Hi!

I have been going through some changes lately during this pandemic- as we all have I’m sure, but today, I want to put a positive spin on an otherwise bad situation.

It has been 17 years since I was diagnosed with Lupus and I’ve had quite a few ups and downs. Some days are great, while others…less so. Along with my lupus diagnosis came kidney disease and RA. There are days of excruciating pain and unreasonable fatigue, but because of my family and my resilience; I make it through.

About a week ago was one of those bad days. There was pain in my knees and ankles, and swelling in my feet. I was trying to pretend like I was okay. I had successfully finished cooking dinner, but I still had a few dishes left to wash. Almost there; I said to myself. I was attempting to psych myself into getting the kitchen done so that I could get off of my feet.

But pain gripped me in such a way that I couldn’t pretend anymore. It cut me off mid sentence and I lost my train of thought. My husband noticed the change in my demeanor and insisted that I stop right there and sit down. He walked me to our room. Each step was a nightmare! I dreaded the thought of picking up my legs to move…

I got to the room and sat for a little while, but I needed to shower. So, after hubby went to the backyard I got up to do just that. It took me about five minutes to get to our master bathroom 🤦🏾‍♀️ but I got there.

Hubby called to check on me and I told him of my plan to take a shower. He instructed me to put the phone on speaker and stayed on the phone with me. It. Was. Difficult! The pain was unreal and I tried not to cry but was unsuccessful. I could barely stand. I sat on the ledge inside of the shower and only stood when absolutely necessary.

I looked down at my phone (on the floor just outside of the shower) and realize the call had been ended. “Its okay. I can do this without bothering anyone.”

I was trying to coach myself into believing that. I didn’t have to because when I looked up again, hubby was there. He disrobed and joined me in the shower. He washed me, helped me out of the shower and then dried me and wrapped me with the towel.

I cried.

It was a combination of embarrassment, pain and gratitude that caused my tears. “Why are you crying?” He asked softly. “You don’t have to cry; I’m here. I’ll always be here.” He said.

I cried harder.

I literally couldn’t thank him enough. And I realized something: it’s great to be strong but it’s also okay to be vulnerable at times. Being an adult doesn’t mean you’ll never need help. I had been so caught up in being independent- especially since my diagnosis, that I could be a bit stubborn and unreasonable. I guess I felt like I had something to prove. Not always being able to do simple tasks that used to be effortless at one time; really messes with a person’s psyche.

But I am evolving and growing past that insecurity.

He let me know that he was there for me to lean on, and when I need to- I will.

I reflect on that day and quite frankly, I’m just so glad that I have someone to be there for me during those times. He was the good part of my bad day and I am so grateful.

Remember to keep smiling folks. And be kind to one another.

Love and Light- Mimi 💜