Tag: self love

Sexy

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today I felt inspired! So much so, that I’m posting my blog early this week.

Some of you may already know that I am currently writing two books. One of them is a book of poetry and the other is a book about my personal journey. While I was writing this morning, I had some thoughts that I wanted to share.

Excerpt from my upcoming book:

I never thought of myself as sexy. When men asked me to ‘do something sexy’ I always would cringe on the inside. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was sexy. I couldn’t recognize myself as sexy, and I didn’t know how to emulate it because I’d never felt it before. I didn’t think I could be sexy. Isn’t that against the rules? I was brought up a certain way. Christian girls aren’t sexy. They are holy. They are good. I thought I had to be good; and by default that meant that I could not be sexy.

I was made to believe that kind or ‘righteous’ souls are not sexy or provocative because that is lustful behavior. And lustful behavior will send you right to the pits of hell…I tried to be what I thought was good…

I had put too much pressure on myself to be someone else’s depiction of perfect. I had become helpful to the point of my own detriment, and submissive to the point of utter foolishness. In time, I became depressed and resigned. I was his doormat.

As I reflect on how poor my morale and my self image was at that time in my life; I can’t help but be extremely grateful for the progress that I’ve made. This journey of mine is on-going. I work on loving myself and affirming positivity into my life daily. I am honest with myself and take ownership of all of me-even the parts of me that still need work. Especially those parts.

That’s the beauty of this journey for me: discovering that I can be kind and sexy, vulnerable and powerful, whimsical and wise. I can be exactly who I am.

And I love it here.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖

Not My Lupus!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I hope that this blog finds you in good spirits. I’ve been traveling all day, but I wanted to make it a point to discuss this topic before February ends… so here goes:

In February of 2003, I was diagnosed with Lupus, RA, (rheumatoid arthritis) and a couple of other things. As you could imagine; I was afraid. I didn’t know much about lupus, but what I did know wasn’t good. At all. A family friend had just passed away due to lupus complications. What’s more, I was in my third trimester of pregnancy! I was afraid for myself, my future, and my child.

I was in pain a lot. Undoubtedly, it put strain on my marriage. We were both young and not quite used to being adults. There were so many things to deal with at once.. I felt like a burden to my husband and I believe that I was going through postpartum depression as well. Some days, I could barely walk. My codependency increased as a result. I lived in fear for years and I counted myself out.

I realized that I had sentenced myself to a lifetime of pain, sadness, and mediocrity because of this diagnosis. I felt even more inadequate than I had already thought I was. Sometimes I settled for things when I knew I deserved better because I was just grateful that someone was willing to be with me with all the issues I had.

I found that I was inadvertently attaching myself to the illness. I often referred to it as ‘my lupus’. I would say things like, ‘Well, I can’t make plans because I never know when my lupus is gonna flare up.’ And ‘I can’t do that type of job because of my lupus.’

BUT…

There’s always a ‘but’…💖

But I’ve grown to understand that a diagnosis does not make me who I am. It does not define me! I am a person worthy of respect and love with or without that diagnosis. An illness does not make me less of a person. If anything, it makes me that much more unique and strong.

I began to understand that the way I thought and spoke had doomed me far more than any illness could. I had to stop giving that illness power over me!

*Disclaimer* I am not saying in any way, shape or form to disregard medical advice or diagnosis.

What I am saying is that people with illnesses could benefit largely by understanding their strengths and practicing a little detachment. I was making the situation worse by thinking the worst.

Occasionally, I feel some discomfort but it isn’t severe. I am so much more happy, healthy, and in control of my body and my life. So, if you’ve been diagnosed with an illness my advice to you is to decide right now that YOU are in charge. Do not attach yourself to it. Do not call it yours.

Love yourself, be gentle with yourself and remember that you are not your circumstances.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Strawberries

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I was thinking about a meme that I saw on Instagram some time ago. It said something to the degree of ‘you could be the juiciest, sweetest strawberry in the world. There’s still gonna be some people that don’t like strawberries. And it hit me.

Again.

This is information that I already knew, but at the time I needed to be reminded. Sometimes self depreciating thoughts and ego creep in and try to cause me to revert back to my old ways.

I’m still relatively new to this stage in my life where I speak and think freely without fear of rejection or repercussions. The stage where the best isn’t yet to come; the best is here and now because I create it with my mind. I am here. In this beautiful stage where I dare to be my happiest and most authentic. I dare to be who I am- unabashed.

And this stage has become a permanent place.

I am grateful to have reached this place in my life where I finally realize that I can be myself. I live in a liberating state where I don’t feel the need to explain how and why strawberries are awesome. I find joy and solace in who I am. I love my uniqueness. And the dislike or disapproval of others does not change that.

I am a sweet, juicy strawberry. Not everyone likes strawberries.

And that’s okay.

To all my other strawberries out there; stay sweet!

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Perfect Love

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I hope that this piece finds you well and in good spirits.

Today, I had no idea what I was going to blog about. I considered skipping it this week, but for the sake of consistency I didn’t want to do that. Should I just post a poem? I wondered to myself. And then I received a suggestion:

“Love. How does the thought of it make you feel?” Okay, let’s go with that.

Instinctively I responded, “Scared but excited.”

Then I paused and gave the question some real thought. And then I realized some important things that I’d like to share.

“Perfect love casts out all fear.” Unconditional love and fear cannot reside in the same space. A love without conditions is perfect. It is open and free flowing. It has no limits, caution, or stipulations.

This is the exact opposite of fear. Actions fueled by fear are often performed with apprehension or some sense of obligation. (Example: If I don’t do this, they may leave me for someone else, etc)

My initial response was a conditioned one. That response was the response of my former self. In the past I was a person that had low self esteem and codependency issues. My fear surrounding love came from a fear of rejection because I correlated my own worth to the love and acceptance from another person.

It isn’t even true. I don’t feel that way. The thought of love does not make me feel afraid. I am secure in myself and my emotions.

I love myself. This journey of self discovery and self love that I have been on has taught me some beautiful lessons. I’ve been getting to know myself and love myself for exactly who I am. I know the value of my love, time, and energy. I am not afraid to love another person because I am not relying on their love to replenish me.

I replenish myself. I love and care for myself adequately and then I give love to others. If they do not love me back the same way- it’s perfectly fine! This is not a negative reflection on me. I understand that no one owes me their love and I do not take this personally.

So…how does the thought of love make me feel?

I feel bold. I feel limitless. And I feel completely empowered.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

The Ultimate Goal

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately in regards to my goals. As I grow and evolve, I find it imperative to not only identify my desires, but to set a plan in motion to obtain the things that I desire.

So, I asked myself what my goals are and even what my ultimate goal is. This is what I came up with:

The ultimate goal for me is to feel high without stimulants. To “get high” at will. I’d like to achieve a state of elevation and remain there. Additionally, I want to open and balance my crown Chakra and experience nirvana. For a moment I questioned myself. I wondered if my ultimate goal was perhaps a bit lofty. After some thought I decided that I’d rather live my life trying to obtain it than to prematurely count myself out.

I then formulated a plan to discover and experience my own bliss. I found that the key to nirvana for me is expansion. In order to expand, I must dare to step out of the predictable and the ordinary, and take that leap of faith into the exciting, creative, bold…intoxicating even!

I cannot settle for a dull existence. I will not resign to working a job that I absolutely hate just to pay my bills. Although I know I have to make a living, I will make the time to build the life that I want. The point of this human experience is to bound boldly and fearlessly out of mediocrity and explore the possibilities of life. And then take those possibilities and make them realities.. A reality where I love and live without limits and encourage others to do the same.

My goal is to be worry free- to be fearless. To appreciate life..to be grateful for who I am and what I have.. to spread love, passion, fire…To lose control sometimes and not always go with the safest choice. Not to be irresponsible or wreckless- but to be okay with not knowing how every day will end because somehow I know that life will be beautiful and superb. That is my ultimate goal.

And that is my hope and dream for you as well. For you to achieve your ultimate goal. There is room and time and space for each and every one of us to experience our own nirvana. Complete and utter bliss. We just have to dare to step put of our comfort zones.

I am stepping out. Who’s coming with me? 😉

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Follow Up/Reach Out

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today, I wanted to do a follow up blog based on last week’s post. Last week’s post was a poem that I had written; entitled Can’t Find Happy.

While I was typing those words that I had written a few years back, I could recall the depth of sadness and misery that I was feeling when I originally wrote it. During that time, I was fighting with everything I had to salvage my marriage and make my family happy.

The man that I loved was unhappy. And although I was also unhappy, I put myself on the back burner and focused on him. No matter how hard I focused on his happiness, he seemed to always find something to be unhappy about. In turn, I became even more unhappy. This deep sadness had become depression.

I was an unaware, ill-equipped empath who was codependent and had trauma bonded with a narcissist. My environment was toxic. My self esteem was at an all time low due to being constantly manipulated and gaslighted, and I didn’t believe that I could leave and do well on my own. I felt trapped. I felt broken. And I felt oh so lost.

Can’t Find Happy was written in efforts to release my depression and despair through writing. Depression is very real and should be taken very seriously. It is a legitimate illness that has chemical effects on the brain and the body.

It isn’t always easy to spot, (some people who battle depression are very good at hiding their inner turmoil) but if you notice a change in behavior in a friend or loved one Please Follow Up with them! If they seem uncharacteristically moody, withdrawn, easily flustered, distracted, or lethargic, these may be indications that something is wrong. Follow Up with them. Show them that you care! Compassion is free.

And if you, beautiful soul; feel any of the previously mentioned symptoms. If you feel like you’re carrying a burden that is too heavy for you- Please reach out!

**There are people that care!

I care.

And things may seem heavy and hopeless now, but you can make it out of that situation. I was in a situation that I thought was hopeless and I made it through.

I was depressed, but I made it.

I was manipulated, but I made it.

I was broken, but I made it.

I was gaslighted, but I made it.

I was doubted, but I made it.

I was afraid, but I made it.

I made it.

I made it!!

And so can you.

And so will you.

And so ARE you.

A post from the narcissistic abuse support group I’m in…

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Celebrate!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

During this time of year and this point in my life I find it to be of vital importance to celebrate.

I didn’t allow myself to celebrate much before.  I felt that I hadn’t accomplished  anything worth celebrating- except for create my daughter- and I didn’t do even do that on my own.

I realized that my way of thinking in the past was not only negative, but it was ungrateful. Self evaluation proved that I had been choosing to see my life and experiences as some sort of punishment or rejection by “God”. I felt like I was being picked on; bullied. My perspective was completely damaging. I was grading myself based on outside expectations and popular clichĂŠs and comparing myself to my peers.

Over the years, I have learned and evolved much. I have looked into my past and separated the pain from the lessons. I have begun to truly know, love, and appreciate myself. I find that life is much more simple and enjoyable when I stop overthinking or worrying and just live.

Live and Celebrate.

Celebrate!

I celebrate each day that I am given. I celebrate my gifts and talents, my empathy and kindness, my body, my experiences, my wisdom, my sensuality, my intelligence, my uniqueness…

I celebrate me.

And you should celebrate yourself as well.

Let’s Celebrate!

Until next time beautiful souls ✨ 💖

Poetry Time: Selah.

Hello Beautiful souls!

I’d like to share a piece that I wrote entitled: Selah. I hope you like it…

I think you need to just break.

Pause. Yield. Think.

Meditate. Pray. Selah.

Take a moment.

Take even just a moment

To recall just who you are

You are life,

You are strength,

You are absolute magic

Wrapped in some of

The most beautiful skin

I’ve ever seen.

You are brilliant

You are creative,

You are walking inspiration.

And you never cease to

Fascinate me with your

Infinite avenues of self expression.

You are the unique painter

Of the only picture

I ever want to see.

I am drawn to your candor,

Refreshed by your humor,

Ignited by your wisdom.

You are- in a word: magnificent.

So, if ever for a moment

You forget exactly who you are…

I need you to just break.

Pause. Yield. Think.

Meditate. Pray. Selah.

Take a moment.

Selah.

Until next time, beautiful souls…. 💖💖 Mimi

Balance

Hi beautiful souls!

As I discover myself anew of this spiritual journey; I realize more and more how important balance is. I just wanted to share a few thoughts on the importance of balance.

Life is about balance. You can’t be completely selfish just as you can’t be completely selfless. If you’re selfish; then you’re constantly taking. Often to the detriment of others. Taking and storing. Taking and storing. And eventually, you fill your vessel to its capacity.

And then what happens?

You become stagnant. There’s a stench. It starts to smell because some of what you continue to hold on to has become useless to you. It’s wasting away.

It now belongs to someone else but you won’t release it. “What about me? What about me? What about me?” Until you’re completely full. You can’t take on any new information or learn any new gifts because you haven’t cultivated anything but yourself. There’s no flow.

On the other hand, if you’re completely selfless, you give and give and give. But then, what becomes of you? You are now ill nourished, miserable, weak, nonfunctional, dried up and probably even bitter because you gave of your entire self without being refilled. You feel used. You have nothing else to give now. There’s no flow. We all need flow. We need that constant movement and exchange of energy to be our best selves. We need balance.

This I know from experience because I was a giver. I would give to spouses, lovers, and boyfriends thinking that they would see how wonderful I was and give back. When they didn’t give back, or didn’t give back equally- it hurt me to my core. Until I met someone else. I was in a self destructive cycle.

I gave and gave until one day I looked around and saw what little there was left of myself. This journey helped me see what I was doing to myself and what I was allowing…

But now I break free!

I share my vulnerability in the hope that it will reach and help someone before they experience this pain. Or perhaps you’re in a similar situation, and this piece may be used to enlighten you and remind you of how wonderful you are- with or without the validation of another person.

Either way; I hope this helps someone.

Until next time beautiful souls… 💜✨ Mimi

Today is Ready!

Hi, it’s Mimi!

I just wanted to take a moment of your time. Lately, I’ve really been impressed to talk about the importance of time. What I want for myself and for you is to make the most out of each day. So the message of today (and every day) is…

Today is Ready.

Today is ready to see what you’ll do with it. It has some great ideas, but you’re in charge. You take the lead.

Everyday we are given is an opportunity to do something we’ve never done or be someone we’ve never been. To grow. To evolve. Every day. Every moment. And you cannot allow anyone to restrict you or hold you to yesterday! You are not your past. You are now.

And it doesn’t matter what your past is, as long as you’ve correctly taken ownership of it, processed it, and are actively moving forward. You are not frozen in time. You are not shackled to your past. You’re not!

The moment you speak up, the moment you decide, the moment you take action- that is the exact moment that you become new. You become present.

And the present is the only time there is! When yesterday ended, so ended the opportunity to change it. It is set and it is done. It’s gone. Whether you let yesterday lift you up, or you chose to bring yesterday down- it is of no consequence because today you can choose to go another direction.

Trying to relive the past only results in a waste of precious resources- your time and energy- and a failed attempt to adjust or recreate a day that has already done its job. The energy was there, the seed was planted, the lesson was made available; or what have you.

Yesterday is finished. Take yesterday’s lessons and move on. Because today is here and today wants to do something else.

Today wants to break generational curses, today wants to introduce you to your twin flame. Or maybe today wants to give you a promotion, a new business idea, or your newly built dream home. But you’re so stuck in the past that you can’t get to it!

You’ve been reliving the day you got fired, cheated on, or divorced for ten years now.

And it’s time to let yesterday go.

It’s time.

Today is ready for you to let yesterday go.

It’s time to let it go.

Let it go.

Much love until next time beautiful souls. Love and Light- Mimi 💜✨