The Parts of You That Learned to Stay Quiet

Hey Boo!

The world doesn’t need a quieter version of you. It needs the one you’ve been afraid to become.

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that silence felt safer than honesty. Maybe you were told you were “too sensitive.” Perhaps your feelings were dismissed. Maybe speaking up led to conflict, rejection, criticism, or punishment.

So, you adapted.

You became agreeable. You swallowed your feelings. You apologized before you even spoke.

And little by little, you began abandoning your own voice- not because you wanted to, but because you no longer believed it was safe to use. The tragedy isn’t so much that you became quiet, but that you forgot that you were allowed to speak. But it’s high time that you do two things- remember and reclaim.

As you rediscover your voice, here are some important points to remember:

Losing Your Voice is Often a Survival Strategy

Children, trauma survivors, people-pleasers, and those who have experienced manipulation often learn to overcompensate. Don’t rock the boat, keep everyone happy, don’t ask for too much, stay small. Those behaviors weren’t weaknesses, they were protection.

Thank your younger self for surviving.

But remind yourself that survival doesn’t have to become your permanent identity.

Your Voice Isn’t Just Speaking

Reclaiming your voice also means saying no without guilt, asking for what you need, expressing your emotions honestly, setting boundaries, sharing your creativity, taking up space, and telling your story. Every authentic decision is another sentence in the language of your freedom.

You Don’t Need Permission

One of the greatest lies we carry is that someone else has to validate us before we can fully to understand. You don’t need to explain your healing to anyone- especially not the people who benefited from your silence.

Your Voice Will Feel Shaky at First

Healing rarely sounds loud in the beginning. Sometimes reclaiming your voice looks like:

“I don’t agree.”

“I need more time.”

“That hurt me.”

“No.”

One sentence can change your life. Not because it’s perfect…because it’s honest.

Every time you choose authenticity over approval, you reclaim another piece of yourself. Your voice isn’t something you have to create. It’s something you get to uncover. The world has enough people shrinking themselves to fit into spaces they were never meant to occupy.

Become someone who takes up the space your soul has always deserved. Because your healing deserves a voice.

And someone out there is waiting to hear it.

Til next time.

Heal. Grow. Glow.

When Everything Clicks:

The Moment You Realize Your Adult Relationships Mirror Your Childhood

Hey Boo,

Sometimes healing begins with a painful realization. As you sit and ponder on your current relationship, you realize that this isn’t the first time you’ve dealt with this.

Maybe you’ve spent years trying to earn love, avoid conflict, keep the peace, or prove your worth. Then one day, you recognize those feelings from somewhere else.

You felt them as a child.

For many of us, this realization is both heartbreaking and liberating. Heartbreaking because it reveals old wounds and liberating because it finally provides answers.

Why Familiarity Feels Like Love

As children, we learn what love looks like from the people around us. If love was nurturing, supportive, and emotionally safe, we often learn to expect those qualities in our relationships.

But when love is mixed with criticism, inconsistency, emotional neglect, manipulation, or unpredictability, our brains can begin to associate those experiences with connection. As adults, we may mistake familiarity for compatibility. Not because we want unhealthy relationships, but because our nervous systems recognize the pattern. The dynamic feels familiar, and familiar often feels safe- even when it isn’t.

Repetition Compulsion and Trauma Patterns

Many people unknowingly recreate aspects of their childhood relationships in adulthood. This is sometimes referred to as repetition compulsion. Our brains attempt to revisit unresolved experiences in hopes of achieving a different outcome. The child who never felt chosen may seek partners who are emotionally unavailable. The child who was constantly criticized may find themselves drawn to people whose approval feels difficult to earn. The child who learned to become a caretaker may continue attracting relationships where their needs come last.

What we’re seeking isn’t pain. We’re subconsciously seeking resolution.

The Nervous System’s Attraction to Predictability

Our nervous systems are designed to prioritize what is familiar.

Even unhealthy dynamics can feel more comfortable than healthy ones if that’s what we’ve known most of our lives. This is why healthy relationships can initially feel: boring, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, slow-moving, or suspiciously calm. Meanwhile, chaotic relationships may feel exciting, intense, or deeply meaningful.

The nervous system doesn’t focus on whether or not the relationship is healthy, rather it seeks out what’s familiar. Understanding this can help us approach ourselves with more compassion.

Grieving What Was Normalized

One of the most overlooked parts of healing is grief. Not just grief for relationships that ended, but also grief for what was normalized.

Many people get to a point where they realize:

That wasn’t healthy.

That wasn’t love.

That wasn’t emotional safety.

That wasn’t my fault.

Those realizations can bring sadness, anger, relief, and confusion. It’s okay to grieve the experiences you should never have had to normalize.

Learning Healthy Love Later in Life

The beautiful thing about healing is that awareness creates choice. Once we recognize old patterns, we can begin creating new ones. Healthy relationships often include mutual respect, emotional accountability, consistency, honesty, boundaries, and reciprocity. At first, these dynamics may feel unfamiliar. And that’s okay.

Healthy doesn’t always feel comfortable right away. Sometimes healthy feels quiet while your nervous system learns a new definition of safety.

Rebuilding Self-Trust After Awakening

Many survivors blame themselves after recognizing unhealthy patterns.

We often ask:

“Why didn’t I see it sooner?”

“How did I miss the signs?”

“What is wrong with me?”

The truth is that nothing is wrong with you. You were operating from what you knew. The goal isn’t to shame yourself for past choices. The goal is to trust yourself moving forward.

Healing begins when we stop judging the version of ourselves that survived and start supporting and celebrating the version of ourselves that is awakening.

Final Reflection

Perhaps the most powerful realization is this:

You did not attract unhealthy relationships because you were broken or unworthy, you were just responding to patterns that once felt familiar. But awareness changes everything. The moment you recognize the pattern is the moment you gain the power to choose something different.

Glow Reflection Prompt

Ask Yourself:

What relationship patterns once felt familiar to me, and what would healthier patterns look like today?

Next week, we will start the Reclamation Series and I’m really excited to share this with you!

Until next time, Boo remember- healing isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you were before pain convinced you to forget.

You’re Not Broken. You’re in Survival Mode.

Hey Boo!

I just want you to know-

You’re not dramatic. You’re not “too much.” You’re not overreacting.

You’re in survival mode. And survival mode is hectic and loud.

It scans for danger, anticipates rejection, and prepares for disappointment before it happens. Survival mode can cause you to replay conversations over and over in your head and read between lines that may not even exist.

But it’s not because you’re messed up or broken. It’s because you experienced a shock to your nervous system and you’ve had to adapt. At some point in your life, being hyper-aware kept you safe. Overthinking protected you from danger and potential threats. Bracing for impact softened the blow and expecting less kept you from being disappointed when the person inevitably failed you. Your past experiences sent this message to your nervous system: “If I stay prepared, I stay protected.”

That makes complete sense- creating a survival strategy to be okay and minimize the risk of further danger. But the important thing to remember about survival strategies is that they don’t automatically turn off once the danger is gone. Your body doesn’t always know that you’re safe now, your mind doesn’t realize you’re no longer in that same toxic environment, and so it runs those old programs in new situations.

Running Old Programs in New Situations May Look Like:

Questioning Your Worth

Feeling Guilty For Resting

Feeling Like You Aren’t Doing Enough

Putting Too Much Pressure on Yourself

Wondering Why You Weren’t Chosen

Bracing in Relationships That Haven’t Actually Harmed You

It feels real because your body believes it is. But survival mode and present reality are not always the same thing.

And this is where self-trust begins. Don’t shame yourself for overthinking, there’s no need to force or feign positivity, and you don’t have to pretend not to be triggered when you are.

Just pause and gently ask yourself:

“Is this current, or is this familiar?”

Familiar feels urgent and is rooted in anxiety. Current is grounded in fact.

When you begin to notice the difference, you stop fighting yourself. You stop labeling yourself as ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too much’. You begin trusting your intuition and yourself and you realize that you’re not broken. You’re healing and coming back together just fine. You just needed to rebuild your self-trust.

Self-trust is built in small increments.

When you choose not to spiral or “crash out”

When you regulate instead of react

When you allow calm without searching for what’s wrong

When you rest without guilt

-And no, it’s not laziness. It’s nervous system healing.

The goal isn’t to become someone who never feels fear. The goal is to become someone who can feel fear and still choose from a place of clarity. From steadiness. From self-trust.

You don’t need to fix yourself. You need safety.

And safety begins inside.

How to Start Feeling Safe Again In Your Own Mind

Hey Boo!

From personal experience I know that after experiencing trauma and long periods of anxiety, your mind can start to feel like an unsafe place. Like the last place you want to be. Instead of peace, there’s tension. Instead of calm, there’s chaos. You might even avoid quiet moments because that’s when your thoughts scream the loudest.

If you’ve ever felt unsafe in your own mind- you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.

Healing takes time, but it is absolutely possible to build a sense of safety within yourself again. Here are a few ways to begin that journey:

Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love

When anxiety or fear take over, your inner voice might become harsh or critical. You may find yourself saying things like “Why am I like this?” or “I should be over this by now.”

But what if you responded like you would to a scared child or a hurting friend?

Try this:

“It’s okay to feel scared right now. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to feel.”

Compassion softens fear. The more you speak gently to yourself, the safer you begin to feel.

Create Anchor Rituals that Ground You

When your thoughts feel scattered or overwhelming, grounding yourself in small, familiar actions can signal safety to your nervous system.

A few simple anchor rituals:

Drinking warm tea while holding the mug with both hands

Saying a calming affirmation in the mirror: “I am safe in this moment.”

Pressing your feet into the floor and naming three things you see, hear, and feel.

These rituals bring you back to now, where your power is.

Reclaim Control with Gentle Boundaries

Feeling unsafe in your mind is often tied to a deeper feeling of powerlessness. That’s why setting boundaries-even with yourself- can feel empowering.

Examples:

Limiting time around people who drain or invalidate you

Saying “no” to conversations or content that re-trigger you

Creating tech-free quiet hours for mental peace

Every boundary is a message to your brain: You matter. Your peace matters.

Let Your Emotions Move (Don’t Bottle Them Up)

Anxiety and trauma thrive in silence. The more you try to push feelings away, the more trapped you may feel.

Instead, try this:

Cry

Journal

Scribble

Talk to a safe person

Dance to a song that understands you

Letting your emotions move through you keeps them from getting stuck inside you.

Rewire Safety Through Repetition

Healing your mind is like re-teaching it how to trust again. And that takes consistency. Try ending each day with:

A calming ritual (like dimming the lights and doing deep breathing)

A short phrase: “I made it through today. That’s enough.”

Noticing even one moment you felt peace, safety, or softness- even if it was tiny.

Safety doesn’t always come back with a bang. Sometimes, it returns in whispers.

If you’re struggling to feel safe in your own mind, please know this: You are not weak. You are healing from something that shook your core- and that kind of healing takes courage. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep creating little safe spaces within. Over time, those safe spaces become home.

You deserve to feel safe. You always have.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…

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You Made Me Who I am Today, But if I Never Saw You Again it Would be Too Soon.

Hey Boo!

For this week’s blog, I thought I’d do something different. A week or so ago, I saw a post from a content creator expressing love and gratitude to the person who helped them elevate to their current level of being. It brought me joy to see the post, but it also caused me to reflect on the person who made me who I am today and that’s not quite as joyful a story. I want to share some of my story with you in the form of a letter. Here goes:

Dear “Deion”,

A lot has happened since we last spoke. It’s been over two years since we’ve had any communication at all, and I know that’s not what you wanted, but it’s what I needed. I blocked you on social media, changed my number and stopped responding to your e-mails because it was clear that you were still unwilling to claim any responsibility for the way our marriage fell apart. My jaw hit the floor when I read your line about how ‘if anyone was afraid, it should be you’. I was amazed and appalled, especially since it was me who was threatened with a steel pipe and chased away from my home on foot.

I won’t mince words- our marriage was a complete disaster. From the very beginning you weren’t honest about who you were. You lied about your age, how many children you had, and your criminal history just to name a few things. The thing about that is if you were honest from the beginning, I may have still given you a chance. I thought you were a decent guy and my heart went out to you as you talked about the women in your past and how they’d done you wrong. I had experienced similar hurt and betrayal and just wanted someone I could love freely who would reciprocate. I thought that I’d found that in you. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You looked me in my eyes as I shared my pain, vulnerabilities, and fears and you vowed to be different. And I guess you didn’t lie because you were different. You turned out to be much worse than anything I’d encountered before.

The first few months were blissful. You were caring, thoughtful, and attentive. You looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in your life. You told me that you’d never met a woman like me, and you appreciated all of the things that I did for you out of love. You said you loved everything about me- how I dressed and presented myself, my intelligence and personality, even my goals and aspirations. I had written and self-published a book and you had offered to help me promote it on social media. I was so happy to be your wife. I would’ve went to the ends of the earth for you because I loved you. And you loved me too, right?

Wrong.

After the first few months, I never saw the man I married again. Your representative had disappeared, and I was left with something that you had actually never shared with me, your true self. You started complaining about the very things you claimed to love and understand. We began to fight a lot and I made changes to keep the peace. You didn’t want me working, so I quit. You felt like social media was causing problems in our marriage, so I disconnected. I changed how I dressed so that you wouldn’t think I was ‘trying to look good for someone else’. Essentially, I tried to become everything you wanted me to be. But even that wasn’t enough. Every time I met your expectations, you created new ones for me to meet. As I put in more effort, you put in even less. The fighting increased and intensified to the point of exhaustion. Sometimes things got physical, and let’s not forget the night you could’ve ended both of our lives.

It may seem like I’m trying to dump all of the blame on you, but I’m not. Although youdid a lot of very hurtful things to me, it was I who allowed them. I take responsibility for my lack of self-esteem, poor boundaries, and codependency. I acknowledge that there were red flags that I ignored because I was already so convinced that you were the one. I made excuses for you and dismissed things that I shouldn’t have.

During the course of our marriage, I gained over 60 pounds, struggled with bouts of depression and ptsd, and experienced multiple lupus flares due to stress. I was stifled, isolated, and miserable.

Outside of the passing of my parents, our marriage was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I’d never felt so broken, so worthless, so low. But it was also one of the most impactful. Because when you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but UP. And that’s what I did. From the trauma and pain I was able to heal and rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

And in some way, I have you to thank for that. The truth is, you helped make me the person I am today but if I never saw you again it would be too soon. I don’t wish you any harm and I truly hope that you are able to heal from your wounds and find peace. Because that’s what I was able to do and it’s absolutely blissful. Not perfect but blissful.

Goodbye “Deion”, and good luck.

Well, that’s all I have for this week beautiful souls. Until next time, keep Glowing…