5 Ways to Reclaim Your Power After Feeling Defeated.

Hey Boo!

There comes a moment- after the heartbreak, the burnout, the betrayal, when you realize that you want your power back.

Your Power. Not the kind of power that dominates or controls. But the quiet, steady, sacred kind. The power to choose, to protect your peace, to speak your truth, and to live in full alignment with who you truly are.

If you’ve ever felt like life has stomped the fire out of you, I want you to know something:

Your power was never gone. It was just waiting for you to remember it.

Here are five ways to begin that journey:

Start with Self Forgiveness

You are not weak for giving others the benefit of the doubt. Or for staying too long. Or for dimming your light in hopes of peace. Forgiveness is how you stop abandoning yourself.

I carried a lot of shame from my marriage because of the things that I allowed him to do- the things that I stayed through. The things I swept under the rug. Once I let go of the past and forgave myself for being who I thought I needed to be at the time, I was able to begin healing and gaining my power back.

Journaling Prompt

What do I need to forgive myself for in order to move forward with grace?

Speak the Truth You Were Silenced from Saying

Reclaiming your power means using your voice even if it shakes. You don’t need to shout. You just need to honor your truth out loud. Despite how others may feel, you have the right to speak your truth. It’s not about being messy, it’s about being authentic.

Affirmation:

My voice matters. My truth is valid.

Reinforce Sacred Boundaries

Boundaries are not walls; they are bridges back to yourself. When you say no to what drains you, you say yes to your power. Your energy is sacred. Use it for things that matter to you- things you prioritize. Own your power with reinforced boundaries.

Glow Tip:

Notice where resentment builds. That’s usually a sign of a boundary needing to be set or strengthened.

Take Small Aligned Actions

Power doesn’t always roar. Sometimes power is choosing to rest when you’d normally push. Power could be going back to school, starting your business, or saying ‘yes’ to a new opportunity. Sometimes power is finally saying, I’m not doing this anymore.

Ask Yourself: What is one small, bold step I can take this week that aligns with who I really am?

Affirm Who You Are-Daily

Your inner dialogue is the soil where power either blooms or withers. Speak life into yourself on purpose.

Try this Affirmation- I reclaim every piece of me I once abandoned to survive. I am whole. I am home.

You don’t need to become someone else to reclaim your power. You just need to return to you. Piece by piece. Day by day. The most powerful version of you is the one that feels like truth.

Until next time Boo, keep Glowing…

5 Signs You’re Healing (Even if it Doesn’t Feel Like It)

Hey Boo!

If you’re on a healing journey then you know that healing doesn’t always feel good. Some days, healing feels like breaking. Like going in circles. Like you’re never going to get “there”- wherever there is. I’ve been there more times than I can count.

One thing that I’ve discovered is that healing isn’t always loud. It isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it’s subtle and sacred. It hides in the way you keep going, even when it hurts.

Here are five signs that you’re healing, even if doesn’t feel like it right now:

You’re More Aware of What Triggers You

Before, Things might’ve thrown you into a spiral without warning. Now? You notice. You see the common themes in the situations that put you in a negative space. You’re more aware of your emotional state than you use to be. That awareness is growth. It means your mind is working with you now, not against you. Healing begins with noticing.

You Set Boundaries (Even if it Feels Uncomfortable)

You used to put the comfort of others ahead of your own. You’d be the first to show up for others and the last to show up for yourself. But now, you’ve started saying no, taking up space, and not explaining yourself every time. If you’ve been doing any of those things lately, even awkwardly- you’re healing. You’re learning to protect your peace. Boundaries are an act of healing and self love.

You’re Gentler with Yourself Than You Used to Be

You used to live in this loop of overthinking then beating yourself up, and it was hard for you to forgive yourself. But now you find that you give yourself a bit more grace and forgiveness. That grace and forgiveness is the softness that comes as a result of healing. Self-compassion is quiet, but it changes everything.

You Don’t Chase What Once Broke You

The old relationship, that toxic friend, the bad habit that you always ran to. If you’re choosing yourself and walking away from the things that once hurt you, you’ve shown a great amount of strength. That’s healing. Walking away isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.

You Still Hope- Even a Little

If you’re here, reading this, trying to feel better… that’s hope. Even when it’s dim. Even when it’s tired. Hope is a sign that somewhere deep down, you believe in the possibility of more. Healing is holding onto hope in the dark.

You may not see your progress, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Healing isn’t linear. It’s messy and painful and brave. You’re doing better than you think.

Keep Glowing

How to Find Your Real Self Again

Hey Boo!

On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love us.

But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside.

And yet, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else.

If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 4 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.

Quiet the noise in your head

You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the family appointments, keep the boss happy, etc. With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything else. This MUST be the first step. How do you do that? By setting up systems, simplifying, and establishing enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from a position of abundance, instead of lack.

Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways

In order to do that, you must first believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined –that’s a lot of talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.” Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”

Listen to your heart

Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important.

Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal

What you’re really after is a feeling — respect, love, appreciation – as opposed to the company car, or a great guy/girl. Keep an open mind to the feelings and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. The mask will come off and your real self will come shining through.

A person you can know and love – you! – is waiting for you to take the time to listen and understand and accept. When you accept your Real Self again, you’ll make smarter choices, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. Now, that’s what you’re really looking for, isn’t it?

Until Next Time beautiful soul, keep Glowing…

4 Simple Tips to Improve your Communication Skills

If you struggle with breaking the ice, read this:

Hey Boo!

Have you ever been to a function in a room full of strangers and found yourself at a loss for words?

The art of introducing yourself to others and creating small talk may come natural for some, but most people confess to feeling shy, embarrassed and don’t know where to start. I’m definitely the latter. I’ve always been introverted and struggled with social anxiety that made it difficult to initiate conversation with others. The best way to begin communicating with a person you know little about is to use levels of communication.

There are four levels of communication: Small talk, fact disclosure, share viewpoints and opinions, and share personal opinions.

Small Talk

In new relationships or acquaintances the safest place to start is to talk about surface issues. For instance, make a comment about the weather, current events or the surroundings you are in.

This is called “small talk” and is used to “size up” the other person to determine the comfort zone between the two of you. There is no need to disclose any personal information with the other person at this stage, as this initial interaction assists you to determine how “safe” they are on your first meeting.

If you are comfortable with each other at a surface level you can easily slip into the next level of communication: fact disclosure.

Fact Disclosure

Fact disclosure is slightly deeper than small talk in that you disclose facts about yourself without triggering topics of emotional interest.

The purpose of fact disclosure is to find out if you have something in common. You can use these common areas to build a friendship. You may want to talk about your career, occupation, hobbies, or where you live.

Avoid topics like marriage, divorce, politics, sex and religion in this second level of communication. If you find a topic of mutual interest you may want to progress to the next level of communication: sharing viewpoints and opinions.

-Share Viewpoints and Opinions

Once you have established that the other person is “safe” through small talk, and have found areas of common interest, you can build rapport by sharing your opinions and viewpoints.

By sharing your viewpoints and opinions you allow yourself to become vulnerable to the scrutiny and objections of the other person. Remember that although there is a risk, there could be an even greater reward: a meaningful connection. Enter this level of communication once you are comfortable that you both share positive feelings through the first two levels.

Be prepared to listen to the opinions of your new friend. This will enable your friendship to survive and thrive.

Make sure you don’t use your opinions as a form of “character assassination” of other people. You may be thought of as a negative person and this may cause your new friend to distance himself/herself from you. Once you’ve established positive results on this level of communication you may move to the fourth level of communication.

The fourth level of communication is sharing personal feelings. Solid friendships over time usually enter this fourth level of communication.

Share Personal Feelings

After building upon trust, finding things in common and listening to the viewpoints and opinions of others, you may be able to share your personal feelings. This is when an acquaintance becomes a genuine friend.

Things of deep value to you can be shared without feeling threatened. You listen closely to each other without the need to “solve” your friend’s problem. You are happy to reflect their feelings back to them – forming a bond of empathy and compassion between the two of you.

At this level of communication, it is important that you provide space and autonomy between yourself and your friend. If the distinction between yourself and your friend becomes unrecognizable, it is possible that your relationship will go sour. If you know how to handle your own feelings, attitudes and behaviors while maintaining your friendship at this level, you will build a successful friendship that can last a lifetime.

Always remember that there will be some people that you do not establish a friendship with, even following the four levels of communication- and that’s okay. The truth of the matter is that not everyone will be your friend. Do not take this as rejection or you not being loveable. This is simply a matter of preference, and each person is allowed to choose the energy they want to be around. Keep connecting and shining your light!

That’s all for this week beautiful soul. Until Next Time, Keep Glowing…

Featured

You Made Me Who I am Today, But if I Never Saw You Again it Would be Too Soon.

Hey Boo!

For this week’s blog, I thought I’d do something different. A week or so ago, I saw a post from a content creator expressing love and gratitude to the person who helped them elevate to their current level of being. It brought me joy to see the post, but it also caused me to reflect on the person who made me who I am today and that’s not quite as joyful a story. I want to share some of my story with you in the form of a letter. Here goes:

Dear “Deion”,

A lot has happened since we last spoke. It’s been over two years since we’ve had any communication at all, and I know that’s not what you wanted, but it’s what I needed. I blocked you on social media, changed my number and stopped responding to your e-mails because it was clear that you were still unwilling to claim any responsibility for the way our marriage fell apart. My jaw hit the floor when I read your line about how ‘if anyone was afraid, it should be you’. I was amazed and appalled, especially since it was me who was threatened with a steel pipe and chased away from my home on foot.

I won’t mince words- our marriage was a complete disaster. From the very beginning you weren’t honest about who you were. You lied about your age, how many children you had, and your criminal history just to name a few things. The thing about that is if you were honest from the beginning, I may have still given you a chance. I thought you were a decent guy and my heart went out to you as you talked about the women in your past and how they’d done you wrong. I had experienced similar hurt and betrayal and just wanted someone I could love freely who would reciprocate. I thought that I’d found that in you. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You looked me in my eyes as I shared my pain, vulnerabilities, and fears and you vowed to be different. And I guess you didn’t lie because you were different. You turned out to be much worse than anything I’d encountered before.

The first few months were blissful. You were caring, thoughtful, and attentive. You looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in your life. You told me that you’d never met a woman like me, and you appreciated all of the things that I did for you out of love. You said you loved everything about me- how I dressed and presented myself, my intelligence and personality, even my goals and aspirations. I had written and self-published a book and you had offered to help me promote it on social media. I was so happy to be your wife. I would’ve went to the ends of the earth for you because I loved you. And you loved me too, right?

Wrong.

After the first few months, I never saw the man I married again. Your representative had disappeared, and I was left with something that you had actually never shared with me, your true self. You started complaining about the very things you claimed to love and understand. We began to fight a lot and I made changes to keep the peace. You didn’t want me working, so I quit. You felt like social media was causing problems in our marriage, so I disconnected. I changed how I dressed so that you wouldn’t think I was ‘trying to look good for someone else’. Essentially, I tried to become everything you wanted me to be. But even that wasn’t enough. Every time I met your expectations, you created new ones for me to meet. As I put in more effort, you put in even less. The fighting increased and intensified to the point of exhaustion. Sometimes things got physical, and let’s not forget the night you could’ve ended both of our lives.

It may seem like I’m trying to dump all of the blame on you, but I’m not. Although youdid a lot of very hurtful things to me, it was I who allowed them. I take responsibility for my lack of self-esteem, poor boundaries, and codependency. I acknowledge that there were red flags that I ignored because I was already so convinced that you were the one. I made excuses for you and dismissed things that I shouldn’t have.

During the course of our marriage, I gained over 60 pounds, struggled with bouts of depression and ptsd, and experienced multiple lupus flares due to stress. I was stifled, isolated, and miserable.

Outside of the passing of my parents, our marriage was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I’d never felt so broken, so worthless, so low. But it was also one of the most impactful. Because when you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but UP. And that’s what I did. From the trauma and pain I was able to heal and rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

And in some way, I have you to thank for that. The truth is, you helped make me the person I am today but if I never saw you again it would be too soon. I don’t wish you any harm and I truly hope that you are able to heal from your wounds and find peace. Because that’s what I was able to do and it’s absolutely blissful. Not perfect but blissful.

Goodbye “Deion”, and good luck.

Well, that’s all I have for this week beautiful souls. Until next time, keep Glowing…

The Glow Up!

How we can ALL level up this year…

Hello Beautiful Souls!

I know that I’ve been missing in action lately when it comes to the weekly blog, but I have some great news and plans of things to come from Glow with Mimi.

I have been (and still am) furthering my education for the sake of my own personal growth and continued healing, and for the benefit of my readers, followers, and future clients as well. I’ve recently added narcissistic abuse recovery to my growing arsenal and am becoming trauma informed so that I can be as helpful and impactful as possible.

Considering this new information, Glow with Mimi is going through some changes and making some improvements. Here are some things to look out for:

Added/Improved Coaching Programs:

Glow with Mimi’s signature 12 week program (The ‘Inner Glow’ Program) has had some modifications and additions to its material and two program variations were created as well.

Variation 1: Inner Glow Mini

Inner Glow Mini is a 6 week program that covers the core elements of recovery, clarity, and goal setting to get you back on track after an encounter with a narcissist.

Variation 2: Inner Glow Deluxe

Inner Glow Deluxe includes everything from the Inner Glow Complete program along with 3 free additional sessions, weekly accountability check-ins, and VIP listing for discounts of future Glow with Mimi events and/or courses.

There are also three workshops taking place this year.

Workshop #1: From Grieving to Glowing

Informative and empowering workshop discussing the effects of narcissistic abuse as well as some techniques and strategies to heal those effects.

Date: 2/24/2024 12:00pm MST

The effects of narcissistic abuse are anxiety, depression, PTSD (or c-ptsd), loss of self-worth, physical symptoms, inability to forgive yourself, cognitive problems, emotional lability, trust issues, self-destructive habits, people pleasing, and can have effects on the children involved as well. Each of these effects impact our lives and relationships, and even alters the way we think of ourselves.

This workshop could be instrumental to healing the damaging effects of narcissistic abuse so that you can regain your sense of self and start a new and beautiful chapter in your life where you are confident and in control of your life and your world is a stunning reflection of your own self-love and inner glow. Message me for details or register on Eventbrite. Tickets are currently available for 25% off!

*This workshop is not gender specific and is a safe place for all who desire to participate. Anyone being rude or otherwise inappropriate will be promptly removed from the workshop with no refund.

Workshop #2: Anger Management

Not everyone responds to abuse the same way. While the more predictable or expected response to abuse is a timid demeanor and people pleasing behavior, some victims do become angry. When anger is not addressed it gets bottled up and can become very harmful. This workshop will discuss ways to deal with excessive anger.

*This workshop is not gender specific and is a safe place for all who desire to participate. Anyone being rude or otherwise inappropriate will be promptly removed from the workshop with no refund.

Date: TBA

Workshop #3 Toxic Beliefs & People Pleasing

This workshop will be an encore to the workshop that took place in September 2023 and will discuss the damaging beliefs learned during a girl’s upbringing that make her easy prey for narcissists. People pleasing behavior also attracts narcissistic relationships, both romantic and platonic and prevents the people pleaser from being authentic and/or prioritizing themselves which in turn makes them unhappy, resentful, and unfulfilled. The toxic beliefs must be recognized and unlearned with new empowering beliefs being set in their place.

Date: TBA

I am really excited about all the changes that are taking place! That’s all the glow up info that I can share at this time. Follow me on Facebook ( Glow with Mimi / Michelle Sumling) or on Instagram (mimi.sums) to stay up to date with workshop dates, catch live mini sessions when they happen, and get notifications every time a new blog drops.

You can also join my private facebook group Resilient Brave Beings where thought provoking prompts and tips are shared. (I’ve got some great plans for the group too! 😊 )

Much love to you beautiful soul. Until next time, keep glowing…

The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse:

And How to Start Healing from it.

Hello Beautiful Souls!

I wanted to talk to you about the effects of narcissistic abuse both as a confirmation and as a road map. The confirmation is for the survivors of narcissistic abuse- to show them that they aren’t alone and help them understand the effects of the abuse they experienced so that they can take proactive steps towards treatment and healing. The road map is for the family members of narcissistic abuse survivors. It pinpoints the primary effects of narcissistic abuse so that family members and friends can be equipped with insight so that they may offer more thoughtful and knowledge support.

Here are the most common effects of narcissistic abuse:

Anxiety: After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may experience extreme fear or anxiety in relationships with new people. Anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and hypervigilance may result as well.

Depression: Survivors of narcissistic abuse often struggle with feelings of worthlessness after being manipulated, gaslighted, and devalued over the course of the relationship. Because of this, some of the survivors self-isolate which makes the depression worse.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: The traumatic events that transpire during a narcissistic relationship can trigger a fight or flight response within you. Anything associated with the memories of abuse can trigger an anxiety attack. Many survivors develop hypervigilance because of narcissistic abuse. Many victims have repeated the sentiment that they ‘never knew’ what their abuser was going to do next.

Lost Sense of Self & Loss of Self Worth: Narcissistic abuse is a form of brainwashing and can destroy your sense of self-worth. The survivor of narcissistic abuse often feels as if they’ve lost themselves. They are no longer the person they were before the relationship began. They begin doubting and second guessing themselves and sometimes have trouble making decisions. This is likely due to being insulted, disregarded, and/or devalued by the narcissist.

Inability to Forgive Yourself: Victims of narcissistic abuse often feel guilt or shame after they are discarded. The mental and emotional manipulation may cause an ‘unworthy’ feeling whether the victim blames themselves for the narcissist’s behavior- believing that they aren’t worthy of love or that they would receive better treatment had they done things differently. In my case, the guilt and shame came from staying as long as I did. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I had allowed another person to treat me that way.

Physical Symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, and body aches have been experienced by many victims of narcissistic abuse. I personally experienced headaches and difficulty sleeping during the marriage as well as shortly after discard.

Cognitive Problems: Memories of traumatic events are known to interfere with concentration and focus. The stress hormones released during narcissistic abuse can cause short term memory loss due to the damage to the hippocampus region of the brain.

Emotional Lability: This can very from mood swings and irritability to being emotionless. The effects of narcissistic abuse can make it challenging to regulate your emotions.

Stuck in a Cycle: This is one of the most dangerous effects in my opinion. Many people find themselves stuck in a cycle where they remain in communication with the abuser after the relationship is over. The connection is kept through various tactics such as threats, manipulation/pity attempts, or hoovering- when they attempt to suck you back into the relationship by love bombing and making promises they don’t intend to keep.

Being stuck in this cycle is dangerous because things often escalate and can become physical. If you are in a situation that is unsafe please get help as quickly and as quietly as you can.

Trust Issues: After experiencing narcissistic abuse your trust levels tend to be quite low. While this is quite understandable, it can hinder the success of future relationships, cause social anxiety, make you overly sensitive to criticism or judgment, and cause an insecure attachment.

People Pleasing: Narcissistic abuse is a perfect learning ground for people pleasing if you weren’t a people pleaser already. Most victims of abuse have grown accustomed to walking on eggshells, avoid confrontation, and may also struggle with expressing emotions or thoughts for fear of being judged. A person who doesn’t express their emotions is often disregarded while the narcissist places their emotions at the forefront for you to focus on.

Self-Destructive Habits: People who have been in relationships with narcissists often engage in self-destructive habits such as alcohol abuse, smoking, food or drug addiction, and overspending. Some believe that this is because the victim feels at fault for the narcissistic partner’s behavior toward them. I personally believe that this behavior may be the victim’s attempt to numb the pain of the abuse. In either case, it is highly encouraged that you find a coping mechanism that builds you up instead of tearing you down.

**How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse**

Recognize and Accept Your Feelings

Feelings such as grief, depression, anger, and anxiety are completely normal feelings to have. Your feelings are valid and it’s important not to suppress your emotions and you should definitely not judge yourself for feeling them.

Educate Yourself

Learn about narcissistic traits and behaviors to more easily recognize when you are being manipulated, and self-check to unearth any internal programming or beliefs you may have for a narcissist to use against you. For more information on those internal programmings or toxic beliefs, you can check out my ebook on Amazon entitled Toxic Beliefs: The Beginning of Internal Destruction.

Join a Support Group

You may find it therapeutic to interact with others who understand exactly what you’re going through and can offer tips and advice to help you cope. You are more than welcome to join my growing facebook group Resilient Brave Beings for a safe space to ask questions and express your concerns.

Reach Out to a Therapist, Counselor, or Coach

A qualified professional can equip you with tools to cope with and heal from narcissistic abuse in a safe and nonjudgmental space. Sign up for my informative workshop where we will be discussing the effects of narcissistic abuse and some strategies to help your healing process.

Practice Self Care

When your self-esteem has taken a hit it’s easy to feel unmotivated and undeserving of good things. But you deserve the utmost love and care. Adequate sleep, healthy food, and engaging in activities that you enjoy are all heavily encouraged.

Narcissistic abuse can be a difficult thing to recover from, but with education, support, encouragement, and strategy healing is possible.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog this week. I do hope that it was helpful to you.

Until Next Time Beautiful Souls, keep Glowing…

Relinquish my Strength?! Uh, No.

Hello, beautiful souls 💖

I’d like to discuss something that has been tugging on my heart strings lately. Ive noticed that there has been a reel trending on social media about ‘strong black women’. In case you aren’t familiar with it, it goes a little something like this:

I am not a strong black woman. I am delicate, fragile, and I can’t do it all on my own…

There’s more to the reel, and I don’t remember the audio verbatim but I’d like to address the sentiment. I viewed this audio as a cry for help from my queens who are tired of carrying the load alone.

Being strong is a blessing and a curse in today’s society. When a person is strong, they are often given more weight to carry. The growing assumption is that since you’ve carried so much, you can carry a little more…and a bit more…and wait, here’s a little more. People typically don’t check on or offer assistance to strong people. And that can cause even the strongest of people to be weary.

Yet, strength is a gift. It is earned based on perseverance and is the by product of experience and wisdom. Strength is an invaluable attribute that should be celebrated.

I am strong.

I didn’t think of myself as strong at one point. I endured quite a bit of misfortune as well as mistreatment from people I loved and to be honest I felt anything but strong. At times I felt broken, lost, and out of control. And that’s okay too. A strong person doesn’t feel strong all the time. In fact, a person is strong because they go through painful experiences and still stand.

Strength is often appreciated in the hard times. In relationships I was often commended for my strength when I helped my mate with an issue they were facing or found a solution to a problem when my partner didn’t have one. But when I stood up for myself, I was told often that I was “too strong”.

What does that mean?!

The same strength that was admired and appreciated was quickly shunned and viewed as a negative attribute once I established some boundaries. That is not how things work.

That being said, strength is an attribute that I’ve earned and I will not relinquish my strength so that a person will accept me. I am strong, I am soft, I am fierce, I am sweet. I am human. We are human. And we all deserve to be loved and accepted as we are.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖

Letting Go

Hello Beautiful Souls! 💖

I’ve been processing a lot of emotions lately. To be completely honest I didn’t know if all the emotions were mine or where they were coming from. Self evaluation and reflection have become some of my most powerful tools on this journey. I knew that I had to stop and sort things out.

Some of the emotions I was feeling were feelings of grief. Some of you may already know that I lost my father in November of 2020. He was not only my father, but a close friend of mine. He was an awesome person. We talked often and we lived under the same roof. The whole family and I were shocked and grief stricken at such a loss.

Over a year has passed and I just started to feel like I was getting it together. I hadn’t been crying quite as much. I could think of him and laugh a little; when I couldn’t at first…I was beginning to heal.

And then I lost it.

I felt heavy, sad, and confused. I tried to quickly move through the experience without truly feeling it. I was trying too hard to get back to “normal.” I wanted so badly for the pain to go away. I just wanted to be okay.

But the emotions that I felt were too strong to ignore. And I realized that the reason I was feeling these emotions so strongly was because I wasn’t letting go. In my efforts to heal, I tried to tuck away the pain, sadness, and grief that I was experiencing. But that wasn’t the solution.

I needed to let go.

But first, I had to sit in it. In order to move forward, I had to feel the pain, acknowledge the hurt, be okay with not being okay, and cry. Once I did those things; I could begin letting go. I let go of the tears and the regret. I let go of all anger and blame.

And then I reminded myself that healing and grief are not linear. There will be great days, and there will be more challenging ones. And when those challenging days come I will evaluate myself, feel my emotions, process them, and let go in a healthy way.

I’ve also learned the importance of letting go in relationships. For years I carried the weight, rejection, and pain from past relationships. I’ve always been one to love deeply and I used to take it personally when my relationships didn’t succeed. I’d take it as direct reflection of me. Why wasn’t I good enough? What could I have done differently? What makes her so much better than me? And a myriad of other self blaming, self depreciating thoughts.

And then I learned my worth. I learned the art of letting go and practicing detachment. I let go of the notion that I wasn’t good enough. I let go of my people pleasing and codependent behaviors and I set a new standard.

I refuse to let a person manipulate me into staying in a toxic relationship. I will not stay in an environment where I’m not happy and be emotionally abused just to prove my loyalty. I will not be gaslighted or guilted into sticking around. I no longer accept the narrative that I’m ‘giving up’. I trust my intuition and I love myself enough to let go of what no longer serves me.

And my sincerest hope is that you see how wonderful you are and do the same. Letting go is beautiful…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Safe Place

Hello Beautiful souls 💖

I was chatting with one of my followers on Instagram a few days ago and I began to think.

He had shared a reel with me in which the gentleman on the reel was reacting to another man’s monolog. He was talking about how hard it is to be a man and how women don’t care about men’s feelings, etc.

Now, I won’t lie to you- my initial reaction was annoyance. I felt like the guy was whining about basic things that men do like open doors and pull out chairs…which, to be honest, I always appreciate chivalry but alot of men don’t even do that anymore. But then he spoke about women not caring about men’s feelings.

And that bothered me.

Which brought me to the very point of this blog: it is very important to have a safe place.

This bothered me because I absolutely believe that both women and men have emotions that are valid. In some cases, men have been brought up to hold in their emotions. They have been told to toughen up; that real men don’t cry. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men have emotions and should be comfortable enough to express them.

Men and women- if you are in a serious relationship where you cannot express yourself without judgment, then I strongly suggest that you reevaluate that relationship. Because everyone should have a safe place.

A safe place; in my opinion, is a person that you can let your guard down with. A person that you can be completely yourself around without fear of ridicule or negativity. This doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t disagree with you when you’re wrong. But it does mean that you can be vulnerable without being attacked. Their intentions for you are the best for you. They want to see you grow. They want to see you happy.

This safe place does not have to be a romantic partner. It could be a parent, sibling, relative, or friend. It is just my humble opinion that if you are in a romantic relationship, that your mate ideally would be a safe place for you.

As a woman, I am clueless to the perils of being a man. I have some idea, I can empathize, but I cannot TELL a man how he should react/feel about his stressors. As his partner, however, I aim to listen, support, comfort, advise, or to simply be there.

You are safe with me.

You are safe.

You are safe…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖 Mimi