Grief..

It’s been a while.

I couldn’t bring myself to blog consistently – try as I might- due to recent circumstances in my life.

On November 17, 2020 I lost my father. And that has been difficult for me and my family. I briefly touched on it in a blog post, but I didn’t mention my inner turmoil.

Losing my father sent shock waves through my entire household. We have always been a family oriented group of people, but moving out to Arizona together made us that much closer. We were family, friends; we were our own little community. Each member was important, and each person played a role.

His passing was like an explosion followed by an earthquake. The people near him got hurt first in the explosion, and then during the earthquake which; in my opinion, was a 9.5 on the Richter scale. And then, we had to spread that hurt.

…and now, it’s been three months and one day and I still mourn his loss. But I guess that’s what grief is- it’s an earthquake. You suffer the initial damage, and then randomly, there are aftershocks.

I’ve learned that grieving is not linear. It’s a cycle. No one can tell you when or how to grieve. No one can tell you how long to grieve either. You may have some good days- do not feel guilty about them! And unfortunately, some days may feel like you’re back at day 1.

All I can say is this:

1. Take your time and actually process the loss. If you bury it; it will only hurt more later.

2. Cry as much as you need to. (Yes, it’s okay.)

3. Don’t let the loss consume you! (This is a tough one, but it’s very important.) When we lose someone close to us, it can affect us in many ways- some people get angry, feel lost and/or hopeless, some get depressed. Or maybe a combination of those emotions and others. It’s important to identify your emotions and deal with them accordingly.

*I personally felt a mixture of these emotions, and because of COVID-19, grief counseling is not available. But, I am coping with my grief through meditation, and therapeutic activity that I enjoy such as writing and drawing.

4. Take care of yourself! Be kind to yourself and others. Remember that you are still here because you have work to do. Get reacquainted with yourself and discover/rediscover your purpose.

5. Remember your loved one “out loud.” I plan to keep my father’s memory alive by remembering the moments we shared, the things he taught me, and the man that he was.

In fact…

My father was an awesome man. He was funny, kind, loving, smart, supportive…he was one of my closest friends. My father was the kind of man who would go to work with broken ankles and hide his crutches from his employer so that he could continue to provide for us. He was a hard worker; a man of integrity, and a great listener with wisdom, creativity, and charisma.

I love you and I will always remember you out loud.