Take up Space!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

As the month of April comes to a close, I’d like to finish strong with a slight recap of what we’ve discussed during the month.

This is The Evolution.

First and foremost, we are to show up for ourselves. Self love and self care are the root of evolution. Growth does not happen until our foundation – is stable. We cannot evolve into better people if we do not first love ourselves and show up for ourselves.

Once we have self awareness and self love, and we are showing up for ourselves, we must be intentional. Being intentional directs or funnels our positive energy and our awareness into more purposeful, positive, and deliberate actions, boundaries, priorities, schedules, and habits.

Creating a to-do list is a great way to be intentional.

Next, we begin self evaluation. It is absolutely necessary for growth. This is where we have to be honest with ourselves about our habits, our connections, our emotions, our trauma, our “dirt” if you will. We have to take ownership for our flaws and look for ways to make healthy changes. We should forgive those who have done us wrong and we should forgive ourselves too.

In this stage, we look at who we associate ourselves with and make changes if need be. Once we become more intentional, we may realize that there are people in our lives that no longer resonate with us or the new direction our lives are headed. Self evaluation is the place where we may have some uncomfortable conversations or process some less than favorable emotions. It all works out for the best, because now we move on and we take up space.

Do you find yourself doing these things? Self Evaluation may be in order.

And now, we reach the most fun part of our evolution:

Take Up Space!

To take up space means to expand, to fearlessly step out of the shadows and be seen, and to be who we are unapologetically. We must never shrink, lower, or stifle ourselves to make others comfortable.

Taking up space requires confidence. This is something that I continue to work on myself, and I can honestly say that I’ve come a long way. Feel free to contact me if you would like some tips or suggestions on confidence building, or if you have some tips to add.

But…it is not over once we begin taking up space. We continue on. We continue to show up for ourselves, be intentional, self evaluate, and take up space through this journey that we call life. Deep down, expansion is what we all long for. What our souls long for.

It’s been a pleasure sharing my thoughts with you. I hope you enjoy this blog. Feel free to share it with like minded individuals. 😊

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Self-Evaluation

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week, the focus is on self-evaluation. Self-evaluation is the third (and most pivotal) step in our evolution. Self evaluation, or shadow work, is a process that has brought forth a lot of healing for me on my journey.

Self Evaluation is so important because no real progress can be made without it.

No one can truly show up for themselves; neither can they be intentional without evaluating their behaviors first. Self evaluation enables a person to know their strengths and challenges. Only then can a person truly show up and adequately assess the areas where they should be more intentional.

What does self evaluation really mean?

My interpretation of self evaluation is a combination of self awareness and self discovery. It’s being 100% truthful with myself about my emotions and triggers. When I feel triggered or become frustrated, I immediately ask myself why I am feeling the way that I am. I consider the four agreements- am I breaking one of them? I continue to ask myself questions and evaluating my emotions and responses until I find the root of the problem.

Sometimes, my evaluation goes deeper than a few self check questions and I take a more extensive approach that involves journaling and meditation.

Each step in the Evolution process works together to ensure our progression into greatness. Self evaluation eventually leads to self mastery- a beautiful level of elevation that I am still striving to reach.

The process of evaluating ourselves may be uncomfortable at times, but it is definitely worth it! This brings up our vibration as well as prevents us from repeating painful lessons.

Whatever method of self-evaluation you use,(journaling, meditation, prayer, hobbies and activities, therapy, etc) I wish you well on your evolution.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions, and/or comment if you have tips or suggestions to add to this topic. 🙂

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Be Intentional

Hello beautiful souls 💖

This week is all about the second step in The Evolution to our best selves: Be Intentional.

(Step one was last week’s topic: Show Up For Yourself!)

To be intentional is to be mindful of your thoughts, aware of your actions, and to be deliberate with your time and energy. In short, being intentional means that your actions have a specific aim or purpose.

Here are some tips for being intentional:

1. Prioritize tasks

2. Create a schedule

3. Set boundaries

4. Form good habits

An accountability partner may also be useful if you find yourself losing motivation.

If you’d like some suggestions or have any that you’d like to add, feel free to comment and let me know!

Next week, we will be talking about the third step in the ongoing process of evolution: Self Evaluation.

Always remember; you are heard, you are loved, you are seen.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖💖

Show up for Yourself

Hello beautiful souls! 💖

How are you doing today?

I just wanted to take a moment to check on all the adults out there.

The wearers of many hats. The ones putting everything into everyone else but themselves.

I see you.

I see you being the stellar employee at work, the kids’ personal chef, the sounding board for your spouse. The “go to” friend or relative. You’re always there when they need you. You always show up and are present,, aware,, engaged,, attentive. You give 110% to the people you care about. But do you show up for yourself?

If you’re anything like I used to be, the answer is a resounding “NO.”

I had to learn to show up for myself. I started with prioritizing myself and I struggled with it at first. It felt wrong. I felt like I was being selfish. I was so used to putting myself on the back burner that basic self care felt like overindulgence.

I had to realize that self care is not wrong. It is vital and should be a daily occurrence. Even if it is a small thing, we must do something for ourselves every day.

Take a few minutes out of your day and invest in yourself. My intention each day is to spend half an hour enriching myself. Some days I reach and even exceed my goal and others…not so much. It happens. Fifteen minutes invested is better than no time at all…

Feel like you’re too busy to commit? Here are a few suggestions:

Set an alarm. If possible, wake up a few minutes earlier than the family to have a moment to yourself.

Fake sleep. This may sound silly, but when I was in a really controlling relationship, I used to wake up and be completely still for a while. I’d meditate and think positive thoughts before getting out of bed. Those positive thoughts really helped me through some rough days.

Go to the bathroom. Another strategy I learned during my last marriage. Going to the bathroom can give you a moment to gather yourself and take a few deep breaths. One of my favorites is three deep breaths. Inhale Peace. Exhale Love. It works in a pinch!

If you found these tips useful, would like to know more, or have any other tips, please feel free to reach out and let me know. 😊

The key to showing up for yourself is being intentional; which I will go into more detail about next week.

I wish the very best for you and challenge you to show up for yourself!

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Expectations lead to Unhappiness…

Hello Beautiful souls! 💖

Today’s blog may contain some explicit language. So if that’s not your jam- no problem. I’ll see you next time. 🙂

For those of you still with me, I’d like to share an experience of mine that lead me to a very liberating conclusion.

The conclusion is: Expectations lead to Unhappiness.

For those of you that aren’t aware, I am a black woman who lives in an area that is not very culturally diverse. I mean, at all. My family and I constantly get stares when we are out in town. The stores have little to no products for our hair and skin types. A large percentage of the city’s residents are Caucasian people that seem completely unadjusted to the presence of other races…My place of work mimics that lack of diversity.

Well, directly after my traumatic discard experience from the narcissistic relationship I was in, (I discuss this more in my upcoming book entitled The Evolution) I met a seemingly nice coworker who was a Caucasian male. We worked beside each other for 12 hours and we talked. We had experienced similar relationship betrayals. We bonded and became friends. My sister and I sometimes rode with him to work. Things were going pretty well…

Another coworker joined the car pool. He was also a Caucasian male. One particular morning on our way to work a racially insensitive word was said by my friend-the driver. He said gal..

Moment of transparency: I did not hear the context of the conversation. He was having a conversation with his passenger in the front and I was having a different conversation with my sister in the back. To be completely honest I do not care what the context of the conversation was. I was immediately triggered by the word. I let out a small guttural noise as soon as I heard it.

When I looked his direction, he was already looking at me in his rear view mirror. “What’s wrong?” He asked. I informed him that I did not like that word. I explained to him that I felt triggered by that word and I told him why. He responded by casually saying that he ‘used that word all the time’. I had spent quite a bit of time with him and had never heard him use the word before, but if I may be frank- I don’t give a damn. He proceeded to use the word again while looking at me in his mirror. I found the word unacceptable, and I thought we were friends. Out of respect I believed that he should stop using a word that offended a good friend. Someone that he called sister.

Apparently, he did not agree. He went on to say that he would not stop using the word and then he called me “gal” directly to my face. I was very angry. Momentarily, I felt like I had devolved. I wanted to thoroughly beat his ass.

We stopped being friends after that. We didn’t even speak to each other.

For the sake of growth; I knew that I had to do some self evaluation. As I did, I learned where my error was. My error was that I had an expectation of my former friend. I expected him to change his choice of words because I found offense in them. But that is not my right. Whether I agree with them or not, I cannot choose his words for him.

A similar thing often happens in relationships. One person may expect certain things from their mate and become very displeased when things do not go as they envision.

*Note: Expectations are not to be confused with Standards or Boundaries.

These are my definitions-

Expectations are the imposition of a person’s thoughts, ideals or behaviors onto another person.

Standards are a person’s personal guidelines for relationships, treatment, and/or behaviors.

Boundaries are a person’s guidelines put in place to protect their own peace and personal comfort.

It is healthy to have standards and boundaries.

That being said, I realized that having expectations of others only leads to disappointment if things do not go the way that I’d like.

I should not have allowed another person’s perception to have a negative affect on me. He has a right to his reality just as I have a right to mine. I do not accept his reality. I am not a gal, girl, bitch, or any other term used in a negative context. I am a woman. A creator. I am a goddess made of strength, sensuality, intelligence, beauty, and stardust.

And no one can take that from me unless I give it to them.

And this lesson; this realization has been so immensely liberating for me because it has freed me from the weight of other people’s behaviors. I take everyone at face value, maintain my standards and boundaries. And I govern myself.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Sexy

Hello beautiful souls 💖

Today I felt inspired! So much so, that I’m posting my blog early this week.

Some of you may already know that I am currently writing two books. One of them is a book of poetry and the other is a book about my personal journey. While I was writing this morning, I had some thoughts that I wanted to share.

Excerpt from my upcoming book:

I never thought of myself as sexy. When men asked me to ‘do something sexy’ I always would cringe on the inside. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was sexy. I couldn’t recognize myself as sexy, and I didn’t know how to emulate it because I’d never felt it before. I didn’t think I could be sexy. Isn’t that against the rules? I was brought up a certain way. Christian girls aren’t sexy. They are holy. They are good. I thought I had to be good; and by default that meant that I could not be sexy.

I was made to believe that kind or ‘righteous’ souls are not sexy or provocative because that is lustful behavior. And lustful behavior will send you right to the pits of hell…I tried to be what I thought was good…

I had put too much pressure on myself to be someone else’s depiction of perfect. I had become helpful to the point of my own detriment, and submissive to the point of utter foolishness. In time, I became depressed and resigned. I was his doormat.

As I reflect on how poor my morale and my self image was at that time in my life; I can’t help but be extremely grateful for the progress that I’ve made. This journey of mine is on-going. I work on loving myself and affirming positivity into my life daily. I am honest with myself and take ownership of all of me-even the parts of me that still need work. Especially those parts.

That’s the beauty of this journey for me: discovering that I can be kind and sexy, vulnerable and powerful, whimsical and wise. I can be exactly who I am.

And I love it here.

Until next time, beautiful souls 💖

Not My Lupus!

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I hope that this blog finds you in good spirits. I’ve been traveling all day, but I wanted to make it a point to discuss this topic before February ends… so here goes:

In February of 2003, I was diagnosed with Lupus, RA, (rheumatoid arthritis) and a couple of other things. As you could imagine; I was afraid. I didn’t know much about lupus, but what I did know wasn’t good. At all. A family friend had just passed away due to lupus complications. What’s more, I was in my third trimester of pregnancy! I was afraid for myself, my future, and my child.

I was in pain a lot. Undoubtedly, it put strain on my marriage. We were both young and not quite used to being adults. There were so many things to deal with at once.. I felt like a burden to my husband and I believe that I was going through postpartum depression as well. Some days, I could barely walk. My codependency increased as a result. I lived in fear for years and I counted myself out.

I realized that I had sentenced myself to a lifetime of pain, sadness, and mediocrity because of this diagnosis. I felt even more inadequate than I had already thought I was. Sometimes I settled for things when I knew I deserved better because I was just grateful that someone was willing to be with me with all the issues I had.

I found that I was inadvertently attaching myself to the illness. I often referred to it as ‘my lupus’. I would say things like, ‘Well, I can’t make plans because I never know when my lupus is gonna flare up.’ And ‘I can’t do that type of job because of my lupus.’

BUT…

There’s always a ‘but’…💖

But I’ve grown to understand that a diagnosis does not make me who I am. It does not define me! I am a person worthy of respect and love with or without that diagnosis. An illness does not make me less of a person. If anything, it makes me that much more unique and strong.

I began to understand that the way I thought and spoke had doomed me far more than any illness could. I had to stop giving that illness power over me!

*Disclaimer* I am not saying in any way, shape or form to disregard medical advice or diagnosis.

What I am saying is that people with illnesses could benefit largely by understanding their strengths and practicing a little detachment. I was making the situation worse by thinking the worst.

Occasionally, I feel some discomfort but it isn’t severe. I am so much more happy, healthy, and in control of my body and my life. So, if you’ve been diagnosed with an illness my advice to you is to decide right now that YOU are in charge. Do not attach yourself to it. Do not call it yours.

Love yourself, be gentle with yourself and remember that you are not your circumstances.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Strawberries

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I was thinking about a meme that I saw on Instagram some time ago. It said something to the degree of ‘you could be the juiciest, sweetest strawberry in the world. There’s still gonna be some people that don’t like strawberries. And it hit me.

Again.

This is information that I already knew, but at the time I needed to be reminded. Sometimes self depreciating thoughts and ego creep in and try to cause me to revert back to my old ways.

I’m still relatively new to this stage in my life where I speak and think freely without fear of rejection or repercussions. The stage where the best isn’t yet to come; the best is here and now because I create it with my mind. I am here. In this beautiful stage where I dare to be my happiest and most authentic. I dare to be who I am- unabashed.

And this stage has become a permanent place.

I am grateful to have reached this place in my life where I finally realize that I can be myself. I live in a liberating state where I don’t feel the need to explain how and why strawberries are awesome. I find joy and solace in who I am. I love my uniqueness. And the dislike or disapproval of others does not change that.

I am a sweet, juicy strawberry. Not everyone likes strawberries.

And that’s okay.

To all my other strawberries out there; stay sweet!

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

Perfect Love

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I hope that this piece finds you well and in good spirits.

Today, I had no idea what I was going to blog about. I considered skipping it this week, but for the sake of consistency I didn’t want to do that. Should I just post a poem? I wondered to myself. And then I received a suggestion:

“Love. How does the thought of it make you feel?” Okay, let’s go with that.

Instinctively I responded, “Scared but excited.”

Then I paused and gave the question some real thought. And then I realized some important things that I’d like to share.

“Perfect love casts out all fear.” Unconditional love and fear cannot reside in the same space. A love without conditions is perfect. It is open and free flowing. It has no limits, caution, or stipulations.

This is the exact opposite of fear. Actions fueled by fear are often performed with apprehension or some sense of obligation. (Example: If I don’t do this, they may leave me for someone else, etc)

My initial response was a conditioned one. That response was the response of my former self. In the past I was a person that had low self esteem and codependency issues. My fear surrounding love came from a fear of rejection because I correlated my own worth to the love and acceptance from another person.

It isn’t even true. I don’t feel that way. The thought of love does not make me feel afraid. I am secure in myself and my emotions.

I love myself. This journey of self discovery and self love that I have been on has taught me some beautiful lessons. I’ve been getting to know myself and love myself for exactly who I am. I know the value of my love, time, and energy. I am not afraid to love another person because I am not relying on their love to replenish me.

I replenish myself. I love and care for myself adequately and then I give love to others. If they do not love me back the same way- it’s perfectly fine! This is not a negative reflection on me. I understand that no one owes me their love and I do not take this personally.

So…how does the thought of love make me feel?

I feel bold. I feel limitless. And I feel completely empowered.

Until next time beautiful souls 💖

The Ultimate Goal

Hello beautiful souls 💖

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately in regards to my goals. As I grow and evolve, I find it imperative to not only identify my desires, but to set a plan in motion to obtain the things that I desire.

So, I asked myself what my goals are and even what my ultimate goal is. This is what I came up with:

The ultimate goal for me is to feel high without stimulants. To “get high” at will. I’d like to achieve a state of elevation and remain there. Additionally, I want to open and balance my crown Chakra and experience nirvana. For a moment I questioned myself. I wondered if my ultimate goal was perhaps a bit lofty. After some thought I decided that I’d rather live my life trying to obtain it than to prematurely count myself out.

I then formulated a plan to discover and experience my own bliss. I found that the key to nirvana for me is expansion. In order to expand, I must dare to step out of the predictable and the ordinary, and take that leap of faith into the exciting, creative, bold…intoxicating even!

I cannot settle for a dull existence. I will not resign to working a job that I absolutely hate just to pay my bills. Although I know I have to make a living, I will make the time to build the life that I want. The point of this human experience is to bound boldly and fearlessly out of mediocrity and explore the possibilities of life. And then take those possibilities and make them realities.. A reality where I love and live without limits and encourage others to do the same.

My goal is to be worry free- to be fearless. To appreciate life..to be grateful for who I am and what I have.. to spread love, passion, fire…To lose control sometimes and not always go with the safest choice. Not to be irresponsible or wreckless- but to be okay with not knowing how every day will end because somehow I know that life will be beautiful and superb. That is my ultimate goal.

And that is my hope and dream for you as well. For you to achieve your ultimate goal. There is room and time and space for each and every one of us to experience our own nirvana. Complete and utter bliss. We just have to dare to step put of our comfort zones.

I am stepping out. Who’s coming with me? 😉

Until next time beautiful souls 💖