything like I used to be, the answer is a resounding “NO.”

I had to learn to show up for myself. I started with prioritizing myself and I struggled with it at first. It felt wrong. I felt like I was being selfish. I was so used to putting myself on the back burner that basic self care felt like overindulgence.

I had to realize that self care is not wrong. It is vital and should be a daily occurrence. Even if it is a small thing, we must do something for ourselves every day.

Take a few minutes out of your day and invest in yourself. My intention each day is to spend half an hour enriching myself. Some days I reach and even exceed my goal and others…not so much. It happens. Fifteen minutes invested is better than no time at all…

Feel like you’re too busy to commit? Here are a few suggestions:

Set an alarm. If possible, wake up a few minutes earlier than the family to have a moment to yourself.

Fake sleep. This may sound silly, but when I was in a really controlling relationship, I used to wake up and be completely still for a while. I’d meditate and think positive thoughts before getting out of bed. Those positive thoughts really helped me through some rough days.

Go to the bathroom. Another strategy I learned during my last marriage. Going to the bathroom can give you a moment to gather yourself and take a few deep breaths. One of my favorites is three deep breaths. Inhale Peace. Exhale Love. It works in a pinch!

If you found these tips useful, would like to know more, or have any other tips, please feel free to reach out and let me know. 😊

The key to showing up for yourself is being intentional; which I will go into more detail about next week.

I wish the very best for you and challenge you to show up for yourself!

Until next time beautiful souls 💖