Hello beautiful souls!
I’m excited to share with you my new ebook on Amazon entitled Love Thyself .
Go ahead and check that out if it interests you and leave a review as well. Thank you!
Until next time, beautiful souls
Keep Glowing…💖
Tag: writer
Find your Focus
Hello beautiful souls! 💖
Have you ever experienced an obstacle or road block while trying to accomplish a goal? I think we all have. As we set out to accomplish goals in our lives it’s commonplace to encounter an obstacle here and there. But sometimes the discouragement and frustration caused by those obstacles can throw us off track and cause us to lose focus.
When we experience the feelings of discouragement and frustration, it is important not to give way to those emotions. We must only acknowledge them and allow them to pass. Once you let the negative feelings pass you must refocus and continue to apply effort. Know with a certainty that success is always on the other side of effort. It’s only a matter of time.
If you are having trouble finding your focus after a setback or obstacle, here are some helpful tips to find your focus and get your mind back onto your goals!
1. Think Positive
You may be thinking ‘easier said than done’, right? But in this context what I mean by ‘be positive’ is don’t quit mentally. Believe in yourself and know that there is a solution to every single problem you face. Process the obstacle as a learning experience and look for the good in it. Move forward knowing that there are better days ahead!
2. Keep A Clear, Open Mind
Always be ready to receive new ideas. Focus and concentrate. Think in a wide scale manner and always be open to new options that eliminate your obstacle. Brainstorming with peers, coworkers, or a coach is a great way to stir up some new ideas as well as refocus.
Meditation is a wonderful way to regain focus. When you meditate, you still the mind and get rid of excess noise. Excess noise is anything that distracts you from your current goal. It could be day to day nuances or huge life events that present themselves at the most inconvenient times. Either way, meditation can help you slow down your thoughts and reign in the ego. When the ego is subdued it is easier to have positive thoughts. Those positive thoughts create more positive thoughts. And with the increase of positive thoughts you begin to feel happy, relaxed, and full of gratitude. This is the best state of mind for goal setting and focus.
3. Persist and Persevere
Be sure to exhaust every possibility. Do not be afraid of trial and error. Exploring every option and aspect will increase knowledge and experience in your desired area. This knowledge, in turn will lead you to accomplish your goal with continued effort. Remember: Success is always on the other side of effort.
4. Simulate
Try to picture in your head a possible solution to help overcome and/or solve the problem you are having and return your focus to your goal.
Visualization is a really good way to simulate. Visualization is powerful because the subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish your concentrated thoughts from your reality. With diligence, your mind will accept your visualizations and work to create the reality that you visualize.
How to Visualize
Relax. Close your eyes and try to see as many accurate details as you can. For example, if you want a car, visualize the make, model, color, year, and interior of the car you want. If you can, go a bit further and imagine the fresh car smell and feel yourself sitting in the driver seat. When you think often of a thing your brain creates it. So why not think of positive things that you’d like to create? When you visualize, you can literally see it happening!
5. Ask for Help
If all fails, get assistance from others you know who are more knowledgeable on the work being done. Even if their suggestions are not the exact ones you were hoping to hear, they may trigger some new ideas and ways for you to refocus, set your goals, and find the solution to your problem.
You got this!
Until next time, beautiful souls! 💖
Use the Power of Choice to Discover your Purpose!
Hello beautiful souls 💖
Do you wonder what your purpose in life is? Do you grow weary of drifting through life feeling unfulfilled? If you feel that way, you aren’t alone.
Determining what our purpose is in life can be one of the hardest questions that we as humans must try to answer. In this blog, we will explore our feelings and options, and by the end, we should have a fairly solid tool to help give our lives a more meaningful direction!
There are three steps to the process of discovering the purpose of your life:
1. Understanding the Principle of Choice.
2. Creating your ‘Underlying Principle’
3. Aligning your Life with this Underlying Principle
Understanding the Principle of Choice
Norman Vincent Peale has this to say about the Power Of Choice: “The greatest power we have is the power of Choice. It is an actual fact, that if you have been groping under unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous instead. And, by effort, lift yourself into joy. If you tend to be fearful, you can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of anyone’s life is determined by the choices that are made.”
Choosing is the most important activity of our minds, because by making a choice, we are proclaiming our desires to the subconscious mind. Once the subconscious mind gets to know our desires, it does everything in its power to manifest those desires in our lives. The things the we choose become goals to the subconscious mind. And if we are sincere in pursuing them, there is no reason why we would not accomplish those goals.
Naturally then, it’s reasonable to deduce that indecision prevents us from accomplishing our goals. It not only creates frustration and anxiety; but indecision confuses the subconscious mind about what we want. That is not at all to suggest making snap decisions or behaving impulsively. We should always follow our intuition and make decisions that are in accordance to our true desires and purpose.
A lot of us let others make choices for us, or make choices according to societal norms or cultural stereotypes. Sometimes we make these choices even though they go against our own wishes. We must not make our life decisions based on the desires of other people. What is right for one individual may not be right for another, and the way to know what’s right for you is to listen to what your heart says.
So, to begin the process, make a list of things that interest you. Add things you’ve always enjoyed, things that make you feel better, that inspire you, etc.
Whatever it is that interests you, write it down and answer these questions:
What thing do you love to do?
What is it that you love about that thing, and why?
How could you do this for money, and make a living out of it?
Creating your Underlying Principle
The next step is to examine the list you made and find out if there is a recurring theme. Then, take the central theme of the things you love to do, and try to put it in a short and precise statement. This will be your Mission Statement. It could be a quote by a famous person, or a philosophy that has influenced you. The mission statement doesn’t have to be permanent; it can grow and change as you do. Go ahead and write down your Mission Statement 🙂
Aligning your Life with Your Underlying Principle
Now that you have your Mission Statement, it’s time to map out the path to your ultimate purpose. By implementing small changes and remaining consistent to them, you will begin living out your underlying principle each and every day. By becoming aware and intentional of this underlying principle of your life, you will certainly start to feel the difference in your enthusiasm for life as a whole. Create time and space to bring the things on your list into your life. If you find that you like being in nature, plan a camping trip or visit a national park.
You could even change professions or start a business that more closely aligns with your Mission.
So..there it is!
By following the steps mentioned above, you will be on your way to finding and living out your purpose. And as you go through this process, always remember that –
“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. ” – Steve Maraboli
Until next time beautiful souls 💖
Take up Space!
Hello beautiful souls 💖
As the month of April comes to a close, I’d like to finish strong with a slight recap of what we’ve discussed during the month.
This is The Evolution.
First and foremost, we are to show up for ourselves. Self love and self care are the root of evolution. Growth does not happen until our foundation – is stable. We cannot evolve into better people if we do not first love ourselves and show up for ourselves.
Once we have self awareness and self love, and we are showing up for ourselves, we must be intentional. Being intentional directs or funnels our positive energy and our awareness into more purposeful, positive, and deliberate actions, boundaries, priorities, schedules, and habits.
Next, we begin self evaluation. It is absolutely necessary for growth. This is where we have to be honest with ourselves about our habits, our connections, our emotions, our trauma, our “dirt” if you will. We have to take ownership for our flaws and look for ways to make healthy changes. We should forgive those who have done us wrong and we should forgive ourselves too.
In this stage, we look at who we associate ourselves with and make changes if need be. Once we become more intentional, we may realize that there are people in our lives that no longer resonate with us or the new direction our lives are headed. Self evaluation is the place where we may have some uncomfortable conversations or process some less than favorable emotions. It all works out for the best, because now we move on and we take up space.
And now, we reach the most fun part of our evolution:
Take Up Space!
To take up space means to expand, to fearlessly step out of the shadows and be seen, and to be who we are unapologetically. We must never shrink, lower, or stifle ourselves to make others comfortable.
Taking up space requires confidence. This is something that I continue to work on myself, and I can honestly say that I’ve come a long way. Feel free to contact me if you would like some tips or suggestions on confidence building, or if you have some tips to add.
But…it is not over once we begin taking up space. We continue on. We continue to show up for ourselves, be intentional, self evaluate, and take up space through this journey that we call life. Deep down, expansion is what we all long for. What our souls long for.
It’s been a pleasure sharing my thoughts with you. I hope you enjoy this blog. Feel free to share it with like minded individuals. 😊
Until next time beautiful souls 💖
Self-Evaluation
Hello beautiful souls 💖
This week, the focus is on self-evaluation. Self-evaluation is the third (and most pivotal) step in our evolution. Self evaluation, or shadow work, is a process that has brought forth a lot of healing for me on my journey.
Self Evaluation is so important because no real progress can be made without it.
No one can truly show up for themselves; neither can they be intentional without evaluating their behaviors first. Self evaluation enables a person to know their strengths and challenges. Only then can a person truly show up and adequately assess the areas where they should be more intentional.
What does self evaluation really mean?
My interpretation of self evaluation is a combination of self awareness and self discovery. It’s being 100% truthful with myself about my emotions and triggers. When I feel triggered or become frustrated, I immediately ask myself why I am feeling the way that I am. I consider the four agreements- am I breaking one of them? I continue to ask myself questions and evaluating my emotions and responses until I find the root of the problem.
Sometimes, my evaluation goes deeper than a few self check questions and I take a more extensive approach that involves journaling and meditation.
Each step in the Evolution process works together to ensure our progression into greatness. Self evaluation eventually leads to self mastery- a beautiful level of elevation that I am still striving to reach.
The process of evaluating ourselves may be uncomfortable at times, but it is definitely worth it! This brings up our vibration as well as prevents us from repeating painful lessons.
Whatever method of self-evaluation you use,(journaling, meditation, prayer, hobbies and activities, therapy, etc) I wish you well on your evolution.
Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions, and/or comment if you have tips or suggestions to add to this topic. 🙂
Until next time beautiful souls 💖
Be Intentional
Hello beautiful souls 💖
This week is all about the second step in The Evolution to our best selves: Be Intentional.
(Step one was last week’s topic: Show Up For Yourself!)
To be intentional is to be mindful of your thoughts, aware of your actions, and to be deliberate with your time and energy. In short, being intentional means that your actions have a specific aim or purpose.
Here are some tips for being intentional:
1. Prioritize tasks
2. Create a schedule
3. Set boundaries
4. Form good habits
An accountability partner may also be useful if you find yourself losing motivation.
If you’d like some suggestions or have any that you’d like to add, feel free to comment and let me know!
Next week, we will be talking about the third step in the ongoing process of evolution: Self Evaluation.
Always remember; you are heard, you are loved, you are seen.
Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖
Expectations lead to Unhappiness…
Hello Beautiful souls! 💖
Today’s blog may contain some explicit language. So if that’s not your jam- no problem. I’ll see you next time. 🙂
For those of you still with me, I’d like to share an experience of mine that lead me to a very liberating conclusion.
The conclusion is: Expectations lead to Unhappiness.
For those of you that aren’t aware, I am a black woman who lives in an area that is not very culturally diverse. I mean, at all. My family and I constantly get stares when we are out in town. The stores have little to no products for our hair and skin types. A large percentage of the city’s residents are Caucasian people that seem completely unadjusted to the presence of other races…My place of work mimics that lack of diversity.
Well, directly after my traumatic discard experience from the narcissistic relationship I was in, (I discuss this more in my upcoming book entitled The Evolution) I met a seemingly nice coworker who was a Caucasian male. We worked beside each other for 12 hours and we talked. We had experienced similar relationship betrayals. We bonded and became friends. My sister and I sometimes rode with him to work. Things were going pretty well…
Another coworker joined the car pool. He was also a Caucasian male. One particular morning on our way to work a racially insensitive word was said by my friend-the driver. He said gal..
Moment of transparency: I did not hear the context of the conversation. He was having a conversation with his passenger in the front and I was having a different conversation with my sister in the back. To be completely honest I do not care what the context of the conversation was. I was immediately triggered by the word. I let out a small guttural noise as soon as I heard it.
When I looked his direction, he was already looking at me in his rear view mirror. “What’s wrong?” He asked. I informed him that I did not like that word. I explained to him that I felt triggered by that word and I told him why. He responded by casually saying that he ‘used that word all the time’. I had spent quite a bit of time with him and had never heard him use the word before, but if I may be frank- I don’t give a damn. He proceeded to use the word again while looking at me in his mirror. I found the word unacceptable, and I thought we were friends. Out of respect I believed that he should stop using a word that offended a good friend. Someone that he called sister.
Apparently, he did not agree. He went on to say that he would not stop using the word and then he called me “gal” directly to my face. I was very angry. Momentarily, I felt like I had devolved. I wanted to thoroughly beat his ass.
We stopped being friends after that. We didn’t even speak to each other.
For the sake of growth; I knew that I had to do some self evaluation. As I did, I learned where my error was. My error was that I had an expectation of my former friend. I expected him to change his choice of words because I found offense in them. But that is not my right. Whether I agree with them or not, I cannot choose his words for him.
A similar thing often happens in relationships. One person may expect certain things from their mate and become very displeased when things do not go as they envision.
*Note: Expectations are not to be confused with Standards or Boundaries.
These are my definitions-
Expectations are the imposition of a person’s thoughts, ideals or behaviors onto another person.
Standards are a person’s personal guidelines for relationships, treatment, and/or behaviors.
Boundaries are a person’s guidelines put in place to protect their own peace and personal comfort.
It is healthy to have standards and boundaries.
That being said, I realized that having expectations of others only leads to disappointment if things do not go the way that I’d like.
I should not have allowed another person’s perception to have a negative affect on me. He has a right to his reality just as I have a right to mine. I do not accept his reality. I am not a gal, girl, bitch, or any other term used in a negative context. I am a woman. A creator. I am a goddess made of strength, sensuality, intelligence, beauty, and stardust.
And no one can take that from me unless I give it to them.
And this lesson; this realization has been so immensely liberating for me because it has freed me from the weight of other people’s behaviors. I take everyone at face value, maintain my standards and boundaries. And I govern myself.
Until next time beautiful souls 💖
Sexy
Hello beautiful souls 💖
Today I felt inspired! So much so, that I’m posting my blog early this week.
Some of you may already know that I am currently writing two books. One of them is a book of poetry and the other is a book about my personal journey. While I was writing this morning, I had some thoughts that I wanted to share.
Excerpt from my upcoming book:
I never thought of myself as sexy. When men asked me to ‘do something sexy’ I always would cringe on the inside. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was sexy. I couldn’t recognize myself as sexy, and I didn’t know how to emulate it because I’d never felt it before. I didn’t think I could be sexy. Isn’t that against the rules? I was brought up a certain way. Christian girls aren’t sexy. They are holy. They are good. I thought I had to be good; and by default that meant that I could not be sexy.
I was made to believe that kind or ‘righteous’ souls are not sexy or provocative because that is lustful behavior. And lustful behavior will send you right to the pits of hell…I tried to be what I thought was good…
I had put too much pressure on myself to be someone else’s depiction of perfect. I had become helpful to the point of my own detriment, and submissive to the point of utter foolishness. In time, I became depressed and resigned. I was his doormat.
As I reflect on how poor my morale and my self image was at that time in my life; I can’t help but be extremely grateful for the progress that I’ve made. This journey of mine is on-going. I work on loving myself and affirming positivity into my life daily. I am honest with myself and take ownership of all of me-even the parts of me that still need work. Especially those parts.
That’s the beauty of this journey for me: discovering that I can be kind and sexy, vulnerable and powerful, whimsical and wise. I can be exactly who I am.
And I love it here.
Until next time, beautiful souls 💖
Not My Lupus!
Hello beautiful souls 💖
I hope that this blog finds you in good spirits. I’ve been traveling all day, but I wanted to make it a point to discuss this topic before February ends… so here goes:
In February of 2003, I was diagnosed with Lupus, RA, (rheumatoid arthritis) and a couple of other things. As you could imagine; I was afraid. I didn’t know much about lupus, but what I did know wasn’t good. At all. A family friend had just passed away due to lupus complications. What’s more, I was in my third trimester of pregnancy! I was afraid for myself, my future, and my child.
I was in pain a lot. Undoubtedly, it put strain on my marriage. We were both young and not quite used to being adults. There were so many things to deal with at once.. I felt like a burden to my husband and I believe that I was going through postpartum depression as well. Some days, I could barely walk. My codependency increased as a result. I lived in fear for years and I counted myself out.
I realized that I had sentenced myself to a lifetime of pain, sadness, and mediocrity because of this diagnosis. I felt even more inadequate than I had already thought I was. Sometimes I settled for things when I knew I deserved better because I was just grateful that someone was willing to be with me with all the issues I had.
I found that I was inadvertently attaching myself to the illness. I often referred to it as ‘my lupus’. I would say things like, ‘Well, I can’t make plans because I never know when my lupus is gonna flare up.’ And ‘I can’t do that type of job because of my lupus.’
BUT…
There’s always a ‘but’…💖
But I’ve grown to understand that a diagnosis does not make me who I am. It does not define me! I am a person worthy of respect and love with or without that diagnosis. An illness does not make me less of a person. If anything, it makes me that much more unique and strong.
I began to understand that the way I thought and spoke had doomed me far more than any illness could. I had to stop giving that illness power over me!
*Disclaimer* I am not saying in any way, shape or form to disregard medical advice or diagnosis.
What I am saying is that people with illnesses could benefit largely by understanding their strengths and practicing a little detachment. I was making the situation worse by thinking the worst.
Occasionally, I feel some discomfort but it isn’t severe. I am so much more happy, healthy, and in control of my body and my life. So, if you’ve been diagnosed with an illness my advice to you is to decide right now that YOU are in charge. Do not attach yourself to it. Do not call it yours.
Love yourself, be gentle with yourself and remember that you are not your circumstances.
Until next time beautiful souls 💖
Be Impeccable with Your Word!
Hello beautiful souls 💖
Today, I just wanted to touch bases with you and remind you of the power of your words. As humans, we have been gifted with a power that no other creature on earth has: we are able to speak.
This is a gift and with our words we can build or tear down, bless someone or curse them.
We as people can sometimes be brazen when we speak to others. Sometimes we get angry and say the first thing that comes to our minds without any regard to the damage that we may cause.
I just finished reading an awesome book called The Four Agreements. If you haven’t read it; I recommend that you do.
The First Agreement of the four is Be Impeccable with Your Word. I define impeccable as ‘on point’, deliberate, careful, intentional. According to the book, impeccable quite literally means “without sin.” To be impeccable with your word means to speak carefully and be sure to not “sin” against yourself or others.
When we speak negative words or things with ill intent, we literally send out poison to ourselves and the people around us. These words can create strongholds or agreements that we are obligated to live by until the agreement is broken.
For Example: A single mother is tired after a long day of work. All she wants to do is take off her shoes and relax, but she just found out that her son got involved in a situation at school that requires her attention. She goes and picks up her son from school and they head home. During the ride, the frustrated mother tells her son that he’s a really bad kid and that he always causes problems.
The little boy accepted his mother’s words as factual. He has now made an agreement with himself that he is a really bad kid that always causes problems. Ten years later, the little boy is in high school. He often receives disciplinary action at school and is on the verge of being expelled. His mother doesn’t understand why her son behaves this way.
It was her words that presented a verbal contract and without knowing any better, the little boy accepted it. He has an agreement- an obligation to always cause problems just as his mother said all those years ago. This will continue unless the boy accepts a different agreement. It takes work, but agreements can be broken.
Wouldn’t it just be better if we mind our mouths from the beginning?
Well…we don’t have the beginning. It’s gone forever. But we do have now. We can be kinder now. We can be loving now. We can be intentional now.
We can be impeccable with our word now.
Until next time beautiful souls 💖
Inner Glow Blog 